*the King of Rhodoks blocks your way*

*the King of Rhodoks blocks your way*

If you stand still you die, if you charge you die.
Choose your next move wisely.

Other urls found in this thread:

moddb.com/downloads/mirror/121512/100/cae91846f9c3c807d149a3b416794654/?referer=https://duckduckgo.com/
download1502.mediafireuserdownload.com/0jjnzfun2qgg/4wm0nn0d7472mlw/dickplomacy_flip.7z
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

*rides around him in circles while shooting arrows*

Turn 360 degrees and walk away

I promise to duel him once Bannerlord releases

*shoots you with a crossbow*
ANYONE ELSE?

I throw a javelin into his face as I slam my big fat heavy cavalry horsecock into his cuckwall

*blocks your javelin with a pavise shield, shoots you, blocks your lance, stabs you*
Heh, what is this? Amateur hour?

>gets swarmed by 400 mamelukes
wew

Get my cock out. They will all fall to their knees desperate to suck it. The ones that realise they are at the back of the queue will suck each others cocks. Hell, I could even just touch my cock and those fagets would start to get erections at the thought of it the gay bastards. Rhodoks - unequivocally - suck cocks.

>memelukes

*softens them with crossbows*
*blocks their mediocre not-even-Swadian charge*
*deals crit damage*
I was looking for a challenge today punk.

*dices you with the legendary 1000 glaive slash*
Who's the dick sucker now kid?

Shoot him in the face with my masterwork war bow with a large bag of khergit arrows.

Ok, you just made me install the game again. What are some new-ish mods that are worth checking out/you've enjoyed?

every time I play the game I play as a cute brown girl leading an army of sandnegroids deep into the lands of the whiteman seeking to get BLEACHED by a strong noble, if successful I then conquer sandlands for the glory of my husbando

*blocks with tower shield*
*returns fire with high damage pinpoint bolt*
Don't bring a bow to a pavise+crossbow fight kid.

What in Ragnar’s name did you just fucking say about me, you little Mountain Nigger? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Sargoth Axe Throwing Academy. I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Swadian land and I have over 300 confirmed rapes. I am trained in pillaging and I am the top axe thrower in the king’s shieldwall. You are nothing to me but just another peasant. I will murder you with savagery the likes of which has never been seen before on Calradia, mark my fucking runes. You think you can get away with saying shit like that to me over the internet? Think again, Rhodok. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Huscarls across Calradia and your fiefs are being scouted right now so you’d better prepare for the storm, peasant. The storm that wipes out your pathetic little thing your call your kingdom. You’re fucking dead, horse-user. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 hundred ways and that’s just with my beard. Not only am I extensively trained in facial combat, but I have access to the entire Nord armory and I will use it to it’s full extent to wipe your miserable arse off of Calradia, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you. Maybe you would have held your fucking tongue, but you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot! I will shit throwing weapons all over you and you will drown in them. You are fucking dead, kiddo. I will drink from your skull!

>autism: the thread

I run away and go back to seducing court ladies.

bribe him with butter
ez

*offer my sword in vassalage*

Is this unitinu?

>Really enjoy M&B
>Play it with 1/4th damage because I hate spending every battle practically AFK because on normal damage I get perforated by archers the second I try and commit to the battle

He said Rhodoks, not Nords.

>tfw can't stand seeing my brethren die in droves going over a wall
>always have to be first over, I can't let them die for me
>even with 1/4 damage it still takes a few tries

I play as grl zxdd

I unzip his dicc and succ :0 xp

>our vaegirs arrows blot out the sun

Pssh nothing personal, kid.

Jokes on you, I'm behind 100 Swadian Knights.

Prophesy of Pendor is still the best one I've played
1866 is a change of pace if that's what you want

>chadstride in with nord huscarls
>cuck shitty rhodok shields with millions of throwing axes
Ouch!

>if you charge you die.

Do it anyway

>Prophesy of Pendor
>good

Is there something I'm just missing? I load up the mod and all I see is droves of marauders wandering around to the tune of 500+ troops with the power level of 40k space marines that deal 100+ damage on 1/4 difficulty.

>visit town at night
>"Assassins are trying to kill you!"
>have reinforced steel shield with like 1200+ HP and 50+ resistance with maybe a few points into Shields
>these guys are using fucking throw knifes
>3-4 volleys from a couple of these guys destroy my shield

Floris > PoP for all I care

*teleports behind you*
Heh.
Nothing personal kid.

the early game is harder, the late game is way better (also there actually is a late game)

don't fight battles you can't win

>open options
>set player damage to 1/4
>set troop damage to 1/2

Gg no re.

>Throws axe

>don't fight battles you can't win
>almost literally no bandits to farm early level
>only small troop patrol I find are some kind of undead knights
>ride into them with 2h sword
>+50% speed damage
>3 damage

At that point I just went to town to buy a blunt 2h mace to cheese their power armor and had to ride in circles for 30 minutes to knock them unconscious and then I just turned off the game

Pic related, it's me.
I glare at him with this very expression.
I do not give him my name.
A totally sweet guitar tracks plays in the background.

I haven't played in a while but I remember there being lots of bandits, especially in the frozen part of the map and those viking raiders along the coast. Powerful units tear through weak units so you have to train your guys up a bit.

>miss
smash his head in with a bardiche
seriously rhodocks are plebs

Couch my lance and charge, better hope you can one shot me nerd.

i do a sick backflip and run away

>hide behind tree for 20 minutes
>walk up and hack his head off
>use skull as goblet

>first run trying to conquer everything
>nords declare war
>gather up vassals and attack Tihr because it's closest
>800+ Nords defending because Ragnar is inside
>wait a day for more troops and start the siege
>fail once, take the town on the second try
>Ragnar escapes, think it's no big deal
>let everyone leave because it was a costly victory
>return to capital to assign a vassal to it so it can rebuild
>about to give it to someone
>suddenly Tihr is being besieged
>head back to assess the enemy, think maybe it's an angsty vassal with 50 or so troops
>it's Ragnar with yet another 500+ Nords
>retreat and lose Tihr

How the fuck does he do it?

Turn completely around and fool him into thinking I'm running away when in fact I'm circling the entire planet to charge him from behind.

Is 1/4th damage and automatic block direction cheating?

harlaus is the butterlord

This game bores the shit out of me. You spend 50 minutes completing a siege, then the AI just swoops in with their five million troops while you're off assaulting something else and take it automatically. Rinse and repeat for the entire game.

The game literally calls it easy mode.

why arent you playing the best M&B mod?

>bardiche

nah

whats you campaign AI level set to? thats what determines troop content and number and in what timeframe

its basically skyrim mode. you may as well play that shit game

...

where can I find the dickplomacy mod? the /mbg/ pastebin doesnt have it

stomp-slash him as cavalry which rhodoks are supposedly meant to counter but because of the AI and how the game works they're shit vs cavalry and only marginally better than standard infantry

sorry rhodoks

>wield TWO halberds like badass
Name literally one character that does this.

moddb.com/downloads/mirror/121512/100/cae91846f9c3c807d149a3b416794654/?referer=https://duckduckgo.com/

and head-flipping to go with it:
download1502.mediafireuserdownload.com/0jjnzfun2qgg/4wm0nn0d7472mlw/dickplomacy_flip.7z

It's literally in the OP. Modded with Custom Tree Troops, so you better grab that one instead of regular Dickplomacy.

the moddb link is dead

Your men are your subjects not your brothers

oh, it should still be on moddb, but i just grabbed that link from my downloads in my browser from like 2 weeks ago, so it was probably a temp mirror link or something. it should still be on moddb, just search there

Being in the literal middle of the map is suffering

that really depends on your rank and reputation, no? un-landed non-noble no-horse no-plate shitter does not command his subjects, he leads his comrades.

Stop feasting

How many troops do you garrison in towns and castles?
Do you just dump all your party or what?

My last playthrough.
>spend hours in the game going to tournaments to get money
>spend money on businesses to build regular income
>use both to buy best weapons and armor
>recruit full company of compatible heroes
>get them the best of everything
>begin recruiting Swadian troops
>level all of them to Knight
>have a standing army of about 100 Swadian Knights, all covered by income
>pledge self to Harlaus
>gives me a burnt out village in bumfuck nowhere
>spend months building village up to super prosperity with tons of amenities
>Harlaus declares war on Saranids
>immediately 400 Saranids attack my town
>despite being outnumbered, rout them easily
>next time 1500+ attack my town
>battle advantage sees me with two knights vs whole field of enemies at a time
>eventually get whittled down
>Saranids sack my town
>no Swadian ever comes to my assistance
>Harlaus feasts

Fuck this shit.

if i just got it and it has basically no garrison, ill dump as many from my party as i can while still being able to defend myself from bandits and lower lords. overall i strive for around 150. number is more important than troop quality when it depends on whether enemies will decide to try to take it, but youll still want a lot of mid-level troop and at least a handful of high-level

Rides around him shooting arrow

haven't seen this one before, made me laugh

Why are you a king, aren't you peeps supposed to be a republic?

Why is the Heavy Bastard Sword the best sword?
>High damage
>Balanced speed and reach
>One hand or two hand

HOST A FEAST

>tfw trying to conquer everyone with the Khergits

Name my mercenary band.

holy fuck literally get good

it's like you go to the boss of the game at lvl 1 and then complain that the game is too hard

when you factor in the -15% damage and speed of using it one-handed, i actually prefer a tempered long arming sword. pic related was the one i had before i found one that was tempered

>Heavy Bastard Sword
>When Balanced Bastard Sword exists
It's a Bastard Sword, so it's still good, but it's not even the best reasonably priced version.

I like the Arming Sword, but having a weapon that's dual mode is just hard to replace.

throwing javelins in multiplayer is satisfying as fuck

it's literally what i do half of the time, the other is looting some big ass 2h weapon to start hacking away, but getting javelins or throwing axes kills is just another level of fun

>Fighting alongside horse-fuckers
They are always the first faction I destroy, next time get some units that can actually siege correctly

>Become a marshall
>Do my best to repel the enemy and keep the kingdom safe
>Do a much better job than the previous marshall ever did, even though most nobles are spoiled little bitches who can't follow my orders right
>Insignificant little villages get ransacked
>marshalldom ends
>Renown drops
>Everyone avoids me like the plague
>Become medieval Hitler because i am not am omnipotent being capable of being everywhere at the same time

Seriously, fun as this game might be it was the most broken shit ever.

>105 reach
That's pretty good for a one hander, but it's still not on par with the Bastard Sword, which can do great damage with the speed bonuses of a horse or great damage wielded two-handed when defending in a siege.

there's loads of shitter bandits to kill in PooP what are you on about
each tournament gives 20k it's not a hard mod

AI Marshalls get replaced all the time for similar shit.

to me i figured the 3-4 damage loss and always being able to use a shield rather than trading more than 3-4 damage and speed in cases where i want to use the shiled with bastard sword was worth just using the arming sword

i really like the idea of the morningstar, except its shit reach. i think i might just mod the game so that it has alonger reach stat and just use that even though its kinda cheating at that point

Recommend difficulty/settings for a new player?

Why used a Balanced Bastard and not a Balanced Heavy Bastard?

f1 > f5
then ride around in wide circle for 10 mins till everyone's out of bolt, then skill up my archery on your entire army.

Seriously, did anyone ever get anything useful out of marshalldom?

T-they're not exclusive?

its only got 3-4 extra damage two-handed, and one-handed has less. i just dont think its worht that tradeoff since at average player damage not using a shield in a big battle is practically suicide, other than sometimes in defensive sieges like you mentioned

heavy bastard sword is its own weapon, so it can have modifiers. for most weapons heavy is a modifier, though, which makes most other mutually exclusive

What's Sup Forums's take on brytenwalda?

use the strongest weapon known to man...
LOGIC ;^)

>its only got 3-4 extra damage two-handed
That's not my experience at all, especially not against armored opponents. But it's mostly for defensive sieges as mentioned. Otherwise I'm on a horse most of the time shotting missiles at the enemy like some khergit loser. Nah,
just kidding, that's way too slow a way to kill enemies, but the Bastard Sword from horseback will oneshot most archers with just a little speed bonus. I wasn't really kidding about horse archering though.
Good for kiting and shooting Mamelukes and Knights.

That explains my confusion, I also did wonder why all those Swadian Knights dropped weapons with a postitive trait on em. That's usually rare.

the displayed damage stat in the menu is its output twohanded. one-handed it has 15% damage and speed reduction, but with your character stats, speed bonus, and enemy armor, the damage you do thats displayed in battle will be very different from the weapons base stats

compare the 2 and remember 15% dmage and speed reduction one-handing the bastard sword

>siege a castle and win
>can't put any soldiers inside it
Do I have to wait until the king gives me ownership of it? Because by then, the entire enemy army has come to retake it.

Anyone else play the Star Wars mod for original MB? Pretty fun. Also I played some Chinese Civil War mod that had rifles and machine guns and the mechanics worked surprisingly well.

>Do I have to wait until the king gives me ownership of it?
yes, if you're worried about losing it just wait there