Sexual experiences thread

sexual experiences thread
>greentext only
ill start
>be in park
>be gettin the blowy
>pic related
>only thing in world is mouth on dick
>realize i should be alert
>look up
>two adults walking towards us
>tap bitch on head
>ohshitnigga.jpeg
>they walk directly in front of us
>look at them and say
>"you didnt see anything"
>they stop and make eye contact
>"we saw EVERYTHING"
>they walk away
>never see them again
i dont fuck there anymore

bump

...

> be 17
> at park with 16 qt gf
> in bushes
> pumping her in the ass cause i'm a freak
> hear people coming
> walk out of bush like nothing happened
> her ass is bleading


went for mcdonalds later, shit was cash.

>be me
>be 32
>be a virgin
>be never found in a sexual situation

hookers boi

Hot. More?

>
That just about sums it up

>jack off
>try to ignore loneliness
>fail
>cry
>fall asleep

Yeah I got some more
>be 22
>be a virgin
>be indoors instead of outdoors
>be(at) my meat and cum

This is too real...

True story

>19
>went to a party because chick I liked was going to be there
>get to the house, weird second story duplex owned by weirdos
>whatever just going to drink and have fun
>girl I like has bf, she's there with him and another girl
> kinda want to leave but other girl was chill
> start taking, decide we should play cards
> deal some Texas hold em at table, teaching girls
>tookallthechips.jpeg
>few shots in I say to new girl "I won, you owe me 5 bucks
>brokebitch.fuckit
>get ballsy and say "ill take a check or full frontal nudity"
>she grins, im in
>trying to make crush jealous with new boobfriend
>continuing.

>Be 14
>Want sex
>Curly headed jew
>Thinks of a way to get my smoigle touched
>"Oi vey all I have to do is be one of those emos"
>Straightens hair and puts in fake piercings
>goes to school
>Emo girl comes up to me and says
>"Hey, you're user right? Nice look talk to you later"
>Still too jewey
>Watch the anime "bleach"
>start acting like main character
>Emo girl notices me more
>Tells her that I feel emotional towards her and that we should make love
>She cuts her self into me
>We consume our emotions.
>Oi vey

wtf?

Hurry up nigger

>be me
>18
>get handy
>from overweight furry
>who was male
>also wearing a diaper
>too drunk to finish
>puke on his floor
>pee in his bed
>pass out

I belong here

>smoigle
lmfao

> said she didn't want to get naked in front of everyone
> well then I'm going to need that check
>says how about later
>think about it and say fine but I'm holding you to it
>we all go start watching metalocolypes
>had first two seasons with me because I'm a fucking nerd
>crush and bf say there going to "go talk" in the other room
>door closes hear belts being undone
>fucking cooool.killme
>look to other girl
>you know you still owe me that full frontal
>she knows what's up but were in living room
>the weirdo house owners had their door open
> well how about you lose the bra?
> she winks and takes it off and lays back on me.
>insert boner now
> in a few minutes I'm kissing her neck and fondleing her nice titties.
> fucking awesome tits, then decide to go for puss Mcguss
> she wasn't shaved, slid fingers through her pubes and found her clit.
> started rubbing it slowly as I pulled her nips.
Cont.
>

>23 years old, in Worst Korea
>Me and my bro dancing with some girls in a K-pop club in Seoul
>The only one who can speak English is like four and a half feet tall.
>Get her kakao before I leave, think I got cockblocked by the curfew again.
>Go back to hotel, get ready for a night of jacking my dick and shitposting on my phone.
>Get kakao message from mini-korean
>Obviously feels the need for white dick
>Give her directions to my room
>Shower, clean up
>She comes up alone, she's so fucking tiny that I actually look through her purse and find her ID to check her age while she's in the bathroom
>20, good to go, oh yeah I'm like six and a half feet tall.
>The first time we go at it, I literally end up holding her around her waist, facing away from me, standing up and moving her up and down. Basically a giant yellow fleshlight.
>She's making some weird noises but clearly into it.
>Pull her up off my dick when I cum and it shoots out between her legs
>"Uwaa!", lol
>Twice more using more standard technique, breakfast in the hotel lobby.

Never saw her again after that but it has pretty much become my go-to mental replay when I jack off standing up. Thanks Taeji.

You don't need to continue. Your story is boring and lame. kys

>htens hair
cont!

>were both horney as fuck
>fuckbirds were in full swing in other room.
>its like three fucking am and I'm working at 9,
>to drunk and horny to care
>say lets go have a cig, so we go out to the balcony
>its their front porch cuz duplex with wooden slotted railings
>spark a grit with her and tell her I'm dying right now
>tell her to rake me out
>so she does, undoes my pants and pulls my dick out
>she's stroking it and I say she should suck it
>she says she's not a fan of oral but ok
>whatyousaybitch? But ok, so she takes my dick in her mouth
>honestly was terrible, felt better using a beehive probably.
>but drunk and being kinda beta in life I didn't care, felt good maing.
>kicker is, she's 16, didn't care because of above reason
>bit as she was sucking me off, a squad car rolls past the street.

...

Contributing
>be 20 at the time
>chick has had thing for me for a while but I'm too stupid to notice
>have party with friends
>shits fucking nuts
>mutual friend tries hooking up with her
>she laughs him off and keeps clinging to me
>party winds down and people pass out
>itsgotime.exe
>bring her in my room
>pretty drunk so it was sloppy on both our parts
>but god damn she knew how to fuck
>thank god for being drunk otherwise I woulda busted too soon
>she had the fattest ass
>bust inside her
>fall asleep
>woke up friends in living room
>see massive hickeys on obvious places on my neck
She knew what she was doing as I had a gf. Still cool to this day and I feel like I could probably tap that again under right circumstances but I'm engaged and she's in a committed relationship. Oh well.

>be me
>17
>one night homing aloning
>gf comes over
>we start the kissy
>suddenly she starts taking off clothes
>mine and hers alike
>I asked her to show me herself nude
>she warns its nsfw
>I persist
>mfw Tayne

>be me
>be 17
>be at gradnite 2011
>ohshitnigger tonights gonna be a good nite literally saved up 3 months to afford this nite
>shit sucks
>music is all either latiny or ravey
>no ska stage like my brother and cousins a few years earlier
>walking around disneyland on a comedown from a shitty budlight buzz
>friends all in line for indiana jones or haunted mansion cause "we wuz rollin n shit"
>Not into E
>No booze to speak of
>grab a shishkabob and head toward critty country
>at the bear lodge or someshit... Like some country bumpkin southern bbq place on the waterfront
>cute cast member chillin low key in the corner
>think about approaching
>decide dont want to get caught with alcohol breath I already had to sneak it past rhe security and shishkabob whale
>open up phone to lurk or check runecrafting highscores or something
>shes sitting right in front of me
>almost autist out and walk away
>only fucked one girl before this and was like 10 seconds long
>why are you all alone?
>I could ask you the same thing
>talk more bs
>dont want her to get in trouble tell her to not lose track of time and Im leaving
>grabs my wrist
>go to really weird underground part of restaurant and stsrt making out
>feel her pussy through her khaki pant shits
>push aside some kiddie chairs under these stairs and pull it out
>the rave lights reflecting off the river shining through the woodsiding of this place
>overrated fucking
>lose track of sex ib my own thoughts
>realize ive probably been poubdingnher for like 10 or so minutes
>her loud moans bring me back to a half chub lucidity
>cover her mouth as she spurts some sort of mumbled "Im cumming"
>that sound makes me bust like a broken levee
>inside
>dont worry user im on the pill yada yada
>had her tumblr
>go ride some rides with bros
>come back home at like 7am
>share a 5th of vodka with my neighbor and tell him what happened
>have to get ready to walk in ceremony
>get her number through tumblr as Im getting my gown situated

I like this story.

Doesn't seem too legit to me

> and nothing bad happened
>cop rolls through, I cum, but i know she isn't satisfied.
>it was around 5 now, she finished me and said lets go get condoms
>started to think, nah, cuz work.
>ill just eat you out and she agrees.
>we go back into my moms truck
>big ford expedition, wish it was mine
>put down back seat take off her legging and then it hit
>like a meth lab and manure feild came wafting out at me.
>ohgod what the fuck.
>take one for the team and begin flossing with her pubes as i attempted to just get her clit.
>didn't want whatever haunted that pussy in my mouth
>she's not getting off, I'm not enjoying it
>she asked is i ever tried anal.
>bitch we just met
>but say no, and so she asks if i want to
>yeah ok sure ill assfuck you. Dont know why i agreed
>so we start, kinda cramped so she has to ride me
> we start fucking, feels good but I'm just grossed out by now
> finally i cum again inside her buttocks, feeling pretty grimy
> she gets off me and puts her leggings back on
> tells me she's going to go to the bathroom
> sure yeah ok
> look at my boxers, blood and some shit.
> her riding me forced her bloody clam to expel her baby wall all over my boxers.
> finally go back inside, she's laying down and said i should come sleep by her.
>i go to bathroom first, and upon further investigation of my cock, i have a price of corn stuck to it
> feel like hurling, but save my self the trouble and keep it down.
>i today went to sleep, and wine up an hour later to go to work.

My moms truck smelt like hobo sex and i honestly i probably smelled worse. Because when i got to work, pretty much a zombie, the backroom guys just avoided me. Unloaded truck and stocked the rest of the day, no boxers, screening like period blood, shit and sex.

This is why i don't like anal

Spur of the moment anal is fucking DISGUSTING

Smelling* on phone and tired sorry anons

>Me and girlfriend dressed up to go out to dinner
>Unfortunately it's snowing nonstop and has been for at least an hour.
>Turn out lights on the way out, open door, and am greeted by a wall of ice.
>Nope
>GF turns to look out window and sort of pouts.
>It's absolutely dead silent with everything off and the snow falling outside.
>Silently put my arms around her from behind and kiss the side of her neck.
>We've actually only had sex once, her first time, like two months ago (long story)
>She acts awkward for a few seconds before turning around and commencing the makeout session
>Pull her towards bedroom, pull down her pants and am struck by how pale her ass looks in darkness of the room, lit by a street light filtering in through closed blinds.
>Massive boner, but can't stop fondling her argent hindquarters long enough to get my dick out (she's too shy to do it for me), although I do manage to slide her panties down.
>Finally pull myself away long enough to get off her scarf, top, and bra and pull her pants off from around her feet.
>Shove her down naked onto her back while I rip my clothes off and admire her pale blonde form sprawled on the dark sheets
>Mount her and slide my dick in slowly, she's still not really used to it,
>The angle's a little awkward and I have to keep adjusting on top of her to get things to feel right.
>(Last time we did it doggystyle since I'd needed help from gravity to break her in)
>I manhandle her a bit and manage to get my dick in up to the hilt but the angle's a little odd.
>I make a few slow preliminary thrusts, I can tell she's trying to relax but she keeps tensing up a bit.
>I slowly thrust in and out, and gradually speed up as I feel her sort of relaxing into a natural position.
>I finally get a good rhythm going and while I'm pumping in and out against the resistance of her incredibly tight pussy I take in the dead-silent snow-dampened surroundings interrupted only by our rhythmic sloshing and her few little moans.

>texts me at my grad party
>hey Ive been thinking about you all day whatre you doing
>lives like 5 or 6 miles away
>decide to excuse myself from my party and walk around the corner
>meet her by these business mailboxes behind the vons
>start talking more lovey dovey bs
>pushes me onto some empty pepsi crates and cardboard trash
>gets on top of me
>rips open my button down
>feels my chest and shit
>real romantic like
>feelin it getting into it
>hear that distinctive crown vic motor noise in the distance
>push her off and drag her with me behind some dumpster
>thinks its some.sort of kink shit
>pulls down her pants to her ankles
>clear as day remember her ninja maneuvering herself to have one leg on dumpster and one on the stucco wall
>in awe more than am horny
>start to put it in
>cops lights on but no siren or noise
>blatantly caught us mid dick inside
>mustahced greasy dude looking at us from the passenger window
>both cops just eyeing us
>the driver pulls out his megaphone thing
>a bro smile comes across his face
>like the grinch and shit but without the eye thing
>"carry on"
>skirts out
>LAPD fucking rules
>adrenaline fuck this bitch
>bust again inside
>go out with this chick for like 8 months
>find out shes batshit crazy
>use her for free disney shit
>3 months after breaking up with her find out shes pregnant
>ohshit.jpeg
>whatever Ill man the fuck up
>miscarries
>breddy gud time in my life

Dude... I'm sorry

>When I'm definitely ready to blow I thrust deep and hold it.
>Actually feel her tighten up around me as she gets ready to receive my seed, amazing.
>My cock starts pulsing madly and I feel the river of cum flow out of my dick into her
>The first jet noticeably recoils off her cervix back onto my dick buried inside her, after that everything's just a sticky mess inside her.
>Make out for a minute or two until my dick goes soft inside her.
>We pull back on our clothes, see it's stopped snowing, and continue our dinner plans.

>>"we saw EVERYTHING"
lmao I'm going to use this next time I see someone fucking in a park somewhere

Be 17. Stop eating animal products, lose much weight, skin clears, gain a complection. With exercise have a slim, athletic figure and grow my hair to my shoulders. At a party, sitting on the ground playing with the house owners dog. He's chill the dog. A girl sits with me and the dog, 7/10 pop metal type girl. we chat, and at one point she starts running her fingers up my forearm, I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt so it didn't feel intimate. This is only brief, stops, and Eventually awhile after she says she's going to bed, it's early. I go outside and kick back. Her friend comes up to me and says "user thinks you're hot and wants to know if you want to go to bed with her" or something along those lines. I Freeze, let the autism take control, and decline the offer for some reason, I think I was anxious and my fag friend wasnt motivating me, he didn't want me to go. If my memory is correct I told her to say thank you for th offer or some stupid shit.
Later on gain weight again, stop going out, loneliness increases along with regret. I hate myself, shit.

How crazy?

Fuck yeah

If anythinh, blame your own lack of ability

Yeah, I should. That was harsh on my friend. I'm quite horrible with social events + conversing. Words sometimes just don't escape my mouth, or come out in a distorted way

Sure, I have a funny blow job story

>Seniors trip (spring break)
>last day
>be in club at 7 am and think I should start looking for pussy since I had none that day
>start checking this two girls out and making my mind on which one I'll hit on
>one of them sees me and pushes her friend against me
>start dancing and making out
>8 am, notice we were the only ones in the club, it ended a while ago apparently
>can't go to my room as my mates are already there
>take her to her room
>can't go to hers as her friends are there too
>there's a small beach near her apartment
>bingo
>let's go there
>she agrees
>take condom and shit
>she doesn't want to fuck
>fml
>blowjob.gif
>she sucks at it but fuck it, it's my first ever bowie
>9am and I can see a lot of old people going for the morning walk passing
>she starts bleeding from nose
>Is it bad?
>no, not really
>don't stop then, we'll see it later
>after two fucking hours I cum
>swallows
>asks for kiss
>you're full of blood, let's go clean you up

We were supposed to check out from the hotel at 8:45, I got there at 10:30 with my pants full of blood, still worth it

Like constant gaslighting and wild left field accusation crazy
Stalker crazy
Probably faked her pregnancy crazy
Never saw proof of anything crazy
Took her fucking word she was pregnant crazy
So happened to miscsrry as soon as she found some cuck to take care of her crazy

She was also one of the first wave of crazy sjw types before they started coming en masse 13-14

First time:
>15 years old beta faggot
>on vacation with family
>Go to flea market because cheapshit.rar
>Go to some chicks stand
>6/10 nothing special
>she got vidya
>start talking about world of cornflakes
>hittingitoff.webm
>asks if I want to come back to her place in an hour
>it's happening
>we play a bit of fifa on her ps
> she grabs my crotch outta nowere
>begin doing the dilly-willy
>15sec and I nut
>keep going because manlyness
>keeps going with a floppy for about 10min
>sees me off, never speak again
>alphaasfuck