Feels thread

feels thread

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hard times happiest days of my life

Is that you, Taylor?

What's her name, user?

bump

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I just miss her.

>tfw I'm the only one in the Feels thread

Im here too user. Sadly.

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I care about your story, user

>tfw have tons of strange symptoms that have never been explained by any doctor or diagnosed by anything
>tfw every test comes back negative
>tfw you're not insane but doctors keep telling you its in your head and its "anxiety"

I feel like there's something quite bad wrong with me but I'm only going to find out when its too late. Recently, I've had a tension head ache that won't go away, trouble with my language skills, short term memory, and my personality seems to have changed significantly almost over-night. I'm trying not to be that faggot who self-diagnoses as this could easily be something simple like insomnia + mania, etc ... but part of me wishes I could just run every test and finally see what the fuck is wrong ... unfortunately, medicine is time consuming and expensive.

You would think with the technology that we have at the moment that we would be able to get consumer devices to help us understand basic shit about our own bodies without going to a hospital. Kind of like what happened with computers: chips kept getting smaller, cheaper, and more wide-spread. But things like MRI machines still take up an entire fucking entire room and the cost is in the millions. If medical machines are likened to the computer revolution then shit is still using vacuum machines and punch cards so I doubt we're ever going to live to see significant progress in health care in our life times. Maybe I'm just being a hypochondriac faggot who worries too much but I really do feel there's something wrong with me.

Hard to live like this when you never feel quite right

I dont have much of a story. Just fuckin depressed for no reason though there's a roof on my head and food on my table and people who most likely care about me. I dont know what it is.

>tfw never gf
>tfw kissless handholdless cuddleless virgin
>tfw stressedb about college but dont care enough to pass

What is this facade

>tfw gf left you
>tfw it was the only person who loved me

Alzheimer's? Meningitis? The hell is this?
Brain damage? When did this begin?

I don't want to pretend I have it as bad as another anons, but I do need to tell this story

>start of school year
>trying to make new friends, get good grades right off the bat, general beginning of year stuff
>meet this girl, let's call her W
>crack a joke involving suicide around W one day that involved suicide
>she gets really pissed off and ignores me the rest of the day
>next day she comes back, apologizes for the way she acted and reveals she tried to kill herself once
>my turn to apologize, "I'm so sorry, i had no idea, etc."
>she accepts, allgoodinthehood.jpg
>over time though, she begins messaging on skype
>we get to talking, and i learn she's still battling depression
>I begin acting as a therapist, trying to help her through it all
>learn she has problems with her home life, abusive grandmother, was bullied a lot
>One day, talks about killing herself
>Stay on the phone with her for an hour trying to talk her out of it
>Succeeds
>Continue trying to help, sometimes though she's aggressive with not wanting help and being resigned about life
>continues like this for a few months
>threatens to kill herself again, call the police this time, despite her frequent pleas for me not to
>she becomes livid that i involved other people and spilled her "secret"

It was at this time i realized she got pissy if she didn't get her way on certain things, not just suicide related matters

>reach the end of the year
>after another couple of months, she's starting to wear me down
>she gets pissy a lot, is making me expend all kinds of emotional and physical energy helping her, then acts resigned and aggressive about her resignation and hopelessness
>after two weeks of internal debate, I decide i need to end things, she was about to see a therapist anyways
>after two more weeks of debate about what to do, she confronts me and pressures me into explaining why i haven't answered her texts in a while
>my exact words were "I can't do this. You and me, I can't do this."

>She begins crying, and walks away repeating "it's okay, I understand, it's ok"
>she texts me half an hour later saying she wants to talk about it, and find a way for us to be friends

i forgot to mention that we had very different interests and personalities, so what really held us together was the fact that i was trying to save her from herself

>i text back explaing that it won't work
>she fights me on it, until I eventually text her "We both just need to move on"
>at this point, she calls me
>I pick up, and on the other end, i hear her bawling and begging me "Please user, we can make this work, I know we can, there has to be a way"
>"W, I'm sorry, but we can't, we just have to go our seperate ways"
>"user, please, there's something, I know there is"
>"W, i've thought about it from every angle, run through every possibility, and nothing worked. We need to move on, we can't go back to the way it was"

She then spoke these words, which will haunt me forever

>"user, please. You're the only one i've ever been able to open up to, the only one who cares about who I really am. All my other friends, they care about who I'm not. Please, you're all I have."

This stunned me, so i was silent for a while until all I could muster was

>"I don't know what to do anymore."
>"well, there's got to be something"
>"I don't know, W! I don't know anymore"
>"Can you at least talk to me for one more month?"
>"I don't know, let me think about it."
>"Can you at least get the answer to me by saturday?"
>"Sure. I have to go."

It's been 2 weeks now, and she didn't reach out to me, and i'm still unsure what that means

I'm still shaken up by all of it

I stared into the core of broken person, Sup Forums. i saw the void where a soul was.
It's been my most harrowing experience, and I walked away. I feel like shit.

I highly respect how u handled this situation thus far.

she's going to wear you down anyway.
you don't need to feel bad if you're incapable of helping someone

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24
neet
no friends
no job
still live with parents
no real motivation to do anything about any of it for some reason
no gf, obviously
kinda hungry

...

tell me more

long story short

>been drinking for years, I can't say I'm an alcoholic but I'm often drunk
>met a grill in a game from a near town
>we get super close, I know everything about her
>she knows everything about me
>talk all day on skype almost every single day
>makes me feel like a better person
>she makes flirty hints and says she likes me
>I start doing good things and genuinely my life takes a better turn
>even stop drinking because I'm happy with her
>eventually meet up in reality after three months
>she's super cold
>tells me she doesn't like me, and says a big part of that is because I'm always drinking
>but I had stopped drinking when she was around
>says she won't chat with me anymore
>goes back to her home town
>haven't talked in three days
>the bottle in the kitchen looks really appealing to me right now

I mean I didn't even want a relationship, she just made me feel less lonely and now every single day feels painfully long.

>26
>married to wife I adore
>stuck thousands of miles away cause parole
>old case comes up after six years
>stuck more
>have not seen lisa in months
>i miss her, try to talk every second of every day
>she is busy
>I need her
>she is busy
>one day, she tells me (she has leukemia)
>cry, try to be supportive
>stuck thousands of miles away still
>user, I need my husbanf here
>user please I need you
>state of texas says no
>user I want a divorce

>be me 19yo male
>never had proper gf
>never been close to anyone
>talking to this new girl
>find out she likes everything I like
>get comfortable and close with her
>feel like I can talk to her about anything
>afraid of getting any closer because fear of eventual heart break
>Want to feels but hate the feels

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damn, dude...

Oh she will, she will break your heart. Months or years, she will leave you and find an other, better, guy.

But it's all worth it.
I think?