Help Sup Forums!

Help Sup Forums!

I'm at my gf's apartment and I missed the toilet.
This is my first real gf and this is our 3rd date.
She invited me back to her place after our date but the taco bell I had for breakfast and lunch was starting to get to me.
I didn't want to accidentally shit in her bed while we were having sex so I thought it would be a good idea to use her toilet beforehand

Well, her toilet is lower than mine and in my rush to sit down a waterfall of shit came out of my ass before I could align myself correctly.

How do I get myself out of this? I don't want to die a virgin.

>Help!

>pic related
>i need to find a way to clean this up without her knowing and fast

Lick it

ask her if she wants to share a late night snack in celebration of Hillary's speech?

>nb4 people say wipe it up with toilet paper

wipe it with toilet roll and flush you fucking cretin.

Use your hands idiot and then was them with soap after when you're done.

Soak up the leftover water with the toilet roll best you can.

Tell her to bring you another roll you sperglord

use your socks. then wash them and hide them?

Did you not see this

I was still typing when he posted the picture

just ask for more TP and use papertowels faggot

tissues
socks
hands
water

>Taco Bell for breakfast
>And Lunch
Man, I've had it for four square meals a day before (would not recommend) but never more than once before doing anything with a girl.

leave it, itll make for a good story to tell your fat kids in 15 years

use your socks son and then wear her pink sock out. Ive been in situations like this but you should be good. maybe even some of her panties lying around as a reward for cleaning.

Wash your asshole good too!

Ask her for another roll. If she's worth staying with she'll understand

why has he been in the bathroom for 10 mins.. I think "she" knows

You took a shit without checking the TP situation first?

What the fuck are you wiping your ass with? You expect to go out there and fuck her with your wet taco bell shit still up your anus?

You deserve whatever you get.

This is the best thread of the night! Op get your head in the game man. Report back to use with nudes and what you did with the shit rag :LOL

Rub her face in it, and tell her it's the only way you can get off anymore.

Check under the sink. There should be more TP.

If not ask her for more. Totally reasonable request. Nothing suspicious considering you'd need it even if you hadn't missed the bowl.

>>How do I get myself out of this? I don't want to die a virgin.

I used all the tp to wipe my ass before I realized I missed

Did you look under the sink for more toilet paper?
Get a fucking rag if you have to then throw it away,
after this though make sure she licks your asshole.

Why are you not fucking this bitch and talking to us about toilet paper and shit?????

No cabinet under the sink. This is an old house. She must keep it in the closet about a yard from the bathroom.

Wipe with your hand and wash your hands

...

this is why you don't sit to wipe you fucking retard.

Yep

how do you sit on the seat in that and not realize?

No! That will stain OP's hands with the smell of shit for hours and no amount of washing will make it go away!

Got the solution and you ignore it.

OP is a faggot.

You don't.

I call bullshit.

I mean, of course it's bullshit, but still.

>t. poo-in-the-loo

It's called soap shitskin.

Let us know what happens .

Quite simple you fucking retard, get out of panic mode and go through this checklist

Do this OP Yell for lady who knows your up to no good.

I usually sit toward the edge of the toilet just far back enough for my asshole to be over the bowl. I didn't notice because it was all the way at the back and my ass didn't touch it.

Two words.

Filthy Sanchez.

only thing OP didnt lie about, was that he didnt wanna die a virgin.. truth is there is no gf, he is at his parents house and lonely

Soap doesn't completely get rid of the smell

>source
>I used to finger my ass and pull shit out with my finger

I'm wearing flipflops so I don't have any socks

A Haiku for OP
Be a big big man
Wipe the doo-doo with your hand
Girl will understand

Thought i was the only one.

>What the fuck

Fucking kek nice user!

Unless she's a filthy pig there should be something you can use as a cleaner - lysol, soap, etc. Use your boxers as a rag, rinse them out in the sink or shower and put them back on or in your pocket.

Lick it up like a real man you piece of shit

This is true
My dubs can confirm

Next time you shake a hand this thread will be a reminder what cressid, nasty, cringy shit goes on behind a bathroom.

How fucking common is it for people to pull shit out of their ass with their hands?

Use the nearest washcloth then toss it out the window

BBump because I'm worried about OP

I'm cheering for you op. Fucking use your socks they should flush down. My tube sock sure did

Ultimate solution!

I'm wearing flipflops so I have no socks. Also, there arn't any towels in here except the one on the rack to dry your hands with after you wash them.

Tfw Op solved his problem like 10 min ago and we're sitting here like sweatbeards and he's banging his girl

Nope, still in the bathroom...

God damn it op who the fuck wears flip flops to a date. No wonder you still a virgin.

This thread is lame. this bitch is not real. She would have asked about you. So many have taken bait.

If this is real op take photo of you peaking out the door

She probably knows you're taking a shit by now you dipshit. Just ask for a roll.

If you won't, dubs say you will have to use her tooth brush to take it all off and wash it at the sink.

go to the kitchen and grab the paper towels. if she finds the poopy mess, explain your situation. if she doesn't accept that you are attempting to clean it up on your own, then she isn't worth the pussy.

seriously, what are you twelve?

>Samefagging this hard

magnificent

Alright, I think this should be good enough. She has knocked to check on me twice though.

Just tell her what happened.
are you just sitting on Sup Forums in her bathroom?

The fuck did you use?

>that mini shit stain

use the cardboard toilet roll. dont flush it when youre done though itll clog the toilet

WHAT THE FUCK OP
DID YOU LICK THAT SHIT OFF THE TOILET?

Holy fucking shit, Op you could have been pounding that poor girls pussy by now but no you are still trying to deal with this shit.
Even after tons of people gave you suggestions,
you are going to have to decide one way or another. You may as well start jacking off in the bathroom and get it over with.

dude rub one real quick on the lid bro you'll last longer.

Sorry to laugh at you op but this is fucking gold

Gg OP. What'd you say?

Use your hands, and then wash 'em well. It's your shit man, be a man and clean it!

You have socks don't you?

leave the seat down

Nope, I'm wearing flipflops

how the fuck is someone so committed to a website that they think to post in a situation like this?

Disgusting piece of shit. Must be fucking a fugly cow.

Wipe it up you fool.

Autism is a hell of a drug

op been on the shitter for 35 minutes no lay for him

>are you new?

This

Make sure she has soap

not even one timestamp, cmon

I was in the bathroom. What the fuck do you expect me to write on/with?

Go get pussy OP. Let the thread do itself and cont tomorrow

Then do it now faggot

time stamp written in the poo u idiot

Already sitting in the living room with gf. Can't do it now.

couldve wrote in the shit faggot, thats what I wouldve done

take gf pics and deliver don't be a faggot OP

> this

>How many faggots does it take to clean a shit stain?
>about 45 replying almost 100 times