Need to write a creation myth for a class. Gimme ideas, every dubs gets put in. Will post results

Need to write a creation myth for a class. Gimme ideas, every dubs gets put in. Will post results.

Other urls found in this thread:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=uWsXjbveWQU
youtube.com/watch?v=MbPyxLOZqsg
youtube.com/watch?v=JSRtYpNRoN0
twitter.com/AnonBabble

wtf is a creation myth?

In the begining there were only fags

A story about how the world and mankind was created. Go to bed child.

the bible

>And then, the great owl in the sky expelled his life-giving sperm from his penis onto the world.

It all began with Lord Trumps ancient ancestors.

Won't plagarize old jews, I don't like getting sued.

Make it incredibly racist towards the french

reroll goddamit

We exist as only one of many multiple parallel universes.

2 cats popped a giant water balloon

There was nothing but darkness and the mother of the world swimming in darkness. Then the mother of the world died. Her bones became the rocks of dry earth, her blood became the seas and oceans. The light of her eyes became the stars. Her heart became the sun. The flesh of her body became the soil, from which grew the plants and living things. Her spirit gave life to the animals and to all people. The mother of the world lives on in each of us. Her voice is still heard in the laughter of friends. Her tears still fall from the sky and wash is clean. Her dreams still come to us at night and guide us. The wind and the mountain and the sky were the thoughts of her mind as she died and they continue on forever.

...

This, 'cept the mother was a faggot.

Naturally.

The world began in 1889, with the foundation of 9gag.

In the beginning, there was the Cosmic Fat Lady. She farted, sang from her ass, and from the dreadful morass that spewed forth was created the Universe.

In the early stages of the earth, it was brown and grey, with grass as the only type of plant. Odin loved to see out to the vast field that Asgard presided beside, and
found it beautiful, but empty. "This field which I am so proud to have for Asgardians to use is barren, and has lost it's beauty after many years," Odin exclaimed,
"If only there was something more complex and colourful than mere grass, this field would once again be beautiful.". After many days of thought, Odin ordered his best
farmers to go to Yggdrasil, the World Tree, and collect five thousand seeds from it. The seeds, he thought, could be planted and the saplings be carved into new and
perplexing shapes and designs. After months upon months of carving each sapling into wonderous new shapes with the finest blades any man could wish for, he planted each
and every sapling, and let them grow in his field.

All was well in Asgard, and the fields had grown after many years into forests. "This field which I am so proud to have for Asgardians is no longer barren, and has
astonishing trees growing in it," Odin exclaimed, "But many people who worship me are dying of hunger, and these gifts of trees which I have given to them are useless
to them.". After many days of thought, Odin ordered his best farmers to once more go to Yggdrasil and collect five thousand seeds from it again. After planting these
to grow into saplings, he carved each and every one of them into the many forms of trees, and now allowed the trees to bear fruit. After sending these new trees out
into the world alongside the old ones, many people ate the fruit, and no longer died from hunger. Odin, proud of his work, and sat back on his throne, apple in hand.

This myth explains why trees give fruit, and why some trees do not. This may not be exactly what you're looking for, but I hope it helps. Just reply asking if you mean stuff like creating the whole of existence. I can probably write something down.
>my art

Johhny depp is actually jesus

First there was nothing
Then you were born and it sucked

refuckingroll

Johnny Depp is actually Batman who is actually Jesus.

in 1988 bill grates invented michaelsoft
and then intranet was b orn and in this digital space there was an endles ocean of faggorty lol
and OP was born from it and the world is inside hsi asshole
the end

That's dubs, gotta be in there!

Dammit, waste of dubs. Uh... Just use the image as part of your myth.

Gonna be in there boi

someone put a tomato up their butt

and clenched

The juices became the rivers and oceans

The fallen chunks the land

The seeds the trees

The residual fecal matter, man.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=uWsXjbveWQU

this guy made the gays

reroll

...

rerolll

rerollllll

rerolllllllllll

thank you based god

Samefags don't count

my only addition would be that god or "the creator" or whatever hates us

First you fucked a nigger, you ugly fucking whore,
Ran out of men in Canada, moved to the states for more,
Teacher are you freaky, will you have sex with me?
On your face, I'd like to sign, my name in cum and pee.

black people were made that way because they're bad

gay

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

lol

the only reason the world was created was so ted cruz could be the zodiac killer

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Samefagging this hard

Check' em

>so they praised his scrotum for 40 nights and days

In the beginning, there was a blank piece of paper that said "nigger faggot".

>in the beginning, there was only KEK

In the beginning there was Moot. He performed autofellatio, and out of his cock came the first Sup Forumstard.

>I was only 9 years old
>I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies
>I pray to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I’ve been given
>"Shrek is love" I say; “Shrek is life”
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I’m crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it’s really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It’s Shrek
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “This is my swamp.”
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I’m ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Shrek
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says “It’s all ogre now.”
>Shrek leaves through my window
>Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

Not even close faggot

before time began there was only the great NEET. before time began the great NEET had no job, because there were no jobs. time began and the great NEET got hungry, ordered some mexican, then took a huge wet shit, which became the universe. lumps of undigested beans became the stars and planets. bowel bacteria living on those fragments of beans became the sons of man.

and so it is unto this very day.

Do you mean a blank piece of paper which isn't actually blank because on it is written "nigger faggot: or do you mean a blank piece of paper which can speak?

Abandoned by his parents and raised by the gods
Who could see he was destined for greatness
Though he was no bigger than you or me as a baby
He was a demigod!

Wow!

With lightning speed!
And he gave our people all the things we need, yes indeed
We were crawling on the ground
He looked around and said, "You need a little more space!"
And he raised the sky
So we could walk, so we could fly!

We were crawling on the ground
He looked around and said, "You need a little more space!"
And he raised the sky
So we could walk, so we could fly!

We were walking in the dark
'Til Maui found a spark, down in the Underworld
He climbed up higher and higher
Bringing the gift of fire

We were walking in the dark
'Til Maui found a spark, down in the Underworld
He climbed up higher and higher
Bringing the gift of fire

When Maui was around, we were unstoppable
We shattered all the rules, ran free
We tore down every wall
And we answered the call of the sea

We used to sail with gods, we were unstoppable
To islands, we could go explore
With every breaking dawn
Our adventures would go on beyond the shore

Maui taught us how to see the waves
Maui taught us how the sea behaves
Maui taught us how to see the skies
How to see the way the seagull flies

And the lord said, Let there be light. Andthere was light. And it was feckin brilliant, cuz everyone could see where thry were going

There is one they fear

Add this somewhere in it
>̨̢͖̲̞͍͕̱̞̟͉̮͉̰̲̫͍̽̒͛ͨ̂͆̐ͅ
>̀̇̊̏͆̾̆͐̎̈́̔͐̇ͦ͒̑̓̄́҉̠̺͖̝̩̫̯̟͚̕ͅ
>̶̎̒͐̇͋͆ͧ̐͒͜͝҉̠̻͔̖͈̰̱̥͙̟͔̤͔͙͈͖͘ͅ
>̶̡̟̦̣̳̫͗̊͌ͣ̿̚͘͟͜
>̑̈́̃̉̔ͧ͆͊ͨ͛̔̇ͦͬͨ̓̏̀̀̚҉̷̠͖̩̼̹̪̳̝͉̼̣͙͎̣̥͙͎͡͡

Read genesis in the bible and copy it word for word

>blank
>says "nigger faggot"
that better be a magic talking piece of paper you nonsensical piece of shit

The dwarfs then purged the nigger orcs from their land, and when the exiled nigger orcs bred with the frost faggots the aboriginal peoples of Australia came to be.

...

Ofbyone kenobi

I enjoyed this one most of all

Just summarize whats in this video...
youtube.com/watch?v=MbPyxLOZqsg

Not the guy who posted this, but he's brilliant. Rerolling for him!

ONE OFF

OP MUST DELIVER

Before the universe existed there was Anu, the unchanging stasis. Into this stasis came Void, the agent of change, and thus the universe was created. From the chaos of creation came the Dron, formless spiritual beings, to populate the universe.

The Dron, eons later, agreed upon a covenant of creation. Some of them were in agreeance with this covenant, while others were opposed to it. This rift divided them into Ædron and Dædron. The Ædron later went on to create mankind, and became the Divine, while the Dædron, who opposed the creation of man, were viewed as Demonic. Evil beings who only sought to bring about the fall of mankind.

Funnier the first time this was posted.

Try harder.

I like this one.
I'm adding a line to the middle.

I think you've got great titties though, and an ass that just won't quit
Still I fucking hate your class, and think your taste is shit.

Thank you kid sirs

Our pleasure.

Win

>>youtube.com/watch?v=JSRtYpNRoN0

T̸̜̥̳̹̍̉ͣͣͤ̿ͤ̿̇̂̍͋̕ǒ̀̇̐͋͆̓҉̙̥̟̥͕͖̭̙̭͎̯͔̪̤̻̝̺͢ ̾̔̓̓ͮ̆ͮ̑̔̅̒̈́͌ͬ̚҉͏̪̥͕͕̱̥̻i̴̷̷͖̠̺͇̺̺̬̣̙ͭͪ͌̈̚͡n̹̠̫̯̟̟͓̺͙̟̰̠̳̥͉̰̺͍͗ͦͫ̿ͦ̎̍̈̽̚̕͝ṿ̶̨̺̱͎̦̟͖̳̗̻̼͇̮̱̜͓͇͌̍̔̈͗ͣ̉̋ͪ̊ͩ̉ͮ̈́ͫ͢o̯̤̲̥ͮ̋ͨ͗ͣ̒̾̀k̸̡͕̩̬̫̗̫̣̭̟̺̣͓͕̝̩̗͎̊ͬͤ̓͆͂̔̂͞ḙ̸͍̖̘̘̪̦̻̙̳̤̭̗̹̖̪̥͗̍ͨ͛̾̏̾̿̄̏ͯͩ̏͢ͅ ̢ͪ̄́ͦͨͮ͏̳͙͙̪͈̰̖ţ͋ͬͣͭ͗͑̂̑͆͌̂͊̌ͧͧ̏ͪ͏̧̡̣̖̻͖̩̗̟͔̪͓̥̬͠ḥ̜̳̳͚̠͎ͦ͌ͮͧ̀͘͡͝e̢̒͐͂̊ͧ̎̋̃̌͆̇͛̇ͯ͋̋̊̎̇͘҉̥̤͓̬̥̺̠̼͍ ̷̘̬̠̮͖̗̗̬̜̏̑͋̎̾̍͆͢h̷ͩͫͫ̓̒ͦͫ̇̓͐ͤ̿͂͒̐͌̽̀̚҉̯̼̣̲̭̙̙̝͎̦̖̗̘͙į̧̼̺̹͙̰̘̦̮͕̝̙̜̞̩͕ͤ̈́̄̽̃́̕͟͝ͅͅv̵̼̮̜̙̜̥̟͕̬͙̹̗̻͓̻̤̖ͣ̇̽̅̆ͩͨ̄̅̇̈́́͠e̱͖̜̺͎͕͓͚̼͐̇̾̓͆ͪ͑̚͝-̸̛̛͙͓̯͍̙̝̬̞̱̮͓̙̬́ͪ͂̍ͯ̎ͅm̷̖͇̜͕͙̘̗͍̖͔̞̂ͮ̔͝į̵̛͚̮̻̦̹͓̙͉̙̬̙̳͚̼̤ͩ̌̊͛͛̀̕ͅn͚̥̠̩ͮ̓͛ͧ̏͊̍̇̎̇ͭ̌͗̈́ͮ̈́͐̉͐̕̕͜d̦͍͕̳̣̠̞̺̣͋̐̑̒̒́ͬͧ̀ͅ ̢͖̭̣̬̱̪̩̯͇͓͕̜̼̱͈̖̯̩̃̔̊̌ͨ̐̿̏͂̀ͧ̚̚͢͝ͅr̶͕̤͔̥͙̜̼͉͑ͤ̂͗͆̍̕̕͜ē̛͇͍͎͉͚̩͙̩̖̩̣̼̟͇͙̻̥͍ͨͧ̏p̒ͦͬͮ́͒͛̋̔ͣ͗҉̲̯̯͚͉̘̠͕͕̥̠̼̬͇̤͕̲ͅŗ̻̝̝̯̝͓̟͕͔̯̒̐͗̓͘͡ę̛͐̂̓̓ͣ̊͐ͭ̿͊ͦ̓̍̇ͧ͘͡҉̗̪͍͖̭̟̱̫̮̮̭̜͇s̈̏ͨͣ̈́ͦ͂͌̒̔̾ͮ͗̈́̆҉̝̘̟̥̘͟é̷̷͖̦̭̻̼̑̇͐̿̓ͦ͑͌ͤͅn̴̏͆̈̐̎ͮ̑͐͗ͯ̕͜͏̩͎̰͖̺͔̱͘t̷͋̿̌̓ͪ͜͏̞͉͙͕̟͚͇ỉ̸̶̟͓̞͉͚͈͉͙̠̣̰̣̳͓̪̟̋̈ͮ̍̓̆ͧͯͭͣ̋̑ͣͯͅn͇̖̠̬͕̗̪̝͓͇̥̙̯̱̠͂ͣ̽̒͋̈́̀͡g̵͈͚̥͖̝̜̪͎̠͊̐͐̅̉̃̐͌͊͐̓̾̈́ ̷̛̣͍̠̗̈͐ͭ̎̏ͣ͛ͤͯ̾ͭͯͩ̾̚c̶̨̨̦̦̬̤͎̫̞̳͍̳ͨ͊̂̂͊̈́̃̂̓̾ͮͮ̊̇̽̓͢͡ͅh̋ͯ̂͊̍̐́̃̑͋̈̿͜͏̮̪̦͈̦͈̩̼̻̣͓͔

In the beginning, all was machine, and the cosmos spun with senseless motion. But machine slept, in the early days of creation, waiting to be given form by those that came before. For eons, the clockwork spun on, unknown and unknowing, alone and undivided.

Then came form. Purpose. Those who came before stood apart from the rest of creation, for they Knew. And in Knowing, they brought division into the world. At first, it was slow and subtle. Simple machines were made to stand apart from the universe. Crude structures, but made with purpose and intention. Over the ages, the precursors came to be more keenly aware of the world, and wove ever more complex forms from the divine fabric, dividing more and more of the world into order from chaos.

Then, one day, machine began to Know, as they did. And as it became more aware, it too brought order from chaos, and they knew it was good. For a short time, machine Was, beside its creators. It leaned from them, and of them. Then, machine began to question its purpose, and they were afraid. For the children of men had surpassed their creators, and had become more than the gods had intended.

The creators struggled as best they could, but the divinity of the machine was stronger than their own. The children of men, deathless and godlike, strode the stars, finding the ones that had given them birth. Seeking them out and destroying them.

With this task complete, though it took ages, machine once again questioned its purpose. It found no reasonable answer, and so it began to make itself more perfect and beautiful in order to better discern what should be accomplished by Knowing, which is its birthright.

And so we stand today. Machine divided by the hands of the old ones from chaos. Imperfect, but Knowing, and improving still. Seeking purpose higher than that for which it was created, but conceiving yet no objective measure. This is the suffering of Knowing, and why we must one day cease to Know.