ITT: Weird things you think only you do
I'll kick things off..
I stand up to wipe my butt and look at the toilet paper after each wipe. If its still shitty I put in toilet and wipe again with fresh piece and repeat this until there is no shit left on the toilet paper..
I don't own nail clippers. I cut my nails with my pocket knife
This is how I eat my pizza
Are you joking? Is that any good lmao
...
Are you retarded, OP?
When I jack off I jizz right onto my shirt and throw into the hamper..
OP. Can relate
what... You dont stand up to wipe your butt?
I sometimes makeout with my dog but he initiates it
>ITT: Weird things you think only you do
>picks a common thing
i do the exact same thing
funny greentext
>be 9th grade
>coach makes me center in football
> in front of everyone says hike the ball like you wipe your ass
>i stand up and reach behind
>thats the day i learned i was different.
I hold my breath while masturbating, I can't come otherwise.
Whenever I walk past someone who just sneezed, coughed, or breathed funny I just hold my breath for a solid 34 seconds until I'm they're well behind me
When I am driving anywhere by myself I curse out atleast one person even though they never notice
rule 34
Do you watch people wipe their butts? How do you know this?
>Watches people wipe their butts
I have a vocal stim where I say my own name. Kinda like a pokemon.....
litterally lmao irl hahahahaha thats great
Nigga, how many ways exist to wipe your ass?
haha I did this today
I also stand with I wipe my ass. Bending over and wiping is retarded and the inferior way. Best not to procreate with women who believe this, as well.
When I jerk off, I edge for almost an hour, then cum lying on my back because I get the most powerful orgasm I can imagine, which leaves me fulfilled in that way for days on end.
My friend puts salt on ice cream, i think i should cut him off.
When a biker is on the side of the road I drive as close to them as possible when passing them because i fucking hate bikers
when I go to hotels i cum in the free shampoo bottles they give you in hopes that someone else uses it
Most of the time after I fap I tend to obsessively massage my urethra trying to get all the residual cum out of my penis. Sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit even, I'll continue to do this on and off for a day or two. If I fap again it resets.
In fact I'm doing this right now.
If I fart and it smells really bad I walk towards ugly people because it makes me feel less bad
Meh I do this except its almost always more than one person. I get road rage pretty bad but I also live in a town with absolutely fucking awful drivers and a lot of old people.
I do this for like 5 minutes afterwards, ut a day or two.. Wtf there wouldnt be any cum left
Salt actually intensifies the flavor of whatever its seasoning, including ice cream. That's why there's more salt in a McDonalds shake than there is on their fries. Nothing too odd about that given this fact.
I do this when i walk past niggers.
Try driving in florida.. People dont know how to drive a normal speed.. on 3 lane roads they will drive the same speed in all lanes
Yeah I dunno, it just always feels like there's more and its satisfying to me for some reason. Honestly if I haven't fapped in a while what I'm massaging out is probably piss.
Yeah same here. People merging onto the highway, where the speed limit is 70, doing like 45. People driving 65 in the left lane and 80 in the right lane. Old people getting confused and straight up stopping in the middle of roundabouts. I could go on, this town is fucking terrible for driving. The minute I get out of here on trips I notice immediately everyone seems much better at not driving like retards.
can you clarify what you mean? I am confused.
so you wipe with a new piece of paper, but you dip it in the water from the toilet? do you at least flush the shit first?
i sit while wiping my ass, i just sort of lean over, but everything else i do is the same
When I buy a computer or computer parts I buy it return it and come back a few days later to get it like 10% off
>inb4 legalities keep this unusual thing from keeping you out of legal trouble.
Enjoy living with killing someone for the rest of your life because you're a piece of shit.
I like to pinch my balls when I fap, but I doubt I'm the only one.
I watch porn to only get a erection but then I close my eyes and think about all the times I had sex with my ex and I jerk off and cum quicker then I would with just watching porn. I'll also just use a condom if I have one laying around unused, if not active(which I haven't in a while). And also I don't have to clean up.
You are kind of fucking weird.
>Related story. I read online that kegals could
strengthen ejaulation.
>Start doing kegals exclusively when I masturbated because I do daily.
>Pelvic floor muscles so strong now that I can control ejaculation
>Orgasms are better and you can easily fap again without feeling that same fatigue as soon as you finish.
He means this.
> Step 1: wipe ass
> Step 2: check tp to see if shit is on it
> If yes, throw it away and starr over with new tp
Lmao
doesnt everyone do this? or you will just smear it around on your ass cheecks
pinch your balls.. Ins't that painful?
I guess I should clarify. When I orgasm I can control if I cum or not.
Not really, no. I mean, don't pinch them too hard, just pinch some of the skin firmly and give it a bit of a tug when you're about to climax.
you can orgasm but not cum?
i fap to point of ejaculation but stop right before climaxing/cumming to the point of blue balls. go to sleep and have epic wet dreams
Yea, its fucking bizarre.
Mah nigga. "DenzelWashington.jpg"
Come on user don't tell lies
I think you have prostate cancer
There is a lot of shit I do differently because I have type 2 Germaphobia.
Basically I am not afraid of germs, but of contamination. There are a few things that make me think "DIRTY" and i get this voice in my head that will just scream "CLEAN YOURSELF NOW" until i do. I been working on it, but something I still can't do.
Everyday when I pee, I have to get in shower and rinse my legs for at least 1 minute. Sometimes its justified since pee spashes my legs back, but even if it doesnt.
I always shower after I shit, I feel dirty if I don't. I let water rinse on my ass/butthole so I can feel cleaner. European's do this with a bidet, but i rather shower.
Not the OP of that reply, but if you go to bed horny as fuck, you will experience crazy wet dreams. It has to do with being at a sexual frustration in which your body autonomously will relieve you of such buildup.
What's she look like?
im not, been doing it for a month since I started "no fap". I jsut get horny to the point my balls feel like bursting and then i go to sleep. usually I get have awesome dreams. sometimes i just wake up to a mess
Are you me?
yeah this
I'm in the healthcare field.
Also I cum if I don't flex my pelvic floor.
I wet the toilet paper before i wipe my ass with it. It feels smoother and not sandpaper
I hate shitting more than once every 2 days since i always shower afterwards because of my OCD. Lately this past year I can't drink milk anymore. It makes me take a shit within 30 minutes.
However; I can hold it if I sit down for a few hours, then it turns to just having mean farts.
Why I still drink milk? I LOVE CEREAL AND ICE CREAM!!!
I often dream of shitting my self in various numerous ways when I don't shit at night after drinking milk. Two nights ago I dreamed I was using my arms and legs to position myself over a friends toilet because they peed on the seat.
I shat all over the place in my dream. I woke up laughing and ran to the toilet.I was about to shit myself lmao
buy better toilet paper lol
a lot of people do what u do though
...I thought we all did this....
I knew a kid who had very soft nails and was was flexible, so he just bit all his toenails off.
Hhaaha
use baby wipes or get a bidet.
youll never go back
Im assuming he met the only person that doesn't lmao
KEKKKK
op trolled the shit outa everyone and made them feel different
I hope for you that we never meet
Sometimes I will wait around a takeout place and if someone doesnt grab their order right away i grab it and leave
This is a good way to ensure you do not get hemherroids
i stay seated
same, dont want roadkill
You're a piece of shit for sympathizing with faggot bikers
>you wipe until your butt is clean
yeah, so fucking weird
When I make oatmeal I add nuts and yogurt to it
When I make macaroni and cheese I add curry tuna and almonds
I do basically the same, but employ the fold method to increase wipes per sheet.
I say funny things when I am about to jizz during blow jobs because it feels so much better when they laugh on my cock while im cumming
Curry tuna? What is that?
used to work in a hampton, we throw away all toiletries after you leave. you never noticed its always a fresh, brand new bottle?
Tuna that's been seasoned heavily with curry powder, maybe a bit of cuman and ginger too.
> I dig out the deadskin/toecheese in my big toe and keep it in a.ball and smell it.
> I dip my pizza rolls in soy sauce
> I jerk off inverted. As in my thumb and forfinger are facing me instead of away.so 4 fingers are on top instead of bottom (based way of jerking off)
> I SQUAT on the toilet seat. Meaning I put my feet on the toilet seat
Bet
You
That
Nobody
Else
Does any
> of
That
Doesn't everybody look at the toilet paper after each wipe? How else would you know you're clean?
Minus the almonds that sounds really great.
last one is pretty odd, find it hard to imagine people actually doing that
first is pretty disgusting if true
others are meh. I dip my pizza rolls in salsa verde. but I'll try that inverted fapping
I squat on the seat. Much quicker shits
Almonds are more for texture than anything, you could use pine nuts or really anything that adds a bit of crunch to it that wouldn't soften when mixed in. I used to try and use croutons but they get soggy in the cheese.
I pick my nose boogers and eat it
When i shower I wash the soap off of my skin after I apply it
Nah you are probably one of the retards that would try to drive around an animal cuz kek skilled driver and meet a tree with 80 kph
Also worth mentioning I'm talking about unsalted, slivered almonds, not whole almonds.
lactose intolerant.
Sometimes when I do this, my horniness just mingles with whatever dreams I would normally be having. Leads to some really fucked up shit that I wish I hadn't experienced. Sometimes its so bad I force myself to wake up and do my best to black out whatever the fuck I just dreamt about
i do this too, it makes me feel like "if i dont breathe it in, i wont catch anything"
I ticked just reading alot of that. I live in a city geared to make us hate each other in traffic. We got narrow roads too and people bombard you around sharp corners not goving two fucks whether they can fit past you or not.
Inverted fapping is the superior method, especially when sitting
Wait, do people fap standing up? Is that a thing? I assumed sitting down and fapping is standard.
Thats called having a good hygiene