I'm going to jail soon Sup Forums. I have to surrender myself on the 28th. Any advice?

I'm going to jail soon Sup Forums. I have to surrender myself on the 28th. Any advice?

under what charges.

Animal abuse, trespassing, illegal possession of a firearm.

Keep your mouth shut, do what the detention officers tell you and don't make eye contact.

jail is just boring. I've never seen shit ever kick off besides an arguement or 2

then good. you might as well molest children.

How long?

run OP, run to mexico and eventually french polynesia, any life is better than prison

4 years.

I'm considering it. I'm not American though.

Move to Thailand and fuck ladyboys

stuff as much drugs in your ass as you can

Decide whether you're going to be a top or bottom.

I suggest bottom.

>Animal abuse
get raped fucka

Well, sucks to be you.

Remember, it's not rape if you consent.

That animal deserved it

>Animal abuse
If the others find out thats what your in for your going to have a bad time

Alright, several tips. First off don't trust prison food that stuff is poison and it could probably turn the frogs gay, stick with vending machine shit, you can get ramen and stuff and you will have access to a microwave. Second off figure out something you are good at, I'd recommend tattooing if you are a decent artist that way people won't fuck with you since people want tattoos. Third off, don't act the fool, keep your head low. Don't go in there like you own people go in humble but don't let people walk over you, that gains respect and people probably won't fuck with you over it. If you have good behavior and work hard they will let you buy a tv, and other stuff, for your room, but remember, there are certain TV shows that you can never watch in jail, can't remember most of em but anything involving children that could be even remotely be seen as creepy is out, stay away from sports mostly, basically anything that has a conflicted review with some people loving and some people hating don't watch cuz people will get angry over that shit. So yeah, those are the big ones. Emphasis on finding something you can do that people want (like tattooing). Well peace.

Remember with tattooing and stuff though, you need to be able to hide it quick. It is against the rules in prison and might get you in trouble if you aren't sneaky about it.

Jail isnt that serious. People just want to do their time and leave. Mind your business and treat people with respect and you'll get it in return. you probably wont have to fight a day in your life if you show youre not afraid to. Just dont be a bitch.

four years for animal abuse, trespassing, and illegal possession of a firearm? what the hell did you do? tell the story

Don't pick up the soap in the shower

This

Then you went to farm to fuck a horse?

pedos and animal abuse drives people up a wall you better learn to fight real quick

I was a crack addict who hunted cats in my neighbourhood for fun. I would snatch them up in back alleys, bring them home, and torture them. The gun was used in case some person in the neighborhood came knocking at my door in case they found out I took their cat.

wow you deserve hell

I hope they fuck you up

Only God can judge me.

When you get out and you have the urge to do drugs again think about jail, that will keep you clean,

Sup Forums full of normal people

Ensure that you prepare your butthole wide enough. Prison sex is the best you will ever have. I recommend gently massaging it now and sticking things like pens or glue sticks in there. Even then, it will not be enough for the beauty that is Tyrone's monster dong. Trust me, you will enjoy it, have fun :)

What did you do? Fuck your neighbor's dog with a sawed off shotgun?

how did you get cought?

See

WTF, are you in the UK or Australia ? I can't think of anywhere else right now...

Keep to the people of your own race, low profile, get someone on the outside to give you money every month in your account (familly member, someone you trust) you can't use your own money inside. Learn how to make a small stove with a tin can if you're allowed lighters inside. Don't gamble, don't do drugs, avoid fights, don't talk about your charges. Focus on something, prepare for the outside, even if it's just to pass time

learn to luv nigger dick

Some guy saw me drowning a cat in my mom's house's backyard at like 2 am and called the cops

Canada

Here's an instruction manual for you.

Kek gg m8. No way your anus isnt theirs once they find out what your in for. You wont come out alive see ya user

OP's a grill?

This changes everything.

OP you should run to Mexico, life is more easy there. Easy bitches and the most fucked up political system ever

Could I just drive?

Fuck off with that shit. Saying God is the only person who can judge you is like saying you are the biggest fucking snowflake ever. Only someone who cannot tell you how much of a massive fucking pussy you are is allowed to call you out on being a massive fucking pussy. You are literal human garbage. Imagine you adopted a kid and raised him for ten years. One day, someone goes out, tortures him and kills him. Doesn't seem all the nice now doesn't it? I hope you get ass raped.

You're an idiot, no one fucking cares about what a junkie did inside unless he raped a kid. No one will even want to hit him if he doesn't deserve it (unless nigger for obvious reasons) because diseases

It was a cat. Grow up.

Child rape and animal abuse are sure fire ways to get shit on. Get out of here faggot.

include me in screencap

Hope you enjoyed it. They find out and your fucked. You best keep to yourself and stay low key, but not weak. Weak = rape and animal abuser = rape. Basically do your time, take any rapings you recieve, get out and stop being a fucktard.

If you're white, join the Aryan Brotherhood or something idk. Just try not to get ass-raped. Godspeed OP.

I have ulcerative colitis so prison authorities are giving me a special cell.

Hahahahahahhahahahaahahahahahahahahagahahahahahahhaha

It's a very painful disease. I suffer a lot.

I was the guy who posted the super long serious response. I withdraw that. Do the exact oposite. I hope someone litterally sticks a shank down your asshole and fuck you with it while twisting violently.

Probably get you ass kicked for being a special fag. That'll help you not stand out.

Well you're a sick fuck, but what else is new on Sup Forums? Get therapy while you're in there and keep your head down. Don't snitch, don't be a bitch, don't piss off the guards/COs, don't try to get involved with any hardliner gangs if you can help it. Find a few people who tolerate you and just hang out with them. Work out whenever you can.

As for skills you may need in there:
Card games; Learn to play Spades and Poker at the very least. Other games like Rummy, Black jack, and 21 are also recommended.

Basic grapples, punches, and blocking; look up some basic martial arts tonight and get some practice in now.

Cooking; look up some prison commisary recipes. Things like cakes made from ramen/oatmeal/candy, burritos, ect.

Other things: Get a full mug of hot water before you lock up for the night if you can. Teas and coffee is better that way and you can also make some late night ramen.

Get a job asap and don't try to smuggle shit until you know what guards pat you down where and even then only sparingly.

Your cellmate can and usually will ask to see your papers which includes what you are in for, not to mention they do get local newspaper in there so if you're in that, they'll find out. Groups WILL do their own kind of background checks on you to figure out if they want you in or around their table.

Try not to get isolated. If you get some friends, stick close to them.

Why would you want that.. what the fuck. I'm not op but that's pretty sick.

Kind of like the cats?

Christ Almighty anons he's going to jail in Canada.
Gonna be a lot of "Excuse me, you 1st & I'm sorry's" not any shiving or drinking pruno.

Worst thing he's gonna face is the ration of maple syrup.

It's just a cat. Move on.

Thank you.

...

Bring lube you fucking piece of shit

Good also im laughing cause you think youll be safe in a personal cell.

Was a correctional officer for a year. Shitty job. Be nice to the COs in there and they should leave you alone. if not, note the dates and times they get out of line and fly a kite (write a grievance). We all make mistakes user and you're more fucked up than most but I've seen worse people get better and better people get worse. Try to get something positive out of this and fix that head of yours.

Op drowns cats. Op digs for sympathy for his painful disease.

Winrar

you will get raped user. also DO YOU realize you deserve it? i hope you do. scum like you should be locked up. im not trying to be edgy.

Stop harming innocent animals unless you intend to eat them faggot

think positive user

+0

It'll have a custom toilet and a double bed and a tv

Exactly this. If you do it right, what you bring in your prison pocket can set you up in general population.

Ok you deserve every day of 4 years for being a piece of shit and breaking rule 0

Include me in screencap, as well. @Skizofren

good riddance, scum. I hope they never let you out.

Someone who kills cats for fun deserve every thing they get. Anyone who disagrees is just trying to be edgy. Have fun in jail, faggot. Rule 0 will always come back to haunt you.

He'll probably be in the medical pod. Those cells are cushy as hell. He might as well be a PC bitch though as far as GP is concerned.

...

All cats deserve to be drowned though

i hope you get treated the same way you treated those animals. you're a piece of shit. 4yrs isn't nearly enough

you piece of shit i love my cats more than humans i hope you fucking die you cunt

>any life is better than prison
I don't think so.
Prison rules!

I wish I got my hands on them too.

Want to hear the details of some of my torturing?

I once cut open the womb of a pregnant cat and smashed the fetuses with a hammer in front of the mother. I then suffocated the cat with a plastic bag.

>inb4 that's illegal!!!!!1!1

Obviously. Why do you think I'm going to jail for 4 years? I confessed all the details of my crimes to the judge.

pics or it didn't happen

This was over a year ago. I was too high to get pics

why are you still on the fucking street in my country they would of kept you locked up until trial

>Your cellmate can and usually will ask to see your papers
let me see your papers - you're too much

kek

I live in Canada.

if this shit is all true karma will come. someone google see if this is bullshit or not

i wish i could personally fuck you up rn. i so really wish to solder your eyes & ears shit so you won't know what i will do. i want to burn your dick off & solder it into your own asshole. i wanna break all your fingers very slowly with a wrench so you can feel every fucking bone break one by one. i want to break all your ribs with a hammer & break your spine with a spade shovel. then i want you to suffocate in gasoline before i set you on fire. yet you still deserve worse

good at least you are 1000s of miles from england.

Too bad you'll never be able to do that, eh champ?

Did the police knew all of your crimes or you just confessed about what you were caught?

i agree this cunt should of been executed hes worthless to mankind

If so, soon an entire prison will be your God.

Go ahead, and fail to make your oblations, and see what happens.

/even the guys who don't like cats will be pissed at you over the torture thing.

//image related, you'll be seeing a lot that kind of thing

>Animal abuse
I hope you get gang raped and get AIDS you worthless piece of shit

how do we know this is true and not some attention seeking fag in his moms basement?

They know of all my crimes. I confessed to all of them. I had no choice since I collected and kept the collars of the cats, which is pretty incriminating.

sadly, cuz i'd more than gladly go to prison after doing that

Do you know what prison?