Does Sup Forums consider Shark Tank kino?

Does Sup Forums consider Shark Tank kino?

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I did before Cuban turned out to be a cuck

>You know Mr. Wilson, some time ago, in the Bronze Age, a tribal people squabbled in filth somewhere around modern day Cambodia and are now fondly referred to as the "Leech Ones" by a small, dedicated sect of historians. While the majority of their existence has been lost to the sandy ruins of time much like my ex-wives, minute traces live on through ancient hieroglyphs and pottery. One such piece sits on my coffee table and is more valuable than the lives of 30 Cambodians - considering that's how many died pulling up the sunken ruins where it lay in the predator-infested swamps of the Tonle Sap-Mekong Peat Forests. Also five mules. Inscribed on this pot is a depiction of the long lost technique of the "Blood Nurture" wherein a mother, already used for the purpose of breeding, fulfills her final, most important job. The land of Cambodia is a harsh mistress and the newborn children had to eat. To ensure the survival of the tribe, the men would fasten makeshift masks of cut stones to the children's faces and attach them to the mother with rope fashioned from the local flora. The young would stay attached to the mother and cut her to bits, feasting on the blood and flesh for sustenance until she keeled over and died days later, afraid, in pain, and betrayed. Now, I look at you, and I see your business, and that pot won't stay out of my head. You're not a shark Mr Wilson. You're not a leech. You're a Cambodian woman being drained of her lifeblood by tiny babies.

>I'm out.

It genuinely disturbed me when he said this.

>trumplets

Yes.

O'Leary is a mega-jew and a piece of shit, but there's something i really like about him. I'd spare him from the gas chambers so i could continue to watch him BTFO retards.

>it's a Robert married his Dancing with the Stars partner and is about to get cucked out of half his money episode

youtube.com/watch?v=VqR-DdmK-ss

>Mike, I'll tell you a little story. I'm a member of a little group called the La Confrérie des Chevaliers du Tastevin. It's a secret society of Burgundy drinkers. Every 90 days somewhere in the world we gather and we drink wines as old as 1902, but, you can't do it unless your wearing your Tastevin which is a tasting cup made of pure silver. If the cup is dirty your rejected from the meeting no matter where its held whether it be Paris. Could be Rome. You can't get in. I keep telling my wife that you've got to polish my Tastevin and she says polish your own Tastevin. I actually think that I can polish my Tastevin with this but having said all of that I'm a buyer of it but as a investor I'm out.

...

Will Bradley Cooper be playing him in the inevitable biopic?

>Before you agree to Barbara and Lori's offer, think about what you're about to do. You really want to find yourself on the other end of the phone to an angry Barbara or Lori after their emasculated husbands finally decided to stand up for themselves the night before? You don't let emotions make financial decisions, and I don't and that's what has kept me true as a great investor. Barbara's net worth is $40,000,000. Lori is usually worth around $50,000,000, give or take how many of Barbara's classmates she scams on QVC that day. MY point is this. If I wake up tomorrow morning and see double of their combined net worth on my bank statement, I'm putting a gun in my mouth. Personally, I don't care what happens to you, I care about what happens to your money. If you go with these two, your returns are going to be shorter than Barbara's awful haircut.

no

Dragon's Den is though

>Eight hundred and forty miles off the eastern coast of India, in the Bay of Bengal, there is a chain of islands known as the Andaman Islands. One particular island stands out from the rest. That island is known as North Sentinel Island. On this island lives a group of indigenous people, the Sentinelese. The Sentinelese have rejected any contact with other people, and are among the last people to remain virtually untouched by modern civilization. Ten years ago, two fishermen were killed by the Sentinelese when their boat simply drifted near the island. Why am I going off on a tangent about the only known Paleolithic civilization to still exist in the known universe? Because I am the Sentinelese. I am the only one of my kind who stills exist in the business world. Nowadays everyone wants to be liked. The only reason a business exists is to make money. I'm okay with that. If I want a friend, I'll buy a dog. Because of this mindset I am free to be ruthless in my approach. I instill fear in anyone who even thinks about approaching what is mine. I want my competitors dead. As a single mother of three whose business relies on you walking out of here with a deal, I believe that you can appreciate working with somebody like that. You have a tremendous amount of energy. You remind me of an artist who needs a producer. Somewhere out there is the right person for you. But it's not me. For that reason, I'm out.

>I'm in and for that reason I'm out

>There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.

>Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make thr right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.

>If I wake up tomorrow morning and see double of their combined net worth on my bank statement, I'm putting a gun in my mouth

Oh god i love o'learyposting

these are great

>I’m going to cut in right now Mr. Wilson, because someone needs to stop this charade you’re calling a pitch. When I was a mere boy my mother came home from one of her many business trips to South Africa. Only this time she had brought with her a gift – an antique, in a sense. “It” was an ancient looking African man she referred to as Po’mamba. He stayed with us for many weeks, keeping me awake at night with strange chanting. I became so frustrated by the never ending stream of nonsensical noise my angry tears began to stain the front of my child-fitted Armani suits. On the fourth week, I came home from school early on account of Butch Charleston ruining my favorite handkerchief at recess. But the noises I heard from my manor were different that day. Peeking in the nearest window, I saw my mother surrounded by dark shapes, Po’mamba’s back against the glass. His chanting drowned out the sounds of my mother as I watched the surging black mass with confusion – until I realized it was a group of men. African men, slamming their cocks into my mother’s every orifice as she begged for more through two throbbing members occupying her mouth. All noise suddenly stopped. Po’mamba stepped forward, ripping off the tattered cloth that covered his crotch. An implausibly large penis flopped down between his legs which he guided into my mother’s bruised womanhood. The other gentlemen continued the chants. After what seemed like hours, Po’mamba released his load which oozed out through the small pockets of empty space between her flesh folds and his cock. A small speck of his thick semen fell from his glands as he exited, landing on the living room’s priceless Isfahan carpet. My day was perfect before your appearance here Mr. Wilson. I had breakfast with Buffet and Trump. I even made sweet love to Barbara on Lincoln’s original bed earlier. Your deal is the nigger semen stain on my priceless rug of a day. And for that reason, I’m out.

holy fuck I'm dying right now
This is literally the show

youtube.com/watch?v=TS07iXIP-2U

>youtube.com/watch?v=TS07iXIP-2U

>Thought the greentext stories were exaggerations
>Watch video

I don't know what to think anymore.

haha fuck

shits been getting stale for some time now
most of the product are trashed
then we have to hear some 15min sob story
just to hear the sharks say no
I've watched every episode and only bought
one product which was a sponge

>Let me re-explain my position in a way in which you'll understand. I have a Honduran housekeeper named Rosa, barely speaks a lick of English. One morning during breakfast Rosa walks into the dining room and hands me a handwritten note in broken English, a note which must have taken her over a hour to piece together. Rosa's only daughter just got engaged and she wanted to know what kind of wine to serve when she and her husband hosted the two families for an engagement party this weekend, within their price range of course. I signal to Rosa to stay here and that I'll be right back. A few minutes later I walk back into the dining room and hand Rosa a bottle of wine. She immediately begins to cry. Why you ask? Often Rosa works in the kitchen and she sees my chef's receipts. I have a bottle of wine with each dinner and Rosa knows that she never brings a bottle to my table that costs less than $10,000. Now Rosa is a proud woman. At first she refused my gift. I communicated to her that I wouldn't accept no for an answer and she finally agreed to accept my gift while at the same time informing me that she will not be accepting a Christmas bonus from me this year. See, Rosa comes from nothing. She and her husband Ernesto raised their four sons and one daughter on the incomes of a housekeeper and day laborer. They refused to take any form of government assistance because they believe that they owe America, not that America owes them. The day after the party, Rosa's daughter came by my home to personally thank me for the bottle of wine. She told me that the bottle was split amongst all of the guests at the party, just enough wine in each glass that each person was able to have a taste following a toast that her father gave in my honor.

>Right now you're probably thinking, "Wow, that's a touching story, but what does this have to do with my presentation?" See, what I never told Rosa was that the bottle of wine I gave her wasn't from my personal wine cellar. Rather, it was a bottle of Two Buck Chuck that I keep in my garage because the acidity cleans the grease right off my hands after I get done working on my 1960 Porsche RS60. How was I able to get away with this? It is because I am perceived as a winner. You are perceived as a loser. For that reason, I'm out.

This one is fucking gold.

...

...

That was beautiful

>
>
>youtube.com/watch?v=TS07iXIP-2U


Oh my fucking god it's actually real. This shit actually happens on this show. I'm getting Hulu for this

*gestures hands*
WE
WUZ
BILLIONAIRES
N
SHIIEEET

I have a job interview at Best Buy tomorrow. Will I look more professional if I hold my hands like this?