I've done a terrible thing, Sup Forums. A few terrible things, actually

I've done a terrible thing, Sup Forums. A few terrible things, actually.
2 weeks ago, I lost the love of my life because of the actions I took. I raped my girlfriend in her sleep. I put my penis in her mouth, and took pictures. I did this 3 times over the course of 3 months. The situation in gray. It started out as "consensual non-consent". It was fun for both of us. One night I came in her mouth during, which I wasn't supposed to do. Kind of forgot. She told me she didn't want to do it anymore after that. A few weeks later and I did it again. She woke up and caught me. She slapped me, and left. She came back that night and punched me in the balls. We tried to continue as normal.
Then I did it again. She woke up, punched me in the face, left, came back a few days later and punched me harder in the balls this time. Again, we tried to continue.
At some point, we tried to do it again, together, with confirmed consent. We had sex while she was sleeping, she woke up during, and we both enjoyed it. That was supposed to be the end of it.
And then I fucking did it again. Without consent this time. And I took pictures. My rationalization for it was that, if I too the pictures, I'd never have to do it to her again. I knew what I was doing, I knew how much it would hurt her, and yet I did it anyway because I couldn't control myself. She found the photos that afternoon. She cried, and left. For the last time.
I confided in a few friends. That was a mistake, as word started to spread around now, and I've lost a few of my closest friends. Some of them are serious SJWs and now I'm afraid for my safety in public because of their connections.
The remorse I feel is unbearable. I'm considering suicide hourly, making plans. I owe too many people too many things. Especially her. I put her through so much, even before this, and even then, she's still offering me a second chance if I show her that I've changed, however long that takes. (1/2)

You. People like you are what Sup Forums needs less of.

Sup Forums represent

(2/2)
I'm struggling to figure out how to redeem myself from this. I know asking Sup Forums probably isn't the best idea, but I honestly don't have anyone. I feel as if my death would be a just apology.
I have a plan to take out a life insurance claim, name her as the beneficiary, and then hire someone to kill me.
Is this right? Do I just suffer for the rest of my life? Is it even worth trying to be a better man?

lol

Dude, you did something she specifically told you not too. You repeatedly did it. You deserve to be left.

Essentially. The cuck/pedo/pervert crusade is unfolding. As we speak.

I know I do.
I just want to make things right.

"because he say he WOULDN'T"

Go to school to learn to be a coroner. Then you can have sex with unmoving, "consensual non-consent," partners as you wish. Just remember to use condoms.

>Is it even worth trying to be a better man?
I, as a fellow penis wielding organism, am telling you: don't rape.
There you have now been taught not to rape. If you find yourself raping, don't take pictures you dipshit.

>Just remember to use condoms
You think viruses continue living off a dead host?

I'm confused, where are the picture of your dick in her mouth?

Right, hey faggot op! Pics or it didn't happen.

For quite a while, yes. Even if they are not actively producing they would go into hibernation until the conditions changes to allow production to continue, kind of like a crackhouse when a swat van drives by.

We will of course need photos of these incidents in order to verify the authenticity of your claims op, after which we can then offer either consolatory support or hatch the ultimate plan for vengance, similar to the plot from the count of monte cristo, after your public life has been annihilated.

Kek. Creeps gonna creep, even on their own GF. You reap what you sow beta boy.

In order to process your request, we'll need to see what exactly you've done to best decide how to help.

If you have pictures of said occurrences, please provide them here, after which we will be in a better position to help however we are able.

Shows a dangerous lack of impulse control, dude, and you're doing a ton of rationalization.

I would definitely go talk to somebody. It doesn't sound like you're beyond help, though, and sticking your dick in your gf's mouth, especially since you were doing that iffy consensual no-consent shit where she was okay with it some times and not others gives you a little wiggle room in my eyes. Like, this just isn't a "Oh, I couldn't live with myself" thing to me. It's a sign of something that could turn INTO a situation like that if gone unchecked.

So just look into it so this doesn't become a pattern of escalate... and change your circle of friends. Really. You're going to want to extricate yourself quietly. You won't live this kind of thing down with SJWs, especially.

I am also confused. Pics, or it didn't happen.

Trips for pics?

missed it by that much

lmfao

Ok, post pics.

>afraid of SJWs
B8

>close friends sjw's
Why the fuck did you go to a sjw about raping your gf. They literally live to be the hero and point out your wrong doings. You're such a fucking idiot.

^^THIS!

hey i never really reply in threads but this one got my attention.

im sorry to hear what you did and of course i don't approve of your actions etc. but basically i don't think you should kill yourself and here's why.

i not gonna lie and tell you about how life is great and worth living and you will be okay after. my main point is that if you regret it so much and your ex meant so much to you, killing yourself would be the worst thing you could do to her. it might be hard to see it, especially if you are depressed and emotionally unstable right now, but by killing yourself you will just make her feel 100x worse, because not only you will have violated her and hurt her directly, but also because she will think of your death as her fault. you will be dead, and she will carry it with her for the rest of her life, the awareness that "it was her fault" (even though she is originally the victim here) (and regardless whether it is her fault or not)
also your family and friends (even if a lot of them left i dont think they would be untouched by your death) would suffer there.

i think what you can do now is think about what you did and instead of getting more and more depressed, try to improve yourself. you do feel guilt and regret, you felt it before, but it wasn't enough to stop you from hurting her again. i know it's hard for you to think logically about the situation, especially when under such stress, but try to move on. you can try talking to your ex, but without actually expecting anything (her coming back yet AGAIN, she won't. if she does, you're dating a stupid girl. would you say she's stupid?). let me just tell you that it will make it harder for you to move on though.

most important thing is that you 1) accept what you have done 2) accept the consequencess that come with it 3) learn from it - about other person and about yourself

maybe you could use a couple more punches to the balls but yeah start with those three

Look, we all do shit that's unforgiveable.

That said, 1) don't do it again, obviously, 2) don't ever talk to her again except MAYBE to apologize in several years after the statute of limitations has worn off, 3) yes, you have to work towards being a better person. That's, like, the whole point of making horrible fucking mistakes, is that you have to actually accept that you did something for which there is no explanation other than that you only thought about yourself.

Now, moving forward, make serious amounts of effort to look at the situation from every angle. Moreover, and this is really the most serious part of this: think in terms of the consequences of the more-than-likely worse case scenario. Note, I didn't say "worst," which would have been her waking up in the middle and breaking your dick and calling the cops right then and there, but the more-than-likely scenario of her finding out (especially if you left physical evidence like pictures, you fucking nimwit, but even without them there's a relatively high likelihood of her finding out).

Ask: What's a bad scenario that can happen here?

If the answer of a not-worst-case scenario is as catastrophic as the answer of any scenario involving rape, robbery, or murder (not to mention myriad others, among them DUI and manslaughter), probably don't fucking do it because, long-term, you're fucking destroying your own life.