/lyrics/

Hello Sup Forums. How would I go about improving my lyrics?

>Did you hear its lies?
>Cut loose, erased all your ties?
>No use when you always believed
>Never saw, could not perceive

>Thought it was one big joke
>Funny things, each time it spoke
>And sure it was, till it came crashing
>Then it finished, with no more laughing

>But did it prick in the back of your head?
>Suspicious words you heard, it said
>Always hoping it were untrue
>With narrow mind and distorted view

>Tried so hard to make it show
>But too obscure for you to know
>Should've read between the lines
>Oblivious to warning signs

>Of something full of endless dreams
>Of rip and pull and broken seams
>Of fractured psyche, that only decayed
>Of nothing but, with pointless charade

>Forever fake with endless duration
>That felt regret on every occasion
>That never learned, or got a grip
>That lived on ice and finally slipped

>With wounds too deep, that never were healed
>Signed a name, folded and then sealed
>And sent away a letter unread
>Of forlorn hope and all of its dread

>Apologized, for all the pretend
>Sincerely yours, the very end
>A solitary, master of fate
>You tried your best, but too little too late

Other urls found in this thread:

vimeo.com/11222889
youtube.com/watch?v=oqtV7570NGY
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Needed lyrics for our new song. Thanks.

So, they're good?

There's many, many ways to approach writing lyrics. They can be very direct or very vague, or not really make sense at all. In some cases they can even be pretty shitty, but if the composition and/or musicianship is good enough, that might matter all that much. Sometimes this can even be beneficial if the style of music is appropriate.

Your lyrics might be a bit direct in their message, so if that's not your thing, you could try approaching it more metaphorically and with more similes -- maybe even the Bob Dylan route where he uses characters to tell a story instead of using himself.

All in all, though, the music is a big player in how well the lyrics work, and these absolutely could work with the right music to go along with it. What genre/style were you thinking of using?

I'm not really sure, I was going to incorporate it into a shitty punk rock song. But I feel like it's probably too complex and not really catchy.

we're a comedy band

You'll give me credit, right?

It's possible. The length and complexity of the song itself can be a factor into how well it matches the lyrics, but also how the lyrics are delivered -- very quickly and maybe even slurred, or slower and more melodic. If you have catchiness in mind, though, maybe trimming them down a bit would be a good idea, and maybe even incorporating a chorus part.

Bear in mind that, for many lyricists, writing the lyrics is actually the last step in making a song. Not everybody has to do this, but knowing the feel of the song can be a big help on how you shape the lyrical content and structure. Try putting them together with the rest of the song and see if they fit, and/or if the stanzas need to be longer or shorter.

Overall, I'd say that you should be thinking about how the song will shape the lyrics, rather than how the lyrics will shape the song.

Why would we? This is an anonymous image board. Those lyrics were written by Anonymous. I am Anonymous. Therefore, I wrote them.

They're very simple. The rhyming structure is
>A
>A
>B
>B
It's quite predictable when you're listening to it or reading it. Also you tend to stick to 1-2 syllable words.
My favourite lyrics come from songs like this:
vimeo.com/11222889
And I always find it inspiring with his use of metaphors and imagery in his language.

These could use work. The main problem here is the structure. You just posted 8 stanzas of AABB, all with the same meter. I think you're approaching lyrics like a poem, and you shouldn't. You should delineate what's 'verse' and what's 'chorus' and then try to make them distinct from each other.

Thanks for the advice guys.

To be honest I did just start writing it as a poem and figured I could try and morph it into lyrics.

>AABB
wew

also the subject matter is super fucking generic. it's almost at a level that I can't even say that it's about anything at all. you can be abstract without being vague and generic

a couple smaller things:
Many cases where adjacent lines in the same stanza have very different syllable counts, but not in any consistent pattern. doing that just means you have to artificially lengthen and shorten certain words to fit the meter, which in English almost always sounds super forced and artificial.

I liked how the entire fifth stanza was a repeated continuation of the last line of the fourth.

Hurt my feelings a little but I do appreciate your honest criticism

Here are some lyrics from an album I'm recording, lemme know what y'all think. I mean I can't really change anything about them since I already have the base of the song recorded, but it's still nice to get some thoughts.

Before the notes are written
to be washed on down the drain
I think of how I'll fit in
with all of the forbidden words to say

and though I've never painted
I know the colors of the trade
making use of all that's there to choose
all the brightly shining hues and shades of grey

And If I had wings, they'd hang up high in the closet
With all the rags that I forget
and even though the table's set, the food all tastes the same

[bridge]

The paper says...
the foggy air is gone
but it won't be long before
the sky is filled with smog
brought on by a wind that carried it
from a town without a song
it's never made a sound
though some will say that they have heard its whispers
but they never last for long
there has to be a way
to end all of their suffering
but the road that leads there's farther than the eye can see
if only we had wings.

I'm generally not as direct as this, and the first couple verses kind of make me cringe with how blatant they are, but I couldn't think of anything better. If I ever start playing live I'll probably never perform this one.

These would be fine if they're under some kind of a heavier abrasive kind of song.

r8

bitch I'm feelin like I gotta nut
bitch imma put it in your butt
bitch I got booty on the brain
bitch, that booty driving me insane
bitch im gonna fuck you in my car
bitch you will not get very far
bitch, can you drive stick shift?
cuz if not u gonna get this dick bitch

what is everyones process?

The common method I see posted around here is
>write down all your feelings and thoughts regarding the topic you want the song to hit on
>retroactively cram these into the song

but I don't know how to pick and choose which ones to go with without making it sound random as fuck.

8.2 bnm

every time i write it makes me wanna kill myself how do i get over this?

I generally don't start with lyrics until I have at least some part of the music down, usually the song's chord progression. Then I'll just sing gibberish over that in order to find a melody I like, and then at that point I'll start writing lyrics just as they come to me. Once I have the base of the song mapped out (in terms of the vocal melody and chord progression) I'll edit the lyrics from there, occasionally over the course of several months. After some time, if I haven't scrapped the song all together, they'll have formed some kind of a sort of coherent idea, and that'll be the song.

Stop writing about wanting to kill yourself.

For a place to rest my head
I'll take what little I can get
As I will for the rest of my life
Or what little of that is left

But do you know what it means to be terrified
I haven't got a clue what I'm gonna do with my life
I am naked and afraid, wasted and broke

I don't want you to judge me
I already hurt myself
I don't want you to touch me
Scared that I'll be bad for your health

I'd really like feedback on this small lyrics I wrote

not bad, kinda reminds me of youtube.com/watch?v=oqtV7570NGY

which may be good or bad

but i dont...

>and then at that point I'll start writing lyrics just as they come to me
fuck, I can't do this whilst making shit coherant and good

>come up with a word or phrase that sounds good when I sing it and sticks in my head, sometimes using other songs for inspiration
>Start with a line or two, then I try to figure out where I'm going with the song
>write the rest around that
>change around the vocal melody so it sounds more like me
>come up with a chorus or multiple hooks that glue everything, this is really fucking hard sometimes
>bring in all the instrumentation and change some things so the stuff I wrote fits better with the music

This is when I start with the lyrics since I like writing down stuff, when I start with the music I do pretty much this

Seriously unremarkable

As for op. This is not gold you've written but see it as a craft and keep writing songs and maybe it'll go somewhere. You've got potential and you seem to try things.

It doesn't need to be coherent or good at first. Just get some placeholder words there that you can further develop. My stuff generally always starts out pretty free association-ey but I think having a general idea of what you want to write about at that stage would work fine too.

I get thrown out of bed
to the statement that i stink.
A reliable sentament.
A testament to the way I think.

I don't wanna leave the house.
I don't wanna make new friends.
I don't have ambition,
just a means to an end.

I don't want you to critisize me,
I already hate myself.
There is nothing more that I can lose,
other than my health.

I don't wanna make money
and I'm failing my degree.
I don't wanna fix myself
but I question why I'm unhappy

Can't you see I'm terrorfied.
I havn't got a clue what I'm doing with my life.
I want to be something good, I want to do something right,
but how can I live when I can barely survive?

Everything's a blur since you left me.

I don't really have a process, sometimes I come up with a neat idea for a track, like a genre style or something and some time later I reuse it with some lyrics that would go along well.

The verses are usually stuff that I feel like I want to say but I change it to use metaphors, if the thing I want to say it's very personal I just detach myself from it making much more ridiculous, like if I want to write a metaphor about weird sex I could write "eating shit", but then I change that with "drinking coffee" to make it more impersonal, or I just switch POV or use imagery.

>terrorfied
no wonder you're failing your degree.

>sentament
>critisize
>terrorfied.

why do these lyric threads always attract pseduo-depressed faggots? write some happy lyrics for a change.

these are all really bad.

Some throwaway shit I wrote

Beautiful lady
Daughter of the sun
Her body's moving
But the feeling's gone

She once was a princess
In a land of dreams
Where gold was leaking
Through its torned seams

Her arms are waving
Her hips are shaking
Her hair fills the room, but
Inside she's breaking

I'm struggling to breathe
As I reach for her hand
But she's lost in a whirlwind
She doesn't command

The pride in her heart
Is a storm like force
She's moving her body
Like a lion roars

Her arms are waving
Her hips are shaking
Her hair fills the room, but
Inside she's breaking

Haven't you heard this one before?
Some person being sad over three fucking chords
I can't believe this is like I didn't try
Repeating synonyms of sadness that have been used too many times

I'm a cliche
I'm a boring cliche
I'm a cliche
I'm a stupid cliche

I'm a cliche
I'm not special

Recycle the subjects until everything sounds the same
Every heartbreak is shitty
Everyone's hometown is lame
Act like my emotions are worth writing songs about
It won't make you any better
Putting words over sounds

I'm a cliche
I'm a boring cliche
I'm a cliche
I'm a stupid cliche

I'm a cliche
I'm not special

>4/4 Adagio.
>Bassy timpani rhythmically plays over staccato string melodies.

Call me Macauly Culkin
Cus I just wanna party (party)
Get up in y'all's pussy's (pussys)
That cocaine make me dizzy (dizzy)

Call me Arthur Skargill
cus I am underground bitch
When I eat the pussy
I'm breathing through my gills (gills)

She blow me like a trumpet
bitch i'm sonny rollins nigga
that bitch know how to pump it
bitch i'm a black eyed pee nigga

Trying to explain the way you are without her
Trying to attain the fame you fill with laughter
Tell me what you want and I just might go after
Every other girl who frames her life in plaster

Why are you the way you are?
You say you find the air just fine
And keep all of your feelings in mind
But you leave me ending up too far
Behind that door is nothing more
Than a feeling you thought passed in time
And left you feeling just as blind
As everyone who speaks their mind
But can't find the time to listen in line
And fails every time by design
But keeps each scar in a memoir
Why are you the way you are?

reading about the different processes people go through has me really down, I can't do this shit

it's simple
You find the topic of the song
I dont' care how, throw a dart at a dart board for all it matters
then you basically jot down all your thoughts and feelings regarding that topic
then you get a list of synonyms and such for words used also
then you pick and choose which to put into the melody

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SOCIETYS LIES

The lyrics are good, but it sounds like it needs slow, sad music. It could also be good rap lyrics too

You're a horrible person if you think that

>posting lyrics on Sup Forums
>not expecting them to get stolen

why would you care if someone "stole" your lyrics? don't post them on here then.

>anyone here thinking their lyrics are theft worthy
kek

Pretty new to lyric writing. Just kinda had a burst of inspiration. So here it goes:

>Just for a day, Friday night to Sunday morning
>Sunlight creeps into your bedroom. It falls on my face.
>And you, you are still sleeping. A warm friendly face.
>I have nothing to give. For it is already given.
>And I must stay true. But for a day, I belong to you.

Was inspired by Slowdive if that was not apparent.

you would say the same about anything that was actually "theft worthy" before it became so

We're growing apart,
you blame my laziness
I blame cupid
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE
IS FUCKING STUPID
AND I HATE YOU

>if /r9k/ wrote lyrics

I find those pretty funny,you could really expand upon them to make something longer and rework them a bit to have a more melodic song.
Then again, perhaps a short song fits better the tone of your lyrics. Anyway, cool idea man.

Funny, good job

8.2 bnm

Indoctrinated into a tribe of the musically unkind,
where the pretense of a scene can overrule a fragile mind
until a boxticking system closes doors to outside.
I mean you’ll look pretty cool but a part of you will die,
and when I say you look cool I mean only to your friends
the general opinion is you act like a bellend.
Your arrogance is based on a personal preference
and that preference is based on your scenes consensus.

Masses with the live for the weekend mentality,
caught up with the illusion of indiduality.
Care not for your clubnights the fake alternative,
you’re just another group of youths going out and getting pissed.
I am the guy stood against the wall at the club
watching dollies and peacocks dance and get drunk,
and when the chorus kicks in they all sing along
and I watch their mouths fade away while they all get the verses wrong.

I’m not saying I’m any better
I fall for the same traps as well.
But at least I can admit it,
at least I can admit that I’m boring as hell.

are mine ok? they're just small segments. these are my favourites.
-
the little mute god sees the grief,
hears clearly the thrashing and the silences.
crouching, he smiles and cracks an atom in his palm
-
a string of tones i arranged
like black and lustreless beads on a rosary
in my sleep i see you hunched over away from me
scrubbing the muscles and flesh away from your wrists
-
through the small grimed window a fire sweeps and heaves
beneath and through the scrub.
i think i see my family standing motionless facing away from me
the fire hasnt left them untouched
it whips through their turned forms spinning around their legs
it sounds like a scream against their skin

My ineptitude with lyrics is making so frustrated recently I can't even begin to describe how it makes me feel. I hope I can get over this lump soon, or work out some sort of technique for this cus otherwise I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

my technique is to half listen to music and then if you hear something that is poignant or of value, it's usually misheard and not wat the actual lyrics are. then you steal that little chunk that your brain has cowritten and elaborate.

This is pretty good, desu.

my personal process in improving lyrics is literally rewriting.

find new ways to phrase your words to paint the picture you're trying to paint. Sometimes it takes more words, but most of the time it's less.

Assigning the syllables to numeric patterns works great to. A good example of this would be You are Not Alone by Micheal Jackson, which has 6 for each line in the verses:
An-oth-er day is gone (6)
I'm still all a-alo-(voiced n "nuh") (6)

so on and so on. and diff ones for diff sections.

Hopes this helps!

it doesn't ;_;

If you can't write better lyrics than this, you may have much bigger problems than not knowing how to write a song.

Good guy OP

Best so far

I read all lyrics posted to Sup Forums in a whiny pop-punk voice

Only lyrics so far that don't make me wanna barf good job OP

Would work better if the entire song weren't about being a cliche. Try to explain the kind of things you really want to say and THEN take away from it by calling it a cliche

Sickeningly unoriginal better luck next time

Crywank, is that you?
These are pretty solid, but remember that lyrics aren't 100 of what matters for vocalists. The right emotional expression is important too

This is from last night

I see life the same as everybody else
As for my ears theyre much finer tuned
The signal interrupts my broadcast
Delivers light in the guise of darkness
Like swollen skies give birth to harvest
Negative energy is just too hard to harness
Loosely associated words arent entirely honest
Read a story to me please
When i cant drink myself to sleep
The lovely heart chips its concrete
Finish the story and hit delete

ok