Whats the biggest lie you've ever gotten away with Sup Forums

Whats the biggest lie you've ever gotten away with Sup Forums
>be me, collegefag
>be 7 weeks ago
>friend asks me to watch their fish over the summer cause im a local
>offers to pay
>fuckit whynot
>fish is black with red spots around its fins
>fast forward two weeks
>accidentally kill fish
>freak out, decide to lie my ass off
>figure i'll find a fish that looks similar before they get back
>fast forward to yesterday
>5 weeks and closest i can find is black but its fins are completely red
>no way it will pass for the first fish
>freak out a little bit
>decide to say i almost killed the fish but it didnt die and its scales changed colors
>offer to forego payment cause i "kinda fucked up"
>turns out "there supposed to turn red over time"
>mfw the new fish fit the lie perfectly
>mfw they still paid me

wife accused me of cheating, which I was very much guilty of. She even knew the girl's first name. I still talked my way out of it.

Avoided getting beat up by a dozen of angry nationalist skinheads by pretending to be even more of a far right nutjob than they were
When they asked me if I was a nazi I proceeded to get angry, tell them that calling me a nazi was almost as bad as calling me a kike, that the krauts messed everything up and started spouting all the craziest black sun, evola, white power cult, white genocide conspiracy stuff i learned from Sup Forums and /x/
Actually managed to confuse them enough that I could get away
On my way out, turned around, did a roman salute and shouted "VIRTUS ET HONOR ! RACE WAR NOW"
Then went home, smoked a doobie and listened to Black Sabbath Volume 4

This post is a work of art.

>Be me
>Need someone to watch over my pet during summer
>Get nerdy friend to do it for small sum of money
>Return home over a month and friend is there sweating
>I guess he done fucked up
>Voice cracking he tells about accident that almost killed my pet
>Tells he suddenly doesn't want the money
>Observe the creature, it has lost some of its distinct colors
>Lie him that it is suppoused to happen over time
>Friend goes home visibly releafed with his petty money
>I can imagine him grinning all the way his home

Oh well, at least I have a new pet fish.

Sister asked me if I had ever tried dressing in womens clothes.
I said that it sounded disgusting and perverted.

>Two months previously I had spent a week getting fucked in the ass by my best friend, on her bed, in her favourite clubbing dress.

I did a white lie where I made a gf think I was creeping on her daughter.
>Be close friends with benefits with 40 year old chick
>She has 20 year old daughter
>Am in the middle myself
>Shes been half living with me lately, but I really never wanted to take it further.
>Got some plans up ahead that mean I can't commit to that anyway
>She starts falling in love with me
>Gets me situations like Her: "I love you." Me: "... I know.."
>Can't help it but warning her about it is getting to the point of her telling me to stop warning her about it.
>Time comes, I gotta bail for now
>Think about the ways this relationship could end and how it'd affect her
>Straight up breaking away would probably hurt more and make her more insecure
>Decide to give her a reason to reject -me- and feel good about ending it
>Cautiously flirt with her daughter when we're alone one morning. Nothing direct, "I'm playing it safe."
>Mother/daughter living together, anything you tell one the other one hears within 6 hours
>She gets pissed at me for being a perv and "thinking I could do that behind her back"
>Dumps me. Feels brief hate instead of long pain.

>tfw she's fingerblasting herself to webcam footage of her sissy bro getting pounded in the ass

lol nah we were really careful. Put everything back. cleaned the sheets. Gotta admit though - i was worried she had found something. Her dress was probably stretched.

>worried
or aroused?

You should just walk up to her and whip it out. I give it a 50/50 shot of her just wordlessly swallowing it down.

nah - shes totally straight edge, and so am I, as far as she knows. I've had girlfriends.

>and so am I, as far as she knows

> shes totally straight edge,
As far as you know.
She's a (teenaged?) girl. I don't really need to add anything else tbh.
Suppressing shit is just going to make it way more fucked up. Like with some people it leads to them putting on a dress and getting fucked on their sister's bed by some dude off craigslist.

Kek

>some dude off craigslist.
nope - known him 10 years

youre just envious.

Kek

Hated my last job so much I told them a family member died to get a free week off. Squinted my eyes, made my lip tremble and even voice crack a bit.

Left that job now. Couldn't be happier to be gone. Still gave them 2 weeks and all, no big middle finger and I still have a solid reference.

Started a $25k job after lying in the interview.
Realised I had no idea wtf I was doing within a week.
Told the company I had to go off sick because I was I had started suffering from a chronic illness.
They said that they had to have someone in the position so they had to lay me off.
They decided to pay me the remainder of my months wages as a golden goodbye.

>Got $2000 for working for 5 days.

>be me
>femanon
>like 9 or something
>just learned about the sex
>Little mind corrupted from some bdsm shit cause my parents never checked what i did online
>Decide for whatever reason to grab my barbies and have them sexually abuse each other or something idk I was weird from the start
>Strip them naked then tie their hands and feet with hair ties
>Have one beat the others and toss them around and shit
>later my grandma's cleaned my room and found them on the floor because I didn't bother to cover my tracks
>"What's this? Were you beating them while they were naked or something?"
>I internally freak out because that was exactly what i was doing
>Stay calm
>"What? No! They're naked cause they're on the beach!"
>"Why are their wrists and ankles tied?"
>"Those are just bracelets"
>"Really? Ok. I got scared there for a second"
>mfw I'm a literal genius
There was no way she could've found out what I was doing anyway, I would've heard her come into my room when I was doing it so I'm positive she didn't know. It's too funny to haunt me but I had always been fucked up.

Sounds like bullshit.

Also, tits or gtfo

That i didnt use to prostitute myself when i was 17. my mother wouldnt bring home food and i had to feed my Family. Stopped when i got 18

Whatever man, I was just trying to share a story. Whether you believe it or not's up to you. I was worried it'd sound like bullshit, but it was so long ago that I can't remember the exact details.

Also, no.

Mom caught me watching porn when i was 14, I told her it was a dating website and I was lonely

Tfw no face

What do you look like? How many guys have you slept with?

>was in a college German class
>just some shitty community college
>already had 4 years of learning German in high school
>never do any of the homework, but ace everything else
>end of semester and instructor asks me why I don't do any homework and that I probably won't pass if I don't make it up
>all of the homework is online
>tell him I don't have internet at home or any way of accessing it, when I most certainly do at home, but the college had computers everywhere available at all times
>"well you seem to at least know what you're doing, I wouldn't feel right failing you"
>easiest A of my life
>eks dee

I look like nicholas cage with a vagina and I have slept with all of my cousins
Why?

>slept with all of my cousins

Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old time's there are not forgotten!
Look away, look away, look away,
Oh, Dixieland!