I just took the biggest fucking shit of my life and i have to tell somebody, hear my tale user
>Be sitting in class listening to a business ethics lecture
>sipping on a jumbo sized energy drink
>Tired as shit, got fucked up the night before and ate literally 6 bags of beef jerky from the dorm vending machine
>literally went back and forth between the vending machine 6 separate times because i was too fucked up to think logically and buy multiple bags in one go
>fast foward to today, not 20 minutes ago im sitting in class and this shit cocktail of 6 bags of digested beef jerky and energy drinks start to coagulate within me like the tremors before a volcanic eruption
>10 minutes left in class, god help us all
>literally sitting there clenching my insides shut to prevent the shit flood of ass gravy that is about to spew from my aching asshole like a tempestuous stream of chocolaty brown hell fire
>3 minutes left in class, visibly uncomfortable at this point
>wincing in pain, insides feel like I'm being ass raped by a million monster cock niggers at the same time
>Chad next to me notices my writhing anal agony and ask me "broh you okay man?"
>"YEAH JUST HAD A ROUGH NIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN HAHAHAH"
>chad looks at me like im a the biggest mouth breathing mongoloid retard sperg faggot that hes ever seen
>he does not know what i mean
>class finally ends, I shoot out of my chair and race down the auditorium stairs like a mad cunt
>each new step mixes up my insides with increasing intensity and i can feel my asshole about to rocket off like some kind of shit spaceship
>start hobble fast walking once I get to the bottom of the stairs, walk all the way back to my dorm like I'm the hunchback of notre dame with a dragon dildo in my asshole
>our campus is set up as one long ass straight line instead of a more efficient square shaped campus layout
>fucking penguin waddle almost 2 miles all the way back to my dorm
(cont.)
I just took the biggest fucking shit of my life and i have to tell somebody, hear my tale user
bump?
Cont?
Go on user
>dragon dildo
>With each new step I can feel the pressure building up inside of my intestines
>Feels like a million tiny knives stabbing every nerve ending in my lower body, can barely contain the shit tsunami that is about to devastate those around me
>dorm is at the farthest end of campus, fucking KILL ME
>FINALLY get back to my room, rush in and throw all of my shit on the floor as I race to the bathroom like im at the shit Olympics track and field meet
>Pull up toilet seat and rip off my pants, already shitting in mid air
>As soon as my ass hits the toilet seat my asshole literally erupts shit everywhere, I transcend beyond reality into a literal human shit-geyser
>I shit out a continuous stream of hard partially digested red meat shit logs for what seems like an eternity
>If anyone was there to see it they would have stopped sending supplies to Houston and Florida and just sent them all to my dorm because I literally just shit up a storm
>Hurricane Shitter is on the horizon, Category FUCKED
>After what feels like 2000 years of pure shit enlightenment I come out of the bathroom feeling like my insides are completely hollow and caved out
>Roommate comes out of room, asks me what happened
>"I just took the biggest shit of my entire life man! It was fucking incredible!"
>Start trying to explain to him the pure magnitude of how earth shaking this shit was but cant put it into words how exactly i felt within that moment
>Get on here and type this out in a manic frenzy
thats my story guys, remember never to eat 6 bags of beef jerky and go to class in the morning without taking a shit first
>moments before this post
gayest fucking story ever
Bravo OP, I've been clogged up for days now, thinking I just need a bit of jerky and soda. Will report back with my own experience. Stay tuned
I'M MOWIN' YARD, RAN'!
That was great. I love pooping. In a world so full of uncertainty, the simplicity of a satisfying poop is one of the good things in life. Have any of you tried pooping and cleaning up after with a bidet? Next level shits I tell you, next level. They're pretty cheap on Amazon (40-60 US if I remember correctly) and easy AF to install. Treat yo' self.
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>dorm is at the farthest end of campus, fucking KILL ME
Why did you go all the way back to your dorm? You should've used a much closer toilet.
This was not the kind of shit you take in a public place my friend. If anyone would have heard the utter chaos that was my shit I would have been thrown in prison for domestic acts of terrorism on US soil
You wouldn't want a shit that big to happen in a public toilet. You have to have a shit hurricane moment to understand what OP means
...
You're too afraid to have terrible diarrhea in a public bathroom
You wasted a great chance to destroy a public utility and stink up an entire lecture hallway
So u in some sort of prison u can't just get up and go the bathroom?
Quality shitpost
Someone should screencap this
pics or gtfo
Put me in the screencap
funniest thing I've read in a while, had me in stitches hahaha 10/10
I read this while shitting and enjoyed it.