ITT: We tell stories of all the stupid shit we've done in our lives. I'll start:

ITT: We tell stories of all the stupid shit we've done in our lives. I'll start:

>Be 14
>Be mid 1990s
>Pretend to be a haxx0r
>Figure out what "email bombing" is
>Find my friend's dad's email address
>Load up emailbomber.exe and send him several thousand emails in a matter of ~30 seconds
>kek to myself
>Two days go by, no word from my friend
>That night I get a knock at the door
>It's my friend and two other "friends"
>He asks me to come outside
>Thisdontsmellright.jpg
>Tell him no, he replies "Okay I'll come in then" and takes a big step inside
>Eyes shooting fire at me
>"Hey man what you doin?"
>Tells me he knows what I did(I kinda did brag about being able to do that previously)
>Tells me his dad's email program at the time could only select one email at a time to delete, AFTER it opens the email(filled with profanity, obviously)
>Literally takes him hours to delete them all
>Kek inside my head
>Him and his friends try to flex on me
>My mom comes out of her bedroom and flexes on them threatening to call the cops
>They puss out and leave
>mfw I almost get my ass beat in my own home and my mom saves me

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarten#Canada
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

> be me
> 18 and working shit job, nights at home depot
> on Friday night's would go eat at IHOP for lunch
> sit down and wait for waitress
> waitress is hot as fuck
> takes my order and starts to talk to the only other people eating their
> hear her say that's she fucked every guy that has worked at IHOP
>Me thinks to myself fuck I gotta get a job at IHOP
>after a few seconds notice all three of them looking at me
> mfw I realize I said that out loud

>be me
>7
>at target with family
>leave family for electronics section, play games
>my mom raised us to come when she whistles like birds i shit you not the oldest is almost 30 and we still come to her whistles
>im looking for her whistles
>find a shopping kart abandoned
>start riding it
>old lady turns corner and im going too fast to stop it
>smash into her ribs, she falls back like a doll and slams her head on the tile
>like 9 family members rush in front of her to check on her and stare at me
> "who's kid is that?" "Joe, call security"
>in hindsight i dont remember the old lady getting up, she was probably nearing 80
>hear mom again and i sprint away
>she already paid and i leave
>mfw never caught

Target Eliminated

Moar plox

bumping

>Take a shit on a sidewalk right next to neighbors house
>Blame it on their dog

MY nigga

>be i
>good relationship
>fuck it up
>suffer in my rage and regret

brb whilst i kms

>mfw user killed an old lady when he was 7

>want to prove something to girl i like in elementary school
>tell Highschool kids passing by to punch me in the gut as hard as they can
>they do it and I am in serious pain
>play it off as cool as I can at that age no tears just upset face
>she cheats on me anyway with a bully type kid half my age

yo wtf my grandmother died
story was some kid "crashed a trolley" into her.....

user..... did you fucking kill my grandmother when she was on holiday to burger land ??????

I honestly can't tell if this is real. Either way, the plot is thickening

I watched an orgy when I walked into the wrong house at 13, does that count?

>be me
>be 12 at the time, early 2000s
>mom wants me to clean the edges of the windows out with q-tips
>it’s the worst house chore on the planet but it makes the windows look a hell of a lot better and it’s good punishment (I had bad grades at the time)
>go to get cleaner to dip q-tips in
>we’re all out of the regular cleaning stuff so I look around for household items that clean well
>find vinegar and bleach
>fill bowl with scalding water
>mix in both vinegar and bleach because “combined, they’ll be twice as powerful!”
>finish half the windows, set bowl of homemade cleaning juice on my desk to save it for the next day
>later that day go to bed
>wake up coughing
>ofuckmylungsburn.dat
>mom sees bowl and asks me what’s in it
>mfw I didn’t know that mixing bleach and vinegar makes chlorine gas

Same guy, lost his virginity at 13 because I looked 16

kek

Honestly....


................. im just gonna let it go because my mind is blown right now. Reading OPs story i was thinking holy fuckigng shit this dude is literally describing what happened to my grandmother

I hope so

not OP
this

This was in elementary school?
so you were what, tops 13?
and she cheated on you with someone half your age, so what a fucking 7 year old?

your story smells of bullshit

A few years ago I was refilling my lighter, doing it over the bathroom sink
>spark lighter to see if it works
>lighter was covered in lighter fluid which sets my hand that was also covered in lighter fluid on fire
>drop lighter into sink, which also had lighter fluid in it so that was on fire too
>I'm freaking the fuck out and start punching this towel with my flaming fist on the bathroom door to try and put out the fire
>after a decent 30 seconds realise there's a sink

Pic kinda related

>in the shower
>drop the soap
> le funny meme hehe
>crouch to pick le soap up
>rest hand on metal surface around outside of shower door
>hand slips slightly
>smooth metal edge cuts open thumb
>le pop
>fucking blood squirting out my thumb like a water fountain haha

>13
>in elementary school
You'd have to get held back a whole lot of times to be 13 in elementary school

Oh, an American....

I've got a similar one...
> be like 16
> casually taking a shower
>drop the sponge thing, bend down to pick it up
>forget there's a square tap behind me and slightly lean back when I go to stand back up
>feel a sharp pain running down my back
>turn around and see like a 4 inch line start to turn red
> panic.exe
> blood is literally running down my back and going all over the bath

Oh, are you Australian or European. Oops. What's the average elementary schooler age from where you're from ?

Depends on where you live you idiot. Where I live we only have elementary school, then high school. And then college or university.

Elementary school is JK to grade 8.
High school grade 9 to 12.

I was 13 in grade 8. Do the math.

>also, not American

Get out of your bubble and realize not everybody's school system is the same.

What the fuck is JK

btw great thread. enjoyed contributing and reading all the stories. please continue.

also, surprised there hasn't been one "femanon" complaining about dirty guys. or a gay dude complaining about other dirty dudes they've been with. seems to be all guys talking about dirty girls.

I can go more into details if you guys want me to, but here is the jist of the story.
>be me
>high school
>one kid who was part of the friend group started being a bitch
> started talking shit on us
>we weren't having it
>realizing that he now had no friends or anyone to turn to, we start devising a plan
>blackmail and extort the living fuck out of this kid
>soon he finds out his gf cheated on him
>we take the wound and punch it and soon he stops coming to school
>was nearly committed
no ragrets looking back

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarten#Canada

>Junior Kindergarten

it's for kids before they start grade 1. Optional.

oops wrong thread lol meant for the dirty women story thread

>babysitting girl that suffers seizures
>go to corner store to get chips and soda for gaming with her
>come back and see my brother under a blanket with her on the couch
>he runs off fast af locks himself in Washroom
>ask her wtf happened
>"he said we were going to play a game and kept pulling my pants off"
>don't tell on him
>try to calm her about it so it doesn't ruin her life
>she gets too okay with it
>says she'll only let me do these things from now on
>not my intentions
>go with it anyways
>giving her massage while we play vidya
>start rubbing her bottom as well
>she's okay with it
>breathing is really heavy as I am only massaging her butt now
>slip index finger into her pussy
>wet like water slides but not made for adults to ride
>she asks me to stop
>I said okay and stopped
>we don't talk for years
She was 9 at the time and I've felt like a monster since even tried to kill myself several times
She's 18 now and Im 27 and she's asking to move in with me
I'm going for the bait
Let's hope it's love and not fbi

>Be me
>About 11 years old
>My cousin and uncle are at home
>Think about a not so great idea
>"Hey, what about I go get my friend and have a snack with him?"
>My mom says no, my cousin is here, but I keep telling her that I will go get him
>I go
>Get to his house and clap because there are about 5 meters of distance between the door and the gate
>He appears, tells me to come in
>A few moments pass, everything is okay... For now
>Next thing I know my face gets bitten by his pet, an adult rotweiler
>Half of my face is covered in blood, I can't walk really well because, I don't know, I could not walk, too much crying
>My friend had to take me home, I was holding my bike to help myself walk
>My mom gets scared when she sees my face almost completely covered in blood and with 2 open bite injuries
>She gets some bandaids and covers my face with them, after that she calls my dad
>My dad comes, he's also scared, I get into the car and lie down in the back seat with half of my face covered in bloody bandaids, we go to the hospital
>I have 2 small scars in the left side of my face because of that dog
>My friend told me that they took away the dog because of almost killing me

All I remember

shut the fuck up faggot lmao vinegar and bleach doesn't make chlorine gas maybe you should google shit before making shit up faggot

>be me
>8th grade 2012
>all teacher have the same school mandated laptops
>they just put these laptops in the library to replace the desktops from 1990
>some how fuck up a flash drive
>when ever flash drive is plugged into these laptops Instantly drains the battery
>also takes 5 minutes to recharge before it can be turned on
>see this douche working on his essay in the library
>wait till end of period
>run up "yo peter can I print off this essay its due right after this and I don't have time to login"
>says alright
>plug in flash drive
>kid starts freaking the fuck out
>call librarian to rat on me
>deny deny deny
>librarian says its not my fault doesn't know shit about computers
>MFW this kid didn't save
>MFW this kid had been working for 45 minutes

You're literally wrong though?

>movie comes on
>funky music playing
>title screen
>sluts with nuts
>fade in to ass riding cock
>camera pans up to show user
>user is squealing like filthy weeb fapping to loli porn
>bouncy bouncy for 5 min, various angles
>cock slides out from user's ass
>Cums up user's back
>end credits

it's ammonia and bleach faggot eat shit

Not in the argument but you can google things, you know. "1. Bleach + Vinegar = Toxic Chlorine Gas. While the combination does create a good disinfectant, these two common cleaning agents should never be used at the same time. Why: Adding any weak acid to bleach will release toxic chlorine and chloramine vapors."

You should probably google shit before you sperg faggot

Jesus Christ user

If you didn't get police help the dog will attack somebody else
The police make sure dogs are put to death

...

Lost

>8th grade 2012
Holy shit

That's mustard gas you faggot

lmao look at this uneducated kid thinking he knows what he's talking about. gb2middleschool

Stop trying and start doing, you fucking pedo

>same story
>think about someone touching my butt when I drop the soap
>feel safe in my own shower
>crouch to pick le soap up
>bath tub faucet touches my buttcheeks
>stood the FUCK back up

>middle school dance
>with my friends, we're all beta males
>tell them I'm gonna dance with a girl
>slow song coming on
>see my crush, ask her to dance
>she puts me down gently, says she "doesn't want anyone getting the wrong idea"
>spaghetti falls out of pockets
>pull out the $5 dollar bill I have
>"I'll p-pay you"
>she has pity on me and agrees, doesn't accept my bribe
>idk how to slowdance, put both hands on her hips and then immediately apologize
>I break down halfway through the song, say "I g-gotta go" and run off
>slip on spaghetti on the way out

>be me
>be 14
>jerking off one night
>first time in nearly a week
>launch a torrent of cum out of my dick
>dog is laying a few feet in front of me under the tv
>big glob of jizz lands directly on dog's vagina
>ohfuck.jpg
>dog wakes up
>gives me look of shame
>licks my jizz of it's vagina
>feel great shame
>have nightmares all night that I'm living in a shack in the woods raising a half human half dog family of mongoloids
>can't sell them to the circus because they'll know I jizzed on my dog
>wake up next day soaked in shame/fear sweat
>pretend nothing happened
>never told anyone this

Are you taking a shower backwards?

Prove it then faggot, mix them and inhale the fumes. Tell me how that goes.

Oh christ not this bullshit again.

Some people face the shower head, some face away from it.

Why did that arouse me?

>ok I'm gay

Why would you face away from it? That makes no sense.

It makes no sense to face into it, fucking waterboarding yourself. faceaway, turn to the sides to wash front, continually irrigate ass.

Because you're probably a furfag

That's why you stand UNDERNEATH the water.

Holy shit you are retarded

Archiving this

It has already begun.

So you just don't wash your ass, then?

You guys have made my night with this silliness.

Water goes down the crack, user.

Got a recent one

>sleeping soundly
>woken up my ungodly noises
>hear my dog making pre vomit sounds
>jump out of bed like I'm under fire in Afghanistan
>grab my little dog
>chant to myself "no, no, no, no"
>Sit him out in the hallway to vomit literally anywhere but my room
>damn dog doesn't do anything
>get mad at dog for not fully committing
>mfw im legitimately angry at an animal for not vomiting on my carpet.
>mfw I realize I'm probably gonna do this kinda backwards shit to my future kids.

Kek excellent delivery. God sped user.

>be me 3 years old
>parents just built our house, garden is just mud and a very high (in the eyes of a 3yo) ,,mountain" of soil
>always climb that mountain
> neighbours are bulding houses too (new settlement)
> their kids climb MY fucking mountain
> scream as loud as i can and scare them off.
> stand on top of mountain. i'm the king of this shitpile
> lower pants and piss down in direction of neighbours house.
> suddenly stumbling around with pants down

cont?

cont
> fall down the entire ,mountain',
>somersault many times.
> full of piss, dirt and blood - and of course tears
> mom finds me,
> takes me inside and cheers me up
> puts me under the shower, face to shower head
> ,,this is how to shower, user."

I mean alright cool, but if you never put your back to the water, how does it get to the crack is what I'm sayin

Fucking gold user

...

Kek

...

>did drugs
>skipped school
>hung out with wrong people
>wasted my life instead of going to school and doing not drugs

>be 5
>have bedroom with window overlooking driveway
>dad parks his pontiac bonaville underneath my window
>decide to piss in cup and throw piss out of window onto dad's car
>do this almost everyday for months
>no one ever finds out
>tell my dad a few years ago (I'm now 25)
>tells me I was always fucking odd
>MFW

Don't fuck with drugs.

Yeah, H and crack and all that shit is obvious.

Do not fuck with drugs

I could explain more, but I fear it would cause more damage than harm reduction,

Frankly, I don't give flipping fuck about "hard drugs", just one in particular.

Kekkeroni

user's been around the block

>Be around 11 or 12
>Got one of those pull up bars that you fit in a doorway
>One day I decide to hold the bar and swing back and forth
>lotsafun.webm
>My swinging dislodges the bar from the doorway at the apex of my swing
>My head flies down and slams off of the hardwood floor
> I lay there for 45 minutes holding my head

>be me, university
>get kicked out for bashing a guy in the head with a pool ball
>sent him to the hospital
>mfw he's almost thirty
>mfw I'm nineteen and he tried to fight me

...

Recent one. Got super mad and shit all over my shower. Then had to clean it while wondering WHY I SHAT IN MY OWN SHOWER. Hot water makes it smell SO MUCH WORSE.

ty user

you shat in your shower out of rage? okay

>
Pretty sure I have a hemorrhoid from straining.
I don't recommend trying to shit standing up.
It was more mad, taking a shower, JUST got all soaped up and BLAM the worst bubble guts of my life.

you should make a greentext of it, be super lolz

this story smells like shit

fuck off

or what? are you going to shit in your bed?

>Spent $700 on pc for girlfriend
>wait, she mad no
>fuk
>mad
>fite
>fite
>fite
>fite
>kick door off hinges
>break bong
>FUCK
>More mad
>Break chair
>clean my mess up
>fix door
>take shower
>soap up
>gotta poop
>PUSH WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS
>Shit stank urrwhur
>spend the rest of the hot water cleaning up my mess in shame
>mfw taking cold shower because I'm a dumbass and need to just calm down.
>still mad about the bong tbh

yes

You retarded as fuck. That's some weapons grade autism taking a shower backwards.

Dude, the smell was unreal.

learn how to greentext fagoot

Spinning is the best way

Didn't have to shit until I got in. Generally shit shave THEN shower.

top kek