Tell us something about yourself/ that happened to you that no one would believe

Tell us something about yourself/ that happened to you that no one would believe.

I’m a happy, completely independent, well-adjusted woman in her early 20’s.

I got a fart fetish because my sister "pranked" me by bare ass farting in my face when i was young.
Her friend dared her too, and they both tease me by farting whenever around me. They're unaware of the fetish, they just think it's funny.

I almost got stabbed by a guy in a graveyard who was wearing one shoe and wielding a screwdriver.

Was it the right shoe? Grey mangy hair? That might be Deadbeat Craig.

I met this girl when i was 10, we started fooling around playing doctor, I'll show you mine if you show yours, etc.
She had this birthmark that was shaped like a heart above her vagina. We did this shit for about a year until they moved away.
Fast foward 12 years.
Freshman year of highschool, going to a party. Meet this hot babe, we start joking, start touching, and start kissing. She doesn't want us to exchange names because she doesn't want it to get personal if anything goes wrong.
We go upstairs and start getting undress, i go down on her. That's when i spot the fucking birthmark. I stand back up, look her in the eyes and i say her name. Right away age recognised me, and then we sat there naked for the next hour talking about what we've been up too.
Now, three years after that, we are married with a daughter on the way.

Life finds a way.

I honestly don't recall which shoe was missing, but he was mostly bald. Happened when I was living in Europe.

I read a tutorial to make DMT. I thought it would be bullshit, but now I have DMT.

I just fapped first time in past 14 days

I busted a co-worker balls-deep in a decedent at a funeral home where I worked when I was younger.

>be me 23yo closet masochist
>alone at home, horny af, didn't get my dick wet in months
>watch really hot femdom cbt videos
>hot af, start jacking off
>see a bottle of tabasco on my table, get an idea
>lube up hand with tabasco, start jacking off
>the heat, the tingling
>my dick is rod of molten steel and pain
>cum with the force of thousand suns
>shit hurts af, go to shower
>hot water burns even more
>round 2 commence
>cum even more and more painfully

>what have I become.

Well at least I don't jack off to traps, huh?

I fucked my middle school teacher. Unfortunately they weren't hot so maybe it is believable.

That's what they call the spice ween.

beautiful

idk man, but it feels good af. No kidding, everyone should try it at some point.

>21
>freshman year of highschool
Unless you ment college, then that is fucked and you're lying.

Oh fuck i just realised i put that, yes i ment college.

>22 year old high school freshmen

Living the dream

I was accused of sexually assaulting a 4 year old girl in 2002. I didn't do it, but had to wait a month from accusation to police interview. I spent an hour in the interview room thinking I was going down anyway, but they just told me not to go near the family in case they try to accuse me of something else.

Yes i know i messed up the story, i ment college not highschool.

I was in the school for the entire duration of the Columbine shooting.

I think they're just fucking with you, i belive it man.

PE teacher sucked me off in the 8th grade.

once i was on vacation in vietnam( 5 years ago) and some guy offered me to kill a cow with a rpg for 500 dollar
> well, the cow doesnt exist anymore

My sister likes to tease me because she found out i have a incest fetish. She'd whisper stuff in my ear, moan whenever we're alone, or even go as far as grabbing at her tits and ass when I'm around her.

She's a bitch, but damn i want to fuck her.

pay her back in kind, take a poop on her chest while she's asleep.

show tits.
Also if good looking.
Sex me.

Just rape her. Don't be a pussy.

Did you atleast let him finish?

I knew Britain's worst ever sex trafficker (he lived in a house with a mate of mine).
Didn't know until I saw the TV show they made about him.

Yep. I was dropping off a body and he had no idea I was there (it was a huge funeral home and it was 2:00am). I just finished getting my customer put away and got the fuck out.

I have been blown up 5 times (all from the us military), had acid splashed on my face twice (HF both times), sulfide poisoned 3 times, cyanide poisoned twice (great buzz), shot once (fuck Al Qaeda), fell out of a car twice, fell out of a helicopter once (fuck Al Qaeda), and got stuck by a dirty medical needle once.

Guess my occupation

Damn bro,
Thats a pretty cool story to be honest

I got into a bar fight with two chicks who were obviously tumblr whale cunts, they started screaming at the bartender about something i stepped in to help her (the bartender) out and they started screaming and yelling at me, one grabbed me and tried to push me down. I shoved it back and they started screaming assault and started punching at me so i hit back.

Cops showed up, they reviewed the tape and said i was good to go.

Also no, i don't have the tape because they don't just give it to you because you were in it.

Show scars and injuries, also you're a medic.

This guy was creepy as fuck (even by funeral home standards). I purposely wrapped the body really tightly the afternoon before after the ME was done with her because I was specifically worried about this guy doing something to her. (we were told to not wrap plastic too tightly or tape it up a lot). He got to it anyway.

Just one scar, at work so I won't take a pic of it, not a medic.

man... life sure is tough in london

Im 28 and I've struggled with depression in my entire life. Im married, we are soon to buy a house and I have a good job that I'm good at. I just signed up for a million $ life insurance policy. In 2 yrs if I decide I've had enough and I leave, my wife will still get paid out and I know she will be okay financially to support herself. I was actually relieved as I still fantasize about driving my car off a bridge almost every day.

kek

Ha! Been there once for all of 2 hours.

Wow

Wait, by leave you meant suicide? You realize life insurance can be tricky with that? Maybe consult a lawyer dude.

I have three tits

I've failed three suicide attempts. On the outside I seem happy, nobody would believe it.

inb4 "haha couldn't even kill yourself right"

The contract was drawn and forwarded to a reliable source before I signed. I understand it can be tricky and I know there is a 2yr wait period. If I were to follow through with that decision I would be as careful as possible to make sure my wife gets her payout as entitled

I wasn't hurt at all when i was hit while walking by a van going 49mph. The only thing that hurt was the cost of the x-rays and CT-scan

Good job following a recipe

I tried hanging myself from a ceiling fan a couple of years ago, but i weighed yo much and ripped it from the ceiling.

Since then I've lost a lot of weight and started doing way better for my life.

I used to take bike rides in public with my dick out just for the thrill of it. AMA

I mean, a giant life insurance policy like that, you can bet they'll investigate. You kill yourself right after the wait period is up? I don't know shit about the law, but they'd find that suspicious and would definitely at least try to challenge paying out, I imagine.

I named one of the biggest Linux distros once.

Git sum pay back by doing shit to her as well. Anons will give you a general idea of what to do to her

Well I'm glad it got better for you man. I'm looking down the barrel of attempt #4 here myself.

One of the things that helped me is movies.
After i tried, for what ever reason, i started thinking about a movie that i wanted to watch. Then essentially made a huge list of movies that I'm still watching today.

I do this, but while I'm jerking off to traps.

Voluntaty death is covered, doesn't specify any disqualifications whatsoever other than a 2 year grace
Luckily I have some time to think about it. Regardless it felt like a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Hmmm

Hey, whatever works right?
I've been distracting myself for a while. Maybe I'll distract myself long enough to get better.

Alright, just checking. I'd hate for you to off yourself and have some insurance jews rip off your family.

Thank you. I appreciate that

Also, if possible, maybe stick around and help out your wife? Things might improve, you never know.

I got the rarest item in a videogame as drop and trow it away because i didn't knew it was that much worth.

I just signed up last week. I'll be around for awhile at least. She knows I struggle now and again. She's good at identifying key moments and she understands that there might be a day that Ive jusy had enough of it. She's a great human being that I admire.

Arent you cool

What game, what item?

#metoo

Well, however it works out, good luck to you user.

>Guildwars 2
>chak egg sac

One day, as I got off of work at WalMart (I worked at the Philly Pretzel Factory at the time) I decided to go and buy some groceries for dinner. If I remember correctly, I am in the pasta and canned food isle. As I'm grabbing some Bertolli's canned Alfredo sauce, I see a sight that shook my core. I couldn't believe my eyes, I couldn't help but stare in utter curiosity and confusion. The best part is that my mother told me she had seen the very same thing in WalMart before she passed away, but I just couldn't believe her, just as no one else truly believes me when I retell it. It was a giant head in a backpack in shopping cart. There was a woman's head peeking out of a backpack- and she was talking and looking around! No body, not even a torso. Just a very large, blinking, function, solitary head. I just wish I could've told my mom about my sighting. Legend of Big Head is legit.

I was arrested at 18 with 3 of my girlfriends for pot. I was terrified, it's the only time I've ever been arrested. My car was towed, we got frisked, cuffed, and put into a van. We got to the station they took our mugshots, prints, medical info, and lead us to a room that was like a mix of an office & gym. A policewoman in her late 20's early 30's came in, put 4 boxes in front of us and with a smile, said "Strip, bra & panties too!" The looker room at our old school had private stalls, my doctor was the only person who'd ever seen me naked and I thought that was humiliating. We got undressed as slowly as possible, my hands trembled as I took my bra off. We stood there nude, trying to cover up to preserve what little dignity we still had. "Hands behind your head!" smiling as she said it, I don't know if it was sexual or a power thing but she loved her job. "Wow, you'er going to be popular girls in here tonight. Now stand on the red line, facing the chair." She put on gloves making sure to loudly snap them, then ripped off a piece of that paper they use on doctor's tables and put it on the chair. If you want a visual of what what happened, look up "ACLU prison strip search is abusive" they show a training video, censoring the girl's face and nothing else. She told us 1 by 1 to do that, plus said to do jumping jacks and "Lift your tits by the nipple." even my friend with A cups had to do it. She'd make rude comments about our bodies and look at our faces. If she saw we looked away she'd yell "Eyes forward!" she made sure we saw every inch of each other's skin. "I still think you girls are hiding something." and 1 by 1 we had to do it again. We showered next, she'd say things like "Scrub those pussies, girls like fish to be fresh." We got on uniforms and she walked us to our cell, during the walk said we'd have 3 lesbian cellmates. I was trying not to cry, she put us all in a 4 person cell, laughed "told ya!" Years later, I'm not gay or bi but I do have a WIP fetish.

Oh shit, I didn't recognize your pic at first. Why the fuck would you throw that out, did you not see the item description?

mercenary

Can you stop this fucking pasta, it'd be hot if it wasn't so fake.

Faggux?

i got the item "Charged Quartz Orichalcum Amulet of the Chak" as drop and threw it away cuz of its stats and some months later a friend told me about the chak egg sac...

Not quite.

That sucks man.

Damn it, the first fucking post is some pretentious femtard bitch. Damn it. The fact that this type of person exists on this board speaks volumes about the state of Sup Forums.

Dude, it's not a girl. Girls like that don't post here.

why would you marry a whore that has sex with people and doesn't even exchange names?

>Be me
>10-11 years old
>Have weird dream, can't remember
>Look at bedroom door in dream, see it open by itself
>See something blink in the corner of my eye
>Sit up, still looking at door
>Wake up in same position, door closed
What the fuck happened Sup Forums?

She was fooling around as a kid, she was a slut from the start. I'll bet she's cucking him.

I've been abducted by aliens 3 times

i can confirm this guy is real. he has posted this before in other incest threads

Former 1%r
Former inter state drug dealer
Former pimp.
Transitioned to female
Became model.
Now I'm a house wife
6'4 hawaiian husband
Mashed taters/Cranberry sauce/Stuffing/Fried chicken for dinner

lolwut

before/after photos too easy to prove.

Imported In excess of 500,000 Diazepam tablets from Sri Lanka
Purposely gave out samples to get people hooked, most of whom were under the age of 16
Modeled on Chaturbate with over 10k followers
Been selling a video of me and a Swedish girl fucking on webcam to my followers without her consent (HA)
A guy also ended up killing himself trying to come off the Diazepam I got him hooked on. - I actually feel bad about this one.

I had sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt

I shot Kennedy

I do almost nothing at my job and make over $50K per year.

oh Sup Forumsro I believe it. I'm in a similar situation. Feels good man. Fuck the police

I paid a hooker with fake money once.

As a man, got raped by a girl.

I'm a victim of actual physical abuse for being gay in highschool and i never had a boyfriend or even came out to anyone, they made a correct assumption and I was systemically abused for it, usually by being burnt.

first time they burned my arm with a lighter.

second time they used me as an ashtray at a party.

I wasn't raped by Weinstein.

Fuck off, no way!

I scammed 4300 platinum (200 dollars) out of a new player in warframe he got something that was worth 10 platinum (70 cents) in return

I'm pretty normal guy 36 years old, make a pretty good living as a food scientist. Have a wonderful well-adjusted girlfriend.

From as early as I can remember I've always been sexually attracted to childbirth. Not pregnancy the actual act of giving birth. cant explain why but I love everything about it the bulging the stretching. I have no children of my own but I've actually been to many child births when I was pre-med.