>>751764110

ITT embarrassing stories

>be me
>age 14
>virgin at the time
>best friend invites me to come to his towns annual carnival
>hes going with his gf and her friend
>let's call her friend "Lisa"
>friend says he showed "Lisa" a pic of me, she said I was cute
>oshitnigga imma finally lose my v card
>planned to eat dinner at my house before they pick me up
>they pick me up mad early, notime2eat
>we go to the carnival
>ride the rides, go through the fun house ect.
>I'm hitting it off with "Lisa" big time
>turns out she's a movie nerd like me, loves Tarantino and rob zombie
>she's non threatening and really sweet
>having a great night but I'm fucking starving
>have to eat, only food around is Italian sausage vendor
>guy says "here ya go kiddo" and hands me the greasiest dirtiest sausage link I've ever seen in my life
>I devour it in literally a minute
>my friend asks us if we wanna go get high, he's got some dank bud
>his gf and "Lisa" want to smoke
>I usually don't like getting high when I'm first meeting a girl because it makes me awkward but "Lisa" was sweet and non intimidating so I felt comfortable
>we go into the nearby woods to blaze
>after I take the first hit I feel a disturbance in the force
>feels like an acidic snake is swimming through my guts
>ohGodnopleaseIbegofyoudontletthishappen.gif
>feel slight relief, but I know the clock is ticking
>hurry up fucks lets smoke this shit
>finally finished smoking, walking back to the carnival
>the shit rumbles in my guts again, this time it's worse, time is running out
>if I can just make it to the porta-john at the carnival!
>suggest we hurry up, saying "I really have to pee"
>friends gf laffs and says "your a dude, just piss behind a tree LOL"
cont

Yep

Bump

...

>friend says "yeah, what are you SHY, you got a small DICK or something?"
>I sheepishly reply "no dude" and notice "Lisa" is giggling
>friends gf says "don't worry user, we won't look" then bursts into laughter
>my friend says "just piss behind the tree, brah" and playfully pats me on the back which ignites an acidic explosion of the foulest smelling grease diarrhea past my cargo shorts down to my ankles soaking in my socks
>I panicked ran away and called my mom to pick me up
>mom handled the situation horribly, berating me the whole ride home thinking I was on hard drugs
>talked to friend days later, he said his gf and "Lisa" told tons of people at their school what happened
>never heard from "Lisa" again
>didnt lose my virginity until YEARS later

anyone else got one?

bumping 4 lulz

Jesus fuck op my sides are orbiting jupiter

Why did i waste my time bumping this thread

>be me 7th grade
>at local fair
>eat a bunch of greasy shit tier fair food
>ride some rides
>get on ride with bros that spins you really fast in an enclosed vehicle
>get through half of ride
>suddenly feel very sick
>projectile vomit all over this enclosed place
I've not eaten fair food or rode a ride since

oh..god dude i am so sorry.

glad you enjoyed it. ruined my life at the time but now I can look back and laff

haha don't be I'm fine now. I never eat sausage on a date to this day though

Since the theme seems to be carnival based....
> Me me 9 years old
> Go up to the Sheridan Rodeo with my family every year
> Ride some rides
> Go on the gravitron about 18 times in a row
> We went on so much that they stopped asking me and my brother to get off
> When we do get off, it's time for the rodeo to start.
> Start stumbling up to the stands to find my parents
> DamnWalkingInAStraightLineIsHard.gif
> Wait in line, starting to feel a little off
> Walk up 4 flights of stairs to the upper level
> I don't feel good
> Start walking on the upper aisle toward our section
> I fell bad
> Brother is walking about 10 feet in front of me
> Gonna vomit
> Feel it welling up in my throat
> Look around for a trashcan, there are none within range
> Try to force it down
> My attempt to hold it in ends up adding pressure
> It's comming up anyway
> Fox2Fox2.mp4
> Projectile vomited straight in front of me
> Vomit hits brother square in the back
> He is still 10 feet in front of me
> People around me looking at me and him in awe of what just happened
> Takes him a second to realized what happened
> I go to paramedics to get checked out
> Rodeo clown comes up and gives him a teeshirt
> Family still won't let me live it down

> be sixteen
> already massive drinker
> come home early hours
> like completely fucked up pushed out of friends car rolling on the grass verge drunk
> lie there staring at the sky
> can hear parents are fighting as usual, uggh
> nice evening might just lie here for a bit
> besides never enjoyable seeing step dad beat up my mum, and now I'm older feel like I need to shut him down somehow
> watch the moon spinning like crazy while mum screeches about having to clean the toilet and stepdad punches some walls
> fuck you guys you are ruining my awesome mood and prolly annoying the neighbours
> constant barrage of them verbally abusing each other
> I've had more than enough of this
> shits gonna end now
> take deep breath, channel my best john cena voice, yell at the top of my lungs 'JUST. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!!!!'
> they go quiet
> even dogs stop barking
> good. it worked.
> am happy with myself
> decide sitting against the front fence is warmer and comfier then I ever realised, maybe I'll just sleep here tonight
> you know what, right about now would be THE perfect time to fap
> unzip
> drunkenly abuse myself like a spastic having an epileptic fit at 2am on the footpath outside my house
> barely get hard
> dont give two fucks
> takes a long time but finally blow a load
> meh just want my bed now
> stumble inside everyone gone to bed
> raid the kitchen get can of cream corn
> grab a spoon take it to bed and fall asleep wake up at 5am cold and wet. Lying in pool of corn

5 years later having argument with step dad. Best barney ever. Finally tell him i think hes an unpleasant aggressive drunk. He comes back, at least I'm not a little faggot who wanks himself crosseyed in the street while the whole neighbourhood watches.

Shit. They all saw me. Just about the entire fucking street apparently. I was kinda embarrassed, but meh that was so long ago, not worth worrying about. Decide to own it, Feel pretty alpha. Hope they got off on the site. Especially hope Mrs Kennedy saw

I like the image of you waking up in a pool of creamed corn

HAHAHAH
FEELSBADMAN

gold

Some of my personal faves:

> Hey why did he come to the party with his mother?
> That's his gf, she has cancer!


> You like a tomboy
> My parents brought me up like this
> Maybe they'd wanted a boy
> They had one, but he was stillborn


> be at college
> joke around with friends saying shit about our moms
> your mother's so far she looses every chair
> your mom's so ugly they put a placeholder as her ID picture
> me hitting on newly known friend
> while everyone laughing he shows me his phone with a message
> My mom died when I was 9, could you please stop?

> cream corn
It wasn't as bad as you might think. Was squishy, but a good squishy.

oh... oh my....

Bro, protip for the future: Let's call her "Lisa".

Once you say that, you don't need to keep putting Lisa in quotes.

jesus fucking christ that picture

>be 14
>friend moving to another city
>call us for a goodbye party at his empty house
>me and 6 other friends 4 bottles
>start drinking slow alls fine
>one friend suggests to play the spin
>if the spin hits you you have to oneshot the cup in your hand
>cups always full
>start the game going hammered
>one friend throws up and sleeps next to his vommit
>2 friends sleep in a matrress on the floor
and the other leaves
>me and the rest 3 talking and shit
>one drunk friend goes nude for some reason
>we mock him and he pushes us
>lose balance full pants on friends vommit
>pull pants down and go out
>try to stop me i refuse and leave
>walked 5 minutes with pants down full of vommit

>now would be THE perfect time to fap

REALLY? that is alpha as fuck though

OP here, best story so far Sup Forumsro

>be me about 19
>at Walmart
>dicking around, friend says she's gonna be there soon to pick up shit at the pharmacy
>asks me to wait for her
>ok
>get a soda while I wait
>about 15 minutes pass
>whereisthisbitch.jpg
>wander over to the pharmacy
>see friend standing in line
>decide to fuck with her as i often do
>walk up behind friend, lift shirt a little and push cold coke against her bare side
>friend turns around
>ohjesusfuckitsnotmyfriend.ogg
>girl I essentially just sexually assaulted is glaring at me with shock and mounting fury
>freeze up
>panic
>words spring unbidden from my lips
>"you looked hot...so I tried to cool you off"
>girl's anger multiplies visibly
>"here have some more"
>fucking toss bottle at her like a sperg
>bounces off her chest and falls to the floor, leaves a wet stain from condensation on her shirt
>imagine i can literally feel angry heat emanating from her body
>flee like a little bitch
>because i am retarded i just sprint about 20 feet in a straight line before i turn around
>i literally put nothing between me and her, she is still glaring and tapping at her phone
>shitshescallingthefuckingcops.mp4
>beat feet towards entrance
>see my friend coming in as i flee
>"hey user whats"
>run right past her without responding, barely even register that she's there
>"user what the fuck are you doing"
>ignore
>get in car
>drive home
>turn off phone
>get on computer
>wonder why i'm such a fucking sperg

Okay.... I got one

> Be me, about 6 months ago
> Wanking it in my bedroom
> Having a really REALLY good wank
> Suddenly someone is pounding on my front door
> Sigh heavily, pull some sweatpants on and get up
> Check through the peephole
> 8/10 chick
> Okay, maybe this will be okay
> Answer the door
> WOULD YOU CLOSE YOUR FUCKING BLINDS WHEN YOU MASTURBATE YOU STUPID MYSOGONISTIC PIG!!!
> Just look at her with absolutely no shame
> She looks down
> Sees my boner sticking straight out from my sweatpants
> FUCK YOU! YOU ARE A FILTHY OPPRESSIVE CIS ASSHOLE
> Still say nothing
> She continues to scream for about 30 more seconds till my female room mate comes down
> Room mate walks up and slams the door in the girls face
> Turn to look at her
> She's completely naked, fresh out of the shower
> Never seen her nude before
> She clearly didn't think this through
> Avert my gaze
> she obviously sees my tent which has started to twitch at the sight of her
> She won't talk to me for two weeks after this
> Get an order from the HOA to close my blinds when I wank

Should have fucked your roommate

>be me 3 years ago
>wanking to some loli hentai
>getting really close
>dad comes in
>"hey user you wanna play some dung-"
>turns around
>walks out
>can't look each other in the eyes for weeks

> early morning get up jog before day starts
> pounding pavement feeling good about myself
> ok had enough, 3 blocks from home gonna just walk now, cut through the park
> oh ffs, there's some hot chicks up ahead, I can't stop now
> suck it up and run past them, check out their asses and say 'morning'
> have to keep this up this pace, don't want them to think I was faking it
> do casual glance back, yep they're watching me still, think i might show off a bit
> run up to a fence, grab hold and swing myself over
> feet hit the ground
> crack
> ankle gives way
> oh fuck, that hurts
> momentum has me taking a few more paces
> each step is fucking excrutiating
> I'm in serious trouble here
> right ankle is fucked, I look like a horse that's just been born taking its first steps
> grab hold of fence, shake it out assess my option
> look pack, hot chicks about 200 metres away, looking right at me laughing
> shit I've gotta stand here and have them snicker and stare at me
> the shame
> decide fuck it, I'm too delicate to put up with their laughter
> I just gotta get out of here
> hobble like a spastic across the street and disappear
> so fucking painful its like glass in my bone
> I'm breathing thru my teeth and have tears forming
> sit and hide being a big tree
> watch them go past
> old dude asks me what I'm doing sitting outside his house at 6am
> ask him to call my dad to take me to hospital
That old dude was fucking awesome. His wife brought me a cup a tea, threw a blanket over me

OP here. Very dark but much appreciated, femanon.

>uses the word sperg
>wonders why he's a sperg

tits or gtfo roastie whore

I wish.... She is fucking gorgeous

So much gold itt
Yep, we've all been there
I've done similar too, but I think I was 8. What is wrong with you lol.

>especially hope Mrs Kennedy saw
U beeter hope she didn’t u little fucker
t. Mr Kennedy

Sure. My bed was too far away. Why not here??
Missed opportunity
Also missed oppor-
No on second thoughts, fucking scrap that

After the second time he had it in quotes I expected Lisa to turn out to be a pig or a goat or something like that

>13 years old
>playing magic the gathering
>friend I'm playing with attacks one of my creatures
>I fight him on ruling cause I was a little shit
>he says "it's dead, dude"
>I instantly retort with "your mom is dead"
>instantly remember his mom died of cancer when he was 8
>mfw

>"you looked hot...so I tried to cool you off"

Ewwww. If you were my brother I probably would have beaten the fuck out of you.

Will you please be my gf? I am a home owner, have a good job, and will fly you out to live with me. I am not sexually demanding and you can even fuck other guys if I am not enough for you.

pls respond

>Be me about 12
>My sister is having a party
>It's new years
>HolidaySpirit.JPEG
>I get out of my room for once
> I start talking to my sisters friends
> Things go off great
>They ask me if wanna drink
>I reluctantly say yes
>before i know it the whole party is telling a 12 yearold to CHUG CHUG CHUG
>mfw i am trying to touch chicks asses
>Im fucking wasted at this point
>They all laugh and ask if i wanna smoke a joint
>I say fuck yeah
>I inhale hard
>Oh fuck yeah
>Now my head is spinning and im high as hell
>Questionable.tif
>I start grabbing these chicks asses and everyone is in shock
>I try to fuckin start touching this chicks tits
>I'm told to get the fuck out
> I go to the living room
>Grab some cake head
>I head for the bathroom
>Some girl is naked sitting in the bathtub
>SecondComing.Gif
>I go and touch this chick all over
>I stop and i sit there and eat fucking cake
>People walk in and just look in horror
>Mhh cake nom nom nom
>Im just sitting there
>People start telling me to go to my room
>I get on to my bed and blow chunks

i remember the one time i sprung a door to nothingness on someone
it felt good

I ended up on the ground almost immediately after vomiting because I had pushed so hard that I got a blood rush and almost passed out (Thus why I went to the paramedics) I think he pittied me just enough to not beat the shit out of me

Lol you got a free pass

Or you couldve just been honest. Fuck man..

I can imagine it now, A 12 year old cross faded sitting on the toilet shoving fistfuls of cake into his mouth right next to a girl naked and passed out in the bathtub. That would make a great gag christmas card...

Well... not really. I vomited and passed out and missed the rodeo because the paramedics wanted me to stay with them a while. Granted I would prefer that over being vomited on....

pls respond

Looks like wants to make his own embarrassing story

I'm 27, khv, and tired of being alone. My life is boring and embarrassing and i just want anyone to be a companion for me.

This is not the place for matchmaking... Try Craigslist. I'm sure you can find a crackwhore who will suck your dick all you want

OP here

I was weird about shitting around girls back then. keep in mind I was still a virgin

if you were starving and needed to take a giant shit from eating one thing even if its greasy, you are a fat fuck and lisa must of been a cow herself.

Bitch shut the fuck up and stop parading around how absolutely retarded you are like it's a badge of honor.

a crackwhore isn't going to help him, she'll just give him some fucking disease. But he is right this is no place for matchmaking. if you have already tried dating sites I would suggest going out to a public place like a bar or joining some type of social club in your community. the most important thing in social settings is to have confidence, even if it doesn't come natural you have to force it until it does. trust me I never had a gf till I learned this. good luck user just remember there is literally somebody out there for everyone.

OP here. If you only knew, pal. I'm 23 and only 140lbs and 6 feet tall like seriously skinny because of fast metabolism. I eat 3 meals a day. Also I could never be aroused by a fat chick. It just doesn't work for me, even if she's cool. I'll fuck a butterface but no fatties

Same here... I don't understand how people find them attractive.

I don't even care about sex at all, at this point. I am able to masturbate and that's good enough. I just have no friends anymore any i don't even know how to have a conversation. I realize I am going to die alone and go to sleep every night wishing i won't wake up in the morning, and then I do. Fuck this gay earth.

get a dog or something dude

>Rodeo clown comes up and gives him a teeshirt
best line of whole thread

I have a cat, you pleb.

user you have to start thinking more positively and more confidently. Sex is very overrated I'm glad you already realize that and I understand you want to be with someone but in order to do that you need to put yourself out there. Get over your fears and insecurities and embrace who you are. I gaurentee there's a woman out there who will love you but you have to find her first.

"My stomach hurts bad, brb sry guys"

Problem solved

You still did though, didn't ya?

20, 6 foot 140. We are both dyel tier

I was a 14yo virgin plus I was high. not stressing about it anymore anyways haha it was literally 9 years ago. I tell this story to girls I date/fuck now and they think it's hilarious. it makes me chuckle from time to time actually, thinking about how "Lisa" probably still remembers it wherever she is now.

>17 years old
>september 1, 12th grade
>class party
>mix a ton shit of different alcohols because why not
>get in a hot tub with some friends
>drink some more in the tub
>feelsgood.png
>everyone leaves except me
>get out of tub eventually, it's fucking cold as balls
>have my backpack with a towel and spare underwear nearby
>feelsgood.png renamed to blackout.png
>remember vomiting inbetween two birch trees and waking up with the fattest ugliest chick of the class offering me water now and then

now, what happened according to others. apparently i stripped naked near the hot tub, stood there staring at people with my penis dangling about freely. the first one to see it was a 9/10 chick whom i used to sit with in chemistry. we didnt talk for a good couple of months. i was known as "the dickinator" for the rest of 12 grade.
another one

>university
>one of the chicks in my group showing interest in me
>8/10 5'4 qt
>go out, talk, have fun, she offers to go back to her place
>gonnalosemyvcard.pptx
>oh boy i love where this is going
>shes super cuddly, we make out for a while
>we start to get naked, boner on full blast
>put the condom on
>deflation.flac
>i cant get it back up
>fuck, that cant be real
>try to masturbate a little, nothing
>full panic mode
>"lets go to sleep, user. lets try another time"
>"s-sure haha"

we havent talked since. why am i a sperg?

kek. yup I sure did pal

> The Dickinator

Love it

I appreciate the positivity. I can't help but doubt it, but I will try to turn things around before wizardhood sets in.

I'm not that good at story's buy I Honestly idk how I fucked this shit up
>be me
>Be 17 (still 17)
>this occurrence happened over the summer
>I recently got back in touch with this girl I knew since 2nd grade
>she was a straight 1/10 in 2nd grade years later shes a solid 10/10
>like holyfuck.jpeg she was hot
>basically so on we have been talking for like a month and already had our first date
>then...
>our 2nd date comes...

I apparently had poision ivy at the time but it didn't itch so I didn't think anythibg of it

>she wants to come over to my house to watch a movie with me
>ofuckofuckOFUCK
>she wants to come over n fuck
>I start to see my hand start to rash up (the poision ivy)
>so we go to my bedroom to chill n watch some dumb movie

My parents weren't home at the time

>shit start to get tensed up
>we're not half way through the movie and she's already rubbing my willy
>next thing you know we fuckin
>but my posion ivy starts to even get worst
>basically 2 hours pass
(yea I last like a champ)
>I took her home
>not even a day later she textes me saying that I fucking gave her poison ivy
>she sent me pics and that shit is all over her body
>I was honestly stupidfied at that point
>mfw she just randomly stopped texting me
>mfw she doesn't talk to me anymore
>mfw I made a hot ass girl stop talking to me cause I gave her a poision ivy

>the dicktator
my sides are in an alternate universe

whoops im too drunk. to be fair the dicktator is funnier than the dickinator anyways

Doubt is your mortal enemy. This is coming from a former wizard. Godspeed user

I prefer Dickinitator

I prefer neither, shit broke me when i realized it was never gonna stop. she did compliment me on how big it was near the end of the schoolyear tho (((:

> sorry i thought you were someone else

Shitlord.

Grim.

Lol
What is it with dudes getting fucked up and stripping off? Happened all the damn time when my mates and i were teens

sure kid

underage b&
you have to be 18 to use this site kid

Fag I've had severe poison ivy many times in my life. You can't transfer it to another person through skin contact they would have to touch the plant. Look it up. Also gtfo you are underage. Try again next year

>be me
>age 13
>great artist in dirty jokes
>in socials class
>agrillisee
>she be a cousin from a friend I have
>hint
>had to be partners with her for a project
>ffs
>its on castles
>we talk castles and shet and she pits her hand on my leg starts rubbing it
>ohfucknigga
>start talking about stuff
>puts her foot on mine
>aight, k
>later she at near my B E N I S
> I feel the urge to squeal
>nearly came that day because of it
>see her in hallway
>we talk
>she tells me she wanked a guy off once
>mfw I feel like I just bought a prostitute

Awww fuck man, that bites. He just wanted to play some d&d and instead learned a lesson in knocking. Fuck

Shame he nailed his stealth check

My father have spotted a dozen times throughout my life fapping to loli and shota. He doesn't care because he's a massive pedo.

Ohhh fuck I'm crying

> 4 years ago in Junior high
> drink at a friend's house while his parents are away
> just him and I trying to get some qt's to come over and rail
> he invites HUGE titted bisexual girl over
> getting to meet her while friend gets more and more drunk
> friend passes out
> girl says she's in a relationship with a girl but said girl is being a cunt
> girl shows interest in me
> oshit
> by this time friend is passed out on couch
> ask lesbo melon tit girl if she wants to go in the other room
> "hellyea"
> go to take off my pants and sitting there is my soft penis
> yikes
> say "I'll be right back"
> go to kitchen to put on porn and get hard
> she comes out
> "what are you doing"
> caught red handed

from there we watched TV and then I walked her to her car. cool girl, but damn was that embarrassing.

OP here, I got one more for you Sup Forumsastards
had to drink more whiskey to let this one out since I still cringe thinking of it to this day

>be me
>age 12
>just learned how to jerk off
>dad and step mom going to Boston for the night
>just me and my step sister left at the house
>step sister is popular 16yo high school bitch
>invites tons of chads and sluts over, throws a party
>I wanna be cool, I ask step sis if she'll let me drink
>step sis says "sure, user. I started drinking when I was your age idc"
>first time getting drunk, taking shots with these scumbag chads as they egg me on
>leader of scumbag Chad makes it seem like he's taking me under his wing
>in retrospect he was just trying to fuck my step sis, btw he succeeded in that
>anyways, leader Chad puts his arm around my shoulder and points out the drunkest slut at the party
>let's call her "Bethany"
>leader Chad tells me "Bethany" will fuck anyone who sleeps next to her, even me
>Chad says I just gotta wait till she passes out
>fuckyeah. I'll be the first of my friends to get laid, right?
>"Bethany" ends up passing out in my dad and step moms bed
>Chad assures me it's the time to act
>I slither into the bed and start awkwardly cuddling her
cont

just waiting for cont

Okay Sup Forumsoiz, this ones a doozy.

>Be me
>first night of summer after graduating high school
>6 hours after graduation I'm essentially chain-hitting the bowl and I must have drank 10 beers and a bottle of Johnny Walker Bourbon Whiskey
>just hanging out with friends and shit, nothing out of the ordinary
>GF and friends are all members of the highschool band and football players and shit and I'm a stoner who is completely shitfaced.
>end of the party and I give my GF my keys and tell her I'll call a cab
>she leaves in my car
>before I go to call up a cab, GF's BF's mom lights up a joint and asks if I'll smoke with her
>FuckYes.PNG

Bear in mind, this bitch is fat as hell and also shitfaced, and by this time pretty much everyone left and her daughter went to sleep.

>go inside to call a cab
>just remember picking up the phone
>next thing I know, we're ass naked in her bed the next morning
>rush to put my clothes back on as fast as I can and get out the door
>on my way out the back door I hear GF's BF say "Hey user, what are you doing back here?"
>reach in my pocket and grab my cigs
>"Uhh... I texted your mom and asked if it would be okay if I grabbed the cigarettes I left here last night"
>"Oh okay, see you around user"

That is the last time I get fucked up with my friends parents

need this as my screensaver

>"Bethany" starts murmuring shit about her daddy
>I'm thinking she must be turned on
>I slide my hand into her pants and feel a pussy for the first time
>she immediately starts jerking violently
>I'm thinking I must be good at this
>12yo jimmy dean is hard
>start pulling down her pants
>she wakes up fully
>is hysterically screaming and crying
>"WTF ARE YOU DOING user?!?!?!?!"
>she immediately gets out of bed and runs out of the room
>I lay so paralyzed in utter fear and embarrassing regret that I instantly became sober
>step sis barges into the room
>"you sick little creep"
>I cannot move, I'm so scared and confused
>she drags me out of the bed, out of the room, and across the hall (in front of the entire party) to my own bedroom where I pass out
>next morning I wake up wishing all that was a dream and go into the kitchen to eat cereal
>step sis and lead Chad are at kitchen table in their underwear
>step sis tells me that "Bethany" has a history of sexual abuse and what I did was beyond fucked up
>I tell her it was chads idea
>Chad says he thought I was mature enough to understand he was joking
>step sis says she'll never let me drink with her again till I'm 21

FUCK

>GF's BF's mom
So... your mom?

Best friend, probably should have specified.

Not to mention learning that you've spawned a degenerate, which is priceless knowledge.

>Johnny Walker bourbon whiskey
stopped reading after that
it's spelled Johnnie Walker and its SCOTCH not bourbon. get your facts right if youre gonna attempt to lie