Be me

>Be me
>Have a father who names you Hawkeye after the only ever book he's ever read
>Get drafted into 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during Korean War
>Have a good time goofing around with my squad members while killing gooks
>Hide in a bus trying to avoid being kill'd
>Woman has chicken that won't stop making noise
>I tell her to quiet the damn chicken
>Chicken stops making noise
>She killed it
>It wasn't a chicken, it was her baby
>ijustwantedittobequietididn'tmeanforhertokillitithoughtitwasachickenbutitwasherbaby.jpg
>ohshit.jpg
>PTSD.jpg
>Therapist is a son of a bitch

I had a crush on hawkeye as a kid

Hey Hawkeye Pierce here. How are you?

My eyes burn can you scoop them out with a bent metal coat hanger , thanks

Old and with wooden teeth.

Jesus fucking Christ he’s old as fuck. Wow this is incredibly depressing

Don't you stupid fucks ever call me old or I swear to fucking god I will tear the baalz from yer fucking body and forcefeed those wrinkly fucking prunes down yer fucking throats. I am fucking Hawkeye Pierce lads, don't you ever fucking forget that. I don't get old, the only thing I get are new patients and more fucking gooks at the end of my fucking barrel. You fucking got that you shit weasels?

Dang, you really did get old if you forgot all the pussy you got.

Confusing a baby crying for a fucking chicken
I guess your squad must have called you bat-ear after that.

Pussy is secondary. Dead gooks and patients all come first. nothing I love more than blowing the brains out of those zipper eyed fucks and then suturing up a turkeys.

Bitch I must've call'd yer nan a fucking whore with all the sucking on me cock she did. I fucking tell you that'un. Yer nan is a big time whore and gook sympathizer. I had to show that dumb broad who's boss

Hey hawkeye lets do a secks whatta ya say

Same. Then my interests turned to this guy (on the left)

You got it cracka. North or South Korea?

he looks like he would probably stare at me through a gas station window and make me uncomfortable

And how many fucking gooks has this guy kill'd?How many good Americans has he operated on?
How in the fuck did I lose yer interest? Please do tell me?

KEK

south obviously. Isn’t sex illegal in North Korea? Just like pissing your pants and crying too much

This guy is shit at pretending to be Pierce. The man from the show didn't want to be in Korea, didn't want anyone dead and certainly never held a gun if he had a choice.

Sex is illegal unless you either A: Tongue blasting that juicy kittay anüsi or B: Shagging Kim Jong Un himself

Bitch you don't know the BTS. Off camera I kill'd gooks left and right. And I really did love Korea, they just wanted me to be sensitive type for the finally. Deep down I know I loved doing what I was doing and that woman killing her child was comedy gold for me, I just had to fake the tears for the camera. I tell you fucking that'un

If you don't respect the source material, then no one's going to bother with your character bullshit.

He has a better uniform