I was constipated this morning and as I sat trying to squeeze a loaf out...

I was constipated this morning and as I sat trying to squeeze a loaf out, I suddenly felt a sharp pain right near my asshole

I attempted to wipe, it really hurt but there was no blood

After doing some investigating with my finger, I have a grape sized "bead" of something sticking out of my asshole and it is really painful

I've attempted to push it back inside but the pain was unbearable. I can't sit down, and I'm having to lean forward as I stand as to not squeeze whatever it is between my ass cheeks

Anyone know what it could be?

Its a hemorrhoid

But I’ll reply just in case you are genuine.

Piles

It's a hemmorhoid, buy some preparation h

Get a soda tab, squeeze it through, and pull. You'll be fine.

is that a peach?

p....pop it

It's a hemorrhoid. Get some cream or man the fuck up and push it back in.
Improve your diet by eating more fruit and vegetables to stop it happening again!

It's a hemmorhoid. You got it because you had to strain and push so hard to shit that your asshole blood vessel "popped" out like a little balloon. Depending on the severity it'll shrink and "go back in" in a bout a week or 2. You're straining on the toilet because you don't have enough fiber in your diet and your shit comes out like soft serve icecream that you have to push out. Your body needs fiber to clump your turds together and push out in a neat little package. I'd suggest metamucil daily in the morning to supplement your fiber intake or just start eating more salads.

Stop being a faggot I had these at the same time as a lung infection.
>coughing constantly
>the pain was horrendous
>I wanted to die

Hemerroid. Drink more water and fiber. Stop pushing so hard Nd get yourself a squatty potty.

Eat a shit ton of veggies at night with dinner. You will have a nice poop every morning like clockwork. It'll just slide right out.

Things my parents should have taught me that I learned from Sup Forumsros instead.

Eat a shit load of Diabetic candy that has sugar alcohol, Maltitol. It will clean you out.

...

might sound kinda wierd but i had that happen to me several times, and the only thing that realy takes care of it within a reasonable amount of time is to put strong mustard on there, dont be cheap - use a generous amount. tellme afterwards how much it helped user, god bless and get well.

1 rusk & 1 apple a day keeps the doctor away

pilonidal cyst, good luck and have fun

it's a polyp probably not a hemmeriord yet. If you eat prunes the polyps will shrink down.

Apply alcool to dry it out first then proceed to push it back using a midsized dildo.

That peach looks a little ripe

Powder or Paste ?

Yeah, and then some

Wouldn't that be above his asshole though? It this is it, though, then I truly feel bad for OP

Those are found inside the colon, not at the rectum and they don't prolapse outside the body.

Is that an anus? What the fuck am I looking at?

How do I eat veggies without tasting they're faggotry flavor? Is there a way to temporarily kill my tastebuds

fucking fatso

are you 8 years old or retarded? if you don't eat vegetables you die, period.

reminds me of reading int he news about that college dorm that came down with scurvy. fuck people are retarded, fucking scurvy. fucking 4 cans of pop a day. no fucking vegetables. for fucks sakes it's asking to die, eat a fucking carrot you fucking dumb fuck. i swear if i heard someone tell me to my face he doesn't eat vegetables i would just hit him, and i'm not that kind of guy. but thats too much. reminds me of this guy that doesn't drink water only coffee, he shouldn't even be alive. you're all fucked

This is an easy one - It's a baby jesus (that bead)

Are you some sort of complete retard? Or a typical Amerifat?

Peppers, mushrooms, carrots, onions, spring onions and celery can all be cooked together in a stir fry in less than 10 minutes.

what the fuck, man up dude.