Fast Sup Forums how do I successfully lie in court?

Fast Sup Forums how do I successfully lie in court?

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Don't

They'll find out

Say you are a good boy who dinn do nuffin

Talk less

I have to

This, give as little info as possible without actually lieing

What do you mean?
I have to testify about events that included me, and go into much detail as possible.
Any tips on how to sound credible?

say you need to use the bathroom
>actually you don't need to

Don't try to lie, you will get caught and the penalty will be worse, seriously just don't, the legal system is absurdly complex, the only way to overcome it without a lawyer is to say as little as possible

Dont you're under oath faggot.

>under oath

Why are you wanting to lie.
Does it send you to jail or a friend/family member to jail?
Why do you care if someone who broke the law gets fucked? They deserve it and if you are caught in contempt of court you will go to jail as well.
You can't be the nice guy, tell what you saw and deal with it if you make an enemy of a friend/family member cause its better to have 1 guy hate you then go to prison and be raped.

Describe the alleged event here

lol so?

Need more information

Don't
Those faggots are surprisingly good at digging up shit and I had a lawyer contact me over a post I made in a secrets thread before. They then went around to all of my friends in my gaming group forcing me to contact them to stop the bullshit.

>tldr
I'm a Russian asylum seeker, left Russia because of corruption and harassment from the military side, which resulted in the death of my step father, to win my case i need to prove that i was politically engaged even though i was not.
Need to lie about political activity to win an asylum case.

>over a post I made in a secrets thread
sounds like bs

No one can’t hire a criminal sadly. I don’t like to be spied on.

JUST FUCKING SAY YOU SEEK ASYLUM BECAUSE OF MILLITARY CORRUPTION, ANYONE WILL EAT UP BAD THINGS ABOUT RUSSIA

If I can remember my old email I used that I got messaged on I'll post how I asked she knew and she literally says from a Sup Forums thread. Only time i ever talked about it. Give me a bit

Yes, however the judge doesn't care, they want me to explain why us and why my family, so i need to lie about some parts.
Any tips on how to lie?

i'd love to see that, i mean what the fuck.

went into court the other day. Not something you want to lie in. They check everything. One small slip up and you are gone.

Well immigration court is a bit different, but yeah.

Immigration court is swarmed maybe they don't check as much but if it's anything like Australia you would want good forms

Become a sovereign citizen and use the excuse that the gold fretting on the flag signifies that the court is actually a military tribunal and therefore laws do not apply to you

I just don't really know how to talk to these judges while explaining my story..
confidently? or will overconfidence make it bad?
should i look distressed? which i am, or should i hide that fact?
so many things racing through my head.

Found it
I've never once mentioned my name, anyone on here. You can look her up she is a real lawyer. This was about a murder I had witnessed.

Wtf

jesus this faggot

walk like this

Depends what your problem is. Any notion of where you fuck up?

here

it's simple OP, repeat after me...

"I don't recall"

youtube.com/watch?v=mizndPvn5-8

Sounds like you just need to git gud at lying. It's a skill that you get better at with practice, just like any other skill. Apart from that, try to be confident when you're lying, maybe tell the truth but make yourself really nervous during it to make it seem like it's a lie.

Yes, but what ticks and the like do you have that would give you lying away? Granted, learning them on the spot can be pretty hard, so it may be best to think and visualise something that you're actually vocal about to "feel" like you care about politics.
Aside from the normal tips and tricks I'm gonna need you to point out some flaws that you need to correct. For instance, if you can't keep a straight face, try biting your tongue. It's pretty much unnoticable and it helps keep your focus.

Trust me I was freaking out even more when all this bullshit happened. They bothered so many of my friends about different details and did the don't tell him I asked you shit. Luckily I have good friends but still some grade a creepy shit that just happens out of nowhere.

Also do you have any knowledge of organisations, clubs, whatever, that you could feign to be associated with? Read up on what terminology they use and the like, creates credibility.

I do believe the trick is to never do anything that you would have to lie about in court.

I know everything i need, just need to insert myself into these situations, i was already arrested once and locked up for two days, beaten and broke my hand.
I'll need to answer questions about my arrest day too, i'm sure about everything i'm going to say, but i just don't know how to deliver it, emotionally? over confidently?

My personal bet would be embarrassed, but to answer that question with utmost confidence, I would require personal experience with the judicial system, and that's something I do not have.
What kind of people did you have to deal with thus far though?

Nice life.

was that sarcasm? i truly feel sorry if the only way you cant enjoy life is to ruin it for the rest of us.

When you swear upon some holy book, cross your toes because they can see both your hands.

>pic related
Is how you win every argument and eventually become a president.

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