Stupid shit you’ve done while horny?

Stupid shit you’ve done while horny?

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sent my cousin a dick pic

How did she react?

Masturbated...

Stuck a toothbrush up my ass.

paid for porn

Your sister's singing Dora the Explorer toothbrush?

blocked me and messaged my mum on facebook

You absolute madman

Got fired from my job as a police officer

Wore a menstrual pad. Im male btw

Came in my gfs moms panty drawer

When i was younger we had this plunger with a plastic clear handle. It had grooves on it. Well i stuck the handle in my ass. It was super gay. No homo tho

jacked it

Yeah that’s pretty gay I guess

Masturbated in front of my mirror

No it's not.

Faggot

It is u handle fucker

Wouldn't the handle be the one doing the fucking?

How far did you get it in? I’m guessing all the way up to the plunger part

fucking kek I remember that

No. I only got to the 2nd groove. I thimk there was like 6 grooves.

Urethral sounding right through to bladder sphincter with a piece of electric flex

this

[spoiler alert] each groove was spaced 12 inches apart [end spoiler alert/]

Wow. That’s pretty fucking stupid

Fap

xvideos.com/video33463137/

Yeah. The plunger handle was 6 ft long

When i was like 12-13 I would regularly jerk off and dip my balls into the fucking hottest water I could stand, like borderline scald your skin water

Well I'm 32 now and sterile. Thanks, horny teenage me.

I fucked a tomato

Lol your family bought a 6ft long plunger? What a pack of faggots

Well atleast you dont have to buy condoms anymore. But why did you do that? Did it feel good?

what the fuckitty fuckin fuck

Felt good man. Loads of lube, go slow, the sensation is indescribable. Repeated many times. If ever I have to have a catheter I'll be diamonds

Don't cum when you have it in though - not good

Sounds like someone wishes they had a 6ft plunger

>I am close to orgasm, time to dip my balls in boiling water

how do you come up with such idea

>2018
>not having a 6 foot tall toilet plunger

Have you ever felt your balls after cumming? They get really cold.

but my idea never was to get 1st degree burn to warm them up

I think that your balls must have been seriously fuckin freezing, they must have went to temperature comfortable for penguins and polar bears

Speaking of ball play, this one time I got really drunk with the wife and thought it would be hot to try ballbusting.
So I had her put on white pantyhose and black high heels and edge me, then kick me in the nuts medium hard. It fucking hurt like hell.

you guys are the weirdest

>It fucking hurt like hell
What on earth made you think it wouldn't?

Jesus christ man. Why go to that extreme? I love it when my girl is on top and she uses my balls like a stress ball. It makes me have big cums

>you guys are the weirdest
Welcome to Sup Forums. if you message a mod they'll appoint a regular to act as a guide during your first visit

Dude it felt awesome

Boil the fuck out of your nuts then take them out and run cold water on them / blow gently on your balls

Like a second orgasm

Except it killed all my sperm

Stroking and gentle palpitations - yes
Attempting to convert both of them over the crossbar like Jonny Wilkinson - no

Used my female roommate's vibrator on my asshole while jacking off, then left it unwashed in the RR because i forgot about it.

Ironically she freaked and apologized to me about it, since i wasnt supposed to know it existed and so she must have forgotten after using it, but in reality i regularly went through her room when she was gone and found it.

Try to fuck gross fat bitches and actually trying to mentally spin that shit as actually getting pussy. Also there's been times where I asked women to straight up fuck knowing it wasn't gonna work.

dude I totally swiped my female roommate's vibrator dildo and jerked off while sniffing it, then came all over it

fuck I miss her

this thread is so fuckin weird

sooo fuckin weird i tell you

Like suuuuuuper weird
(hunting for those 888 trips)

JUST PLAIN WEIRD GIVE ME 888

ah fuck, so much effort went to shit

probably spent £15,000 on webcam sluts in the last few years.

Posted a picture of my penis on Facebook. Family saw it... Funny

I had this work ONCE with a fat chick, and it has fucked my brain to think it is a regular possibility. It is not.

Nice trips

see

>probably spent £15,000 on webcam sluts in the last few years.
What? Why?

oops

when i was like 12 to 13 i would get home 3 hours before my parents did. I would raid the kitchen and take things like olive oil, maple syrup, ketchup, etc and pour them on my naked body. I especially liked doing it in the rain, i live in a very tropical region where afternoon showers happen almost every day.

My FUCKING sides

been single most of the last couple of years. got a gf now, trying to quit but porn just doesn't do it for me anymore. also, i earn a lot of money so I dont miss it

Raped my wife. Not in a particularly violent way, just a "she doesnt want this but i need to cum" way. She is super submissive about it now.

Hollowed our a large dill pickle and used it as a primitive pocket pussy

Fucked your mom.

I once had a book and on the hardcover there was a small hole, I put my penis through the hole, got a massive erection, got stuck and realized the horrible mistake I had made
Somehow it went down on it’s own and I managed to escape... 10 years later my penis has this small area in the middle (where the book had trapped it) causing the benis to have a slightly hourglass form

Sober missionary sex with the lights on for the sole purpose of procreation

Kek. Trip gods have made their choice.

word

kik nudes to other fags. thank god my stupid horny brain was failsafe enough to exclude face

Hmm, where to start...

>find massage oil at a shelf at home
>wow, I bet this would make for the best wank enchancer
>get some on my hands to start lubing it up
>it's apparently quite strongly scented
>start petting my pet sea cucumber
>aww yeah, this is great
>stroking turns into heavy petting
>sea_cucumber_defense_tactics.mkv
>all in all awesome
>until 30 minutes later when it appears my shaft and ballsack starts getting irritated
>red, stinging skin, walk around at home trying to keep my nuts from touching my pants
>a futile conquest
The pain was gone the following day but.

>wondering how anal feels
>goes to fridge
>takes carrot and condiment to serve as lube
>stick it in the pooper
>feels... pretty much just weird
>neither good nor bad
>keep going for a few minutes to see if it'll get better
>HOLY FUCK IS THAT BLOOD?!
>call emergency hot line
>okay, this is the time to owe it up so that they can help me
>"Don't worry sir, call us again if it's still bleeding tomorrow"
>"Wha-what? Okay?"
>blood poured out of my ass for a while
>finally stopping, no idea of after how long
>I died inside but my body healed
>forever internally labeled as a bleeding faggot
At least not as bad as the man with the glass bottle.

>come home drunk
>check out all the boards on Sup Forums
>find /soc/
>see a dick rate thread
>take a picture of dick and post
>realize the entire thread is just dicks
>dudes rating the dicks of other dudes
>escape the sausage fest feeling further sullied
Not that bad really, could do it again when drunk.

Show me what you got Sup Forums, you ain't getting more until I see good stuff here.

You recall that stupid toy which is 2 balls on a string ? MacGyver style anal beads.