>Beware that Grima Wormtongue, Frodo. I once knew a man similar to him by the name of Alfrid Lickspittle that I met during my adventure to the Lonely Mountain. He was present during The Battle of the Five Armies, but instead of fighting with the men he instead dressed as a woman so he could go around stealing coins and other pieces of treasure. He would hide the coins he stole inside of a corset which created the illusion of him having breasts. It was quite humorous seeing him adjust his coin-boobs the same way a woman would if she was wearing an uncomfortable brazier, jingling and jangling all the while... When we found out what he was doing we tied him up in a burlap sack and hung him from a catapult. We let him keep the coins for some reason though. They were still hidden in his corset/bra. However, one of the coins sliped out of his corset and fell on the catapult lever, causing the catapult to launch him right inside of a troll's mouth just as the troll was about to defeat our good friend and ally Gandalf. Yes, the same wise and powerful wizard that you and I both know was nearly vanquished by a simple troll after his staff quit working because the emerald in it went bad. Turns out that's the source of his power. A little emerald in the top part of his staff. He must have gotten a new one since then because I don't think he's ever had the problem again. We never found out what happened to Alfrid Lickspittle after he was launched from that catapult. He likely was killed along with the troll. He was a good friend
Beware that Grima Wormtongue, Frodo...
He died for our sins.
youtube.com/watch?v=-fcJm1Slk2E
is Alfrid the Jar Jar of The Hobbit?
Literally worse than prequel tier.
Post the peg leg troll
>bloom effect and flat video game cgi backdrops in every shot
aaaaaaaa! these movies are a fucking eyesore!
Hes worse. At least some thought and care went into Jar Jar's design and he had some purpose to the plot . Alfrid is some last minute "joke" character that serves no purpose.
But without him LOTR would have never happened.
on top of the 19 other characters we're supposed to care about you've got this nobody stealing screentime from others who could've been fleshed out more
>Alfrid Lickspittle
What did they mean by this?
Sounds like a Harry Potter character.
he was fne in the 2nd one where he was kinda just there but in the 3rd he was totally obnoxious.
i blame boyens, it was her that really wanted him. same with tauriel and all the shit dialogue
youtube.com
what the fuck is this
i thought it was a fun movie....
youtube.com
id be pissed if i worked for weta and they threw the stupid bloom over all my work, it ruins it.
...
Alfrid and Grima are Black Numenorian undercover agents
Literally worse than Jar Jar.
I'm surprised the backslash for the Hobbit movies hasn't been more severe.
Has Hackson apologized for this abortion yet?
DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME
ALL THAT I SEE
ABSOLUTE HORROR
I CANNOT LIVE
I CANNOT DIE
TRAPPED IN MYSELF
BODY MY HOLDING CELL
LAND MINE
TAKEN MY SIGHT
TAKEN MY SPEECH
TAKEN MY HEARING
TAKEN MY ARMS
TAKEN MY LEGS
TAKEN MY SOUL
normies loved the hobbit. look at the youtube comments, it's "SO EPIC XD!!".
they weren't even that bad if you dont compare em to lotr, you faggots are just being overly critical and dwelling on the negative, as usual.
That is one of the worst things ever. Holy shit.
>That delt-to-bicep ratio
Mirin
Remembering that these movies exist makes me want to kill myself
>they weren't even that bad if you dont compare em to lotr, you faggots are just being overly critical and dwelling on the negative
No, they're literal trash. And you are a shit eating faggot.
Lucas and Jackson were in entirely different situations.
Lucas had free reign to do whatever he wanted and he made fucking Jar Jar Binks.
Jackson was reigned in to direct the Hobbit films after Del Toro left, and was given a deadline so strict that he had no time to contest studio demands. "Add in a Grima Wormtongue character" they'd say, and Jackson essentially had to say yes.
People feel bad for Jackson, not so much for Lucas.
>mfw watching that without having seen a single second of the hobbit movies
jesus fucking christ
>Live for 3000 years
>Have one child
I-It's MEN'S fault!
In one of the appendices for fellowship, Jackson says that they visited the Lucas Ranch to learn about Lucas's techniques.
Rick McCallum and Lucas taught them about green screens.
Jackson should have walked away. We'd have been disappointed but it would have been for the best.
>literal trash
wow. you sure showed me.
first one was 7.5/10, second was 7/10, last was 5.5/10.
Like I said, you faggots will always dwell on the negative, which inhibits your ability to properly rate a film.
I feel the opposite. Lucas' prequels, even if they shit all over Star Wars, are still funny to me at least. I mostly just feel kind of a fond sympathy for Lucas.
Whereas what Jackson did to Tolkien's work is enough to neutralize my respect for him, even as much as I loved the LOTR films. The Hobbit films are so ugly and bad we can't even really meme about them. It's just too vulgar to even think about.
Were the elfs a metaphor of the dying white race?
lucas' work was revolutionary.
i saw the first hobbit with my brother and i made me mad, to be honest
then it got almost comically bad?
were they really at a loss with how to pad these out into another trilogy or what?
>walk away from millions of dollars
Effects-wise the prequels are amazing and really set the bar high even today.
...
>dude effects from 2001 look bad so the work can't have been revolutionary
...
When a dinner party 5 minutes into the first movie is the best part of your entire film trilogy, there's a problem
Pretty much.
Lucas was working with his own creations.
Jackson was not, and he shat all over Tolkien's work.
No, he honoured it.
I think the fact that Christopher Tolkien forbid any further adaption of his father's works after seeing The Hobbit speaks louder than I ever could.
I wonder if the kikes responsable for the rape of that novel for an easy buck regret it now.
Christopher never wanted adaptations after lotr, in fact im not even sure he watched past fotr. So by your logic lotr was also shit, which is blasphemy on this board. Furthermore, christopher never even watched the hobbit films. You know not of what you speak.
From my understanding these movies were made for kids 6-15 as you can tell by the shitty dialogue and overuse of CGI.
>shitty dialogue and overuse of CGI.
that literally all hollywood is now
>From my understanding these movies were made for kids 6-15
They were literally rated PG-13.
>They were literally rated PG-13
That's not what ratings are for user.
I'd take more Alfrid scenes if it meant removing the stupid scene where the dwarves manage to get Smaug to start up a decades old forge and perfectly create a 50 foot dwarven statue made of solid gold.
Thanks for reminding me
And yet there were quite a few decapitations, incinerations and stabbings but i guess it's ok if it looks fake.
I'm surprised no fantasy writer has ever taken the Elven long life trope and used it to make elves into the niggers of the fantasy world. Breeding at an uncontrollable rate and invading other lands to take their resources to continue breeding.
Maybe have orcs and humans unite to genocide them until they're back to a manageable population.
Nope, his boob coin pouch protected him from the troll's teeth.
Alfrid lives!
Deadpool was rated R, doesn't mean it isn't a movie made for kids.
Male elfs are low test fags with no sex drive.
That's why their women always go for other species
what's worse is that there's a behind-the-scenes video on one of these shitshows where the justification used for including him in the movies was somme one line in the hobbit that basically said "the lord of laketown and his councillors".
That's it, that's his only mention.
You should do it user, just dedicate it to Sup Forums
Stephen Fry is bad enough, Alfrid took a lot of heat off him.
Why did the catapult trigger when the coin fell over but not when it landed? Are coins heavier when they're on their side?
It would have had the the most force (weight) upon impact due to gravity's acceleration. This is worse than waves of jumping elves
The worst thing about these movies is that they could've been good. You can see that if Hackson gave a shit, they could have been on par with LotR. I mean the Star Wars prequels are a trainwreck from the get-go, without much room for improvement, but the Hobbit has some genuinely amazing scenes like youtube.com
It's just that these scenes are submerged in an ocean of shit. It's extremely frustrating to see such a potential gone to waste.
fuck me, that trilogy peaked 15 minutes in, how depressing
Gotta give it to Lucas that he actually did his own thing not because of money but for shits and giggles (and possibly because he thought he was making good movies...)
Jackson just completely sold himself out.
Fun fact: the guy that played Alfrid voiced Micalosh in Bloodborne
I'm glad I didn't watch BotFA.
Well Jackson never even wanted to direct the movies. He wanted Guillermo del Toro at the helm but all his LOTR sperg fans threw a massive tantrum until the studio basically strongarmed him into it. Why not turn it into a cash grab and rest on your laurels, honestly?
I literally got red in the face when that happened in the theater(yes, I made the mistake of going to see it, as I really thought it would be an improvement upon the first one). Would've probably stood up and left if I had been alone.
They just had to include a joke about Stephen Fry being gay with the testicle thing, didn't they? I'm glad I didn't pay to see the last two movies in cinema, first one was pretty good and well worth the money though, outside of the minor changes.
>He wanted Guillermo del Toro at the helm but all his LOTR sperg fans threw a massive tantrum until the studio basically strongarmed him into it.
en.wikipedia.org
That's not what happened. Del Taco left out of impatience and Hackson volunteered to replace him.
I think that's because the first one had the most iconic scenes out of the novel that were impossible for Hackson to fuck up.
If Desecration of Tolkien's Grave is a 7/10 to you, you probably haven't seen very many movies, certainly not good ones.
>So by your logic lotr was also shit
It was, if looked at purely as an adaptation. That's coming from someone who loves the movies.
I still get chills listening to that.
Fuck, this makes me so mad. Reminds me how butthurt I was after seeing DoS. Immediately had to vent my rage on Sup Forums.
Hobbit trilogy is objectively worse than the star wars prequels. Prequels work as dumb action schlock, Hobbit is too ponderous and dull to even work on that level.
How?
If you give any of the hobbit movies anything more than a 5 you have a shit rating scale
All of them are nothing better than average unless you just constantly watch shit
This is indisputable fact. You can still watch the prequels and have fun with them (even fucking episode 2) moreso than you can with the Hobbit trilogy. They were that fucking bad
honestly, if a fucking hobbit trilogy HAD to be made, they were still as good as we could have possibly reasonably expected from hollywood
Hobbit 3 was so fuckin bad
I kept falling asleep because the battles dragged on way too long but weren't exciting. I couldn't believe this was the same guy who did the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Stupid nonsense like in the OP filled the three long hours. When Bilbo got back to the shire I jumped out of my seat and left. Fucking terrible
>Those disgusting shekel-obsessed manlets flirting with aryan perfection
Gas the Dwarves, race war now
I will keep shilling that Dwarves are not fucking Jews in the Tolkienverse.
The only aspect that have in common is the boner and seekance of shekels. Otherwise, Dwarves are content to fuck off with their own kind far away from any other society, whereas jews have to constantly meddle in the affairs of goyim.
...
Frodo never met Wormtongue, brah
>I will keep shilling that Dwarves are not fucking Jews in the Tolkienverse.
There are people who actually believe that? I was just ironically shitposting
Frodo, did you know your good friend legolas was also my good friend? During The Battle of the Five Armies™, he rode upside down on a giant bat and single handedly slew a whole battalion of orcs. He was a good friend
>the cgi dwarf
I had forgotten
delete this
this can't be argued
to be fair blacks loved Jar Jar, so Jar Jar was for a purpose and successfully worked for one demographic
I blocked this from my memory. Damn you!
Just now I realize the coin is supposed to be a reference to the way the ring is destroyed, that is, if Eru intervenes to make sure the One Ring falls in the lava he will also intervene to drop a coin so a catapult launches some asshole into a troll's mouth. Bravo, Hackson.
but they are, Tolkien even admitted to it. It was the one race that was based on an ethnic stereotype
They were a proud race that lacked a homeland, travelled the world working as skilled craftsmen, held incredibly tight bonds of kinship, and had greed as their primary vice.
Fuck he even made their language sound semitic
Dwarves are pre-Haskalah Jews.