ITT: Religious kino

ITT: Religious kino

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican's_list_of_films
i.4cdn.org/wsg/1478821494510.webm
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

>actual literal Jewish propaganda

ye nah

'The Ten Commandments' with Heston is a masterpiece. Visually, it just looks great. And it encompasses the story better than "Prince of Egypt" did. It even has all these really dumb moments from the bible which makes the film fun and interesting. It's a fucking epos.

Prince of Egypt is alright as well, however. But I don't like most of the songs, as I usually never really do, so it's inferior to me anyways.

Besides that, the Vatican published its own list of great religious movies:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican's_list_of_films

It doesn't seem to feature any of the better Jesus movies, however, so there is that.
As the list has been done before "Passion of Christ", I recommend that as well. Almost a 1:1 adaption, just less gruesome.
Very basic, simple story, but never been done in such ways in movies, I believe.

It's an adaptation of the Old Testament.
If you don't believe in that shit then it's just a fantasy movie with cool songs.
Not to mention that the only reason this movie has a happy ending is because they ended it just before God got butthurt and fucked everyone but one guy.

Does Penda's Fen count?

>HUR HURR HURR DA JOOS

back to your echochamber polreddit

Best movie about Jesus I've personally seen by a pretty wide margin

Sad that hardly anyone seems to mention it among Scorsese's best

Ramses did nothing wrong

...

shoutout to dreamworks

Hacksaw Ridge

>Jewish god literally rains fire upon you and shits on all your gods
>refuse to do shit till he murders a bunch of children
>after all of this happened, come to the conclusion that chasing after the people whose god can pull this shit is a good idea
>make your soldiers charge into the magical ocean passage that is only held by the jewish god's will
No, he was a retard, though God was kind of a dick too. I never got why the dude couldn't just teleport all the jews away from Egypt instead of going around in such a complex way.
Why did he even give a fuck about the Pharaoh allowing them to leave when he could just annihilate anyone who tried to stop them?

...

Obligatory

DR PAVEL

I know you're probably funposting, but Touched by an Angel is straight-up 10/10 essential Christian TV-Kino.

They banned this movie in my country, then when the ban was lifted the Catholic church filed an habeas corpus in the name of Jesus Christ, and it was accepted by the judge

...

Most realistic portrayal I've seen of the bible stories.

Some Terrence Malick movies

Most of that came from his beliefs at his gods that they can do things like moses's god.
>>make your soldiers charge into the magical ocean passage that is only held by the jewish god's will
Yeah that was retarded. I blame the source material for making him retarded.

I guess that was just moses's god trying to humble the Pharaoh

>"who is the slave and who is the pharaoh? do you hear laughter ramses, the laughter of kings in babylon, in Canaan, in Troy, As Egypt surrenders to the god of slaves"

Movies made specifically to become "cult" movies by being intentionally quirky and "ironically" bad are the worst shit on the planet.

Only good on a technical perspective imo

> Wes Anderson movies are shit

Honestly wasn't that good
If it didn't have "Lol religion is dumb, god is a woman how funny is that?" it would be totally forgotten

Kevin Smith is garbage

>teleporting
Eh, I don't think that is possible. God has no will upon people directly, which would include moving them around.

You literally just picked up on the word quirky and shat out the name of the first noteworthy director that came to mind. Moonrise Kingdom, for example, is not ironically or sincerely bad,it is a genuinely good and technically well made movie.
Sharknado is more along the lines of what I'm talking about.

Old Testament God wasn't omnipotent? Did they add that later to make his powerlevel higher than other gods?

>being intentionally quickly and "ironically" bad
But that IS Wes Anderson.

You are thinking of dragonball

>can kill their children
>but can't move them somewhere else
At least summon a bunch of those fire tornados to surround them till they reach their destination.
Seems like the guy went through a lot of unnecesary trouble to get the permission of a cunt He didn't really give any fucks about.

>Why did he even give a fuck about the Pharaoh allowing them to leave when he could just annihilate anyone who tried to stop them?
Because all he wanted was to make Ramses suffer. That's why he chose his brother to steal his slaves. God a psycho.

The Christian God is a god of discipline and order, by him holding himself accountable to his own will shows a very strong power level

>selling you a stupid, intentionally retarded concept like Christ killing Draculas or Sharks in a tornado in order to get le holds up spork retards to see your dime bin cheap garbage IS the equivalent of what Wes Anderson does.
Right.

not baiting but who are you to question a being that by definition is beyond your comprehension?

I never really god why Atheists tried to put holes in the Bible by questioning gods decisions.

trying to understand god is literally impossible for humans just like trying to understand concepts like infinity

You can't deny that he sets out to make his own quirky world. You can't deny he intentionally uses shitty special affects to be ironic and he purposely puts its cringe worthy shit to be le edge lord. He fits the description

That's a shitty "it's not retarded, you just can't understand it" excuse.
And no, I'm not an atheist, I just think that some parts of the Bible are retarded.

>The Ten Commandments

I still do not know why frogs should be a plague. Frogs are harmless.

>I just think that some parts of the Bible are retarded

same but I never faulted God for that I always just imagined that men in their idiocy and arrogance misunderstood gods words and god never bothered to correct them for some higher purpose

Like even as a kid I never even once bought that god just looked like some old dude or that humanity was his/her only creation

that is just the word of a bunch of old men trying to feel superior

>kills their children
Well, now that can be interpreted differently, though.

the english adaption of the bible says
>At midnight the Lord struck down all the firstborn in the land of Egypt,
Which seems like the people suddenly died upon god's pure will and pressure.

I don't know the original version, though, and how it was written there. I imagine, being a "plague", that he could have merely used a sudden illness or any of that to his advantage and killing them that way.

Otherwise,
comes into effect. That he can, indeed, do literally anything, but chooses not to out of discipline and willpower.

This, of course, can beg the question as for why he went through the trouble of not teleporting them away. But this can be explained rather easy, I suppose.
Afterall, if the jews did not have the strength, the will, the passion to actually ever leave on their own, by their own... they would not be truly free, ever. And also be perceived as weak.
They needed to show that they possess the power. Not just to prove god, but themselves. That they can rely on themselves a little as well, or whatever.

Then again, then comes the time where Moses went away for a few days and thought he died. So they just built a golden cow and prayed to it instead, oh well
No wonder god killed them later on.

Sure, in a world devoid of context and reply chains, where a statement can be completely maligned to mean something other than what was originally meant, that's fine. As things are: no, he does not fit the description of what I was talking about in the context of what I was talking about, nor the examples I gave concerning what I was talking about, at all. I understand that the "gotcha" style of shitposting can be a lot of fun, but mostly it just makes you look thick

not even a christian and this has had a profound effect on me t b h

>Dersu Uzala
truly infallible tastes

...

Amazing. Which country was that I want to read about it.

>even as a kid I never even once bought that god just looked like some old dude or that humanity was his/her only creation
Ya, someone had to write that shit after all. You can use and think about it from different angles.
After all, the bible is supposed to be "correct", even though it is fiction. In the realm of fiction, god did look like humans. Or at least could take a form of that. He is a shapeshifter after all, he transformed into a burning bush for not much of a reason.

If god did look like a human, it does give out interesting parallels. If not, then that also gives out interesting parallels.
If you take into consideration that the bible was (in its fictional universe) not written by a guy, person, angel or whoever... and, thus, is not accurate, then that also raises a few questions as we'd have an unreliable narrator in our hands. Which is interesting cuz we also got the Koran then, for example. Which agrees with some parts of the bible and with others it does not.

Seeing the bible as a piece of fiction with an unreliable narrator does make it more interesting, I suppose, as it results in having the other religions as possible truths as well, thus making the entire religious books possibly correct as well.

>all the books would share one universe

Chile

>I still do not know why frogs should be a plague. Frogs are harmless.
>Frogs are harmless.

...

agreed

Used to watch this at night when i couldn't sleep, some episodes were really sad.

Pic related is one of the best movies ever made about the christian faith.

Definitely one of my favorite episodes.

It's such a great show, user. It really helped to inspire me through some tough times.
>tfw it isn't aired on tv anywhere in my country anymore, not even on any of the cable tv with 200+ channels at any time
feels bad man. where am i supposed to get my tv-Christ-kino now?

I have very fond memories of it as well, I was like 10 years old and my tv only had the 3 free government channels. Back then they had some pretty kino shows on instead of the degenerate reality bullshit they show now.

...

>Back then they had some pretty kino shows on instead of the degenerate reality bullshit they show now.
I completely agree, user.

i.4cdn.org/wsg/1478821494510.webm

HAIL SATAN!

All the characters and actors aren't though.

And Linda Fiorentino is hot

...

>Ancient Egyptians
>Not white

toppest kek

>characters
They were written by smith and are pretty shit
The performances were okay

I guess that's what I meant, I found the mains charming

i remember as a kid watching this exact scene after coming back from Sunday mass

was good times

absurdly underrated in my opinion

Then why did the war party launch hostilities on frogs?

God exerted retribution for the servitude of the Jews.

...

Good lad

...

The only thing missing was a post-credits scene in heaven where Rachel is with her Lord. Other than that, 3/3.

For me:
Pasolini's St. Mark
Bergman' Winter Light and Seventh Seal
Coens' A Serious Man
There are definitely others but I can't think of them right now. Though I am looking forward to Silence.

>Columbine

This is actually a very pertinent point. The whole "God as omnipotent prime mover" thing is a product of Aristotelian philosophy, and in no way part of the Jewish tradition.
Old testament God is just a big guy.

This!

Extremely underrated movie

i prefer the remake

>it's a new catholic generation thread
marry, fuck, kill

Would you want hundreds of frogs in your home and thousands in the streets? Then afterward thousands of disease ridden frog corpses in the streets?

HOL UP