Character brushes their teeth

>character brushes their teeth
>blood doesn't start gushing out of their mouth

>Character actually brushes their teeth twice a day and takes a shower more than once a week.

Nice try Hollywood.

>character takes a shit
>no blood in the stool

Why isn't this a horror short film?

>computer nerd character doesn't have acute lumbar lordosis or forward head syndrome

>character wipes his or her ass
>no hard cut to blood on the toilet paper

I bleed from my ass so fucking much I'm considering talking to a doctor about it. I don't even bottom much it's bizarre.

...

>character doesn't drape the toilet paper over his finger like a ghost costume and dig inside his ass when he wipes

>character farts
>doesn't go out of their way to stop what they're doing & stick their hand down their underwear in anticipation for the fart, and then take a huge whiff of their hand after it's soaked in foul mist

>I don't even bottom much
>much

it only takes one young and handsome guy to mercilessly pound you to smithereens for blood

>character doesn't pinch and pull his testicles between his fingers then smell them

>Character doesn't have bloody farts

peptic ulcer

>Character doesn't fuck toilet paper rolls when he can't find a girlfriend.

>Character bleeds
>No shit in the blood

>character masturbates
>doesn't cum into his mouth

i do this every day.

>character scratches their head
>a ton of dead skin bits doesn't rain down from their scalp

>character inhales through their nose on a bitter winter day
>blood doesn't start pouring out their nose

>character can fit his dick inside a toilet paper roll

>Character takes a shower
>Isn't ashy as fuck after drying off.

>character doesn't spend half-hour using up a whole toilet roll wiping their messy sticky shit
>still doesn't manage to clean it all properly

>character doesnt pretend his house is a fortress in a dystopian collapsed society where everyone is trying to shoot him and steal his gold bullion

>character doing morning bathroom routine
>doesn't spend 20 min. raking a rough brush across their back to pop all his zits

>brushes teeth
>no suds
>it doesn't drip all over their chin and down their arms

>character eats breakfast

this upsets me the most tbqh

It's so satisfying to do that. The smell gets absorbed into the skin. Also, cupping your balls and sniffing your hand after having not bathed in a while. It smells putrid, but good all at the same time.

>characters wife/fiancee/girlfriend cooks dinner in the kitchen with a cute apron on

>characters sit down for breakfast/lunch
>spend the entire time conversing and then leave without even touching their food

Please post a pic of your back. It must be disgusting.

Can pushups fix any of that?

>toilet bowl isn't piss stained with questionable dark matter underneath seat

>character doesn't pick and eat boogers when they get home from work

Real hackers look like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, only script kiddy crackers have fucked up posture.

>character eats a healthy, balanced meal instead of a bowl of cereal or a candy bar for a meal

>Character doesn't cry himself to sleep every night over his failures.

>character shaves
>doesn't need a roll of paper towels to clot all the cuts

Real hackers go 2 da club n pick up chicks and deal drugs lol
whos got time for hacking

Character make sure there's no oncoming traffic before picking their nose and eating it because the thought of a stranger seeing you with your finger by your nose at 45mph while passing in opposite directions has a slight chance to make someone you will never see again presume that you pick and eat your boogers.

>Character doesn't masturbate 3 to 5 times a day to anime girls.

Muh church need mo money fo dem programz

>tfw you have literally never cut yourself shaving

Real talk if you have gingivitis, fix that shit quick.

>character eats with their family at a table

>family doesn't eat on their own routine wherever they want

need mo money fo dem sex change operations

>character uses silverware

>character doesn't spend 5 minutes trying to floss away the 3 years of plague build up on their teeth from not seeing the dentist

>character doesn't have stacks of dishes and moldy garbage scattered around his desk

Relatable

>character gets a text message
>it's not from their provider reminding them of great top-up offers

Fucking this.
Also
>computer nerd character is well built
>computer nerd character has a tan

ENOUGH

>moldy dish on my desk
>put it in a desk drawer so I'll forget about it

>character owns a phone despite never receiving any texts or calls

this happened to me for years, probably hemorroids

what i did is very autistic but it worked, instead of shitting in the toilet, i took some toilet paper and put it on the floor, then i squat and shit there, grab the toilet paper with the shit and flush it

i still do it to this day, no more bloody shit

>Character brushes hair
>Hair isn't covered in dandruff afterwards

>moldy dishes on my desk
>hear doorbell ring
>slight possibility it could be someone I know from school that I haven't seen in years
>put dirty dishes in desk drawers
>answer door
>it's a package
>forget about dirty dishes
>only rediscover them when they start to smell

>character doesn't do the same thing every day

>Forgot to turn off phone at the movies
>Didn't matter

>character doesn't have dry skin after a shower that makes it incredibly painful to move for up to 12 hours

>character is comfortable in a social setting
yeah, righto hollywood.

>character establishes a set of goals and then accomplishes them.

>character is in their late 20s and still has a full head of hair with no noticeable thinning

>character isn't out of breath from walking up a flight of stairs

For real though, I hate when people spit out their toothpaste and it isn't the least bit bloody, like that shit is not normal you are supposed to bleed out your gums when you brush.

>character drinks all day
>isn't sleepy

>character doesn't spend at least half his free time on a PC posting on the internet or playing video games
I'm pretty sure this shit is mainstream at this point

>character gets in bed and quickly falls asleep
>doesnt toss and turn for an hour while thinking of every cirnge moment in their life

how am i supposed to relate?

Scifi movie?

>character doesn't shiver after he pees

>character wakes up before 12pm
What the fuck?

>character takes a piss
>urine isn't brown
c'mon

>tfw you wake up at 4pm

>character goes to a party
>doesn't stand in the corner by himself

>character takes a shit
>doesn't take an hour under excruciating pain and anal fissures
talk about plot holes lads

>user goes to a party
>doesn't realize he's a fucking normie and continues to post on my board
what the fuck dude

>character doesnt get his cum sock found by his mom

im expected to believe this?

>character doesn't shiver WHILE he's peeing

>character is confident and calm enough while driving to pick their nose
>character can just reach up and pick their nose, it's not a three-minute ordeal of reaching and wiping and getting nose hairs to not rub against the inside of their nose
>character never had the brilliant idea of plucking nose hairs that stick out and is not paying for that decision years later

>character wakes up at noon
>family all laughs at them for sleeping in so late

BITCH I WILL OWN YOU AT THE NEET OLYMPICS
YOU JUST FUCKING WAIT CUNT I'LL BE TAKING THE GOLD IN FAPPING THIS YEAR

>character doesnt spend 10 minutes each morning trying to get an eyelash out of his eyes

>doesnt use an old shirt
get it together

>character wakes up at noon
>dad mentions how he hasn't seen him in a week even though they live in the same house and that he should come down more often

>characters parents arent divorced

>character sees picture of little girl on the internet
>doesn't immediately start fapping with vegetable oil from his desk drawer

>character has a functional communicative family
Yeah, ok hollywood.

>Character cuts himself by accident while alone in his house
>Doesn't take the opportunity to make scary handprints on the bathroom mirror or recreate murder scenes from movies to judge them by their accuracy

user we are posting things that arent common.

>not using your blanket, and then flipping the cum stained side so the dry surface touches your body.

>come down more often
>come down
>doesn't live in the basement
Normies please stop posting

I hope no one actually does this

>tfw no basements in southwest

You could just get a squatty-potty. A stool kinda thing that wraps around the base of the toilet to simulate squatting down instead of sitting on a chair. I use something similar for a year now.

>character talks to another person
Suuuuure

>Character never tries to dig out tonsil stones with their tongue

>Character doesn't pick out dried cim from their cock to sniff after jerking off the night before

>doesn't use an old shirt that he kicks under his desk when he doesn't need it
>shirt doesn't have 3 years of cum stains on it
fucking really?

>character doesn't have shadbase and e621 in their search suggestions
I thought film was attempting to be realistic these days?