I got some shit to take off my chest Sup Forums

I got some shit to take off my chest Sup Forums
Years ago I had the perfect girl. Petite, cute, played the vidya, weeb, cute as fuck. Literal perfection in my book.
>Meet in highschool
>Ask her out day 1
>she says yes
>keep dating
>I become a control freak
>For some fucking reason I feel like she should listen to the same music as me, have the same political views, etc...
>We start arguing a lot.
>I feel like it's ok since we're just discussing issues
>It gets more and more frequent
>Don't pay too much attention to it, family said "there's no house without fire" (rough translation)
>Meet someone online
>Seems really intelligent
>Trust him a lot
>He tells me to primarily be honest.
>We discuss philosophy and psychology a lot
cont...

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>He teaches me some ways to dominate retards
>Get drunk one day
>Gf starts drama
>I go full out
>Say some really stupid shit, call her names (done it before but not this bad)
>She gets really quiet.
>See her again, she's emotionless
>Finally break her to talk.
>She tells me how unahppy she it.
>Can't blame her.
>I've been a massive dick to her.
>Hate myself for it
>She talks to me very little.

>Every time we do it seems to be a bit better and better
>One day I snap at her again for something I don't recall.
>She says she wants to leave me.
>Panic and threaten to leak her nudes
>"are you gonna hold me hostage in this relationship"?
>"no"
>ff some time
>My b-day's coming up
>We made plans to move to a different country together, try and work everything out living together.
>Days are going by fast. I'm feeling more hopeful
>She leaves me on my b-day
>3 year long relationship ended.
>ff 2 years almost.

>The guy who was my "friend" from earlier on had an influence in this
>Because I bs'd him I was suicidal because of her, he messaged her and she said the same thing.
>It was bs from her side too, I called her out on cutting and suicidal bullshit before and there were never any cuts, I know because I saw her naked every other day.

At this point I'm drunk.
I've always missed her. Truly. I feel like I fucked my chance with the perfect girl. The fuck do I do, Sup Forums.
No other girl has made me feel the same way again.
I'm not sure if I miss the misery of being with her ( i was really depressed with her too, control freak not getting his way) or was it just her that I felt the true connection with.
I'm so depressed.
Nothing feels the same anymore.
I'm on anti-depressants and they don't work anymore.
The only thing I've been living for is the idea that one day I'll find some qt yandere chick who'll love me unconditionally.
I'm in my mid 20's and I don't know what the fuck is happening in my life anymore.
Talk shit about me for being a dick, a weeb, anything.
I don't care.
I just want this bullshit to end.

Sounds like you were trying to play as an alpha Chad and she saw right through your act right from the start.

this is literally creepy as hell.
the picture.

It was toxic, yes. All of this started 5 years ago.
I miss her like crazy.
She ended up moving 5 minutes from me without knowing it,
I don't know if it's her I want to be with or someone like her
My mind's all over the place.
Fuck me

Eh, it taught you how much of a massive piece of shit you are. You couldn't have had a healthy relationship prior to screwing the pootch in such a fashion. It's a good thing. Move on.

The fact of the matter likely no other girl will make you feel the same. It can get better, though. As long as you're less of a massive piece of shit next time.

Go hit the gym.

Half-serious question: How on earth did you imagine that relationship working out? How would your ideal girl respond to your strange demands and tantrums?

Look up cluster b personality disorders and find yourself

Thats very true, I did learn a lot from the experience.
Looking back, I never want to put anyone through the same bullshit I did her.

And I do work out, that helped me stay sane and not think of her too much

Fuck off and die you normie faggot.

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Yep, only came to this thread to say this... Fully agree with this user. This image is as fucked as that creepy japanese art piece. Mumu or something?

Thing is she bent to it.
For the longest of time we had discussions about my demands and she changed herself accordingly.
She completely changed her looks, her personalty, everything for me.
That made me push on and keep asking for more without realizing what I had

I'm trying to sleep and you just scared the shit out of me with tiny eyes Will Smith :( I hope you're happy now

>and then I poo poo on her chest
>i use the poo poo as lube and masturbate into cup

Because you probably gaslighted and emotionally blackmailed her.

>OP meets the perfect girl
>He immediately and forcefully tries to change her

Woah..

You're telling me your high school relationship didn't work out..?

I genuinely can't believe it. High school sweet hearts ALWAYS stay together. These are truly shocking times.

#justnarcthings

I looked it up but I tend to disagree.
Don't know how much this will mean to you, but I apply this to video games.
I've been rank 1 in wow, top 20 in league, rank 20 in HotS, Diamond in Smite, and really high ratings in other games and I assume I can read and understand others pretty well.
The issues begin when I start trying to abuse people irl the same way I try to in the vidya

Umm you obviously didn't look it up or you're trolling

I did.
I admit to fucking up really fucking hard.
I'm just not sure of how the fuck to move on

Sorry bud, but you're a massive sperglord and you weren't cut out for this world.

Well, I'd start with looking for a therapist.
Those things aren't just going to go away the next time you date someone.

You guys broke up OP post nudes

>Umm you obviously didn't look it up or
You're right, I didn't read as much as I should have about it.
I did just now.
You're fucking right.
How the fuck do I change?
I don't want to put anyone else through this.

I've seen multiple over the years.
I just tend to bullshit them to pretend it's all fine.
I have a hard time admitting to my faults.
No clue why I'm even doing this here.

I've had other relationships after but after I stopped tryharding in them same shit happened again. Abuse, exploitation and breakup.
Never cared about any other as much as I did the first.

I think you'd have to realise that the person you're hurting most is yourself. Yes, you hurt others too but they can move on, you can't as long as you don't change some things because you're stuck with yourself, your own thought patterns, your automatic reactions and defense mechanisms.

If you want to change, you can. If you don't really want to, you can't.

Stop seeking relationships.
Take LSD.

>OP says he cares about these women.
>OP is consistently abusive and manipulative to them.

I believe I must change.
I'm willing to do everything I can to do so.
I desperately want a relationship that will last, and I want to be the perfect guy to the girl who I'll have that connection with

Whether and how people can change and how long it takes is all individual. Just because you show some symptoms of disorder x also doesn't mean you're 100% that, but if you have some unhealthy emotional reactions and/or thought patterns or some defense mechanisms that used to be helpful but are in your way now it makes sense to do something about it

again

Narcissists coming to terms with universal oneness is a beautiful thing. Witnessed it myself. It doesn't have to be LSD(Though it really cuts to the fucking chase that way) but seriously, do some self reflection. Mushrooms and Ayuaska will do the trick too. Just don't fuck with salvia.

Stop seeking relationships.

If they actually truly view themselves as the problem instead of blaming others, thinks they need to change and actually takes action tjey aren't a narc though

I'd love to try mushrooms
Tbh it's a matter of time before I do.
More than anything this is giving me motivation that it's not all fucked and that things can still change.
Thanks anons.

Speaking from personal experience(me), they still are. Don't get me wrong, it's an incredibly positive change to realize it and try to change, but all that's really needed is a change in perspective.

I'm still as narcissistic as I ever was, it's just no longer a downside. Everybody is me.

You really should, ESPECIALLY since you're at a frame of mind that WILL induce positive change on top of the GARUNTEED perspective shift of Psychedelics.