Hi Sup Forums. I lurk here a lot but rarely post. I need some advice.
I am getting married in a few weeks. She's a solid 6-7/10 with a good personality and ideal wife traits. She kinda nags me though and can piss me off at times with her stubborn attitude, but overall she appreciates and loves me. She's loyal and traditional. The crisis I'm having now is that I am not attracted to my gf/fiancee. She has a decent body, but I just don't feel the attraction or excitement. We have some fundamental differences in personality and temperament that also turns me off. I also really enjoy being alone.
What do Sup Forums? I can handle the shitstorm that ensues from cancelled wedding if I decide to break it off, but I'm 26, not getting any younger, and I'm afraid I'll regret it. Any advice from anons and/or oldfags?
also you should break it off if you’re already doubting your future with her
Jaxon Hughes
If I were in her shoes I'd want to hear it now instead of later. Yeah it would fucking suck but it's better than later down the line finding out and potential that the significant other was cheating because I couldn't satisfy/unattractive to him.
Owen Campbell
Sorry bro, call it off Doubts are normal but you should at least be attracted to your spouse
Josiah Nguyen
Thanks for the input... I know I'm coming across as a huge faggot but it means a lot.
It's not even her physical traits are that unattractive... her personality is what turns me off. She is way too outgoing, stubborn, and wants to be "independent". We get into pretty big feuds when she doesn't get her way.
Call it off. You are already thinking about it. Just looking for the reassurance. 26 isn't old. You're a kid still. Your head will change a lot by the time you're 30 or even 35. And if you're married you're probably gonna have kids, and you don't want to add to the broken home children population.
Henry Williams
>We have some fundamental differences in personality and temperament that also turns me off. I also really enjoy being alone.
What about her personality and temperament bothers you?
Post her picture, one of us would probably be interested in her.
Jacob Martin
Not fair to you or her if you don't sit down and talk it out with her. Few things are worse than being trapped in a loveless bond that's supposed to be based on love. If there's actual love but no sexual/romantic attraction, there's nothing stopping the both of you from staying close friends provided that she's sane and also shares your lack of attraction. You may not be getting any younger at 26, but you've got a hell of a long way to go before it's too late to end up in a happy life. Cut this shit off at the pass, discuss your state of mind with her, and figure out what needs to be done together; even if that means going your separate ways.
Ryder Bailey
How much do each of you make per year?
Jaxson Thompson
Marriage is an outdated concept. Don't do it.
Angel Cooper
If you're not attracted to her now, just wait until she gets fatter and more cunty when she really stops giving a fuck.
How long have you been with her? Are you cool with her folks, because if so, they'll talk sense to her if she gets out of line, except when it comes to getting fatter.
How long have you been with her and living together?
Joshua Mitchell
I'm really close to calling it off...
She is very emotional, gets upset when she doesn't get her way, very clingy
Good advice, I'm definitely talking to her before anything happens...
I make $70k/year, she makes pretty much $0/year. She tried working but she quit her job in order to do an engagement vacation with me and plan the wedding
Logan Davis
You're right.
Been with her 2 years, not yet living together, her folks are definitely cool, they'd talk sense into her for sure, but I don't think she'll listen because of how stubborn she can get.
Wyatt Garcia
Hey OP, I've had a similar thing going with a girl I was with for 4 years. I was never really attracted to her but she was really in to me at first and she was decent looking enough with a great personality that had its flaws which ticked me off from time to time. We had a lot of things we didn't see eye to eye on (Religion, abortion, different human rights.....) but we decided not to talk about them often because these arguments lead nowhere.
I stuck with that person because it was easy and convenient, plus the sex was great. But every now and then I'd feel that something isn't right, I have a girl who's madly in love with me, would do anything for me, always there when I needed yet I wasn't into her and I didn't tell her from the start and that feeling never changed.
Long story short: these feelings ended up boiling up over time, getting the better of me and things went far south very quickly and it ended disastrously. I do still feel regret because I lost a person that I let get really close to me and starting depending on them socially and emotionally. However, I know for a fact that was for the best because no matter how good things seemed, I couldn't lie to myself for too long and what I was feeling was going to take form in one way or another. I was not compatible with that person and that was a lesson learned the hard way.
I hope you figure out whatever you need to do, my only advice is to just take time and really be honest with your emotion and self. Try not to silence any voice or thought when thinking about this subject and address everything that comes to mind according to what you feel is right. GL
Jose Gomez
>She is very emotional, gets upset when she doesn't get her way, very clingy You gotta set some boundaries if you do talk it out and decide to stay with her. Its an absolute nightmare to be with someone thats clingy if you are the type that enjoys some solitude
Wyatt Stewart
this. Its over already. You're just having a hard time dealing with it. It doesn't mean she's a bad person, sometimes people fall out of love. Or become less attracted to one another. Oh, and that nagging WILL NOT get better after marriage lol
>good luck
Jose Wilson
Correction, we're actually together about 2.5 years
Isaac Ward
I originally responses with this However after seeing: >She is very emotional, gets upset when she doesn't get her way, very clingy and >I make $70k/year, she makes pretty much $0/year. She tried working but she quit her job in order to do an engagement vacation with me and plan the wedding Nigga you sound like a fuckin meal ticket to me. If you're not grotesquely ugly and severely autistic and profoundly lonely, I'd let her down as gently as possible and promptly do a 360 and gtfo of there.
Wtf nigger, you dont even live with her?!?!?! You haven't even see the real her.
Make sure she gives at least as much as you do, but it's nice if you're with someone who gives a little more than you do.
Food for thought...you're 20 fucking 6, do you think you'll ever miss different pussy...FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE..55+ YEARS???
Gabriel Wright
It might not seem like it OP, but if she really loves you than that negates like eighty percent of the shit that is bothering you, IF she actually does. If you believe she loves you than you should ignore every faggot basement dweller on here. Real love is rare and it is precious. They will be assholes and jealous and get in your business but they want to be a part of you and that is why. It is hard but do not let them go.
Cooper Bailey
maybe try living with her first, go slower and see where it goes, or just gtfo before the situation gets worse
Gavin Fisher
It's not real love if it isn't reciprocated... It's just one person loving another who doesn't deserve their love and another person who - if they aren't a piece of shit - will spend the rest of their life or marriage (whichever ends first) feeling like it's all wrong.
Christopher Carter
>quit job to vacation and do wedding planning bullshit Oh man, sounds like you have a leech on your hands. If you get married, she'll have no incentive to work ever. Then getting a divorce will mean paying alimony while she rides Chad's dick for years on end.
>telling a guy to stay in a relationship with someone he isn't attracted to yeah that always works out well you fucking retard. Are you a fucking church counselor or some shit. People can and do fall out of love. It happens, its called life
Jeremiah Clark
This
Robert Morales
I think I'm in the exact situation that you're in right now. Thank you user for the honest and heartfelt response... I've read your reply about 5 times now.
Agreed, believe me I agree with you there
Maybe... I'm really stuck on what to do or how to approach the conversation with her
You're right and it is something to think about. Thanks user
And that's exactly why this decision is so fucking difficult.
I'm leaning towards this decision... maybe I can convince her to postpone the wedding
Good point
John Baker
Does she respect you and is she respectful when she disagrees or nags?
Jonathan Sullivan
Calling it off is easier than divorce.
Bitches would rather fuck a single dude that was almost married much more than a divorced douche.
Plus money reason.
Marriage sucks sometimes even in the best marriages. Waste of time if it’s not with some you can’t live without.
Blake Moore
>Calling it off is easier than divorce this too (and its MUCH cheaper)
Xavier Scott
Yes for the most part. She respects me because she accepts me as the leader and supports my decisions on most things. She can be a sarcastic asshole though when I do something that she dislikes
Nicholas Bennett
Thank you. I am strongly considering your advice. If I do let her down, it will be very gentle.
Justin James
break it off
the last thing you want is to redo this in divorce court dude
youre 26. you dont need to be that young to get married and have things work out. in fact, getting married when you really dont have anything in common - if theres no companionship as you say - is just ignoring what you already know, and will not just vanish in your mind. itll come back out and be much messier later.
i know many anons here are sexless and filled with empty meme ideas about love and relationships, but if theres any advice to take here, its that love is something you find yourself in. if you dont find yourself in love, its time to leave. i have several happily married friends and none of them have gone into it with this many serious doubts about it. on the other hand, i know several divorced couples where one of them hid (and thats what this is, hiding) their true feelings only for it to spaghetti out with half their assets and a few years wasted.
William Parker
Postpone the wedding if you can. If she's really loyal like you said raise your standards leave drugs even alcohol also from what you eat to even the air you breathe. Polish her up if she doesn't listen she'll feel left behind. It's hard to find someone that will be with you at the hardest of times. You gotta work with what you have user. I'm a 24 year old NEET grad but I've seen enough to know what man is capable of. I can't stop thinking of this saying "Past is f****** prologue"
Elijah Jenkins
>do it over text >show us >profit ???
heres some advice, she an only child? she not used to living with someone else? been married for 8 years love the wife and kids, attraction and excitement will fade, for most, heres what you do. tell her your gonna post pone the marriage before you fix the relationship issues, go either talk to her or go seek couples therapy. if shes unwilling leave her. giving up is easier than getting your hands dirty and fixing the problems, just like any relationship sacrifices have to be made. attempt to make it work, show your putting the effort in, if she wont then its not worth but better than living with regrets of you should of tried harder. also train your wife, thats what i did.
Tyler Campbell
>I am getting married found the fckn mistake
Julian Gutierrez
Plus, having not lived with her is actually a big deal. This isn't the puritanical 50s... It's acceptable to move in with someone before you're married and it's actually advisable. One or two 12 month leases should tell you a good amount of what you need to know about someone, though even longer is better still. Some shit doesn't rear up until a good way down the line.
Benjamin Parker
No we have a few important things in common, it's just her personality kinda turns me off sometimes (she has a dominant social personality that goes against the feminine personality I am typically attracted to).
I also love that saying "love is something you find yourself in". Thank you. You have a good point from practical experience.
Postponing the wedding would be a hail mary at this point. She will be devastated and a very costly one. I'm considering it though.
She has one sibling. Good advice about putting in the effort. I agree that the issues need to be addressed before marriage. I'm going to take advice from this thread and other close people and devise a strategy.
No I agree 1000%. It was very hard to do it because of financial reasons
Brayden Parker
@OP Check yoursefl b4 u wreck yoursefl. Here is a checklist that has served me well over the years.
1) Are you willing to care for this woman if she has a stroke, is confined to a wheelchair and spends the rest of her life drooling and shitting the bed? 2) Are you feeling pressure from your immediate family to get married? 3) Are you feeling pressure from HER or her family to get married? 4) If you are not sexually excited by her, does she know this and what consequences can you expect as a result of marrying someone who does not ignite you sexually? 4a) Have you discussed your lack of sexual attraction to her with her? 4b) In either a yes or no answer to 4a) does enough of a spark of sexual attraction exist for you to make it worth exploring together? 4c) If you went bankrupt next week would she still marry you? 5) WTF makes you think anyone on Sup Forums has advice worth considering while horrible p0rn ads hover above your OP?
Never trust an anonymous source without doing your own research.
Robert Sanders
dump her
Gavin King
Grow the fuck up, people get married to not be lonely. You will never find your ideal other.
Nathaniel Perry
Why?
Dominic Butler
have some tits anons for the advice and also to bump the thread
