I FUCKED UP GUYS! A few colleagues and me went out drinking and when I was leaving and hugged everyone goodbye, I accidentally grabbed too low with one of the new colleagues and touched her ass and she flinched. I swear to god I wasn't trying to touch her ass!. I didn't apologize (in hindsight big mistake) and just went on saying my goodbyes, I felt like an asshole while leaving the bar.
Do address it on Monday and apologize? Or just ignore it and hope for the best? I don't want to be Harvey Weinsteined! I don't want that reputation at my work or worse lose my job over this. What do I do?
address it on monday, for your cringe memory relay's sake and for her's. just be cool, it's just a silly misunderstanding and she's probably forgotten it by now but won't mind an apology to clear the air.
Jace Powell
That's what I was thinking, Thanks man
Colton Hall
Yeah just apologize on Monday and explain it was an accident. Probably just blow over from that. Next time know where your hands go mate
Gabriel Cruz
Lol its okay at work I was reaching for something in the coolers under a girl and rubbed her vag and we just got all quiet and awkward it was terrible
John Brooks
Definetly adress it. If you dont adress it it will seem like it was done on purpose. Its not too big of a fuck up.
Oliver Flores
So what did you do?
Leo Nguyen
He had sex with her, you rubbish bin. What do you think happened?
Nolan Williams
Don't sweat it. Unless she was an obese neon haired gender studies type, she prob won't even care. I work in a confined space in a small office with a a female colleague and we've bumped each other's anatomy so much over the past 4 years, we said fuck it and got engaged....I serious, I'm engaged to someone I've shared a tiny office with for half a decade.
Brody James
I disagree with these guys. If it was a mistake best thing to do is either make a joke and apologize at the time, or say nothing; bringing it up later as fucking weird and means you've been thinking about it all this time.
You can dispel her concerns simply by having normal interactions with her, just go out of your way to NOT hit on her. It is not a wise (nor is it your job) to waylay her fears & convince her that you're not some ass grabbing creep--she should simply assume that you're not. The fact that everyone hugged you in the first place suggests that everyone (including her) already knows this. A minor faux pas like this one should not be enough to change her mind, and if she brings up to co-workers, I bet money they're telling her it was nothing, you were all drinking, she should calm the fuck down, etc.
If she IS the type of person to truly be concerned about this, an apology could come off looking like damage control after a failed attempt to send a message via the Grabass Express.
The only time you should acknowledge this is literal non-event is if she starts acting weird around you, and she brings it up when you have to ask her why. Then you should apologize while gently making her feel like an idiot for bringing up something so clearly benign.
Lets bring it awkwardly to the forefront. Just let it go. Apologizing just makes something that probably isn't an issue into an issue.
Andrew Watson
Gonna be honest with ya - had to Google that refrence. So a tv show? We don't get American programming here. Well, besides CTV. They have a few American programs. Mainly NCIS & the like.
Brayden Wilson
what I said, minus the wall of text. couldn't agree more.
it was okay for you because you apologized when it happened. the statute of limitations on an apology already up for OP, plus he was in a public place and apologizing to her would have required letting everybody else know about the nothing that happened.
Pretty common to meet girls at work, incel. Met my wife when we interned at our local newspaper together. Shared a small coffin size office like it sounds like user and his fiancee do.
Austin Price
Lol....that explains the reference, I guess. Up north this far, we only get over the air channels like CTV and more localized channels unless you at a small fortune for cable or satellite TV.
Benjamin Foster
I didn't say I didn't believe him, it was a joke calm down.
Fuck this guy makes a good point. Now I don't know what to do!
Angel Hall
*pay a small fortune, that is.
Pretty much. We do accounting at a regional oil / fuel distribution plant. The plant administration "building" is literally an old converted mobile home. Our office is a converted back bedroom in the trailer, so you can kinda figure how small space we operate in.
Lincoln Rivera
maybe she was into it OP
Carter Harris
Cool
Zachary Ortiz
Coo
Ethan Roberts
Just trust me on this man. she might have wondered about it at the time, but if she's normal she will let that shit go almost immediately as soon as you start treating her normally.
Even if she's a little neurotic, it MIGHT be in the back of her mind during your first few interactions, it'll go away and she'll realize that it was an error and move on.
For real. Listen. Dont say shit unless its brought up because nothing fucking happened. Just chill out and move on. You're not a creep, it's was an accident. I cant count how many asses my hand touched in highschool hallways, military training or like elevators you know? It happens to everyone all the time when you're all clustered together, ie hug.
You'll be good but dont try putting out fire when there are none. No biggie man.
Ayden Foster
I get your point, but my first instinct is that I really want to address it. If I address it before she mentions it, then I might seem sincere and she will believe me it's a misunderstanding, but i wait until/if she mentions something, then I am taking a gambit. Because if I address it then, it will seem less sincere and it will look like I am just doing damage control.
Eli Miller
Definitely apologize when you see her on Monday. Just be honest, admit that you are uncomfortable/embarrassed for even having to do this shit, and explain yourself.
Nathaniel Garcia
This is implying that user is smooth in the slightest, in which case he wouldn’t be in this situation.
Austin Morales
DON'T BRING IT UP UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE DOES, IDIOT
Elijah Miller
Only if you acknowledge that it happened. But you're not supposed to do that because means you've been sitting around thinking about it. You're supposed to look confused that she's bringing up something that is a non-event.
At the very MOST you're acknowledgement shouldn't go beyond "what? oh god, THAT? I guess I didn't say anything because I knew you wouldn't think it was intentional and I didn't want to embarrass anybody... but I guess I was wrong. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but I pretty much forgot about it 10 seconds after it happened".
David Harris
NOOOOOO DON'T FUCKING BRING IT UP AND MAKE A BIG DEAL, MORON IT'S NOT A PROBLEM UNTIL YOU MAKE IT ONE.
Colton Thompson
Apologize and then twist her nipples. Dont be a pussy OP. Make America the 60's again.
Evan Perry
Listen to me carefully OP, because I’m about to tell you how to stay out of trouble.
You made two mistakes - touching her ass, and not apologizing at the time. You need to address BOTH.
You CANNOT just pretend nothing happened. If you do, you take the risk of her telling everyone what a creep you are. Even if she doesn’t HR you, it will fuck with your reputation.
You need to talk to her as soon as possible. If you have her phone number, text her. If not, then talk to her first thing on Monday.
You say this: “I just want you to know I didn’t mean to touch your butt or do anything inappropriate on Friday. I didn’t say anything at the time because I felt kind of awkward and froze up, And if I came off as creepy I apologize.”
This makes you seem responsible, wholesome, and an adult. Yes, you are admitting you felt awkward - that’s ok - own it and say the whole phrase confidently but sincerely.
Liam Reed
Just acknowledge what you did, explain how it was an accident and say sorry.
The last thing you want is for them to think that you did it on purpose and that you didn't apologise because you thought you could get away with it.
These things happen, human interactions are clumsy and sloppy, especially when you add alcohol into the mix.
Ryan Gonzalez
These are 100% correct
Daniel Martin
Fuck! Why do you make so much sense. I still don't know man. It's a fact that I have thought about, I fucking posted about it on an anonymous forum. I don't know if I can play that cool and it still feels like a gamble. My biggest fear is that's she going to gossip about it, or worse file a complaint and then I'll have to deal with that shit passive aggressive shit or like an actual fucking strike on my record.
Brandon Jackson
Do not be tempted to listen to this man.
Yes, admitting it means you’re admitting you thought about it. This is OKAY. It is OKAY to admit to her that you’ve thought about an awkward social situation. She will not be mad at you for overthinking - she will think you’re mature and considerate, and at absolute worst maybe a bit neurotic.
Your fears that she will “gossip” are well-founded. This isn’t really “gossip” though. Women look out for each other, and they chat about which guys to stay away from in every workplace. Any time a guy gets handsy or inappropriate, you can be sure that all women in the office will know. They usually won’t get HR’d unless it’s really bad, but the rep will always follow, which can fuck them over later.
Doing this will put to rest any rumor that might start. At absolute worst, she’ll say that you were a little awkward and neurotic, but your efforts to be kind and professional will not come back to bite you - they can only help.
Christopher Hill
Ask her if she liked it.
Lucas Sanchez
>I felt an asshole while leaving the bar. Well done op, your probability still gay tho.
One of the primary reasons I'm providing you this advice is BECAUSE there were a bunch of other people there. if she tries to "gossip" about this to anybody they're going to look at it like she's a needy fucking psycho.
I'll be honest: I've been replying to you in this thread for a while now and it seems like you almost WANT a problem to be there.
Austin Roberts
Thank you. I think I'll stick to my original plan.
Josiah Kelly
it's fucking stupid to apologize for something that happened at a bar while you're at work. the fact that it doesn't even warrant an apology only compounds the stupidity of what you're suggesting.
Aaron Scott
I really appreciate the advice. It gave me some insight that no-else was giving and it really helped me think this through, I am just going to feel it out on Monday and if I feel like there is a good opportunity I might address, if she acts cool around me, I might not address it.
Julian Young
address, chill.
Brandon Taylor
I was helping this redhead at work carry something and my hand got stuck between the box and her tit. Now she's really touchy with me; always touching my arm, shoulder, putting her hand on my chest when she leans in to talk. I just want to rail her over her desk.
Angel Watson
Clearly spoken by a guy who knows nothing about women in an office.
Women take handsy, inappropriate men in the workplace very seriously. They DO talk. No, they do not say “oh Becky, you’re overrreacting” when Becky says that a dude tried to feel her ass at the bar after work.” They say “thanks for looking out for me Becky, I’ll watch myself around him.”
Women, including ugly ones, have this happen to them all the time. They DO take it seriously when a co-worker gives them a heads-up.
Jeremiah Garcia
I would err on the side of not addressing it unless she acts weird after several attempts at normal interaction, but this isn't the worst thing you could do.
Personally, I use my own personal invention: the Seinfeld/Larry David barometer (Larry's Law). It works like this: If the problem is something that could have been the central theme in an episode of 'Seinfeld' or 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', there's a pretty good chance that it's not a big deal at all despite the fact that people might have strong opinions either way. If you can read your arguments or feelings in the voice of Seinfeld--
George: but what if she gossips, I hate the gossip--there's nothing to even gossip about Seinfeld: isn't that the definition of gossip George: EXACTLY SO WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE IT SERIOUSLY Elaine: I think the only person who takes gossip seriously as the person being gossiped about Seinfeld: that's true, the gossipEE is usually the only one who cares about the gossip
then the problem isn't worth dwelling on. I know it's a long shot since none of you young faggets watches Seinfeld, but you should. there are many life lessons that can be learned from Larry David.
Aaron Hernandez
>I am just going to feel it out on Monday Stop molesting the poor woman, Jesus Christ.
1) He wasn't in the workplace dipshit, he was at a bar--and he went on to hug other people without incident. I already told him it was reasonable to address the issue if it came up, and I even told him how.
2) I work in a clinic with nothing but female nurses and mostly female physicians, and I had my own personal run-in with this type of bullshit--except I was actually reported IN THE WORKPLACE. Fortunately my friend was with us the entire time and corroborated events (it's still unclear what "events" were the source of the complaint). They asked me if I would be willing to sit down and talk about it, and I insisted that we should because I had no fucking idea what I was even supposed to have done. It was at this point the entire thing was dropped, which pissed me off more than a little because I wanted some fucking consequences for the woman responsible. It ended with my manager laughing it off because he knew me, and making a joke about the fact that she worked in Counseling and Psychological Services but seemed to lack communication skills.
I'm not giving him this advice on a whim, or without sound reasoning.
Henry Barnes
well, at least you got to second base
Jackson Evans
lold
Henry Young
It kind of does feel like a Seinfield episode, but if I am George I am fucking screwed either way.
Carter Bennett
That's part of the reason I use Seinfeld--you get to decide who you're going to be. Every character is neurotic to some degree, and in those cases the supporting characters play different roles--voices of reason, even though they often disagree.
Isaac Clark
OP here. I just wanted to say this is stupid. I am not going to text her. I don't want to leave a papertrail for HR to see that I touched her ass.
IF I am going to address it . it's going to be face-2-face.
Caleb Edwards
Try tongue to pussy instead it tends to be better received.
Christian Wilson
If you do, Seinfeld the possible outcome; wait until the time is right instead of trying to make the time right, do it in a public place that's private enough not to be overheard, look for fucksake don't do it someplace where you're alone.
