Teens nowadays will never know the struggle of trying to find something good late night on tv

>teens nowadays will never know the struggle of trying to find something good late night on tv.

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i think i see a nipple

...

Johnny fucking Carson

Sweet Jesus, I miss that cunt

>tfw staying up all night watching shit movies in the hope a fappable sex scene might come on
Highlight of an 80's adolescence

>Had a tv in my room and used to stay up till like 3 in the fucking morning on Friday and Saturday to watch Red Shoe Diaries of Emmanuelle or some other soft core porn on the one slightly edgy channel out not quite basic cable package provided.

>watching Real Sex late at night
>Dad walks down the hallway
>woman on TV moans real loud
>hear Dad stop walking
>turn TV off
>He keeps walking down the hall.

>He didn't put the volume as low as it would go without being it being full mute and then pressed his ear up against the tv speaker.

I was a fapping stealth operator.

I eventually got a TV with a headphone jack on it. It was weird, but man did that help.

Stealth operatorrrr... steallllth operatorrrr...

I used to stay up late until stupid-o-clock watching some shitty subtitled euro film because the tv guide said it had nudity in it.

>finding something to watch between 4AM and 6AM

>None of these faggots ever stayed up late fapped to latenight censored VH1 Howard Stern with pornstar guests

>Tv guide said there was nudity
>Had a porno sounding name
>On super late

I stayed up to catch it, and that wasn't easy because at that point I wasn't used to staying up super late, and then the movie comes on it would show a pair of tits for like 1 second and cut away. And it kept fucking doing it. Never longer than like a 2 seconds shot of tits.
I fucking livid.
I pretty much hate fapped to it.

>Bend over and let me see your ass!

This happened to me a few times. Once it was just euro cocks and I was so mad

I remember the first thing I ever saw on cable was a street interview on Judge Judy with all these random New Yorkers giving their opinions on the case. It was like stepping into Mad Magazine.

In my country, these were the hours that they would play televangelist shows. They were actually quite comfy, not gonna lie.

Deep penatrator
Deeeeep penatrator

I tried, but there was just too much Howard Stern in there

Some of the old, massive, phone book-sized film review guides were real works of art, they could make a two-star film sound like the most brilliant concept ever in just one short paragraph. They would review trash like STAR69 and plaster a turkey silhouette next to it. Everything had such a vivid thematic and conceptual summary that it was easy to imagine films being better than they were.

Millennial here, I've never heard of those at all. Were they like just compendiums of movie reviews? Did you just go and pick them up at book store?

That guy that was a critic on entertainment tonight published those books

Leonard Maltin? I loved those those books

Basically an encyclopedia of movies
Updated with new movies yearly
A little blurb about the plot and a out of 5 review
Was cool

I explicitly remember the first time the PPV channels went from mere full frontal to actual hardcore and I saw a hole go swirling by.

That was a great day.

Were they all just some guys reviews, or were they like Maltin and Ebert reviews?

They still make em
Expensive though on amazon 150 buck

This bro
Worth it if you can find in a used book store

>tfw you would scan the credits and if you saw a name like Patsy Kensit or Koo Stark you knew you were guaranteed nudity
Mr Skin truly changed everything

Cool, might check it out.

I found an inverted color a clockwork orgy once, shit was cash. No vhs tho.

Yuhmm

Most of you motherfuckers will never know what it's like trying to tear off the perforated seal of the adult section of the satellite channel
guide at your great uncle's house as quietly as possible just so you can jerk off to the titles of shit on channels they didn't even subscribe to.

Christ bro, it would've been easier to just swipe a porno mag.

When you're 12 and visiting them for Thanksgiving in a tiny town in the Tennessee mountains, you take what you can get.

You're
I'm guessing
41

I preferred Mick Martin to Maltin, just because he said things that didn't need to be said. Reading his asides, they're almost like Tarantino dialogue, it primed me for stuff like Pulp Fiction.

33

>visit cousins with my family
>our family and their family are looking for something to watch on the TV
>big brother has TV Remote and is channel surfing
>stops at a scrambled channel that is so obviously porn, even my ~8-year old mind realizes it, but he stops and stares, confused
>everyone in the room starts yelling at him to change the channel
>he gets angry and says he won't change it unless someone tells him what it is
>yelling intensifies for the longest 5 seconds
>dad finally rips the remote from him and changes the channel
>nervous laughter from the adults followed by awkward silence
ya blew it, bro

Aye
I was way off
I guess satellite went longer than I though

Didn't even know Martin
I may have a look for

>see promising film title on late night hbo
>check the pre film rating
>The following movie contains: Nudity, Adult Content, Adult language
>watch with dick in hand, wating for something to fap to
>sit through a shitty 2 hour B movie
>the nudity was a guy's butt
>mfw

iktfb

Even in the far less remote and more suburban part of the South where I lived, cable wasn't really widespread till the late '90s. Had to have satellite if you wanted a lot of channels or were any distance away from major infrastructure hubs.

youtu.be/Gu8vLaj8rzk

I'm somewhat of an aficianado of the reference guide.

Aficionado, sheesh. Anyway the best guides are a little rambling

>See a movie a movie that had a warning for "siginifigant sexual content' in the tv guide or something like that on the art house channel.
>Literally never seen a warning like that before
>This shit's gonna be good
>The big night comes
>Wait up and the movie finally comes on
>Has the wearing again, very explicit warning there is sexual content in this movie before
>I'm hard already
>It's literally just this dude driving around
>Like literally just driving around
>Finally meets a girl, and I'm thinking he's gonna plow her ass on camera
>Nope
>He leaves and guess what? He drives around some fucking more
>And keeps driving
>And driving
>Give up after like an hour of this jack off driving around
>Forget about it

>Later find out it The Brown Bunny

If I'd stuck it out I would've seen an actual BJ. And it wouldn't even have been worth it.