What's going to happen if I don't have sex soon? I just turned 26 today and I'm still a virgin...

What's going to happen if I don't have sex soon? I just turned 26 today and I'm still a virgin, all I ever think about is fucking, am always getting hard it feels like my body needs to have sex or something bad biologically will happen.

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That's the temptation of sin trying to keep you mortal.
You have to endure four more years, user. Then you will be bestowed the awesome powers of wizardry.

The fuck are you on about faggot I'm being serious here

Get a prostitute. Seriously. Once you get it out of the way, you'll feel better

If you don't think magic is serious then you deserve to stay mortal. Hope your genital herpes is worth not having full control of the elements.

I considered it at a point but all that would pass my mind is my insecurity of how pathetic it was for me to having to pay for sex.

Die

not as shameful and pathetic as the girls who have to get paid for sex just to survive

just fuck hookers all day every day yolo

By 30 you will be a grandmaster wizard and will be able to see into the future. Use your powers for good.

No, I'd rather try to actually get laid with a girl that actually wants to fuck. I think it's getting desperate now cause I'm starting to think about fucking a trap too.

Women can smell desperation so stop it. You need a fast, loose girl. Go hang out at some dives and make sure to go to the after parties.

When it happens, it'll be both a huge weight lifted off your shoulders from the anxiety of "being too old to be a virgin" and super underwhelming. Sex is awesome in your teens because it's what you're "supposed" to do, but it only starts getting good once you really figure it out. Looking back, I was just happy I lost my virginity at 16 because I was scared I would be a magician, but in perspective of what was to come, it was bad sex. Basically, you'll feel happy and deeply unsatisfied at the same time. Have fun, bro!

Don't think like that. You're obssessimg over the fact that you haven't had sex. Just get a prostitute. That's what it comes down to.

You're not Ryan Gosling, but it's fine. Just get it out of the way

>What's going to happen if I don't have sex soon?
I have a friend who didn't have sex in time, and he like, died.

I don't act desperate, I don't even talk to females really, like around guys I can be myself and act normal but when it comes to girls I just don't know how to talk and usually avoid convo, like few days ago had a female coworker ask me why I don't really talk and I told her idk I just don't but the reality is I'm just terrible socializing with women

Can't, I'm a wizard, bitch

I was in your same position, I got a prostitute and solved things

Yeah dawg, if you don't talk to girls, they're not gonna spread their legs for you.

I really think just finding a nice hooker would be a good confidence booster. At the very least it would get rid of the "i'm a freak cuz i've never fucked" self flagellation

If you don't want to do that, get better at talking to women. They're just people dude.

You're focusing on the pinnacle and wishing you were cheering on Everest already, mate.
Sex is the result of putting yourself together enough to be capable of becoming who you are with another person.
You need a girlfriend user

Unless you're a degenerate, like a non white type person or something, then sex is just get you some or die trying U lil bitch ass nigger. My dick

Do not fall into any sort of TRAP FFS!
Unless you're a degenerate

Degeneracy puro

Dawg? Fuck off nigger I don't want any advice from you, rather die a virgin

Ayyayayayayaay

You'll start posting on Sup Forums all the time with the other virgins, wondering what female breasts feel like. Pretty soon you'll convince yourself that you're gay/tranny/toaster and fuck ugly, older men one after another trying to compensate for your thirst for puss with no luck. Eventually you'll die somehow.

Fuck. If you talk the way you type, you'll be a grand master spell casting wizard that rivals Gandalf.

If you haven't had sex by 30 you'll start to get some of your lesser spells, if you havent been masturbating of course.
Then around 40 you'll get some minor spells, 50 is the mid, and 60 is where the high tier stuff is but most people just die there.
The trick is to stay alive without sex until at least 70, you've probably noticed the pattern, but every ten years you'll get thr next tier of casting slots. 70 is the grand wizard tier with really fucking cool shit, and 80 and 90 are a bit over powered. Usually because it just takes so long to get there and is really rare, so it gets the best stuff.
If you make it to 100, you'll only get one spell at this level, but it's immortality and eternal youth, so you'll look like yourself at your most handsome.

>Source: myself (300 year old arch Duke god wizard [destruction archetype])

Alright then. Wallow in your perceived inadequacies for the rest of your life, and complain on Sup Forums about having never banged a girl instead of actually doing something about it.

That simmering rage is gonna drive every one away by the way. Especially girls. They pick up on it real quick. And they run away because they start thinking that you're gonna wind up smashing their head in when they're 5min late for dinner.
If you get lucky and they put up with it, they'll eventually be driven away by your arrogance. And you are one arrogant motherfucker. I'm actually saying that to help you. If you don't get yourself sorted, you're gonna wimd up miserable

He's not a real person. You are talking to bait.

The last part is accurate, I am miserable and my pathetic life is miserable. I don't wanna die though so I won't be killing myself

>
>"I'd rather try to actually get laid with a girl that actually wants to fuck".
Also
"I'm starting to think about fucking a trap too"

Bro just pay and get it done. It's like a fucking massage but you do most of the work which also makes you feel more like a man.

I figured that. But at any rate, OP needs to hear it. Comparing yourself to others and obsessing over this shit only amplifies what is really, a tiny issue. And no matter what, the whole "I'm better than getting a prostitute" is an arrogant way of looking at things.

Well that's good. Because being a 26 yr old virgin is nothing to kill yourself over.

A caveat, getting a prostitute won't solve ALL of your problems but it will tone down this acerbic self critic in your head OP

Breast feel so good because theres a person responding to the touch as well it's double sided sensation. Perfect sensuality. So soft, like reality

Another thing here; life isn't like Seinfeld where people have a different boyfriend/girlfriend every week. That's not to say there aren't some people who won't make fun of you for being a 26yr old virgin, because there are.

But why would you care about those people anyway? You won't, and at least shouldn't be friends with them anyway.

My friends make fun of me for being retarded

Like how? Typical male ball busting? Or are they really digging the knife in?

Not OP btw

Just go with the flow. You're not the only incel 20 something. Actually i think its more common than ever.

>24 yo incel

He doesn't know about the wizard

They are kind people but they drain my blood every weekend for their ritual that they do down at the old Carrelaiga boat house
I can't afford any new friends right at the moment

I think you need to better prove your devotion, that way they let you in on the fertility rituals on Sat nights.

I get much dick sucked but I don't know by whom or what because I'm blindfolded

You'll become more powerful than we can imagine.

That's a start.

Now be more rigid about your ablutions and prayers and you'll be with the high priestess in no time

HAHAHAHAHA you stupid fucking incel just kill yourself