I feel apathetic towards the idea of living but I’m not suicidal...

I feel apathetic towards the idea of living but I’m not suicidal, neither do I have any hate towards others despite being treated like crap for the most part in my life. I’ve had friends who I’ve known for 10+ years who betrayed me to get along/hook up with other people they eventually threw under the bus as well, my current best friend is struggling to keep finding the will to keep on living, and a girl I’ve loved for three years left me for someone else and lied about her love for me in the last year of our relationship (that she admitted to).

I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting and took time to see what others would do or say online these past few years ever since I lost people I was close to, analyzing both the good and the bad to determine what makes us who we are as people. And as difficult as it is for me since I struggle to communicate with others (having Aspergers makes that difficult), I still try talking to other people, some days its good but a lot of the time it just feels like people don’t care for connecting with others all that much. It would be one thing if it were just me they didn’t care for, but it feels like they apply this mentality to everyone since they tend to limit themselves to a few words and nothing more.
Now I am no victim, and neither do I deserve pity, since I am also responsible for pain I may have caused to others. It’s a foolish mentality to have since it just hinders me to grow as a person, however slow it maybe.

Which brings me to my point.

Whether you’re depressed, hateful towards the world, apathic, lost, content, or whatever it may be, what makes you wanna keep on living? Is it just to let things go along in life like if you were a character in your own movie, hope that things get better soon, a part of you that wants to punish yourself for a past mistake, keeping other people you care for happy even when you can’t stand to live, wanting to cause pain towards others, or whatever else it may be.

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I especially enjoy the feeling of waking up to Folgers in my cup. That's what keeps me going, is the smooth taste of Folgers coffee. mmmmm Folgers mmmmmmm fuck I want folgers o god o shit

I like to entertain the idea that this generation will be alive to see A.I take over with Moore's law in play. Plus who doesn't want robot legs and arms? That idea alone makes this whole existence thing worth working up to.

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Coffee? Is it just the taste of Folgers or something more to it that makes it special for you? No wrong answer either case, I really would like to know.

Your belief gives me Deus Ex vibes for some reason. A very interesting way to look at it now that you mention it.

I'm not apathetic towards life nor do I feel suicidal but I do feel very bored about life I guess. I think it's just the mundaneness of it all, and to be honest the only thing that really isn't boring about the whole thing is playing the occasional fun video game or talking to someone. My life isn't spectacular or pathetic.. it's just kinda boring and mundane. So the on;y thing that makes me want to keep living I guess is the moments of interaction I have with people and vidya

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Have you tried VR? Shit's pretty cool. Also find something that interests you intensely, becoming a knowledgeable fag is anything but boring

It's kinda funny to me. Despite how much I don't wanna be with people, I also want to as well, It's pretty hypocritical of me but I can't help the biology that people have. We are a social species after all.

I own an Oculus Rift S myself, I like it but its kinda hard making it work with the set-up I have in my room. I can't even use pulleys since the fan and furniture get in the way. But man, you really feel like you're in another world.

It's honestly been the only thing that I believe in nowadays. Life is pretty mundane and meaningless without that to me, and hoping something happens is better than not doing anything at all. I eventually want to get into development of A.I. The infinite applications intrigue me

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I've never tried VR actually. It's always interested me but the high costs discourage me. I might save for an oculus if Half Life Alyx turns out to be worthwhile and a good experience.

Just ordered the Rift S...is the tracking as shit as they say it is, or is it pretty smooth compared to competition?

you seem really self aware and introspective, that’s a really important quality. i see myself the same way...

i mostly find the will to live in the fact that i’m afraid of actually dying, i don’t know what comes after we die. all i know is this existence. so, while i’m here, i try to remember this is my one chance at life. whatever comes next, is going to happen no matter what. so, i try to find meaning in small things. focus on life day to day, not think too big picture. obviously it’s good to have goals and prepare for the future, but in an existential sense, i always try to focus on the fact that i can’t control the fact that i’m here. eventually i will die and my time spent here on earth will seem so short compared to eternity. so y’know. make the most of it

Just so you know, I have spent 4+ days and 49 hours in that time period solely trying to get my Rift S to work.
Pretty much upgraded my entire PC to try and fix it, searched all forums, but it's broken lol.
Even though it's improbable, be warned of this possibility.

It depends on the person and the room but me personally, I like it a lot. Beat Saber, Payday 2, and Super Hot VR responded very well (despite how I could only use 3 by 3 feet of space). I only had about two occasions where the tracking went crazy but a simple restart fix the problem for me. As long as you're not really, really, nit-picky, it will work fine.

Boneworks is such a promising game that I bought VR just to see more games like it. This truly is the best time to get into VR while it's still early in it's branding and development

I had a problem with transferring the Oculus application to my main drive, and couldn't find a way to do it by looking up online. But using the limited experience I have with computers, I was able to change a few characters to properly change the path of the install, felt like a genius for a minute.

Interesting, is there low budget VR systems on the market? I don't really want to spend a lot of money on a system like the Oculus, although that's still an option for me.

Sounds like a refund is in order my friend. did you contact Oculus at all? If so what was the customer service like? I've heard of people getting screwed over by Facebook because of a faulty headset.

I personally believe that we get reincarnated as different people but carry emotional knowledge with us, just without the past memories we had before. Eventually, once we get a true understanding of life, we stop reincarnating and proceed to something greater that I would not be able to comprehend.

It's silly, sure but saying that existence is meaningless doesn't make sense to me personally. I don't know others down if they feel that way, but having this much introspection with no purpose to it doesn't make sense to me.

Windows Mixed reality headsets are around the $150-$300 area, and they use inside-out tracking which is becoming pretty big in the VR market. Just don't expect top of the line content and ease of setup. The best bang for your buck Headset on the market is Oculus Rift S

Oculus is the cheapest way to go. Get the Quest, it lets you play games without needing a PC, has the option to use an Oculus Link if you do wanna connect it to your PC one day, and it even is having hand tracking capabilities. The hz rate is slighlty worse, along with the display type compared to the Rift S but it sells for the same price as the Rift S. So if the flexibility and portability is of interest to you go for the Quest.

i agree it doesn’t make sense. but at the end of the day the universe and reality don’t owe it to us to make any sense. sometimes things just are. i do
hope it’s something like what you described, that does seem more meaningful. but i haven’t found anything in life yet that has given me a reason to believe in something like that yet. i’m open to any ideas, but as far as what i truly believe, sometimes i wonder if everything literally does happen by accident. if we’re the result of an amazing coincidence that could only happen given an infinite timeline. we will probably never know (or maybe we will, we’ve broken through our own ceiling of knowledge before), but it’s something that’s completely out of our control you know? when there is a lack of meaning in existence, i try to find meaning in my own perception of reality. if that makes sense. what makes me happy? what makes me sad? i want to explore every emotion i have and just connect with the feelings i know are real. not sure if that makes any sense sorry i’m kinda high

If you did get the option to augment yourself, what would you want to do with that power?

Self-replicating nanotechnology. I want to be a stretchy arm boy. Maybe sell that to a market that wants to keep dangerous materials under control.

I think what makes me see this is just on a purely logical perspective. Sure it could be meaningless but at the same time, the Universe is infinite as far as we know, which leads to endless possibilities.

To say that life is all meaningless sounds a little too dismissive for me, since our knowledge is limited.

In some ways, it feels as if people have slowly but surely gotten better the last few hundred years, and it feels if some past knowledge they had in one point is implanted in them, like they are in the process of being more self-aware. That's why I believe in this reincarnation containing purpose. I cannot say what it will lead to, other than a new step that is beyond my understanding.

Of course, I could be wrong about this.

Keep dangerous materials under control, for protecting others?

If so, why is that? If not, then could you elaborate on what you mean by that?

of course, none of us know the answer. i get what you mean though & i hope you’re right. i can be a little dismissive about it all, but i think that stems from my fear of things i don’t fully understand.
i do like the way you think & i hope i can slowly start to open myself up to the possibility that that could actually be the reality of it.

corrosive materials, preventing another Chernobyl, containing diseases...

It's like something my mom said. There's no real reason to fear too much about an outcome in life, because you don't know when your life will come to an end.

When I thought about that for years, I just made peace with the fact that some things are out of my control. It doesn't mean I don't live my life without some fear, but it made having an existential crisis seem pointless to me, because no matter what I do, its up to the random laws of life that dictate my death.

So just make the best out of it is what I say, but from what you said, it looks like you are already/in the process of doing that.

Why such a noble goal? Personal fame or a more personal reason? Would love to know if you're comfortable sharing your two cents.

fuck yeah dude. i drink like 4 a day of those
(instant cuz im poor)

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My Dad has worked in chemical cleanup for most of his life, and as a result he has saved a lot of people. He's taught me about it since I was a child and It's something I have a natural affinity to. I also irrationally care about us as a stupid ape-brained species on a spec in an infinitely expanding universe. It makes me happy to see others happy.

or whatever delusion of Grandeur you would most prefer to hear

>Grandeur
Whatever is true. Doesn't have to something epic. Could even be for something humble or selfish.

yeah man. maybe one day we’ll all figure it out. until then, stay strong brother. we’re in this shit together just try & ride it out & make the most of it