Bipolar, ask me anything

bipolar, ask me anything

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Schizoaffective fag here. What’s your cocktail?

What is this 2009?

Used to be latuda+depakote, currently unmedicated because it fucked me up pretty bad with the side effects and I haven't been to see a psychiatrist again yet
>2009
That was a glorious time

First of all, BP 1 or 2 ? Have you ever experienced full blown mania?

Not OP but also Bipolar, depressed, and have BPD might as well put in my shit too because why not. I'm on Abilify and Wellbutrin.
Just googled I'm BP2, not full blown mania but like. Minor manic episodes that tend not to last very long. It can be fun, but oooh boy am I glad they tend to happen when I'm alone (spoilers, I'm mostly alone) because it can make me be a crazy dick

2. I've had some pretty strong hypomanic episodes but I've never had symptoms that were both severe enough and lasted long enough to be considered an actual manic episode.

Ok, same for me. I was diagnosed with BP 2 about three years ago. I had a few hypomanic episodes, one more severe this summer due to a few recent events.

How long and severe are your depressive episodes?

My worst depressive was 2 months with a BDI-II score of 41

How did you get out of it?
how did it not turn into a long term depression?
That happened to me a few times

I tried to an hero and the episode ended because I was on antipsychotics

well, i was close to doing that, but i looked for help and didnt really get any. It took about 6 years until someone figured out what was wrong with me.
But right now im kind of in an episode and (in context) it doesnt make sense how shitty i feel. I exercise regularly, i have a lot of social interactions daily, im educated and moving forward in life, but it doesnt help. iam riding motorcycles for years now, and i fantasize a lot aboutmy way home and crashing the relief of just taking my helmet of on into something at high speed, because its just agony right now, for about 6 months.

im on a mobile sry

Totally get what you mean, a couple times I just wanted to take off my seatbelt, close my eyes, floor the gas, and let whatever happens happen

Its just hard sometimes because you have to live up to standards that are hard, even for healthy people. But you cannot take BP for an excuse, if you know what i mean. I work like everybody else and i can accomplish a lot more then a lot people i know. But i just feel like shit most of the time, completely disconnected from people because there is this explanation for why i fell what i feel, for why i feel extremely great when i shouldn´t, for why im angry when there is no rational reason and why iam extremely hopeless despite everything going well. But i cant tell everyone this great explanation, because i dont want to be alienated.

Do you too have this loneliness?
sdf

I kinda like being alone, I don't have to pretend I'm okay

How were you evaluated for BPD? Did your therapist give you a test?
I've taken some BPD tests online and I have tendencies

I get that. Iam a social person, people tend to like me (not particularly in a sexual way). I plan on being alone for at least a month straight, far away from everybody. Just me alone (and my dog) to think and recover from past episodes without being judged.

I know the difference between being alone and lonely. Do you enjoy being alone or is it just better than being judged and pretending?

I (not OP) through a psychiatrist (not my psychologist). Do you have a therapist?

Sometimes I feel lonely, I was engaged to my oneitis and she broke up with me a couple months before the wedding

Iam sorry, i had a tough breakup during(not caused by) one of my mixed episodes (throughout my graduation exams) it took me some time to recover and i didnt feel like wanting to get into another relationship since.

How did the breakup go, if i may ask?

Yes, or I did have a therapist but I was telling her about a sexual abuse I suffered as a kid (I'm a male, female cousin took advantage of me) and my therapist (female) asked me:
"and you liked it, right?"
That question itself messed me up for a couple of weeks and set me back a couple of months in therapeutical progress on depression so I'm no longer going to see her because I feel like I can't trust her and I'm not working so the County-sponsored therapy won't allow me to change therapists but the psychiatrist is a guy so ill still see him, I'll just study books I have on MBCT.
Also, when I brought up my concern about suffering from BPD to my therapist, she said she didn't see a reason for evaluating me since she didn't feel like I was that type of person.

I wanted to kms for about 3 months after and got into a hasty rebound relationship

If that is true, (and this is the internet) She is a bitch and completely useless in her profession.
for me personally, i get along with male therapists a lot better because im male. I think there is a deeper feeling of connection and understanding(if the therapist is a bit decent). In my opinion, males and females do not function the same way. I do not rate this negatively or positively, but in my experience sticking to a therapist of your gender will help you out a lot more and could make you feel understood.

I could have gotten into a rebound relationship, but did not go through with it because i felt like learning to be alone again would be the better option. but here iam and its mostly a burden to be alife, despite all efforts and successes.
Bipolar is a bitch. But im not going to do an hero anytime soon, i think of it as selfish as long as you have close people who like you. If i wouldn´t have those, i would gladly go, finally.

Did you hurt the person in the rebound relationship?

No, we parted on good terms after about a year and I have been on my own since

Daddy what's a pervert? Shut up and keep sucking

>If that is true
Let me assure you that what I said is completely true, and I have actually considered reporting it to the Quality Management Unit but I just don't want to be dealing with follow up paperwork and shit like that. I've typed up the report (1.5 pages, single line, with no margins) but have not submited it. Do you think I should do it? The service I'm receiving is free because I'm not working but I feel like I can no longer see my current therapist, and I've tried getting over the issue for three weeks now and dealing with the question of if I liked getting abused has set me back to a depression level I had before seeing her

*forgot to mention I started seeing this therapist back in August because I was close to an hero

get the help that you need friend report it so it wont eat you up, the episode wont last but there is literally no need to prolong it by submitting yourself to further damage

Will do that then. I will print it out right now and send it in the mail to the county quality unit, and also take a physical copy to the therapist's bosses office. I really don't want to deal with the shame of being singled out as the guy who got raped as a kid and is now complaining about the free therapy service so I will submit my report anonymously.

Bump

My therapist gave me a test, my psych said I probably have it but not to worry about it because she's medicating the Bipolar and it won't change anything knowing if I have BPD or not

I have BP1

You think you want to die until you're actually about to die, and then the ups and downs don't seem so bad by comparison

I know it's hard, but do try to get it together

Thank you
What do your ups and lows consist of?