What is the Rock cooking? Do you smell it?

What is the Rock cooking? Do you smell it?

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Smells like another box office TURD!

it's like a video game or some shit cuz its 2017

This.

The Rock was only ever cooking up fat dumps.

Wtf, I hate The Rock now!

(But seriously fuck that)

Rock thread? I'd rather watch his Rampage film since it has giant monsters and The Comedian as CIA.

>Baywatch without boobs but with dicks
>Jumanji without magical board game

Amazing. It's like they're doing it on purpose. Say what you will about Michael Bay, but at least he gave us giant robots and ninja turtles.

Who ordered tummies?

Good. Who the fuck plays board games anymore?Moar liek BORED GAYMES Amirite??

>In a brand new Jumanji adventure, four high school kids discover an old video game console and are drawn into the game's jungle setting, literally becoming the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that you don't just play Jumanji - you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they'll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves - or they'll be stuck in the game forever.

>implying he has any say over the script
>implying he inst just saying words and doing stuff that is already written down for him

just let the dude work and chill out, if you dont want to see it then dont but stop making stupid fucking threads all the goddamn time faggot

So Jumanji is now literally Jungle Hunt?

youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_W_OKX7Vo

I'm ok with it being a video game. Differentiates it from the original, especially if it sucks.

Is "Zathura" officially part of the Jumanji universe?

The rock has to be one of the most manufactured action stars to ever exist. At least the based action stars like Arnie, Stallone, and Russel spaced out their movies. The rock is in what? 12 movies alone this year? And most of them are looking to mostly be flops.

Holy shit. Scott Hall was enormous

Haha what, that's the crux of the entire film.

when is hollywood going to give up on making kevin hart the next eddie murphy and stop shoving him down our fucking throats? i'm sick of that nigger manlet

WATCH MY LITTY REBOOTS!

The original was shit, so who cares?

Who needs a board game when you're gettin litty in this summer's RAUNCHIEST kids movie!?

Is litty shorthand for shitty?

Because yeah. All the Rock movies that are coming up since Baywatch are toilet-grade litty.

Pretty sure he is a producer in all of this, so he could have ordered rewrites if only he had some taste

What's the point of calling it Jumanji then? They are just setting up for disappointment.

i did

straight into the trash

Will this be Even worse than Baywatch?

I would stick my dick in all of their belly buttons

ZATHURA'S A BLACKHOLE!

Know what else is enormous? The amount of PISS from this summer's RAUNCHIEST litty action flick

>no board game
>probably has no based Van Pelt or if it does a shitty version of him

THE ONLY THING I SMELL IS THE RAPED ASSHOLES OF THOUSANDS OF CHILDHOODS BEING FUCKED ALL AT ONCE.

how do you know what raped assholes smell like?

>implying he has any say over the script.
More than you think, the lead actors change their lines all the time particularly if they're the "big draw" of the movie which he is.

He can also refuse to do shitty projects with a shitty script and director.

That being said, making it about a magical video game is ridiculous.

That would make jumanji only a couple of decades old at best.

The cool thing about it being a board game is board games all the way back to ancient times so it's easier to believe something is magical if it's hundreds to thousands of years old.

It reeks of bad writing with just the little bit we know about it.

The Rock is one of those guys like Jack Black or Brenden Frasier that I'm pretty sure he'll sign on to any project willing to pay. Which in the short term, this makes for better pay days, but in the long term, it hurts those actors' brand to see that they've been in a long string of shit. They don't exactly get known for quality....

Well I haven't first hand experience but I'd imagine it to be a mixture of shit, sweat, cum and tears.

t. Critic

You dont understand you IDIOTS

THIS IS A MOVIE FOR THE FANS

#ONELOVEROBIN

you critics are so out of touch with the fans, who are loving it.

How raunchy will it be?

Why the fuck is she wearing a shot skirt and tank top when the men are wearing suitable jungle attire?

>Alien prequel without a xenomorph
Can you imagine if tha-- oh wait.

BUT I'M A FAN OF THE ORIGINAL AND I HATE IT SAVE FOR KAREN WHO I WANT TO STICK MY DIRTY WET INTO.

And yet Samuel L. Jackson gets loads of paydays until now for summer blockbusters.

>another reboot
The Rock more like Reboot Man, am I right.

Ha. Funny you're all saying this is bad. I was at an early screening and everybody was pissing themselves laughing. Maybe you just don't have a sense of humour? #criticsarewrong

There's a vine swinging scene that's actually the swinging on black cocks.

Sounds like another fun Rock flick that we, the fans, will enjoy very much but will unfortunately fly right over critics' heads. Those nerds just don't know how to let their hair down and enjoy a good old fashioned American movie, am I right gang?

maybe this raunchy, litty summer flick isn't for you

>the rock
>funny fat guy
>strong womyn thats just a pair of tits for 14 year olds to look at
>comedic side kick #2, black version

It already sucks

Well, here's the difference. Samuel L Jackson is an amazing actor that's good at playing a cunning angry black guy of various calibers.

Even in the worst possible movies, SLJ still comes across as awesomely badass. Rock is different, he's not an epic actor with an amazing delivery. When he does shit movies, he's shit WITHIN that movie.

SLJ is a unique flavor that no one else has. He's always gonna bring something unique to that role that no other guy can.

The Rock only has slightly better acting than Vin Diesel (whom I'm pretty sure has the intelligence of a melon), he's never gonna be any better than the movie he's in like Sam Jackson always is....

Sam Jackson's brand will always be known as awesome, if the Rock chooses a few years worth of box office flops he's gonna be consigned to doing shit like Sharknado the rest of his life...

Is that The Undertaker?

>ugliest girl has the best tummy

ironic

Your dirty wet what?

My drity wet. Then I can fill her with my sexy thick piss.

>another Rated-R remake
Dwayne, please go back to WWE.

Yes it is, albeit well before going to WWF.

If your piss is thick you need to hydrate, bro!

No you don't understand dude I'm talking about my sex piss. I can spray it on her face and tats and it would be a good day indeed my man.

Michael Bay also gave us PG-13 ass and tits.

Man, he's so desperate to be the new Arnold, but the projects he does are all remakes and remakes. Fucking hell, Terminator wasn't a Bob Hope sitcom.
Rock's IMDb page is like a graveyard of forgotten shit

>look at this Jumanji App on the iOS(tm) store

Fans love it already.

money

I'm still trying to figure out why the rock isnt in prison for doing illegal steroids then profiting by getting paid because of his body.

Looks like being a criminal pays, boys.

>so desperate
>best paid actor in the world right now
>he sucks, man, he's so bad
>abloo abloo abloo

It's fine, as long as a game is involved. Makes perfect sense that it's a Vidya game now considering the times.

>pg 13 titties
what, when?

Thought the fat guy was Jack Black at first then I remembered that he's not really that fat anymore.

It is Jack Black though

It is, I think they got him in a fat suit here to look like one of those late 19th century expeditioners

>LeBron is the best basketball player in the world right now, yet he still can't shake off Jordan's shadow/marketing

...

>Jack Black in a fat suit
>just looks like regular Jack Black

Maybe he shouldn't have bothered.

>will not include a magical board game
Oh for fucks sake.

w-what's even the point anymore

What's with this Ken doll stance? I see guys again and again posing for pictures in this pose, almost as if carrying an invisible box. Looks retarded.

Soooo then it's gonna be (jurassic) safari world? What's the point without the board game?

>will not include board game

Sounds like a steaming pile of shit

SEXY TUMMIES
E
X
Y

T
U
M
M
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E
S

Jumanji had that magical comfy feeling to it.
Also present in Mousetrap. It has something to do with the score and actually having good actors with weight to them.

and I'm not talking about the Jack Black obesity type weight

mousehunt*

son of a bitch

Why couldn't they just be sucked into it and not as adult avatars. Stupid as shit.

>Toned tummies
Why would anyone pick chubby chicks over that?

Have another

wait is that Karen Gillan aka Nebula gonna be in this film?

Last horse finishes the race.

no...NO....NOOOOOOOOOOO

Well I hope it includes a scene where they laugh at board games and everyone who likes them. And I hope the villain is some board game obsessed freak, what a fucking loser.

sounds awful

Jumanji will be an app.

yeah there is something special about Jumanji. Its bursting with that 90's feeling of sentimental magic realism that a lot of films had back then.

What even is the fucking point?

>Say what you will about Michael Bay, but at least he gave us giant robots and ninja turtles.
All of his transformers movies are "Annoying white guy and female co-star: guest appearance by Optimus Prime and the autorobots"

That's not the case because this and Baywatch are under his own production company. This is what he wanted.

>Samuel Jacksone character only

what the fuck did you say about the films of dwayne johnson?

...

How long till Rock and Kevin Heart remake Twins?

kek

It's actually longhand for lit