Name a country with a more pathetic military history than Denmark

Name a country with a more pathetic military history than Denmark.
Protip: you can't.

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en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Hemmingstedt
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Australia and New Zealand of course.

this reminds me of Greeks
except on an extremelly irrelevant scale

Greeks didnt surrender in 3 hours

ummm sweety it was actually 6 hours, big difference

brazil? australia? countries that don't exist anymore?

Denmark use to have one of the most democratic monarchies in Europe, it was the best ran state in the world. They did not need a big army, who could beat Prussia anyways?

except the average serf here literally lived in worse conditions than people on fucking iceland and were constantly conscripted and sent into pointless wars because the aristocrats were too autistic to give up on land disputes

Why are you even a kingdom? How pathetic do you have to be to want to be king/queen over Denmark?

OP, what was worse according to Danish popular opinion: Dithmarschen, Algeria or surrendering your whole fleet to the eternal Anglo?

>Inherit your dumb dad's kingdom
>No one wants to buy it
fug

Literally no one here knows that any of those events ever happened, a lot of people don't even know we had something called east denmark once. Danes are so historically illiterate it's laughable, but I can't blame them because it keeps helps to keep up the illusion that this country is actually good.

Oh i didn't know that, it wasn't like that in Norway, and we were said to be worse of than you. It is not true, people lived of the land or was in trade guilds and made things, it wasn't as bad as you want it to be for some reason.

what makes it even funnier is that denmark started 90% of all scandinavian wars from 1300 onwards and just kept losing land.

>Danes are so historically illiterate it's laughable
From my experience, the other Scandis aren't much better. The amount of Norwegians and Swedes I've seen think that the vikings were a unified empire instead of a loosely associated group of settlements, or that they had conquered Ireland when they only ever held a few fortified coastal towns and got kicked out from them less than 200 years later.

do you know slaget om fyrisvallarna?

yes, what about it?

im just saying your history of losing to sweden goes way back.i don't think you ever won

I'm aware of that

Ukraine

OP said country

USA

>serf here literally lived in worse conditions than people on fucking iceland

not worse, but similar conditions. serfs weren't worth anything in the eyes of feudal lords no matter where they lived.

Nigga my people couldn't even grow food
Not even 1%, or even 0.1% of our land is arable.
You know what place has more arable land than Iceland?
The Sahara Desert.
You're insane if you think serfs in Denmark in any way had it worse than those in Iceland

Hehe. It's true. Had to whore themselves out to anglos during ww2, almost as much as the japs.

I think its quite telling of how shit and horrible the fucking Danes are if a colony they own gets invaded by a foreign force, and the foreign force leaves the place in a better condition than they found it

I don’t think people are serious when they think vikings were a unified empire. We even learn about it in elementary school.

what do you expect from a bunch of subhumans who can't even run their own country, much less win a single war?

This is my favourite thread at this moment in time

Nothing
Trust a Dane
Feel the Pain

STOP BULLYING DANMARK

d*nes were natures mistake, i wish i wasn't born as this subhuman ethnicity. I just tell people I'm german to save myself the embarrassment.

...

Tell us more about danish history, Krister

>be dane
>join 30 years war
>loose war
>join again, on the other side this time
>loose again

Loosing the same war twice is quite an achivement.

denmark lost a war to algerian pirates

>what makes it even funnier is that denmark started 90% of all scandinavian wars from 1300 onwards and just kept losing land.
*peter bommestikka*

Seriously, how were we supposed to defend against the germans? that's the reason why we managed to fix ourselves quicker after the war, since the germans didn't bomb our cities

Noooooooo...

To be fair, Anglos did that to most of the planet. Props to you for not immediately screwing it up after we left.

Yes and their best troops lost against outnumbered German peasants with pitchforks. Denmark's military history is comedy gold.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Hemmingstedt

Well we started a war to prove that we are the masterrace and we lost

>RÖ GÖ DÖ BÖH DURG UG SKU GU DU RUU BÖÖÖ

Denmark hired pirates because their fleet was too small compared to that of Sweden.