OH SHIT!

OH SHIT!

Theres now a Xenomorph in your living room and all your windows and home entrances are locked UNFORTUNATELY, YOU'VE ALSO LOST ALL YOUR KEYS!

What do YOU do?

Get dubs.

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

360

...

...

Oh boy...

Keep my cat between us. Xenos fucking hate cats.

Gonna die one way or another, so may as well take my dick out and see what happens

My home is just a one room apartment on the 3rd floor, so I go ahead and try to rip off the mouth-tongue thing.

walk straight towards it and place my head in front of its mouth

>yfw it cuts your dick off and then leaves peacefully

>living room is upstairs
>bedroom is in the basement
>basement has an old exit that leads outside and has no lock
Check mate faggot

>undress
>rub until i'm fully hard and leaking precum
>try to fuck alien

This.
I let him spare me the hassle of killing myself

Breathe on its nostrils

start jerking off

...

Serve it some coffee and ask it trivia

play some mario kart with my new alien bro

CONDUCTOR WE HAVE A PROBLEM

...

Get quads.

Are there really people here who don't have loaded guns in every room of the house?

I own a lot of guns. I keep a shotgun loaded wtih 15 rounds of 00 buck, an AR15 with 0 rounds of m855, a makarov with 9 rounds, a hi power with 16 rounds, a glock 19 with 16 rounds, a glock 43 with 7 rounds, a cz52 with 9 rounds of steel core high velocity ammo, a sks with 10 rounds, a k98k with 5 rounds, a mosin nagant with 5 rounds, a garand with 8 rounds, and an ak74 with 30 rounds of 7n6.

that alien is fucking dead

Train so hard my hair falls off then punch it

Ask for nudes

>calls for quads
>gets trips

Why the fuck would I need my keys to get out of my house? I'd flip the lock and leave.

>counting those as trips when the last post number is out of sequence
Go back to wherever you came from

Call a studio executive. They're savants at killing anything Alien-related.

Arm myself with a deodorant and a lighter.

die

>gets trips
No he didn't. Shit only counts if they're the last digits. Lurk more newfag.

So is your social life I guess

marriage and children killed that a long tie ago.

Yell "DONALD TRUMP WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT YOU BASTARD?!"

Watch all the Mexicans kick in door and come flooding in with all sorts of weapons

Let Mexicans get eaten, and take off.

I live in Texas.

Didn't David say some shit that if you breath in their face they'll be your friend for life?

how fucking new are you?

>Stand your ground
>Stare it down
>Keep your level of fear to an absolute minimum

I think it was established in one of the comics that xenos are drawn to fear and will hesitate to attack an opponent that doesn't seem to be afraid of it.

>I think it was established in one of the comics

good luck with that shit

dubs huh.......

Seduce it.

>walk right up to it
>look it in the eye
>tell it I want a job

FPBP
Also, check em'

...

*DAB*

I kill it. I am a MAN! Not some numale shit or a girl. A MAN! Fuck that Xeno.

...

...

Did he ded?

...

Checked

>come back to the escape pod, user~

...

I actually might be able to live if I hide under my desk. My server and honeywell HEPA filter fan is there. The server noise and filter might hide my scent and breathing.

>find an egg,
>remove facehugger
>force my dick down it's tentacle vag
>let it impregnate my dick while i fuck it
>when it falls off ejaculate a dickburster
>when molts into a xenodickmorph
>have it rape the xenomorph to death
>become xenodickmorphs lover and marry it.

Hitler approved.

Yeah, head butt it. That way even if it does some weird egg laying shit, you'll be brain dead.

Cheeky.

shaqed

>keeping a weapon loaded instead of jist having a clip nearby
>also claims to have kids

Enjoy your dead kids.

What is the most powerful hybrid of xeno? What is its "natural" form? What am I up against? If it's like the doge alien, yeah I'll kick it to death in a pair of snake boots. The predalien? Fuck me

check these five

xenomorphs don't hatch from eggs...

dude all my shit unlocks from the inside tho

hot shit

Let's see some repeating digits

...

>mexicans
>running towards someone shouting Trump
They will literally jump out of their windows to get away from you.

This actually works with many species of preadatory mammals.
Not bears though. Stay the fuck away from bears.

How can two numbers wreck a thread so handily

You mean like these?

...

So close, no matter how far

I get on all fours and desperately present my ass, hoping both to finally experience my fetish as well as introducing the xenomorphs to a more practical form of reproduction

creampie it.

...

ALIEN BTFO!