Hogwarts seems amazing. What would you do on your days off...

Hogwarts seems amazing. What would you do on your days off? I'd bond with a Hippogriff and ride around on its back over the great lake, laughing at all the plebs buzzing around on shitty broomsticks.

fuck Ginny

I would turn myself into Cho Chang and finger my tight Asian pussy for hours on end

She's pretty ugly though mate.

I'd spy on hot girls with my magic, this being omitted from boks and movies is the most unrealistic part desu. Oh, and ginger guy having friends

Use love potions to coerce women into sleeping with me

You know what's not amazing? The fact that Harry Potter has been one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

It truly is a testament to betahood when you're the most beta house in the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
"BRAAAAAAAAPPPPP!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

That's an English dime piece bruddaw

This isn't tumblr, /tg/ or /lit/

>

...

i would try to follow in voldemort's footsteps and learn all the dark magic he did

or i would fuck with felix felicis to get lucky

or i'd walk around talking to all the portraits and ghosts and shit, imagine the kind of perspective you could get from communicating with such surreal beings

or i'd try to get into the department of mysteries because they had some interesting stuff in there

honestly one of the worst openings to this pasta that i've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself

Harry Potter is for fags. Watch LOTR or kill yourself queer.

Id be slytherin my griffindor into some catgirls hufflepuff if you catch my ravenclaw

I'd sit around on twitter comparing everything going on in the muggle world to shit that's going down here.

>not hypnotise bitches

riiiiight

>fags
You mean adult children

they spend all their money on fabrics and live in a shithole... real smarties

i would never have days off, i would dedicate my entire time to the art of potions for the sole purpose of poisoning people i hate and drug girls of every house to fuck them and falling in love with me

>all those students who go back to their relatives during the Christmas holidays
Fuck that, I would definitely choose to stay. Hogwarts is already one of the best places to hang around and do whatever you want, but imagine all the things you could do when 80% of the students are gone? You'd basically have the entire castle and grounds to yourself. For about two weeks it's just you, maybe 20 other students, and the teachers in a giant castle with massive grounds, lakes, forests to explore.
>that part in the 6th book where they all have Christmas dinner in the Great Hall and it's just Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore and three other teachers and some random students all at the same table.
Can't get any more comfy than that.

>or i'd walk around talking to all the portraits and ghosts and shit, imagine the kind of perspective you could get from communicating with such surreal beings
That's a great one. Imagine the stories those portraits have to say...they've been there for generations, and they can move throughout the castle via all the other portraits and talk and observe. You would be able to learn so much from them about Hogwarts history, students and events from the past and stuff. I'd definitely try and befriend some portraits and get regular gossip.

>i would try to follow in voldemort's footsteps and learn all the dark magic he did
I wouldn't want to chase immortality or anything, but I'd be very tempted to look around the restricted section of the library. I'd want to know about the stuff they DON'T want us to learn at this school. Not for evil purposes, just to get an insight into how far magic can actually go.

i would go for immortality but i also just assume he had some dope spells no one else had

i think i remember a line in the books about him flying without a broom (which i think was supposed to be impossible although all the death eaters do it in the movies)

and i remember they mentioned his face being altered from dark magic or some shit when he went back to hogwarts to try and get the teaching job from dumbledore, but i guess that could just be horcruxes

desu senpai I would learn every spell possible and become the most powerful unkillable badass wizard of all time.
probably take over the world.

Ha ha, we did it, reddit! The hivemind worked again!

I don't like the idea of immortality, unless I could switch it off at will or something. Long life would be good, but it's already implied that wizards live a lot longer than Muggles.
As for Voldemort's face slowly getting more fucked up, that was because of the horcruxes yeah. Each time he split his soul, his appearance became less human, less natural. He was a handsome young man back at Hogwarts, but when he came back to apply for a job he'd already created four horcruxes I think (diary, ring, locket, cup), and one of the reasons he wanted to teach there was so he could discover the diadem and turn that into a horcrux. He already looked very pale and ill at that time.

>i think i remember a line in the books about him flying without a broom (which i think was supposed to be impossible although all the death eaters do it in the movies)
Yes, that was a big deal. The films fucked that up a bit by making Death Eaters and Order Members be able to fly (or at least apparate in a way that looked like flying). When Harry mentioned that Voldemort was chasing him and Hagrid in the air without a broom everybody was really shocked, so that must be some kind of really dark, forbidden magic or otherwise everybody would be doing it.

i would only want immortality if it meant eternal youth as well, so i wouldn't go for horcruxes since they're awful

i guess it makes sense for a resourceful dark wizard to want them because he has a better chance of coming back, but what's the point in making a horcrux if you're just going to be a shitty shell of your former self spirit thing

not everyone has an ultra beta like wormtail to bail them out of that shit

also i like to think that the flying thing was just thought of as impossible, not forbidden. would be cool if in his search for knowledge and power he found it was possible to do things that no other wizard could

I definitely wouldn't go the horcrux way either. But I would research ways to stay young and vigorous while still growing old. I hate the thought of permanent immortality because I always think about stuff like the sun exploding and I'm just there in space for all eternity, never being able to die.
Actually, I'd be pretty happy to just live my life as a wizard, maybe use some magic to make me keep my younger looks and stamina and just grow "old" and die naturally.
Wizards usually live well over a hundred years anyway, either because they're magical, or because they can cure human diseases/organ failures with the flick of a wand.

Literally just doing homework and practicing spells would be fun

Turn into a girl and yuri the little witches

Dedicate my academic life to potion making.

Have Hagrid teach everything he knows about raising magical animals.

I would also steal Harry's invisibility cloak and just hide it on the ground somewhere upside down so that no one can ever find it.

>ayn rand god tier
>tolkien shit tier

>sun exploding and I'm just there in space for all eternity, never being able to die.
Well, you would have literally billions of years to prepare for that. And imagine how awesome it would be, exploring the universe on your own, maybe carrying the genes of earth life to seed in distant solar systems, being a literal god. I'd be more worried about like getting stuck in a landside or something. You'd certainly want a kill switch just in case.

I'd be testing the limits of my magic, which would probably get me branded as a dark wizard and expelled since nobody else in the series seemed interested in doing anything with magic besides using it for transportation, and making teacups float.

>I'd be more worried about like getting stuck in a landside or something.
That's the other standard argument against immortality yeah. That's a terrifying concept. Then again if you're a wizard who attained immortality, I'm sure you could blast yourself out of any sort of situation like that with ease.

Ayn Rand as top is genuine kekkage

Id fuckin make my dick huge and streak through the girls dormitory booooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Well if you can get yourself out of confinement and impart motion in the vacuum of space, I don't see what's wrong with immortality. Since magic sort of implies violating entropy anyway, the heat death of the universe is no concern.

Use polyjuice to transform myself into a hot girl student, let the cute boys fuck me, and when he's about to cum transform back to my mae self and fuck him in the ass

Polyjuice myself into the hottest girl in school and shlick myself off.

Bet you assholes where so eager to post the dullest copypastas in the history of Sup Forums shitposts. Each post following the simpleminded shitposters and his pals from /lit/ as they post assorted shit has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the repetitive image, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of originality and ineffective use of humour, all to make Sup Forums unintelligent, to make posting seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when OP vetoed the idea of killing himself; he made sure the copypasta would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously annoying cross-posting for his boards. The Dullest Franchise series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-Navy Seals Copypasta series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the first few posts were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the post was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a Harry Potter thread was posted, instead of contributing the OP wrote that the series was “the dullest franchise”

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that copypasta was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. OP’s mind is so governed by cliches and shit taste that he has no other way of posting. Later I read a lavish, loving response of the copypasta on r/Sup Forums. They wrote something to the effect of, "If anons on Sup Forums are reading this copypasta, then when they get older they will go on to read r/Sup Forums." And they were quite right. They was not being ironic. When you read “Dullest Franchise Copypasta" you are, in fact, trained to post on reddit.

Perhaps the problem is because Rowling's magic world has no place for the numinous. It is written for people whose imaginative lives are confined to TV cartoons, and the exaggerated (more exciting, not threatening) mirror-worlds of soaps, reality TV and celebrity gossip. Its values, and everything in it, are, as Gatsby said of his own world when the light had gone out of his dream, ''only personal.'' Nobody is trying to save or destroy anything beyond Harry Potter and his friends and family.

Think about how sick it would be to just do your homework. Learning about wizard history and spellcasting.

Exactly. I'd never fucking leave. I'd finish my N.E.W.T.s and become a teacher as soon as possible and just live my entire life at Hogwarts, visit Hogsmeade and stuff. I think the only time Hogwarts teachers are away from the school is during the summer, so I'd get myself a little cottage in Hogsmeade and hang with the locals. Fuck other countries, fuck the ministry, I'd stay at Hogwarts forever.

>you will never have a magical owl that brings you wizard letters
>you will never ride the Hogwarts express with your best friends
>you will never go to Hogwarts
>you will never be accepted into gryffindor and laugh and pull magic pranks at hufflepuff fags
>you will never have and sleep in a comfy dorm with your buddies
>you will never fuck prime witch pussy
>you will never drink butterbeer with your best friends
>you will never join Voldemort and kill the mudbloods

hold me bros

I always found it odd that Harry and Ron didn't seem to give a shit about their homework and just saw it as a chore. Ron I can sort of understand since for him this is just "school" like it was for us, but for Harry this was a whole new world he just learned about.
If it was me I'd put so much effort into my homework, I'd do further reading, ask for extra material, practise spells, scour the library. I'd do anything to learn all there is to learn about magic. Hell, I'd try and get a Time-Turner to take all the classes.

Was the Butterbeer stuff censored in any way in the American version of the books? I'm wondering because it's stated that it's got alcohol in it (an unspecified, but low amount) and they drink it at age 13. Stuff like that isn't that big of a deal in Europe I could see American publishers frowning at releasing a book where 13-year-old children drink alcohol

Id put the invisibility cloak over me and hermione and shag on the dining table

furfag,

well it was still called butterbeer, not sure what else there is to censor

i suppose they could have edited out a line about it containing alcohol but that would be it

I would work on a spell/potion that turns me into a chad with big dick and a steal girls chairs and turn myself into them with polyjuice potion. Probably won't even leave bathroom because I would be masturbating so much.

I'm in

>I'd bond with a Hippogriff
You'd probably die considering you're not literally the chosen one.

>What would you do on your days off?

Honestly? Go to the library and learn all sorts of things about magic. Or try and explore the magic castle that I'm going to spend the next school year in. Seriously, this seems like something that was barely touched on unless it was somehow plot-related.

>knock out Ron
>steal his hair and use it to brew polyjuice potion
>fuck hermione for hours untill I impregnate her with my child

>ayn rand

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”

Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”

“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.

Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”

“I don’t understand,” Ron said.

“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”

“But they gave birth to y–“

“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

>steal girls chairs and turn myself into them with polyjuice potion.
Ah, I'd forgotten that line where it said that for Polyjuice Potion you either need the DNA or the chair of the person you want to turn into.

Then, around the corner, gliding noiselessly, came Dementors, ten or more of them, visible because they were of a denser darkness than their surroundings, with their black cloaks and their scabbed and rotting hands. Could they sense fear in the vicinity? Harry was sure of it: They seemed to be coming more quickly now, taking those dragging, rattling breaths he detested, tasting despair on the air, closing in.

Suddenly he heard them: Marxists.

“No,” he whispered, sinking to his knees. When they get near you, he remembered Lupin saying, you will be left with only the worst memories of your life.

“Only together, collectively, can we achieve anything of lasting significance,” he heard one of them say. Harry moaned in pain.

“The fortunate owe it to society to contribute to those who cannot work,” another chanted. Harry closed his eyes and collapsed.

“A strong central government –” began a third. This was too much for Harry. He rose painfully to his knees and screamed —

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

A shining white dollar flew out of his wand. “I AM THE STRONGEST FORCE THERE IS,” it shouted. “I AM AN OBJECTIVE MEASUREMENT OF THE GOOD. I CANNOT BE DIMINISHED OR COMPROMISED.”

The Dementors scattered.

“Our worldview is corrupt and ineffective,” one of them shouted as it scurried away into the night.

Harry’s Patronum lazily floated back to him and rested on the tip of his wand.

“I’m going to spend you,” he said to it. And he did.

lel

>girls chairs
>chair of the person

Do they have to be sitting on them more than once a day or something?

Isn't it stated that you need great expertise in potions in order to be able to brew polyjuice potion? How do you think Snape learned so much about potions? Not in order to dodge Potter, I don't buy it. He probably explored every inch of Lilys body without her even knowing about it.

Probably not study at all. I mean, you go to a school where they teach you magic. Might as well be a fuckwit, right?

Butterbeer.

>not just walking around jacking off under the invisibility cloak all day long

No, it has to be "their" chair. In the first book you see Harry's list for stuff to get for Hogwarts. Books, wand, cauldron, parchment etc, then at the end it says you can either bring an owl, a rat or a toad, but you also have to bring a chair. I think they cut that out of the films though.
Basically, every student has a chair and you for Polyjuice Potion you can either use someone's DNA or you get their chair.

Hope I don't fucking die.

Get me some gillyweed and explore the giant lake. Those mermaid guys are probably alright under normal circumstances (they were only assholes because of the rules of the second task), and the giant squid is known to be friendly.
Imagine exploring that giant lake, seeing the mermaid city and civilization

>Isn't it stated that you need great expertise in potions in order to be able to brew polyjuice potion?
It's supposedly really difficult but a couple of twelve year old novices managed to do it without any trouble. The only hard part is getting your hands on the ingredients and the fact that it takes over a month to complete.
That all goes out of the window in later books though where everybody seems to have it.

try and fuck a centaur

Are there female centaurs? Asking for a friend.

>i would try to follow in voldemort's footsteps and learn all the dark magic he did

FFS I would make my horcrux out of rocks and then chuck them in the ocean so that not even James Cameron could find them

...

Arguably the best answer.

2nd best is use invisibility and set up camp in girls bath/showers

There are no other correct answers

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
>"BRAAAAAAAAPPPPP!"

Accio girls underpants

Harry Potter threads on Sup Forums have two laws.
>the pasta is always posted in the first ten posts
>after 20-40 posts the discussion starts to shift primarily toward all the perverted things anons would do at Hogwarts with polyjuice potion, invisibility cloaks and other forms of magic

Accio McGonagall's bloomers

Because thats how I roll

that pic is so much neet hipster cringe i cant even look at it anymore.. time to step down from that high horse snowflake

he's probably talking about book Cho

>Float casually around on broomstick and look at the countryside.
>Eat the ridiculous George RR Martin tier food
>Study transfiguration
>Hang out with the Carrow twins, just sitting around in silence staring malevolently at people

What I would NOT do:
>Fuck with the weird magic candy that makes you make noises and shit
>Quidditch (Who would?)
>Go near the lake
>Go to balls

>He wouldn't play Quidditch

Even in your own fantasies your a beta faggot

Who is best girl? Try to keep Hermione and Luna out of it because everyone likes them. I wanna hear some different opinions.

Bellatrix. Imagine the sex.

>>Fuck with the weird magic candy that makes you make noises and shit
>>Quidditch (Who would?)
>>Go near the lake
>>Go to balls
numale

Not even him, but what's so good about playing Quidditch? Flying around on a broom is great and I'd be doing it all the time, but I don't see the appeal of the sport.

If you sound so keen on Quidditch, which position would you play? They all seem boring to me, except maybe beater.

>why would I play team sports

Maybe because I'm not a faggot numale straight out of redditt, like you.

It's not an issue of team sports, I just don't see the appeal of either
>floating around in front of three hoops
>trying to keep hold of a ball while constantly being targeted by two rock-solid balls
>beating two rock-solid balls around with a baseball bat
>scanning a huge field for a tiny speck of fluttering gold
Don't forget that those matches can go on for hours, even days if the Snitch isn't caught.

Nah, just give me a broom to fly around the grounds, or give me a more interesting sport to play.

shutup cuck

It's called the black lake you filthy casual

parvati

Be Gryffindor, practice battle magic, no gfs

Awkward sex with Luna Lovegood behind the Quidditch bleachers while she spouts off conspiracy theories

#3 best girl... Mrs Weasley

horrifying to imagine

nty

>avatar
>masterpiece

The only correct answer is Tonks. She can change her appearance at will so you could fuck literally anyone you wanted to. And even ignoring the sex life, she's got a good career, she's an accomplished witch, and she's awkward and clumsy
There literally is no better choice than Nymphomaniac Tonks

Shes younger than Harry. You are going to Azkaban.

this, I'd be studying non-stop. hermione had the right idea.
>"we could've been killed, or worse, expelled!"
Getting expelled from Hogwarts would literally be worse than death. Only months after discovering that you can do fucking MAGIC you get your only connection to the wizarding world severed and you have to go back to muggle school. I'd kill myself.

>ywn have Luna rant about Voldemort being from the synagogue of Satan while straddling your cock