Things that annoyed you about the Harry Potter movies.
I personally love title drops, either subtle ones or glaringly obvious ones. And all the movies do it EXCEPT for PoA.
>He's after the Philosopher's Stone!
>The Chamber of Secrets has been opened.
>...
>Did you put your name in The Goblet of Fire?!
>This is The Order of the Phoenix
>Yes Potter...I am the Half-Blood Prince.
>Are you referring to the Deathly Hallows?
All of them do it except for PoA.
Chicken/egg
Title/title drop
Inb4 pasta
"Harry, swear to me you won't go looking for Black, he's the Prisoner of Azkaban."
You mean besides being one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert. Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Third post, pretty good. Could've used a better opening line though. The one we had recently about Harry riding his broom at high velocity to escape the dullest franchise was great
They don't really do a title drop, they just mention the name of the film which makes sense since the titles are usually people, places or objects directly related to the story. It's nothing like LotR-level title dropping where it's forced in as a cheeky joke.
D R O P P E D
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>Things that annoyed you about the Harry Potter movies.
Lenny Henry randomly appearing as a shrunken head for no reason
Students wearing normal clothes
Slughorn not being fat enough
Who the fuck are the last two in that pic?
Pretty sure this is bait but just in case you're this retarded:
A title drop is when it is written backwards into the script/dialogue.
For example in the latest PoC movie when he says "I would deliver the message myself but... dead men tell no tales". Not only does it make sense and contradict the narrative but it is also very obviously shoehorned in for dramatic effect.
In the Harry Potter series it is just a case of the books (and films) being named after things that are central to the plot of each movie. Do you wonder why PoA was an exception? Because unlike everything else it is indeed not something that would casually occur in a conversation unless they forced it,
You can't go the whole movie without any character actualy refering to the Philosopher's Stone or Chamber of Secrets by name but Serius Black, despite BEING the prisoner of Azkaban, is never explicitly given this nickname in any form, and so we don't actually hear the title anywhere.
Fuck you.
Dan Fogler and Ezra Miller
>Harry be careful, you don't want The Prisoner of Azkaban to rape your mouth!
Oh, I loved Harry Potter. The story, the setting, all very compelling. It was definitely a key piece of my childhood.
I'd often fantasize I'm a student there. Still do. Jacking off in the common room. Molesting naive Hufflepuffs. Casting Imperious spells and making bitches lick my salty nuts. Oh how I dream of it.
Checked
Do you think that Harry ever went into that prefects bath and jacked off in front of that sexually frustrated ghost?
Fuck yeah. I bet she JOIed him in person. That's what I would've had her do. Then call me a pathetic little faggot because I am while doing it.
Really? I thought this was a bit too on the nose.
probably, but that was more of a hufflepuff thing
I know that, it says it right there. Were they in the Fantastic Beasts thing? Because I sure as hell don't remember them in HP.
Obviously it's bait, but it would've been great if they shoehorned in the titles in some convoluted way. Like a scene with Dumbledore and Felix and Dumbledore appears to be communicating magically with his pet phoenix and then turns to Harry
>"Harry, it really is crucial that you practise Occlumency. Felix here in particular feels very strongly about this. This isn't a request Harry. Consider it....the order of the phoenix"
It's very accurate- there's a secret shadowy organization holding great power behind the scenes. They play themselves.
Makes sense, hufflepuffs must have been the sexual deviants of the school. I bet Professor Sprout was fucking Neville rotton in the green houses after class.
with your reddit copypasta
newfag
That bath is like my idea of heaven, it's huge, you can swim about in it, soak in there for hours. And of course masturbate to the stained glass window with the moving naked mermaid. Not sure about Myrtle though, I'd rather have that Hufflepuff House ghost in there with me.
C'mon man, that was a terrible opening line
I wonder if anyone ever brewed a polyjuice potion of the girl they liked, took a bunch of nude photos while masturbating with a pickle, and then plastered them all over the castle.
I'd turn the room of requirement into an anal dungeon.
Kek, I'm surprised that none of the professors has ever used the room of requirement to store first years they kidnapped.
In all the Potter threads I've seen over the years that turn into anons fantasizing about how they'd abuse magic for sexual purposes I don't remember anyone mentioning the Room of Requirement. I must've missed those because you can't be the first one to mention it.
It's basically perfect for any nefarious deeds you want to do. The room can turn itself into anything you want, as long as you desire or need it to be that way. Endless possibilities. Sex dungeon, a room full of Polyjuice and Felix Felicis, a room perfectly designed to appeal to and offer any sexual fetishes you might have.
>I'd often fantasize I'm a student there. Still do. Jacking off in the common room. Molesting naive Hufflepuffs.
The setting really sets itself up for all sorts of kinky things. I'd crouch down naked at a fireplace and use floo powder to transport my head into any fireplace I want and watch people having sex while I wank into the embers
Yeah, they were both in Fantastic Beasts. Fogler was actually the best character in that movie.
Harry secretly visited the Mirror of Erised a lot in his first year, do you think he ever went there in the dead of night, stripped naked and just started masturbating at the mirror while looking at himself? Just going completely mental and whacking it while his parents are forced to watch him?
>took a bunch of nude photos while masturbating with a pickle, and then plastered them all over the castle.
That totally sounds like something Colin Creevey would do. He was obsessed with taking photographs and always had his camera with him. The best part would be that those photographs would move like the paintings, so if you turned yourself into a girl, masturbated, took pics and then put them everywhere in the castle, all the students would see the girl in action
Like a bunch of cp gifs all over the castle.
Oh gosh, the cloak of invisibility....I'd be beating off in public 24/7. Also, cum tributes would be better with those moving photos.
Yeah, Dan Fogler's character was one of the best things about Fantastic Beasts. I'd never heard of him before (maybe he's popular in the US) and from the trailers I thought he'd be a terrible generic wise-cracking American type, but I ended up loving him. He was basically used like a Doctor Who companion, someone through whom the audience sees and relates to all the magical stuff going on, but he was much more than the "bemused spectator" archetype. Comic relief done right and I hope he's in the sequels.
I bet that faggot Dumbledore would allow all of it.
>Also, cum tributes would be better with those moving photos.
Ooooooh EMMA! Emma I love you Emma I love you ooooh Emma, I love you Emma, oh Emma Emma Emma I love you, EMMA!!!
...
>Be a 150 year old man
>Give an 11 year old boy a cloak that turns him invisible
>Add a note saying "Use it well."
He was basically telling Harry to go out and wank himself dry all over the castle.
You dropped the shit hard, mah dude. I'm no longer on your side, shit opening line, fuck outta here.
You could literally masturbate anywhere you want without being seen. I'd experiment a lot and train myself to be stealthy since you can still be heard or touched. Probably set my sights on a girl in my house and wait until she sits down at a table in the common room to do her homework, then put on my cloak and sidle up and start beating it quietly. I'd stroke myself from every angle of her face in complete silence and then just before ejaculating I'd close in and whisper "You got question 12 wrong" which would really freak her out, then I'd splooge and make my escape.
someone make a new HP thread so the copypasta person can redeem herself
Start at Quidditch matches my friend. Loud and crowded. Easier to sneak up on a victim and people expect to bump into other people at sporting events.
The point of the pasta is to use a funny and relevant opening line, this is just disappointing. I would say someone else should do a good one but it doesn't really count if it's that late in the thread
Good thinking my friend, I like the way your brain works. You could really go unnoticed and train yourself, plus literally every student's there so you can go nuts on anyone from any house.
Could you imagine Ron doing it? Holding trophies, and having the head boy hat on, and just furiously masturbating while his whole family admires him.
Go ahead and then post a link, but make sure your opening post has something you could use for the pasta
You could grope that fat slytherine pig and she would think that crab and goyle were molesting her. It might cause her to die a little inside.
I think it's only Harry who sees his parents, Ron would just be masturbating while seeing himself as Quidditch captain. Dumbledore would just be wanking at some socks.
When you get good you gotta take it to the next level and splat on them without them noticing so they walk into Defense Against Dark Arts with cum stains on their robes.
I would walk around spreading my ass cheeks to make all the living paintings stare at my butt hole.
Better yet, get to the Slytherin stand and look at a cute girl to get you turned on, but position yourself between Crabbe and Goyle who would be behind Malfoy, then cum on Malfoy and walk away and enjoy the scene as Malfoy accuses Goyle of cumming on his shoulder.
You could ruin entire friendships, man I would have endless fun.
>I'd rather have that Hufflepuff House ghost in there with me.
You mean friar tuck?
>Take this Hermione, it's a magic time travelling watch that I've been holding onto for just this moment
A golden snitch would make for great ass play. Get that thing up my ass and my eyes will be rolling into the back of my head from the extreme orgasms.
Good stuff
Don't mind the children of Sup Forums that think this is a meme for their tumblr entertainment
perfect prostate massages
You could completely ruin a girl's reputation by constantly leaving cum stains on her at random times. After a while she'd have no excuse and everyone would treat her as a freak who gets boys to masturbate on her and wears the stains as a badge of honour.
You could also destroy a teacher's career with stealth ejaculation.
>Snape bending over to look at Neville's cauldron
>Quickly shoot your load into the cauldron from the right angle
>Do this enough times in different situations
>Snape gets a reputation of masturbating into students's potions
Oh I messed that up, I meant the Ravenclaw ghost obviously. I mean I'm very experimental but I don't think a fat, balding ghost watching me masturbate in a bath would do much for me.
I think one of the best things to do would be bringing a gun to school. No one would have any idea what it was so you could brandish it at will and scare the shit out of the muggle borns. Then at the end of the year party go on a spree and shoot as many as you could. They wouldn't know what spell you were using to defend against it.
I'd take polyjuice potions. Pose as girls and take pics of me sodomizing myself with a Nimbus 2000. Stealth cum on girls as Neville and show my face on purpose. Cloak of invisibility and broomstick always at the ready for a smooth getaway before I morph back.
I don't think guns and stuff work at Hogwarts, or it was just electricity or something I dunno
>Stealth cum on girls as Neville and show my face on purpose.
Awesome idea. Instead of turning yourself into a hot girl and having your way with yourself, you could turn into a boy you dislike and start cumming on people in public, completely ruining their life. Have a grudge on a student or teacher? Get some DNA, turn into them for an hour and run around the castle naked shouting obscenities, then grab the invisibility cloak that you stuffed up your butt and make your escape.
Harry Potter is the most profound literature ever produced by human kind.
FACT
It certainly got me into reading. And sexual fantasies involving magic.
I too get off to abusing orphans.
Oi, don't lump me in with your weird fetish. I'm just saying that if I spent my life at Hogwarts from the age of 11 to the age of 17, I probably would've used my time exploiting magic for personal gain in terms of masturbation. If there's spells that clean your dishes and peel your potatoes, there's spells that will be able to enhance your teenage masturbation experimentation. Hell, they teach you Wingardium Leviosa in your first year. Master that spell and fill a sock with lube and you could have the night of your life.
Daily reminder that PoA is an overrated piece of shit and is the 2nd worst HP movie, only beating out GoF
>characters wear muggle clothes everywhere
>none of the charm the previous films had
>no focus on life at Hogwarts
>no focus on how cool magic is
>no focus on character interaction
>"""dark"""
>all style no substance
>no emphasis on the marauders' relationship
>Sirius takes a back seat to a hippogriff
>this ending shot
>Harry never used the cloak to sneak into the girls' bathrooms
James must have spent all of Harry's school years rolling in his grave
This damn bait is too delicious to ignore.
>characters wear muggle clothes everywhere
I'll give you that but it beats having everyone wear pointy wizard hats which they do in the books and would look completely ridiculous
>none of the charm the previous films had
Every Diagon Alley scene and all of Hogsmeade was was charming as fuck
>no focus on life at Hogwarts
The scene in the Gryffindor dorms where they eat magical sweets that make them blow smoke or make animal noises was comfy as hell
>no focus on how cool magic is
EXPECTO...PATRONUM!!!!!
>no focus on character interaction
Ron and Hermione holding hands for the first time, Lupin and Harry's personal lessons
>"""dark"""
Which it was meant to be, first book that got a lot darker
>all style no substance
Buzzwords. Explain yourself.
>no emphasis on the marauders' relationship
This was truly unforgivable I admit
>Sirius takes a back seat to a hippogriff
What does this even mean?
>this ending shot
It's glorious, you idiot.
they wore robes during their classes which is the only time they'd have to.
Imagine using the Polyjuice potion to turn into a girl and getting railed by your roommates every night.
You can do that without turning into a girl
Yeah but it won't be as kinky
It would be even better taking polyjuice potion to turn into professor McGonagall and sneaking off into the forbibldden forest at night to get fucked by a herd of centaurs
I bet McGonagall was ridiculously hot when she was younger.
Kek. Yeah imagine taking some hair from that unbelievably hot Stacy who's totally out of your league and convincing your best mate to take her polyjuice for JUST ONE NIGHT
>it won't be gay at all bro!
>dude, you just cummed inside me, what if I get pregnant?
>I couldn't help it bro! You were so tight and making all those noises man.
OFFICIAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE RANKING
Half Blood Prince
Chamber of Secrets
Order of the Phoenix
Prisoner of Azkaban
Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone
Deathly Hallows Part 2
Goblet of Fire
Deathly Hallows Part 1
Not that DHP1 is bad, it's just really dull and lacks much of what makes a Harry Potter film good.
Is this ascending or descending order?
the time turner things.
why didn't anyone use them to save people from dying and to stop evil people from mwahahahaing before rowling decided "they were destroyed" there were still many instances they could have been used prior to their alleged destruction.
dumbledore knew what was going on when potter saved that giant birdthing and what the kids were doing so why let kids do dangerous things why not use the time thingie himself?
And then comes The Cursed Child with time turners being used with so much retardation I'm surprised they turned out fine in the end. Holy shit the Cursed Child was such dogshit
Worst part is that it goes against Rowling's retcon of time turners being incapable of going more than 5 hours in the past.
>Lumping Tolkien with Harry Potter
Kys
Did she tweet that once? It's not in the books I'm pretty sure.
Cursed Child isn't canon anyway so it doesn't matter, but still.
>5 hours in the past
didn't harry travel back one day in that episode when they saved that birdthing from being chopped headless?
No, just 3 hours
>Did she tweet that once?
when asked questions, rowling comes up out of thin air answers that she pretends already thought of before the question was asked and claims they were canon info for years claiming she just didn't write it down in the novels.
It's a joke, silly, and that should be obvious. Rowling's work is miles above anything Tolkien's ever done.
...
She answered that way before she even started twitting in some old blog of hers.
She just gave a shitload of limitations to the timeturners to explain the plot-holes of why no one uses them.
I don't frequent /lit/ but surely this is bait? I agree most of those works are overrated and lack substance, but even /lit/ wouldn't shit on Catcher in the Rye
in that episode when harry invoked his patronus charm and he thought it was his father but it turned out to be him travelling back in time, was he using a time turner? and how far back in time did he travel then?
>people don't realize this is pasta
When she was constructing the plot of PoA, surely there must've been a moment where she stopped and thought about how Time-Turners and including time travel in her books would come back to haunt her?
Time travel as a plot device in any text or film should be thoroughly thought through and its limitations clearly stated. She's not an idiot, she must've known people would wonder about how time travel could be used to basically undo the entire plot of the whole series. Surely her editors and publishers would question her about it.
But no, she just went along with it and thought up some rules on the spot whenever she was confronted with the idea.
I know its been said several times, but seriously the fucking muggle clothes bug me.
One of the big wacky things about the wizarding world is how they wear old style robes and shit always, and when they do go out into the muggle world they dont dress right and wear shit wrong.
But no, the movies couldn't stick to that. Instead they had everyone hanging out in muggle jeans and shirts in their spare time, and even purebloods wearing fancy business suits.
The Harry who did the massive Patronus was Harry after using the Time-Turner to go back three hours.
Basically, after the whole ordeal at the Shrieking Shack with Sirius, Lupin and Snape, Harry followed Sirius to the lake and was attacked by a horde of Dementors. Future Harry saved him. Snape carried him and Sirius to Hogwarts. Then Harry and Hermione went back in time three hours, stopped Buckbeak's execution, and waited around, at which point Harry saw himself and Sirius being attacked by Dementors and he used the massive Patronus.
So yes, Harry traveled back in time three hours and saved himself. Then he and Hermione hurried back to Hogwarts at the right time so it looked like they never traveled in time.
The early books were mostly about shoving as much different cool magic shit as possible.
She didn't start caring about potential plot holes or unrealistic adult behavior until later.
I wonder how many times Ron made Harry take Hermione's polyjuice in their dorm