Walk into theatre just as lights are dimming

>walk into theatre just as lights are dimming
>yell "EY WHO TURNED THE LIGHTS OFF? I'M WALKIN 'ERE!"
>crowd erupts into laughter
>pop the collar on my striped polo and flash a smile at the crowd as I walk to my seat
>woman with her husband and kid turns her head to me and grabs my junk
>she winks at me

it's thought scenarios like that that cause people to smile awkwardly in public

>go the cinema
>character says nigger
>dad laughs out loud
anyone wanna trade?

>EY WHO TURNED THE LIGHTS OFF?

Should be "EY WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!"

Armature hour.

Yo are you the nigga that's been eatin these beans or are you dat nigga with the crab legs or are you dat nigga wit dem tendies

he aint walkin no more
shh shh

>2002
>ask my parents to take me to see attack of the clones
>they make fun of me and say the last one was shit
>they make me see about a boy starring hugh grant instead
>i cry in the car on the way there
>we don't get any snacks even though its the good theater
>my dad leaves half way into the movie(never found out why)
>i say i have to pee
>mom gets upset and says to go by myself
>have trouble taking my belt off in time and piss my pants
>upon returning to the movie my mom smells my piss and we leave
>doesn't let me change until dad comes back home to hit me
>i never got to see attack of the clones until college, where i was raped

CLLLLLLLLEAN

>it's an Americans are wild animals episode

>at the cinemas watching a horror movie
>yell out "UH OH, DON'T GO IN THERE"
>character goes in there
>gets killed
>people express their awe at my foresight
>after the movies some hotties come up to me ask me how I knew
>wink at them and say "I'm a mind-reader"

>Watching movie
>See woman's butt
>Yell "BRAAAAAPP!"
>Audience cheers and lifts me up on stage so I can do a comedy set
>Manager pauses the movie so everyone can hear me, hands me a mic
>Walk out with $10K in tips

>"Why are you smiling, user?"

Where did your dad go?

>reddit

A truly based frogposter

To suck cock in the men's bathroom

That's kind of gay

If also watched attack of the clones, you were raped twice

>watching The Phantom Menace in the cinema on opening night
>have to pee really bad
>sprint to the rest room
>slip in a puddle of pee and slam the back of my head into the floor 100 mph
>blood goes everywhere
>bathroom attendant: "I am NOT cleaning that up!" *laugh track*

kino

Larping losers

>happy to see an alien movie
>District 9
>nevermind

Are you seriously suggesting the cinema manager DIDN'T actually pause the movie so user could do a stand-up set?

This never happened
You're
White
Male
Virgin
in his 20s/30s
remember that crush? that girl? she's getting fucked by a black guy right now. A real man. A man who doesn't waste his time wasting on bullshit like this.

Prove they're larping, you can't.

Whites BTFO

Race of the man behind this post: white
Sexual orientation: gay af

top lel

Everything ITT is true. I was there.

Maybe if you spent less time thinking about black men you'd also get some hotties and some high-fives whenever you go to your local cinema

A day in the life of an autist, special mama's boy.
How many GBP?

Your Dad sounds based, I'll take him.

The only thing is, I don't have a dad to trade.

feelsadman

>Blair Wiatch II
>I jokingly throw my bag of popcorn in the air during a jump scare part and it lands on the people around me
>I look around smiling broadly, everyone's having a good laugh and picking popcorn out of their hair and off their laps and just popping them into their mouths while continuing to watch
>girl in row below me with her family picks a piece out of her hat and smiles broadly at me, I smile broadly back at her and give her a hand up to my row
>Movie still playing, I look back and give a thumbs up to the projectionist and look down to give a nod to the girl's father/brother (wasn't sure) as I straddled the girl and began to mock fuck her
>whole theater erupting with laughter, I take off my tee and wave it in the air before throwing it
>Settle down in my seat again and fuck her legs spread open right in front of her dad
>finish inside her just as the movie ends, put my ticket stub in her panties as a tip and kick my feet back waiting to chat with the cleanup crew coming around as I always do

Another kino day at the kinoplex

>going to the cinema
>first time in a long time
>step though the door and onto the conveyor belt
>shit's so slow people are complaining
>apparently the maintenance is long past due to financial difficulties
>everyone gets an extra crabstick for free as a consolation
>my time at the food panel
>I choose a bag of popcorn and a coke
>confirm selection with a scan of my knee
>moments later my order falls down from a tube in the ceiling
>just in time before the belt went past
>finally the conveyor belt goes into the viewing room
>trying to stand on my toes so that I can see the screen
>people try jumping despite it being illegal
>even a stepladder is use
>guy to my left jumped and got busted and picked up by the crane
>wider space for me to stand on
>half through the movie I notice myself and the others shivering
>look to the side
>notice that the man operating the woodstove is gone
>have to step off the belt to keep the fire going
>got to be quick so my good spot at the front doesn't roll away
>must be careful because the belt is in constant motion
>nearly crush my head in some cogs because I slipped on some spilled oil on the floor
>eventually make it there
>notice that there are no more wood left in the basket
>make my way to the wood room to fetch some more
>stealthily step over the gap in the floor which was put in to stop the wood thieves
>suddenly I trip on a wire and a plow shoots from the opposite wall pushing me into a tube
>they had installed a secondary trap
>realise that I won't be seeing the end of the movie now
>sit down in the pitch dark and begin imagining the rest of the move to myself

This is probably the only real story in the entire thread.

>go to theater with two buddies to see inglorious basterds for the first time
>get to the name game scene
>hellstrom is trying to guess his character
>finally gets to actually trying to answer
>"Am I the story of the negro in America?"
>"no"
>"Well then I must be King Kong"
>entire theater bursts into laughter
>friends and I are in tears

I'm so glad Dice and his style of comedy is irrelevant now.

>Go to see some kinos
>My friends and I are cracking jokes like MST3K the whole movie
>Everyone is loving it
>At the end of the movie we get approached by the manager
>He tells us the mayor of our city wants to meet us
>Go into mayor's office at the back of the theater
>Mayor gives us the key to the city and renames the theater after us
>Now people call the theater to find out when we'll be there
>Our shows are always sold out
>Never have to pay because it's our theater now

>remember that crush? that girl?
jokes on you because i don't.

Oh its one of these threads!

Haha, let me try one myself,

>be me
>SEVENTEEN
>go out with a couple of friends to watch 21 jump street
>theater is rustling when we get there
>spot several floating white teeth in the back row
>nod to my friends so we know what to do
>this aint no place for NIGGERS we say to them
>theater goes silent
>white feller in the front laughs next to his cussins HYUCK HYUCK DIRTY FUCKING NIGHER HYUCK
>i say "i heard they got a showing of planet earth next door, but you better hurry on out or you might miss the monkeys"
>friend gives me a brofist, and we all dab on them
>one of them looks at the other SLRRRPPP *CLUCCKK* MSSM SUMM FFFFFF" ????? *INAUDIBLE* DUUUUUUUM
>he scratches his head
>friend gets out a banana and starts leading them off their seats
>they start walking arms dangling like a bunch of hyptontized apes
>everyone is staring at us
>so what anyone else want a piece of these
>squad crosses arms and sits down
>guess not