Character goes to a bar

>character goes to a bar
>"I'll have a beer"

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>character walks up to the counter
>"I'll have a brewski, Charlie"

>character walks up to counter
>”Can I get a pack of smokes?”

uno pistos

>character dials 911
>"911 What is youre emergency?"

every time

lame fuck
>thread hidden

>walk up to the bar
>"I'll have a beer"
>bartender pours a schooner of whatever tap is closest because he isn't a pretentious faggot

>character goes to a bar
>locks eyes with a girl
>cuts to them having sex

this doesn't really happen irl right?

>Walks up to the bar
>"I'll have a cold beer"
>Pets his big, black, slick, mean looking dog
>Looks down at the end of the bar and there is a man with a short, fat, squat, ugly little yellow dog
>And the man with the short, fat, squat, ugly little yellow dog says... nothing
>So the man with the big, black, slick, mean looking dog says: "That sure is an ugly looking dog you got there, fella, all short, squat, ugly and yellow"
>The man with the short, squat, ugly looking, yellow dog says: "Well, he may be ugly, but he sure can fight!"

>The man with the big, black, slick, mean looking dog says: "yeah?"
>The man with the short, squat, fat, ugly yellow dog says: "yeah"
>So they decide to take them out back and have them fight it out, winner takes home $5
>So that's exactly what they do.
>Short squat, ugly looking yellow dog kicks the snot out of the big, black, slick mean looking dog
>MAn with the big, black, slick, mean looking dog says: "here's your $5, but I what kind of dog is that anyway? I ain''t never seen a dog that looks short, squat, ugly and yellow like that"
>Man says: "Well, he used to be an alligator, till I cut off his tail and painted him yellow"

Every time, such a cliche

>character goes to a bar
>Steve Buscemi is there and he's telling a crazy story
>at the end of it the protagonist shows and starts a massive bar fight
Not in every movie though.
Why the fuck not?

>character orders a "coffee"

>I'll have a whiskey
>on the rocks
Why doesn't he just say "with ice". What's he trying to prove

sometimes it's set in europe and there's no tipping argument

It's implied that he 360d up to her and flexed a 'cep during the cut.

With rocks sounds cooler. Deal with it.
I now want a European Pink that argues in favor of tipping so the waiter won't blow himself up.

>character goes to space
>"Houston, we have a problem"

>go to bar
>order virgin pina colada
>they make it alcoholic because they assumed I was talking about myself

>"I'll have a whiskey"
>character gets bad news
>"make it a double"
wtf even is a double whiskey? brings me right out of the play

>OP goes into a bar
>"I'll have a craft peanut butter milk stout IPA with whip and extra sprinkles"
>bartender: "all we have is beer"

>walk into gay bar
>"I'll have a queer"

It's a bigger glass you fucking retard.

it is double the 1.5oz of whiskey you'd otherwise be served, making a double whiskey 3oz of whiskey instead of 1.5oz.

Why would you order a bigger glass and not a bigger drink?

That's a good one.
On the off chance you're not seven, and just incredibly sheltered: whiskey is a drink with a high alcohol content, so one standard drink of it - the same as 10 or so Bud Lites - can be served in a single shot glass. A double whiskey then is when you still get one glass, but with twice the amount whiskey.

>walk into a bar
>walk into the emergency room to get stiches

Because it's harder to pour a bigger drink into a smaller glass?

>so one standard drink of it - the same as 10 or so Bud Lites

>the same as 10 or so Bud Lites
You've gotta be pulling my leg on that one. Now I'll think I'm a degenerate for having a shot of whiskey now and again.

>leave the bottle

Further, how do they know which whiskey to pour from? There are multiple whiskeys that a bar could use, do they just pick the cheapest one?

>do they just pick the cheapest one?
if you do not specify, you will be served the "well" whiskey which is likely the cheapest one the bartender uses from their rail or well to pour mixed drinks.

I think he was using that dumb alcohol awareness shit I got preached in high school. A full glass of whiskey would be like 10-12 beers worth of booze

On the off chance you're not seven, and just incredibly sheltered: American beers, and especially Buds are lampooned as being weak, and of tasting like water. In other words I was slightly exaggerating the properties of something as a joke.

I don't get it. You go to a bar and ask for "a whiskey"? Isn't that a sign of a clueless mo-fo? What do you mean "a whiskey"? Do you want a scotch, irish whisky, bourbon, canadian whisky or even jap whiskey? Even if you say scotch then do you want a single malt, blended whisky, peated single malt, cheap or expensive (usually that goes hand in hand with how long the whiskey has been aged)?

Let's just say that you're a bourbon drinker (which tend to be a little bit sweeter than scotches) and generally not that expensive. Then you walk into a bar and ask for "a whiskey" and the bartender slaps you with four fingers (that's a "double") of some expensive peated malt with a very distinctive and pungent smell and taste that not everybody enjoys, oh let's say a Laphroaig 25YO. What happens then?

If you don't care enough to specify they don't care enough to ask.

Lol u dumb nigga, no wonder you let muslims fuck your mum

>American beers, and especially Buds are lampooned as being weak, and of tasting like water
You've gotta be pulling my leg on that one. Now I'll think you're eurotrash for making fun of American beer now and again.

If you haven't heard that American beer is like sex on a canoe yet then mate, you haven't lived.

There's nothing wrong with stories that involve clueless mofos. They exist in real life too, and if anything they make your classy characters classier.

Your adage is dated. America is now flooded with 6-10% microbrews

>Doesn't order a cocktail with an umbrella
what is he a fag or something?

Isn't that a little gay, you think? Being snoooty and fart sniffy over something so pedestrian? Especially since beer contains phytoestrogens and contributes to the soyboy crisis.

>I'll have the usual
>bartender gives me blowjob shots

>On the off chance you're not seven, and just incredibly sheltered
Is this pastakino?

>I'll have spaghetti with meatballs
>meatballs? MEATballs? Chicken tender meatballs? Turkey meatballs? Aged prosciutto meatballs? Bologna meatballs?
Christ you're faggot. Whiskey in the US is understood to mean bourbon.

You guys are fucking stupid it’s not a bigger glass it’s twice as much alcohol. It’s a double pour you underage faggots

dumb frogposter

>this one's on me

Okay Neill Degrasse Tyson please explain how to pour twice as much liquid into this glass?

If it's twice as much alcohol, wouldn't one need a bigger glass to fit all the extra liquid?

>on the rocks

No, it's something original, something spontaneous, something I call wit. Spend your whole shitposting life repeating someone else's lines and you'll never come up with your own.

With beer I'd always ask but if you order generic liquor it means well. The only time I'd accept "give me a beer" is if someone ordered a beer and a shot. Cheapest beer, cheapest whiskey, automatically.

>play

>on the cocks

That's a shot, not a neat pour. Shots are served neat but usually just ordering a whiskey would be the same amount of whiskey but served in a single rocks glass, the bartender would assume you intended to sip it, unless you ordered a shot. A double would be twice as much, 3oz, but still served in a single rocks.

Granted it also depends on where you go. At a divier bar ordering a Jim would probably get you a shot glass, unless you order a Jim neat which would get you served a rocks glass.

>Arguing with customers over shit they clearly don't care about.
Why bro, why? Do you want them to leave and never come back? Do you want them to tell your friends that you're an asshole so they skip your joint as well. Just give them whatever is cheapest so they can get a happy buzz on and start ordering drinks for others.

>On the off chance you're not seven, and just incredibly sheltered:
You're fucking retarded, not even pretending.

>next round's on me

>"gimme a whiskey, double"

you just keep pouring until you've poured twice as much as you poured to begin with

What? I wouldn't argue. I'd ask them what kind of beer they wanted, probably say whatever's cheapest and confirm that was okay before pouring.

>that is the only glass you can put liquid in

whats wrong with beer ?

>"this one's on the house"

Have you even driven past a bar before, much less been in one?

>over my dead body
>that's the idea

i like this thread

Why call it a neat? In my head that means shot glass since well, it lines up neater.

That just means what they've got on tap, user. The cheapest.

that's such a pretentious design

>character walks into a bar
>a gang ties him down and pour drinks down his gullet endlessly

Oh sorry, I misinterpreted. In my head you sounded like ad related: youtube.com/watch?v=7QphMaa4wxI

>Will you have a drink, mate?
youtube.com/watch?v=x_6HqRkdU98

>In my head that means shot glass since well, it lines up neater.
10/10

I think this is one of the few instances product placement would be acceptable if not downright desirable

>put it on my tab

>coffee, black

Why don't Americans drink coffee with milk?

if you like milk in your coffee your a fag, get that shit away from my cup of joe. fuck off!

hmm thats a cool pepe. saved

This is genuinely the most annoying bar trope. Illegal most places, impossible to price out, just makes no fucking sense.

t. soyberg

>saved
Delete that pepe immediately. You did NOT get permission to save it.

>only sub 2 minutes of drinking
Honestly disappointed, felt like far more when I watched it.

>Woman orders a coffee
>As black as the Devil, and sweet as a stolen kiss
>She's instantly ten times hotter

Low t. lactose intolerance.

...

>impossible to price out
Just charge the entire bottle.

Most places don't have bottle service like that. I don't know how much is left in the bottle to charge him, and the price would be pretty fucking enormous. Plus I can't monitor overserving etc and I think it would count as a retail sale and generally be messy as fuck from a legal perspective. I can't imagine any bartender doing this. Just order a double or triple, I promise I'll refill it when you're done.

>No, it's something original, something spontaneous, something I call wit. Spend your whole shitposting life repeating someone else's lines and you'll never come up with your own.
He saved the best for last

name one kino

Yeah I see where you're coming from. It's really a dick move if they're not gonna pay for all of it. Plus eventually you'd get some assholes that try something shady like filling it with water when nobody is looking.

>take it, it's on the house

>put it on my tab
>*walks away*

>be in London
>walk into corner pub
>"ill have a beer"
>"no shit mate, what kind?"

this never happened, beer is haram

>hey you don't have a tab!

Just pour me any old piss. What are you a philosophical zombie who cannot make decisions of its own?

>*whips out one eyed trouser snake and pisses in a glass