HEY GUYS, IT'S AUSTIN

HEY GUYS, IT'S AUSTIN

...

AW SUNUVA BITCH

Dewey... are we all destined to never live up to our destinys? Is life a joke?

He looks like TJ Lavin. Maybe he can host MTV's The Challenge when TJ retires.

>Makes so much money form the show he can retire before hes even 20

I will never stop envying him

Tell me if you got diddled on set. The #Metoo movement is strong now Dewey, but we need you to be brave. Please Dewey. Did anyone touch you innapropriately? Anyone you thought you could trust?

Well I'm sorry Dewey, but I don't see what my size has to do with this. But I'll tell you this. It takes a pretty big man to breakna silence. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself while the world is watching. Dewey, were you taken advantage of in any way on set?

oh shit
didnt he indirectly say he did at some point?

Dewey this is no time to be uncertain. If indeed you were molested as people say you were, then your molester is still out there doing the same thing to others. Dewey, I can't get you your innocence back. Nobody can. But you can spare another child the torment you suffered. It a yes/no question, Dewey. Where you molested? And before you answer, think of your monster attacking another childstar. And you could have stopped it and didn't. Did it happen? DID IT??

I'm speechless. I had no idea it ran so deep. Not only has your innocence been shattered, but your outlook is nothing but bleak nihilism! Life isn't always fair though Dewey. You're right. So why do you expect another child to have to suffer the same fate that you did? Dewey, you got dealt a shitty fuckin hand, but a lot of people would go out and make sure the dealer got caught, instead of staying hush and letting it go on. I won't stop Dewey. Strictly off the record here. Did you get molested while on Malcolm in The Middle?

Mr Dewey, this is tiring. At this point, yoi are transitioning from being a bystander to a thorn in my side, and an obstructor of justice. Correct, son, I am not big. In fact, 5'9'' is below average height. But my friends don't mind. My wife doesn't either. Do you have friends, kiddo? Any wife on the go? Nah, I'm not the tallest, or widest, or strongest. But in here...I'm far bigger than you. You're just a coward. Right now, wine is being poured for some preteen, and you're here toying with me. I don't even want to hear you say yes. I just want to know. So Dewey. Did you get diddled?

P-please Dewey...I was an actor once. As a boy. I had my chance, an agent. I could have been big. Culkin big. But one night, I get called over to Jordans place. Yeah. Michael Jordan. This 6 foot 5 giant stares down at me, a boy who the word petite would flatter, and just laughs. Calls me a manlet, and sticks his fingers in his mouth. He whistled like a farmer, and then they appeared. Twelve priests, three rabbis, and a politician who recently hung himself in a Red Lobster Cubicle. I knew the next morning in the shower that I was to fight these creeps. You got a similar story, Dew? Ever get molested?

Can you confirm now for me that you were never molested?

Hey pal, why don't you step outside?

Go fuck yourself Dewey. Jordan would have split your asshole in the middle. Like it was guided by lasers. Coming at my height as if I'm the one who cuts himself thinking about his TV dad. But you weren't molested, Correct??

Dewey, please dont get jerky just because Harvey is here. But you haven't been co-operating. You say you weren't molested. Please, my wifes making Meat Loaf tonight. Just let me go home kid. Do you confirm that you were never diddled?

So you were Molested? Off the record, you're a real fucking asshole kid. Just tell me now. Yes or no. Then I call the DA, the sick gets in the slammer, and you come ti mine for the loaf, my old lady cooks a mean one, I'm telling ya. Get bum funned?

Neat. No, perfect. Thanks for wasting my fucking time. You know what, fuck you. No loaf for you, you kike sonofabitch. Yeah, a cop is racial, who gives a shit. Don't follow me home.

Listen kid, I'm the one with the glock. Follow me home, and all you'll get is a morning of sad bemused tweets. Go home. Life is unfair

You insubordinate little troglodyte. You know what, I'm upset you didn't get diddled. It would have given your performance on Malcolm in the middle the depth it so desperately needed. I keep in touch with Jordan. Sometimes he calls me. And I tell him about you. And we laugh, and laugh and laugh. So long kid. Don't mention my height on the way out.

Oh and by the way, enjoy the paparazzi on the way out. Somebody told the press you were drunk and disorderly. Seeya at the Oscars, Jewy.

Will she ever love me Dewie?

There have been rumours about what was going on during Malcolm in the Middle. not saying bryan is a kiddy diddler, but producers probably did something that has fucked the kids up permanently.

do we want dominoes?

Will I ever find my soulmate?

>>etc
I enjoy this level of autism