Did they actually expect audiences to believe this premise? I mean imagine, a 40 year old virgin...

Did they actually expect audiences to believe this premise? I mean imagine, a 40 year old virgin? lmao how is that even possible haha

Im a 26 year old virgin

Although Ive kissed, fingered, and felt up a girls tits

28 khv here, almost there

another classic /r9k/ thread

Lost my virginity at 35. I never watched this movie because the thought gave me anxiety, should I watch it now?

But seriously now
Has anyone watched it?

its just jokes about watching late night television instead of having sex

>lost my virginity at age 26 to a cute black single mother with a nice ass and big tits who claimed to have only had sex with one person before me (the white father)
>got genital warts/HPV from her

T-thanks...

>single mother
>black
jesus, you stupid fuck

Oh no did u smell her pussy or look for warts even

All the red flags and warning signs were there from the start, if I wasn't such a thirsty beta I would have seen them and acted accordingly. Also I fell for the Sup Forums memes about how great black women are.

I didn't go down on her, thankfully. There wasn't any noticeable external signs that I could see, but admittedly I wasn't looking too closely and wasn't even worried about that kind of thing, unfortunately. I did wear a condom, though.

>Sup Forums memes
>how great black women are
Am I in bizarro world?

haha

>The state of white """""men"""""

You don't browse Sup Forums nearly enough, Sup Forums is the greatest source of hot black women .webms and pics on Sup Forums.

Right?

2 more years for me
Hooray

Wod you guys go down on a hooker?

I wouldn't go down on any girl no matter how clean she was. Cunnilingus is the most cucked move you can do with a girl short of getting pegged. It's humiliating and degrading for a man and shows that he is weak and submissive.

Also it gives you throat cancer, ask Michael Douglas about that.

No
Thats even worse than being a permavirgin

I'm a seventy year old virgin.

Ask me anything.

I don't want to touch any one, especially some filthy hooker.

>kissed, and had foreplay
>never had sex
why cannot I believe this?
if you've had these opportunities why did you never seize your chance

I wouldn't fuck a hooker in any way.

I think throat cancer is a small price to pay to lick Catherine Zeta-Jones' pussy

You're a volcel then. Stop being a fucking autist and get laid. You have no idea how good you have it - people like me are genetically impaired and so we can't ever get a girl.

Why is he and Super Dave the only good guests on Norm's show?

holy shit

Why are you browsing the Sup Forums board of Sup Forums?

I love superhero movies.

Whats wrong with u senpai
I personally have a small 5 incher

If a man stays stills for 40 years he is a virgin, a woman has to abstain from sex on her own volition because guys will try to score with any woman under the sun.

>tfw some model came up to me in a bar and asked for my number and wants to fug
Gonna be a good 2 minutes

>small 5 incher

That's not even small, that's around the global average.

That's probably a man.

>no Merchant or Kevin Nealon

i'm 5 inch too and it's pretty small desu

That's what this place does to you, people here will complain about their fucking wrists and aren't satisfied with having 7 inchers, and they say women are insecure.

also nice doobs

Nah i checked ;)

>this place
women despise guys with small/lower average dicks in real life, this is not exclusive to the internet

>tfw 24
>tfw only had sex with 2 women
>tfw one was married

Nah 5 inches is pretty small. I actually thought i had a 4 incher originally just because of how small it is. Turns out its aftuwlly 5 and a bit. Also 5 inches girh too which is also pretty small so i think people who say 5 inches girth is the 'perfect' size are memeing lol

They don't care all that much.
There was this OKCupid statistic, where women would rather date someone with a small penis than someone who wasn't religious.

Not a single woman on earth would stop having sex with a man she was already in bed with because his dick is in the world average, life isn't your humiliation porn; she will laugh with her friends about it later, that's the way females do it.

>tfw 29 virgin
>not even mad because all the girls I know are roasties

Honestly, I'm just waiting for the one I can have a conversation about quantum mechanics with.

> am 29 year old virgin
> get frustrated that I'm almost 30 and no pussy
> frantically search through backpages looking for a decent escort
> find one near me
> spend 2 hours after work getting ready to head over
> she gives me address
> mfw it's literally 5 floors above where I was staying
> hallway reeked of weed
> walk in and see sheepish European chick wearing an outfit that was clearly designed to impress new clients
> apartment isn't really furnished, just a TV, some couches, and an inflatable bed
> foolishly pay her for an hour
> she undressed before I have any time to admire
> not supermodel/movie star hot but leagues better than I would even consider talking to IRL
> perfect, natural double D tits, every part of her body is petty toned except for a bit of a bulge from her belly which I secretly love on women
> gives me a bbbj
> why is her mouth so dry? This kinda hurts...
> get kinda hard anyway
> she slips the condom on me
> lays on her back
> Jesus christ this is really happening huh?
> try to stick it in
> suddenly limp as a noodle
> try diff positions, nothing works
> spend the next 50 minutes trying to get it up
> watching my favourite porn vids don't even help
> time is up
> she apologises profusely and says she hopes it'll be different next time


Am I gay?

Hahahaha oh wow
How old are you if you actually believe these things?
Also even if that were true chicks dump dudes because of their penis sizes all the time

Next time try foreplay.

>I'm a virgin because I'm too smart

girls will tell her girlfriends about your small cock and you are guarenteed to not get laid anymore
same goes with hung guys, they fuck someone, she will tell about her girlfriends and he will get laid with almost all of them

Enjoy dying a virgin

lmao user you literally gave some roastie ur money for no reason

You are not gay, you just need to abstain from masturbation for a few days to get over the nervousness.

You watch too many movies

Nah sorry man thats how it goes irl

t. Gay man

...

>tfw lost it at 15 but never fucked since

What does this mean guys?

this has nothing to do with movies

Women aren't gay men. They aren't completely obsessed with dicks and they don't need as large as a dick than a gay man (good prostate stimulation needs a larger dick)

Im more talking about how i hang out with women, honey

>small thing do weird stuff leds fuck baby

what's your size then?
"well look i'm 7x6 but size doesn't matter bro" this happens everey single time when this topic comes up

Fag hags don't count.
They adopt the obsession from the fags they hang out with.

15cm, average for my country

Im 7x7 and no one complains. Size is a meme. Stop worrying so much about it.

It's a parody of the already ridiculous picrel.

>she will laugh with her friends about it later, that's the way females do it.

I had a long-term relationship with a girl and this happened. She never commented on the size of my dick negatively to me personally, only found out months later from a friend of hers that she both simultaneously claimed I had a small dick and that she never had sex with me. Also heard from the same source she sucked another dude's dick (and possibly fucked him too) a week before she dumped me.

Apparently she felt it was appropriate to lie about not having sex with a guy she was in a relationship but it was cool to talk about cheating on her partner. Shit fucked me up when I found this all out after the fact, still bothers me when I think about what she did and all the lies she told me. I'm probably fucked for life due to my experiences dating her.

A-at least I'm not a virgin though, right? heh heh...

i'm like an inch below you then
plus i'm somewhat tall

My first time was almost exactly the same. Lame BJ, couldn't get hard enough. Don't worry, mate.

15cm is 6 inches and something inches which is above average literally everywhere
Stop bullshitting

I don't hate women at all but I'm perfectly capable of admitting that men and women are different and women are evil.

I'm a grower and get sold short though

no 15cm is below 6 inches

Nigga twice my age when I lost my virginity
How pathetic lmao

fuck...

looking at the catalog today, it's as if /r9k/ was just deleted.
why are you fags here

This is a thread discussing a popular comedy film you fucking idiot, where do YOU think you are?

do it with qt grilfren next time

Why cant you handle facts, user
Are you a roastie?

Im 6'2 7x8
Looks and dick size are a meme. If i can do it you can too. Stop ehining you stupid incels

I had homo sex

>girl has never even seen my penis
>I'm only a virgin because of my tiny pecker

Stop making excuses and go fuck someone. Even Italians manage to do it.

Had sex for the first time at 29 too. Not going to lie, it took a few weeks to get over the anxiety and shit. I was terrible and kept going soft. Eventually you get good at it like any other skill. Also having someone who's patient and understanding helps.

I dont get this comment. You’re tall and have a big dick. Are you trolling

I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure 'the facts' are easier to handle if you're a girl.
It's pretty much innate to them really

>tfw tempted to just pay hookers/escorts to masturbate in front of me while I watch

Also pretty sure I got some kind of STD from her, my dick hasn't been the same since fucking her, it seems more tender and gets redder and drier more easily now. And I think I have genital warts or something now too.

Too afraid and ashamed to actually go to a doctor and get it checked out, though.

I wish I was still a virgin desu.

what's the point tho?
>get laid with a tiny dick
>she will tell everyone about your tiny dick
>self-esteem destroyed
>never get laid anymore

>you get good at it
>like any other skill
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Your self-esteems seems to be already missing.
So what do you have to lose?

I don't want a roastie to make fun of my dick, that would devastating

Feels good not being the only one with a small dick here boys

Why does one organ cause so much agony

A person you have such little respect for already by calling them a "roastie" will devastate you by claiming you have a small dick? Roasties call men with 7 inchers tiny-dicked if they get mad at them, its an insult mean to humiliate and emasculate you, it only works if you let it.

>Why does one organ cause so much agony
I don't know, but it pretty much ruined my life

What do you care about some roastie that you fucked?
You owned that slut.

okay
I don't want a female to make fun of my dick, that would devastating
you can't only own someone if you are not confident
having a small dick makes it impossbile to be confident

fags

Unless you're obese... I bet good money that if you somehow switched bodies with me, I'd be able to get laid after less than a week.

And even if you were obese it's not something you can't fix.

No, it isn't impossible.
You can be/act confident with a small dick.
Again look at Italians.

>tfw 5 inches
>always been self conscious about it
>girlfriend makes comment to me about how big I am one night after sex
>blurt out “you don’t need to lie”
>”ok”
>tfw

italians are notrious for having big cocks
what the fuck are you talking about

LUL