I will do a BREAKING NEWS trying to impersonate AJ. You know the drill, lets write his speech. I will only reject parts that derail it so much that its Sup Forums-tier, otherwise its all on you.
If I cannot record/render/upload by the time this thread expires then you can find me on Trumpgen later, im on every day. Write *emotion if I'm supposed to do an AJ inflection. If this thread works out this will be fun.
I only use these trips
AyeExEye !8y1QKMHqvY
Americuda !8y1QKMHqvY
Other urls found in this thread:
play.google.com
twitter.com
I'll start.
OKAY PEOPLE
YEAH IM GONNA SKIP THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK. THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT
Look I'm really good at telling the truth here at InfoWars, but I'm not good at making money, so Jesus Christ just buy the fucking water filters, man.
*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*
LOOK LOOK LOOK, RIIIIGHT HERE!!!
Good good, keep em up
>serious tone
The past few weeks have truly, TRULY, shown the levels of debauchery within the globalist establishment.
The pizzagate---
Now I'm not gonna lie to you folks, I have never felt this strongly about any one thing in my god given time on this earth-Matt Stone will be here in the second hour.
I have a pre-recorded commercial for the break so this gon b gud.
And we're going to see how many times I can interrupt him and denying him his first amendment right to get a word in edgewise, here on InfoWars.com forward slash show.
THUH GLOWBUHLISTS
AND MARK MY WORDS, IF THINGS DONT CHANGE 1776 WILL COMMENCE ACROSS THE GLOBE, THE REPTILIANS ARE AT THE DOOR AND WE'RE LETTING THEM IN.
*ear rape tone* ( IT'S THEM ) *Whisper sensually* - now you listen here, this whole pizza thing.... is cheesy
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised lyrics would be fucking god tier:
play.google.com
*awkwardly long pause to where you think your internet has crapped out*
......NOW, the globalists---
With the intense music and all that? Neat.
THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT.
Folks, I.. I just got news that those DAMN globalists are going after Barron.
This
or just the the last verse...
The revolution will not be televised
The revolution will not be right back after a message
About a white tornado, white lightning, or white people
You will not have to worry about a germ on your Bedroom
a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl
The revolution will not go better with Coke
The revolution will not fight the germs that cause bad breath
The revolution WILL put you in the driver's seat
The revolution will not be televised
WILL not be televised, WILL NOT BE TELEVISED
The revolution will be no re-run brothers
The revolution will be live
Are investing in the sex toy industry to numb all sexual pleasure and desires.
AND I LIKE MAKING BABIES
*autistic roaring noises*
*SCREECHING AUTISTICLY AGAIN*
AHHHHHHHHHHHH *Bursts into tears*
i'm tellin you guys *sniffle* are just sick ass people who will do anything to get -
>sad tone
Now folks when I tell you something is coming - you'd better believe me
>tearing up
When I go to bed at night, I pray-I pray that our forefathers are watching over me, me and this country. Because I WILL, NOT---STAND FOR THIS GLOBAL TECHNOCRATIC TERROR TAKEOVER.
DON'T FORGET TO BUY A PROPUR™ FILTER AND SOME SUPER MALE VITALITY™ SO YOU TOO CAN TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE GLOBALISTS.
weve told you about the human animal hybribs and other things folks these people are SICK!
THIS ISNT THE AMERICA THAT MY GRANDADDY DIED FACE DOWN IN THE FUCKING MUD FOR.
*smooth professional voice* Super male vitality now half off at infowars.com we'll be back after this message from our sponsors
I tell ya, folks, I sometimes really feel like I don't do enough for this audience here at infowars.com forward slash show. They're going to hate me for doing this... 90% off the whole fucking store.
*claps hands*
Kiss my ass, Soros, you goblin looking fuck!
Infowarslife dot...com
>all these faggots listening to controlled opposition
Sad!
Before we jump into our next segment-boy I got a lot of news-I always say I've got a lot of news-but boy I tell ya-there ain't no other way to skin this cat-I want to let you in on an infowars dot com special offer 25% off all of our neurotropics. Leann Mackadoo will be discussing his later in the hour
*meat clapping sounds in the background*
YEAH WITH THIS VITALITY YOU SURE CAN GRAB THEM BY THE PUSS~ *begins crying again*
THEY'VE GOT FUCKING FISH PEOPLE WE ARE SCREWED FOLKS
BUY MY WATER FILTERS
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU OPEN A CAN OF PICKLES
LOOK I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND SAY "SEE I TOLD YOU SO"
Good good.
Need a little more for a full segment.
I need some advice for music though since I don't want to get the video muted on youtube. I know he uses Star Wars music...
alex is full of shit
>angrily
THE GLOBALIST ELITISTS WANT YOU DEAD, THEY WANT YOUR FAMILY DEAD, THEY WANT YOUR CHILDREN RAPED AND HARVESTED FOR THEIR BLOOD AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY'LL DO TO THE CHILDREN AFTER THE-
>quickly and monotone
i'm sorry caller, go ahead
x files intro music, do it
You should use some generic heavy metal guitar stuff like when he plays Metallica
Roger Stone will be joining us any time now, we're looking forward to his perspective on this pizzagate scandal. Boy, it's' really happening, isn't it? You know what I'm talking about folks?
*sad tone*
They cancelled Sam Hyde's alt-right show.
>x files intro music, do it
perfect
Melissa slowly licked and tickled his peeny, and because she was so smart, combined the words in her head, like an expression explorer of old.
Slickled, she thought, I’m slickling his peeny.
No matter how brilliant her wordplay, the result was the same. Gary’s peeny was now erect. It felt like a quality bar of peeny-scented soap in her hands. Without warning, she gave it a swift headbutt, because men liked that. All men liked that.
“Phwoa, Melinda. That’s the good stuff. That’s the stuff that makes me forget about my problems”
Mallory derived satisfaction from this comment, despite the mangled pronunciation of her name. She could feel her horny levels rising to 30% and her hooha was getting right slimy with anticipation of participation.
“Gary me need sex now inside please.” In a Puerto Rican accent. Damn! She thought. I wish there was a better way to say that!
Gary was only too eager to comply. He wrenched his peeny away from Marissa’s grubby paws and thrust inside her boipussy with a thunderous orgasm. “Time for impregnation.” She was already pregnant, but that could be dealt with in the morning, provided she was still alive.
“Outstanding stuff Melody,” Gary chortled. “I know I could just go to sleep now, but I would like to continue satisfying you, sans peeny.” Gary nudged downward and his peeny was nowhere to be seen.
“What in have you mind eeeee?”
“Just sit back and relax, kitty cat.”
Mila did just that, falling back onto the bed and stretching her “perfect 7” body, eager for Gary’s attention. He started working his magic immediately and she felt an all-too familiar heat rising from her bosom. Gary was crouched over top and pooping all over Marcy’s unbelieveably average body.
“Gary, so stinky.”
“That’s just the poop, baby. Let it just work its magic.”
“I…I can’t see anything.”
“That’s because you’re blind now, Mildred.”
Sometimes you have to really look deep inside yourself and ask
IS THIS NOT THE TRUE BATTLE OF GOOD VS EVIL?!
IS THIS NOT THE REAL HUMAN BEING VS GLOBALISM!?
IS THIS NOT THE ANIMATED CONTEST OF LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIBERTY?!
...we'll have a special report at the top of the next hour, and Paul Joseph Watson will be hosting the fourth hour
GHOST FROM TRUE CAPITALIST RADIO IS A HAMBONE.
'AW JEEZ OK I GOT A PHONE CALL COMING IN... FROM MY WIFE WANDA... 'HEY HUN. WH-WHAT HONEY? YOU'RE "KEKING" ME WITH OUR ADOPTED REFUGEE JAMALIUS? FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!'
SOROS IS A FUCKBUDDY OF MINE
WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING! TRUMPS WALL SHALL BE TAINTED RED WITH THE BLOOD OF DEGENERATES
WE KNOW WERE UNDER ATTACK! WE KNOW IT! WERE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Proceeds to go supersayian)
but Alex Jones isnt as funny as he used be
old Alex > new Alex
Lemme tell you folks, you must stand up for your rights, and you must stand up for your children. If someone decides to take them away just because you give them colloidal silver, you ought to fight for your very lives, may God help you. Y'know I was sick the other day, took a couple'o Silver Bullets and it went away in a heartbeat.
*guttural sounds as Alex tries to calm himself down and has to wipe the sweat from his brow*
Sorry, folks I got pissed back there--
INCLUDE ME IN THE SCRENCAP TOO, YOU FUCKING COMMUNIST SCUM!
Folks I've spoken to president elect of the United States Donald J Trump on the phone intimately and he said he is going to go after the goblins, attack the goblins and obliterate goblins. GOBLINS BEWARE. This is not a joke, folks. WAKE UP.
Globalists are demons that try to crush the human spirit but this is 1776 and the human spirit is RISING UP!
You want these guns TRY AND TAKE THEM!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MY GUNS YOU DAMN GLOBALISTS? *cocks gun* THINK AGAIN ASSHOLE! SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*shoots machine gun in the air*
And it's NOT gay- as long as they're CUTE! THE PENIS ONLY MAKES IT BETTER!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
THE GLOBALISTS CAME ON MY FACE
ITS MY CHARACTER! I'M THE TRASH MAN! I COME OUT, I THROW TRASH, ALL OVER, ALL OVER THE RING! AND THEN, I START EATING GARBAGE! AND THEN I PICK UP THE TRASH CAN, AND I BASH THE GUY WITH IT!
I CANT BELIEVE THIS FOLKS. I REALLY CANT. I . I JUST CANT BELIEVE IT. THIS IS IT FOLKS THIS IS IT. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BLAAAAAH LET ME HEAR YOUR WAR CRY FOLKS. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
we'll be back
BREAK THE CONDITIONING
BREAK THE CONDITIONING
BREAK THE CONDITIONING
anime is real folks, waifu's will end society as we know it.
*sniffs sadly*
>heavy breathing
Listen up folks ...
>solemn tone
I'm pouring my heart out to you.
In some remote corner of the universe, poured out and glittering in innumerable solar systems, there once was a star on which clever animals invented knowledge. That was the haughtiest and most mendacious minute of ‘world history’―yet only a minute. After nature had drawn a few breaths the star grew cold, and the clever animals had to die.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
It is solely by risking life that freedom is obtained; . . . the individual who has not staked his or her life may, no doubt, be recognized as a Person; but he or she has not attained the truth of this recognition as an independent self-consciousness.
BUY SOME BRAIN FORCE AND STOP THE GAY FROGS TODAY!
But...I've got to tell you something folks. I AM SICK and TIRED of all these e-mails you're sending me about Bill Hicks! I am NOT BILL HICKS! Please, do NOT beLEIVE these globalist lies and conspiracies! These people, these godforsaken globalists have been trying to undermine me and my opinions for years! They have killed every single friend and family member I have ever had on this planet! They are nothing but a bunch of vile horse puss, and they spew nothing but hate!
They think they can come for you.
They think they can come for your family.
They think they can come for your kids.
They think they can come for your life.
It's your job as a God fearing american and fellow info warrior to stand toe to toe with them and tell them:
YOU WILL NEEEEVER TAKE MY SOUL
YOU WILL NEEEEEEVER DEFEAT GOD
YOU WILL NEEEEVER---
We're going to skip this break
NEVER
EVER
NEVER EVER
GOSH DARN REPTILLIANS
>drinks water, spits it out
CAN WE GET SOME FU- FRICKING BRAIN FORCE UP HERE?! JEEZ!
HILLARY AND OBAMA HATE YOU. THEY HATE YOU. THEY HATE PROSPERITY. THEY HATE GOD. THEY HATE CHILDREN. AND GODDAMN THEM TO HELL
End your life please
SUPER
MALE
VITALITY
LEGALIZE ALPHA-PVP AND END THE DRUG WAR. END THE GLOBALIST CARTELS
Next segment will deal with chimera human hybrids, fluoride, chem trails, and GMOs. Oh and some guy pulled a gun on me the other day and I WANTED TO PEEL HIS FACE OFF but I didn't. Maybe I will hire security
I'm sorry folks, BUT THE GLOBALISTS HAVE KIDNAPPED BILL MURRAY
Could you just throw a scream in there somewhere?
That's not actually a trap.
how long till we see this masterpiece
I gotta admit, folks. I really do have the best team of patriots here at InfoWars.com; like my friend Rob Dew here, always ready with the elephant tranquilizers just in case my mind is infected by the globalists
DUD'NT MATTER SCUM AMERICA
REMEMBER TO BUY SUPER MALE VITALY AHHHHHHHHHHHH
There are CAMERAS INSIDE OF YOUR MICROWAVE, WAKE UP PEOPLE
This thread is getting out of hand.
AND WE KNOW YOU ARE BEHIND IT.
WE KNOW ABOUT THE SUBVERSION TECHNIQUES!
WE KNOW YOU ARE SCHEMING AGAINST HUMANITY, GLOBALISTS!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
ANY STRONG FREEDOM FIGHTER NEEDS HIS DOSE OF BRAINFORCE AND TODAY YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO BUY 2 AND GET 1 FREE! WILL YOU SUBMIT TO THE GLOBALIST THREAT? OR WILL YOU FIGHT BACK? STAY TUNED HERE AT INFOWARS DOT COM
*clears throat*
ToDAY is December the 6th day of December, two thousand and sixteeeeennnnnn, and I'm your host Alex Jones.
*pause*
No, skip the break.
*pause*
I don't give a shit, skip the damn break.
--and this is your world wyde transmission
>sudden angry tone
>(hit the table)
I'M TELLING YOU
YOU GOTTA USE EVERYTHING YOU GOT TO FIGHT THESE GLOBALISTS, THESE SHILLS
AAAAARGHH!!!
LEARN TAEKWONDO, READ HEGEL, STUDY C++ OR x86 ASSEMBLER CODE
WHATEVER IT TAKES. BUT DO IT. DO IT, GODDAMN IT!
QUIT JERKING YOUR PENIS TO ANIME YOU WORTHLESS NEETS, AND JOIN THIS REVOLUTION!
These are so good I may have to split this into 2 separate recordings.
LISTEN UP FOLKS,
THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN INFILTRATED. INFESTED WITH A BUNCH OF MUCK, A-A-A BUNCH OF GLOBALIST REPTILOID PEDOPHILES.
I'M FIGHTING THEM HERE FOLKS, BUT I'M JUST ONE MAN. DO YOU PART BY HELPING ME AND BUYING A NICE FUCKING WATER FILTER.
>tfw no taco qtp2t gf
kek
I'm sorry. I got an bit angry. But you have to buy super male vitaly to protect form the globalists.
Now, PJW.
based op, thats a cool keyboard too
*cries*
THEYRE EVUL PEOPLE... WHY CANT AMERICANS WAKE UP... WHY WHY WHY...
wtf want to rape
DUH MEDIUR
TRUMP WILL MAKE ANIME REAL! HE WILL! WITH THE HELP OF SUPER MALE VITALY
THESE PEDOPHILE FUCKS WILL RUE THE DAY THAT EVEN A SINGLE THOUGHT OF A CHILD CROSSED THEIR MIND, THEY WILL NOT ONLY BURN IN HELL BUT THEY WILL KNOW PAIN ON EARTH
Satan is using china to out compete American industry, THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE US SLAVES PEOPLE!
what are you rolling for?
OH GOD I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE, DOES ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN ANYMORE?
*cries and whimpers for a bit*
Sorry folks I think I shouldn't have opened up this topic. Let's get to your calls, but first ---
Michael Savage will be joining us in the third hour to talk about how he will be completely turning his back on the Trump administration, due to the fact that Donald has not been on his show in 24 hours.
>awkwardly long pause
I'm going to get serious here for a minute folks. It's not all about hate, it's also about love. I'm a loving man. I love my family. I love my god, oh GOD. OH GOD PLEASE KEEP ME STRONG AGAINST THESE GLOBALISTS
AGHHHHHHHH
PEOPLE! WE HAVE TO WAKE UP! KAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE DAMN GLOBALISTS AHHHHHHHHHH! COME HERE, I NEED SOME SUPER MALE VITALY.
Good. Now come closer. *whispers sexually* now, you listen here. Hillary did 9/11. She did.
Oh fuck I read it wrong I haven't slept in 24+ hours and I'm sick idk what I'm doing anymore. Sorry senpai
I'M ALEX JONES AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH
Hey OP are you actually gonna post anything or what?