How do I become an NSA employee?

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._security_clearance_terms
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldrich_Ames
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In-Q-Tel#Investments
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Become a rocket scientist and ignore the Aeronautics division.

How to end up in the oil undustry

You've already applied.

A vehicle will come pick you up in apprx ten minutes.

Welcome to the team.

work at microsoft

Apply at their web site like any other job. Normal restrictions probably apply, so military service and no criminal record are probably a good idea.

Get gud at infiltration or network security and don't have anything too damning on your record. Work your way up as an analyst in the other agencies and transfer.

Is the NSA just a bunch of computer jockeys or is there some MKUltra stuff going on too

Learn maths and don't get a criminal record. Get a shitload of schooling.
If you are some skiddie wannabe join Cyber Command instead as the puzzle palace would be a disappointment for you. (Not that they would ever hire you).
Your job at Cyber Command would be to listen to lawyers all day explaining to you why you can not do anything to foreign state actors except for read up on them.

Probably mostly the former

Literally just apply dude.

They need a ton of young talent and have loads of positions they have a hard time filling because of their stigma.

As much as the dank memes are fun, the intelligence agencies aren't actually all that different from your average company.

become a mathematician or a computer scientist. do work in proving theorems, prime numbers, theoretical computation, and encryption.

>they have a hard time filling because of their stigma
lanoire.jpg

>post on Sup Forums
In fact you are working for the NSA for free

>Actually consider to join the NSA, enemy of freedom.
kys

U N C O M M O N

>NSA is immune to the ever increasing demand for programmers and IT professionals as a large technology agency when practically every young computer boy absolutely hates their guts.

>They can't pay people well: see government employee salaries
>Employees need security clearance that requires a year long background check process complete with interviews and family history
>Need to pass a polygraph
>Can't have done drugs in recent years
>Need to be 100% loyal to your country

Yeah I'm sure they're swimming in applicants...

Apply on their site when they are taking Applications. Helps to know someone who is in with a 3 letter agency already, they can tell you when applications will open up.
When you apply, it may take them a long time to get to you, but if they do, make sure you haven't smoked weed in the last year and if you have ever done Narcotics without a prescription, they will fail you. They do drug test you and they will polygraph you as well.
Not a bad gig, to say the least. They pay well and you get benefits. You may not love the work itself, but it's not too hard and you can get promotions in a decent amount of time.

Also, the narcotics bit only applies to if you've had any in the last 10 years.

If you can't defeat your enemy, become them.

H-Hello Mr. NSA ;_;

no wai they can tell if you had narcotics 10 yrs ago let alone 1 years ago

All of this information is readily available on their website, dude.

They even have a twitter.

What level clearance do you have to be to see all the juicy [REDACTED] shit they have?

polygraph is hard to pass. It can be done, but if they find out about any, and they will search your texts and the like to find out about it, they will take you down. Not to mention, if they catch you lying on the polygraph, there's 2 major scenarios. Either they take you for all you are worth and make your life hell through the IRS for the next few years, or they just let you go. Either way, you're never allowed to apply for another government position again, afterwards.

Now it all makes sense. The NSA proxies through Canada!

BLOCK CANADA NAO!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._security_clearance_terms
Seems like Top Secret, but I imagine there are higher ones.

From what I understand Blacklisted is the most secretive. It refers to events, plans, and people that the US government will deny all knowledge of if compromised.

Can't answer that one. When you get in you get placed within different units and sections of each unit. Chances are you won't work with anyone else who applied with you.

Polygraphs are highly unreliable.

They function more as tools to force a confession.
Essentially they only work if the one being polygraphed believes they work.

From what I've read most of the serious business in the intelligence community goes through the NSA. Impossible to know what they're up to though. Their shit gets kept on a tighter lid than the CIA.

The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency is the real final boss.

I think it would be fun to be CIA.

Become one with the memes and help out the country while doing so

>CIA
>help out the country
you're a dumb guy

Once upon a time I screwed around with a women I worked with - Later on her boyfriend (whom I didn't know about) called me and said he had capability to look through my emails and listen to my phone calls - this was probably back in 2005 - I thought it was horseshit, but looking back on it, maybe not?

he seemed like he was on the spectrum from what I could tell - I couldn't imagine their hiring standards are higher other than being a social retard and "good at computers"

so in other words, you should apply.

to make a long story short

This. I have no problems passing any of these except the drugs one. I smoked weed like two years ago with an old friend and I'm ineligible to apply for another year cause of it (they polygraph you and ask)

hack into something sensitive and get your sentence commuted, the clean record bullshit in this thread is wrong

>he seemed like he was on the spectrum from what I could tell - I couldn't imagine their hiring standards are higher other than being a social retard and "good at computers"

>implying they don't

decrypt this

Can they ask something like "do you like niggers/jews"? "no" probably fails immediately

Fuck off, we're full.

Also, either clean out your drafts folder, you fucking mong

This only works if you are some crew shithead who gets flipped and helps take out his crew. And that would be v& not puzzle palace. And even then they watch you for the rest of your life (cumbajohnny et al).

theyre watching you every step of the way being a government employee regardless

Like I said, they are hard to pass but can be. It's nowhere near as easy as you'd like to think.
And no, they cannot ask you that. They can ask about Drug use, though. they can ask many different questions. Most of them are more about your loyalty and your reasons for wanting to work there, any amount of criminal behavior, etc etc etc.

You get extra special attention when you were recruited as a CI because you were a fucking criminal in the first place.

>on the spectrum
Like an Aspie with an unpleasant snarly drawl or an awkward chucklefuck?

You can't, not anymore. You posted here. They can't let any threat to the Zion get into power.

Speaking of which anyone see the Zero Days documentary? Yeah yeah ok I saw it at an IndieFag theater but Sup Forums would eat it up. Gotta love the composite chick .."THE FUCKING ISRAELIS FUCKED US!"

I'd actually like to take one.

It sounds like a really unique experience and it would be fun to analyze the methods they use.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldrich_Ames

I'd give up anything to help hunt down fucks like this for national security.

It's a job. You apply for it.

Fuck that motherfucker. And Philby drank himself to death in the Soviet Union when he realized what communism actually was. Fitting.

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldrich_Ames

Damn right, fuck commies.
He was a pretty weird dude though

>How do I become an NSA employee?
Get a PhD in math. Be a US citizen with no foreign influence (read: no overseas accounts, property, or immediate relatives). Have no felonies on your record. Have a clean credit report.

You can fail even while telling the truth. I know a guy who was so clean cut, he'd never had a beer in his life, never tried smoking, nothing. Total boy scout. He failed because he was so nervous the whole time they just said he had to be lying about everything. They regretted that later because they tried a secondary test on him. However, he still wasn't hired.
It's definitely an interesting experience.

TS/SCI.

You are only read in to programs where you have an immediate need-to-know.

akward as ffuuuuuuccckkkkk reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

We are all unpaid NSA employees. As we talk here, we inform the NSA with whatever it is we are talking about. They knew about Pizzagate, possibly before any of us did.

It is something to consider, we are working for the NSA and not getting paid.

something worth suing over as well. We should be making at least minimum wage.

This happened to a kid named William Garretson. He failed a polygraph when questioned about the murders of several individuals on a property where he resided in a guest house. For a few days his name became a household word.

Later on a man named Charles Manon and his followers were put on trial and convicted for the murders of the people at that property.

the same thing can be said for Sup Forums. We are employees of Sup Forums, as we come here to write, we contribute to Sup Forums's popularity, exposure and advertising funds. But we are not paid, it is illegal.

Manon. Lovely. MANSON.

Wait how much does this pay? I don't like them but I like money. SELLOUT BOIZ

Get one snazzy looking suit. Grab a bit of confidence and march right into their office with a sparkling resume filled with experiences and education. Demand a face to face interview and don't leave until you get one.

That's what I was taught in school anyway. It has yet to work for me but maybe you'll get lucky.

It's not bad. Starting salary is decent but you will never be rich.

Honestly you're not selling out too much; Sup Forums has international crowd sourced intelligence group.

They can't be too desperate otherwise they'd pay lots.

Sounds like an interesting job but just like being a spy I bet you'd be shit bored 95% of the time.

MS in Math, CS, Statistics or Social Engineering, PhD would be preffered

3+ Years of experience
US citizen, no pooinloos allowed
Know something about firearms and be physically fit
Don't say stupid shit, no conspiracy shit and don't be an ass and be loyal to the God Emperor

im illegal mexican, how can I work at dmv?

They can't pay much. Government salaries are notoriously rigid, where they pay the big bucks are on the guys the public/congress doesn't know about.

But your second point is accurate; a job's a job.

Go to the website and apply.

Don't worry.

>We'll find you when the time is right.

All of the uniformed services have positions that involve sigint. If you complete a contract as one of those jobs you pretty much have a job there if you're willing to locate yourself to their areas. There are whole neighborhoods of people who work at 3 letters. Especially marlyand/nova jesus christ.

Oh the fat as fuck CIA recruiter has a much stronger handshake than the NSA ppl though.

And it seemed like he was laughing at the marines marching around.

SCI isn't a security clearance, it's just a protocol. You can only have Secret and still gain access to SCI. Conversely, you can have TS and access to the blackest of SAPs and still be denied access to SCI information.

Stand out front and wait for a contractor in a pickup truck to show up and offer you delicious tamales for a days work digging a ditch.

Theoretically yes but that is extraordinarily unlikely.

For the latter, got to CIA and work your way up until you get the highest clearance. That's where you'll see stuff that will give an average Joe tinfoil hatter a heart attack.

most of the nerds at the nsa are potheads anyways, so you'll fit right in.

I've been coming to Sup Forums for about 11 years and always feel 100% desensitized until suddenly some asshole comes along and posts a bathtub full of brains. What the fuck.

>posting on Sup Forums before you are hired

too late now

>Implying you can't use /pol in your interview as evidence of intelligence agency experience.

I read Snowden was on $250k. Seems quite a lot to me but I wouldn't know what he'd be worth in the private sector.

In Australia a lot of public servants get paid heaps and I often see IT contracting jobs for programmers for 700-800 a day.

Obviously your culture is a bit different. For instance our PM gets paid more than your president.

Such as?

yes but do your PM's get paid over 9000 billion dollars to go on the lecture circuit and tell students how they fucked up the country AHEM I MEAN GOVERNED after they leave office?

I herd they have a Sasquatch at the farm and in order to be Special Activities Division you have to withstand getting stomped in the nuts by him 20 times and then be able to sing the ENTIRE Star Spangled Banner.

>wanting to work directly for the govt via the nsa/cia/etc

top keks

>not wanting to work for the private corporations that create all the actual fun stuff while making big dosh off govt contracts and alphabet/google/microsoft buyouts

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In-Q-Tel#Investments

>implying our favorite three letter agency's aren't on here at all times

Lel nup. They get paid a few hundred k as a pension for the rest of their life though. Could be the full salary I'm not sure.

(OP)
find bugs in OpenSSL and use-after-free race conditions in the linux kernel

What said.

Hey speaking of which Pine Gap a best. They have little pillow forts there that only ausfags or amerifags can enter.

Aus-Burger Joint BFF Intel Operation 4 lyfe.

Snowden WAS private sector, dipshit.

He was a government contractor.

Petrochemical engineer

yeah after they are hired and trained, degenerate

>Trained to read posts on a cambodian knitting form

I can do that already, they can hire me and save costs on training. 2EZ

Step 1) Get a job that requires a security clearance
Step 2) Job doesn't care about your background as long as you can do you job.
Step 3) free security clearance (9 times out of 10, the people who determine you eligible for clearance are overworked and are pressured by your employer to get it done asap, so as long as you don't have any serious felonies against you, you'll likely pass (they don't even check references anymore).
Step 4) work there for a while and then use your state's website to apply for the NSA.
-If no openings are available, consider applying for the next area over.

You havn't been "coming to Sup Forums for 11 years" if you've never seen this picture, you stupid reddit cuck

They won't hire degenerates that come here for free

Just like pedo mods can't put Sup Forums under work experience without exposing their pedo power level

Jesus man you seem to think everybody here is scum of the earth, what makes you so high and mighty? You're here too.

>being this oblivious

just go back to

Get to know people who work for the NSA to put in a good wors for you so that you can have your interview and hopefully get on the payroll.

you're hired

My aunt lives near their old HQ (Pralines bakery across the street from it is GOAT). I've always been majorly into maps/cartography and I'm an art history major sp visual analysis is my strong suit.

I always figured that if I ever jumped into a federal job, that they'd be at the top of the list (them, or the NRO).

What do they actually do?