The most triggering joke ever

so, as you can see in the pic attached, some bitch on facebook doesn't want people to joke about all the things mentions.
can anyone make a joke that incorporates all of the things mentioned in the post?

Watch pretty much any filthy frank video

OP is a faggot

So nigger jokes are just fine?

niggers

i guess me and obama have something in common then

Okay, time to tell you something since you don't understand:

Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't say or think

You don't understand what a small issue making jokes is, so don't you dare make a rant about this!

it seems like it

>stress

Oh come on.

As someone who is technically autistic and has been taking anti-depressants on and off for over a decade, I can tell you now, autism jokes are great. I assume there are some good depression jokes out there but most I've heard are depressingly bad.

Lived with depression my whole life and I can still laugh at suicide

Funniest suicide I've come across so far is dressing like a clown, hiding a sawed off shotgun in a bouquet of flowers, and blowing your brains out in front of a bunch of children. Happy birthday Timmy!

Reality can only be understood with humor

For some, dark comic relief is the only saving grace from the crippling nature of reality

Then respect their wishes and tell race and religion jokes

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!"

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate niggers!”

What is the difference between a disaster and a catastrophe?
– It is a disaster if a ship with niggers sink.
– It is a catastrophe if they have learned how to swim.

i found one that isn't necessarily a joke but it's still interesting.
you get a shotgun, some balloons, and glove.
firstly, you start running through the forest and call the cops claiming that you're being chased by a psycho.
then, you get to a cliff or something, put the balloons on the shotgun, and then shoot yourself.
after you're dead, the cops arrive and begin wasting their resources on solving a "murder".

just send her this and move on with your life

go back in a few days to collect whatever salt gets left behind

>dont make any jokes
>autism/eating disorders/gender dysphoria are a serious things people need to deal with

I like it.

Another one I saw was dressing in a Superman costume, getting a catapult, and launching yourself through the front window of your most hated enemy. Preferably during a family gathering with small children.

You would scar psyches and ruin the resale value of their home, not to mention cost a fortune in cleaning costs for removing the bloody mess you made

>implying every single 4channer hasn't our isn't dealing with 90%of that list (especially autism)

autism has become an epidemic

>A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate niggers!”
This is my favorite joke.

i am autistic goyo

Many such cases!

what did the spergy trans duck say about his suicidal panic attack after being humiliated for his gender confused anorexic ass?? who cares!!, fuck that guy

>be socially awkward
>lol i have autism its not my fault :^))))))))))))))))))))
>change nothing

But... all my jokes are about those things... where's MY safe space

good one

and that's where you're wrong goyo
i've been in counseling for this shit since i was like 6, i know how to act in public.
i don't use it as an excuse.

Have depression, thoughts of suicide and anxiety
The jokes are the fucking best. Gets me focused on something else other than my OCD
>no autism tho, which is nice

You have to go back.

I'm depressed and making jokes about it makes me feel better.

How can someone redpilled be in a relationship with Amy (((Schumer))) for any amount of time?

> black boy
> has father

I think that's the joke...

>Another one I saw was dressing in a Superman costume, getting a catapult, and launching yourself through the front window of your most hated enemy. Preferably during a family gathering with small children.
>You would scar psyches and ruin the resale value of their home, not to mention cost a fortune in cleaning costs for removing the bloody mess you made

My god what is wrong with you people.

Don't make jokes about free-speech?

So a depressed autistic kid walks into a bar and meets a girl with personality disorders. The autistic kid says, welp at least I am a straight white male and not a nigger with downs syndrome! The girl says that the joke was not funny because the child could have bipolar disorder where he thought he was autistic/white and a downs syndrome nigger. The girl throws up from being so triggered. The autistic kid asked if she had eating disorders. The girl then commits suicide from the stress of being triggered. "At least she assumed my gender"

Somebody post good depression jokes. I've never heard a depression joke

*everything mentioned in post* should be executed without trial

Why is it so obvious this woman is a stars n' bars?

inb4 ahmed/cuck/argentinia

Legit question. Why is it so obvious she's a stars n' bars?

This.

Its always better when people don't make a huge emotional drama about it, and are comfortable joking around or having a bit of friendly banter. I only knew one person in my life who did this, I can't speak for everyone who has dealt with it, but the two most common reactions to people hearing that someone is dealing with depression is either:
-disbelief/scorn
-awkward pity and false empathy

Someone who doesn't mind a bit of banter on the topic is always better and more supportive than the overbearing coddling that many people do.

This is my take on OP's image btw

no complaints, that's pretty accurate

Wtf leaf are xou being autistic today

You want more? Because I have more

Dress up as Santa during the holidays and stand on a roof, tossing stuffed toys to children below. Make a big scene so as to attract a crowd. Then right as you run out of toys or if the cops get involved jump off the building and detonate a home made bomb vest to blow yourself to pieces in mid air. A Christmas nobody will ever forget guaranteed

You're a legend m8

good job goyo

did I ever tell her the one with a fat cunt shoving full cakes down his throat shouting that she's a helicopter and sometimes a horse and imagining a shitty sonic oc while her downie brother tries to play video-games in peace the next room over, followed by her distraught mother weighs her options between some rope or bleach because of her daughters miserable existence and sons perceived "masturbatory problem" that is really not bad.

It's my favorite

>You want more?
Please user I haven't laughed this hard in awhile

Based Straya making it 1000x funnier

ask her why she didn't put "race" and call her a racist
lib-logic 101

Ahahahaha these cunts have never firmly pressed a knife against their throat and got to the point of screaming trying to build up the guts to do it. So I'll joke about depression, anxiety, stress and suicide all I fucking want thank you very much.

cringe

Here's a joke.

My happiness HAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAAA

So this guy walks into a bar, he's feeling down, hes unsure of himself after a long week at work.
The rope and rafters in his garage are starting to look pretty friendly to both him and his headmate. but he knows the other guy has such bad BPD that if he offed himself it would make his other self off itself.
This kind of train of thought points his eyes right toward the smokes behind the bar.
He buys a pack and some matches and lights one up.
Suddenly he feels a lot less hungry but a little confused as to why anyone would sell cigarettes to a gay transgender autist with down syndrome.

It aint funny, but there ya go

Alright I just remembered where I read a bunch of these. Thanks ED!

Classic move is to ties some razor sharp piano wire around your neck then glue your hands to the side of your head. Once dried jump off an elevated position and you will look as if you yanked your own head clean off

Another method is to measure an exact length of rope and hang yourself from an overpass. If you use the right length passing cars will slam into your body sending you swinging until the next car hits you. Try to do it to a school bus for extra hilarity

If you are angry at a family member I suggest suicide via subway train in Japan. Not only will you ruin the travel plans for millions the Japanese will actually send a bill to your next of kin for the cost of the downtime and the cleanup of your carcass

>A Christmas nobody will ever forget guaranteed
Audible kek

lol

When I was born I looked really fucked up. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with me initially because they are fucking autistic retards. They said I looked like I had down syndrome because my face was kind of mongoloid but the test was negative. It wasn't until I got into school that I started having issues. I would hump things in class, no idea why, just a strong urge to hump shit all day long. They said I found it difficult to express my sexuality. I think they thought I was a faggot. Later, I would struggle in class, I just couldn't keep up. I saw dozens of psychiatrists, therapists. First it was borderline personality disorder, then bipolar disorder. Then they weren't sure and just said it was "stress", whatever that means. I'm pretty sure they blamed my mom for a while. It got pretty bad and I became depressed and developed anxiety. I ended up with an eating disorder too, though that did absolute wonders for my rotund down-syndrome figure so I was pleased about that - this cured my depression. After 13 years I finally hit puberty one day and thought I peed my pants. I was in class and started crying to the teacher, who panicked when she saw blood. After several more trips to the doctor, it turns out that I am, in fact, a woman. And now I'm the unhappiest I've ever felt in my entire life.

KEK will shine a thousand truths.

>the Japanese will actually send a bill to your next of kin for the cost of the downtime and the cleanup of your carcass
Based nips

Jokes are a way to test someone's reality. If the walls fall down, they should. It's not our responsibility to look after their feelings

Additional methods

Find your worst enemy and stalk the fuck out of them. Wait until they are asleep, preferably after they got drunk and won't wake easily (this makes the next part easier). Sneak into their room with a knife, get their prints on the knife, then stab yourself in the chest next to their bed and die on the floor. Police will never believe their story so you die, they go to jail and get raped. Everybody wins!

Additionally you can gorge yourself on candy, dress up in big colorful baggy clothes and fill those with candy once your belly is full, then jump off a school (or tall building with children/Mexicans around) and go splat, sending colorful candy and bits of flesh everywhere. Do this on Cinco De Mayo for additional points

Mexican suicide pinata
kek

A woman walks into a psychologist's office. She immediately starts babbling about all of her psychological issues. She says she has depression, anxiety, stress disorders, suicidal thoughts, bipolar disorder, personality disorders, eating disorders, believes she has autism and down syndrome, and is confused about her sexuality and gender. Psychologist tries to calm her, tells her that she can still work past all these problems. The woman slaps him in the face and storms off, outraged that he even suggested that there was anything wrong with the way she lived.

I dunno, I tried.

You could also get a handgun and go to a superkarket. Get several cartons of milk then "accidentally" spill some at the checkout counter. At this point just loudly yell "Oh God I can't do anything right!" then promptly shoot yourself in the head. Cashier will be in therapy for the next 10 years or your money back guaranteed!

You could also fake your death/suicide. Preferably in a way that makes it seem your body is gone. Then once your funeral begins sneak into it in a clever disguise. Once the priest is finished talking walk up to the casket or whatever and reveal that you are not really dead. Once that sinks in you yell "Just kidding!" then pull out a shotgun and blow your brains out all over the mourning guests. Their confusion will last longer than any memorial

Sad attempt

fucking lost it at the second one.

I always thought fucking with people at your own funeral would be amazing, even if already dead.
I hope my kids/surviving friends are willing to go through with my ridiculous requests.

>You could also fake your death/suicide. Preferably in a way that makes it seem your body is gone. Then once your funeral begins sneak into it in a clever disguise. Once the priest is finished talking walk up to the casket or whatever and reveal that you are not really dead. Once that sinks in you yell "Just kidding!" then pull out a shotgun and blow your brains out all over the mourning guests. Their confusion will last longer than any memorial
If I ever have a terminal illness I'm gonna do this one

a gay depressed stressed out suicidal anorexic autistic downy transgender walks into a bar

>be closeted transsexual who was drug addicted and has had severe depression, anxiety, stress, disorders, and often thought of suicide
>can't help laughing whenever someone talks about their "struggles with addiction" or how they "suffered from depression"
Christ these faggots really should just kill themselves. Easily triggerable fucks.

...

See the suicide page of Encyclopedia Dramatica for more techniques and additional details on a few of the methods I've posted if you want more laughs. I can only take personal credit for the funeral fakeout

>ID
>STUPID I AM