Battle Royal of all US presidents!

Battle Royal of all US presidents!
Who would win?

Are weapons allowed? If not, probably Lincoln, since he was a beast wrestler. Andrew Jackson was pretty hardcore as well

Don't forget Lord-God Emperor Trump

>Andrew Jackson
this

Not president yet

Andrew jackson
Any other response is wrong

I'd say that they get whatever they would have one their person at any given time. So like Jackson would get his can, Teddy would get his horse, Lincoln would get an axe, etc...

I do agree that Lincoln would do quiet well, but I feel think that teddy would do very well also

Teddy boxed and had a black belt in Jiu jitsu , he would fuck that lanky nerd up

Jackson without a doubt

Andrew Jackson

Has to be Jackson, doesn't it?

I also think that the first thing that happens is that Reagan chokes the shit out of Carter, and Obama cowers behind FDR in his wheel chair.

D.D. Eisenhower
Plenty of skill and plenty of luck have served him well through his career

Teddy & Eisenhower vs Lincoln & Jackson in a tag team.

Jackson. Why is this even a question?

>all these Jackson fuccbois
he'd probably take down like 10 shitlords then jump off a cliff

nigga in that case George Bush fucks everyone up

Jackson gets his dueling pistol.

Jackson was crazy and violent, but he was also a scrawny dude, I feel like if he fought a big guy like Lincoln, Hoover, or Ford that he lose

Jackson easily

he's a fucking gladiator

No one else on #TeamTaft?

William Henry Harrison.

Obama :')

Hes not even president yet

Taft falls on everyone, crushing them to death.

Jackson, Washington, Lincoln (muscly lanky fucker could cause some damage)

He was an asthmatic though, could mess him up a bit

Lincoln + Roosevelt tag team match

>HELL IN A CELL

Not Hilary i can tell ya.
#Kek

If all the presidents got an old revolver and we assumed they all knew how to use it, Andrew Jackson would win. Man was a dead eye and could not be killed.

However in a fist fight tournament, I would say Lincoon, maybe Kennedy or, dare I say, even Obama. Say what you will but the guy is in shape.

Jackson no question

Ford in his prime would be dangerous. Never turn your back on a wolverine

>after 10 rounds: Bonus Round!
>every President has to survive an assassination
>Lincoln: dead
>JFK: dead
>Jackson dodges like in a mad animal
>chase down the failed assassin
>beat him dead with his cane

Actually Jackson wasn't scrawny at all. He was 6'1" and well over 200 lbs., which is actually quite large for his era.

Also, what most people don't realize - mainly because they have a mental picture of a "duel" as two men with pistols and have seen the famous drawing of Jackson's duel with Charles Dickinson, which was fought with pistols - is that the majority of Jackson's duels were fought with the sword.

He engaged in, supposedly, over 200 duels in his lifetime, and survived them all obviously. He is speculated to have killed over a dozen men over various points of honor, and always offered the choice of weapon to his opponent.

As his reputation as a fierce swordsman spread, his opponents began choosing pistols over swords, because Jackson was not considered a great marksman.

In any case, Jackson definitely wins any battle of Presidents in which hand-to-hand combat is the genre.

pic related, Andrew Jackson's ancestral home, about a half-mile from the house where I grew up in Nashville TN - I attended Andrew Jackson Elementary School and was also required to take a one-semester course in high school about Andrew Jackson.

But Obama has no physical achievements in his adult life, sure he's a fit dude, but when you have giants like Ford who was a O-lineman, he stands no chance

He got rid of his asthma by being Alpha.
I'm serious. He went to Cuba for months to fight in war without any medicine. Only glasses.

GO BLUE!

This entire thread is beginning to sound like a vastly better version of Celebrity Deathmatch.

Andrew Jackson would beat them all to death while simultaneously inventing new curse words. Only Teddy Roosevelt would slow him down, and only temporarily.

>implying Jackson could do anything against this without a gun

APPLE PIE

It will take more than that to kill a Bull Moose.

came here to post this. that cunt lincoln could apparently hold his own as well.

Washington would have beaten them all

>Gets beaten to death a hickory switch
They called him ol' hickory for a reason.

>manlets believe this

Who would be the president most likely to lose a fight?

T.R.
>got shot before a 90 minute speech.
>gave the full speech anyway.
>was on horseback in Cuba, while the others were lying on the ground or hiding in trenches.
>swam in shark infested water.
>when military commanders knew that the top was screwing up, they asked Roosevelt to help out.
Tamed a wild horse in an hour.

because Washington would beat slaves to death for fun, it shows his blood lust as being greater than Jackson's, also much more military experience and a giant and wealthy man as well

Undefeated boxer, right? Presumably because of his reach.

Trump gets his russian hacker friends
he wins the tournament

>Ex-presidents Republican Kramer (Jack Lemmon) and Democrat Douglas (James Garner) have hated each other for years. But when the current administration of President Haney (Dan Aykroyd) -- Kramer's former vice president -- tries blaming a string of kickbacks from a defense contractor on the two former presidents, they band together. With Haney's goons trying to kill them, they set out across the country to try and clear their reputations. In the process, they see a side of America they never knew before.

Which real presidents would you cast. I'd love to see this movie with Trump and Clinton. The banter would be insane.

Either gw or his clone, gw bush

That reload time tho. On the other hand, weren't those things like 75 caliber?

>came here to post this. that cunt lincoln could apparently hold his own as well.

A Kentucky farmboy raised on the Western frontier and an Army veteran of wars against the Indians?

Yeah, love him or loathe him no doubt Abe would have been able to stand his ground respectably.

Either Jackson or Grant, both of whom were warriors.

Teddy was a weak kid trying to prove how tough he was. It was faux bravery. He's just another snot nosed rich kid Roosevelt.

Calvin Coolidge quietly waits on the sidelines for everyone to kill each other and then finishes the last guy.

Black belt in judo. Teddy was also the original bear mode. Got shot during a speech then chased down the guy and finished his speech. Teddy would kill any 5 other US presidents at the same time

why has everyone forgot washington, he was a badass

>The pedophile jokes would be insane.

Bill Pullman and Terry Crews

With a sleeper hold

"Shh, no struggling, let Silent Cal finish the job"

> 6 foot ten weighs a fucking ton

Fuck off Wilson.

William Henry Harrison dies before the battle even starts

>Teddy was a weak kid trying to prove how tough he was. It was faux bravery.

Fuck you and your five digits.

washington washington

Trump wins with his mighty army of autistic manchildren

Respect the digits for Kek has proven me right and I have Kek on my side.

Also, check the repeating numerals.

Never heard about boxing, but when he was younger he was very talented wrestler.

>The Great Emancipator wasn’t quite WWE material, but thanks to his long limbs he was an accomplished wrestler as a young man. Defeated only once in approximately 300 matches, Lincoln reportedly talked a little smack in the ring. According to Carl Sandburg’s biography of Lincoln, Honest Abe once challenged an entire crowd of onlookers after dispatching an opponent: “I’m the big buck of this lick. If any of you want to try it, come on and whet your horns.” There were no takers. Lincoln’s grappling exploits earned him an “Outstanding American” honor in the National Wrestling Hall of Fame.

I think he made big mistakes during his presidency, namely killing 600k burgers, but he was a scrapper. Gotta give credit where it's due.

George W. Bush arranges a false-flag attack on the entire battle royale by his Arabian oil partners, then has his father rig the judging to ensure victory

Fat and slow

>Gets shot in the chest at the start of a rally
>Gives the 90 minute speech anyway with blood soaking out into his shirt
>weak

...

>9mm

Fucking Obama could do the same.

He also invented the chokeslam.

not sure if serious...

>I'm the big buck

No wonder he freed the slaves, he was a cuck.

Carter

Don't forget though that Lincoln was freakishly strong. When he was a young man there were accounts of him being able to easily do the manual labor of 2-3 normal men.

Threadly reminder that most 19th century presidents had military experience.

>implying taylor wouldn't be the clear victor
>who would celebrate with a bowl of fruit that had been sitting in the sun all day

>200 duels
More like 10 tops

Alright so far I think I have the biggest contenders here:

Abe:
>6'4"
>175-200lbs (accounts vary)
>300ish-1 wrestler
>apparently fucking invented the chokeslam

Teddy:
>5'9"
>200lbs
>bjj blackbelt
>harvard boxing champion
>blind in one eye from boxing injury

Andrew Jackson:
>coldest motherfucker to set foot in north america

If we are going to rule one out I say Abe has to go first. When he got shot that pussy died. Your move Sup Forums.

> One witness declares he was equal to three men, having on a certain occasion carried a load of six hundred pounds. At another time he walked away with a pair of logs which three robust men were skeptical of their ability to carry. "He could strike with a maul a heavier blow - could sink an axe deeper into wood than any man I ever saw."
> By an arrangement of ropes and straps, harnessed about his hips, he was enabled one day at the mill to astonish a crowd of village celebrities by lifting a box of stones weighing near a thousand pounds."
> There is no fiction either, as suggested by some of his biographers, in the story that he lifted a barrel of whisky from the ground and drank from the bung.
Lincoln was a beast.

President Grant would probably kill them all. Jackson would be a real contender too. The rest? Maybe Roosevelt would put up a good fight, but he wouldn't last.

>Roosevelt

the one that would try to knock your head off or the one that would run your toes over?

What do you fucking think?

do we include the wheelchair in his weight? and what do we do about height?

Grant fainted at the sight of blood.

Wrong Roosevelt, although if FDR was competing it would be fair to have him pilot a mecha or something.

Yeah but he was also a general. I would imagine he would pit half the presidents against the other half and win via sheer strategic superiority. Man, that would be a sight to behold.

I was assuming this was all hand to hand. If they get like pistols I'm pretty sure jackson just wrecks everyone.

makes me wish he was an actually good president.

Drinking from a fucking whisky barrel is hardcore.

JFK should get a mention, swimming back and fourth from the island all those times.

Damn, this thread is great. Didn't know you guys had such a badass presidents.

>Wrong Roosevelt

Read up about Teddy in the Amazon.

Fuck, OP should have given us some rules. If it's hand-to-hand, then Jackson has a clear advantage since he knows how to beat up people. Taft too, since he's a big guy for you.

jfk was as much of a fuckboy as clinton and obama. some squid doggy paddles for awhile means he can go against those monsters

Andrew Jackson without a doubt.

Old Hickory would open a can of whoop ass so bad all others would leave in a trail of tears

It'd probably end up in a 1v1 between Jackson and T. Roosevelt