Part II, post the lopsided and heroic battles of your countries (or funny ones like the emu wars).
I'll restart with the battle of Cochin where 140 Portuguese beat 57,000–84,000 Indians, with most of them dying from disease (top kek)
Seriously, read up on Cochin. That battle was hilarious..just months of a few dozen Portuguese fucking with indians. Their allies were useless and ran away at the first sign of trouble
I'm the first day all but two of the cochinese allies fled when the Calicur fleet arrived. It was 160 ships 84,000 men vs 90 Portuguese and 3 ships. 1200 calicut died. No Portuguese died.
Pacheco just fucked with them so bad. This went on for months
At one point he got on a small ship and led the calicut fleet on a wild goose chase in order to give his ships time to prepare. Landed on the island and laughed at them and sped off. At another he had his ships not fire back at the enemy. They believed the Portuguese were out of ammo so theg advanced. The Portuguese opened up at once and shredded them.
Later he tricked them into crossing a shallow water pass. He had planted traps and caltrops under the water. When the calicut started crossing they got caught up in the traps and torn to shreds.
Then he learned of a sneak attack coming. His spies learned what the signal was. He had his men fake like they were asleep while he had scouts watching the advancing surprise attack land forces trying to come up on them. There were two waves of land forces. Once they were close enough he threw up the signal that was supposed to tell the second wave to open fire. The second wave attacked the first wave. They fought each other in the darkness. He actually made them fight themselves.
Eventually they all died of disease and had to withdraw. The next Portuguese fleet reinforced cochin and the poo in the loos were little opposition to Europeans from then on.
> tfw no Portuguese died.
Jordan Gray
Our first king kicked the moors out and took all our present day clay in his lifetime all while kicking the live out of the Spaniards trying to get us from the rearguard.
Most of the Spaniards casualties were not even from the battles but from the peasants picking them off on their disorganized retreat back into Spain.
In one of these battles the king had to make a bloody edit giving Spaniards safe passage back into Spain because their bodies kept blocking the streams and preventing the small rivers from flowing into our villages.
Btw, those are still (give or take one olivenca) our present day borders. His father said that was his inheritance and like hell he wouldn't take it.
Levi Gutierrez
strong america , dead without enemy
Michael Harris
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Henry Reyes
Me again. Please don't stay angry Jordan. We're working as hard as we can to end the kike menace to your noble people.
Blake Baker
This one's always fun The fucking "Units Involved" section reads like a game of Civ
Jeremiah Murphy
Good old times, nobody could test our might.
Tyler Ross
>andrew jackson yeah that is usually how it goes when hes involved
Christian Sanchez
FUCK THE DANES AND FUCK VIKING PEOPLE.
You snivelling raider PIGS thought you'd get away with sacking and raiding our monasteries and villages in the 7th century. You thought that we forgot the endless death and rape you visited upon a young and innocent Britannia.
They're not laughing now.
Luis King
Kek, 1807. What happened?
Charles Gutierrez
>Not torturing and killing them all When I went to Genoa, I read on a plaque that at one point the Genoese navy caught and tortured like 6,000 pirates to death.
I was like "wtf pirates" until the tour guide explained that pirates also referred to "vikings," whom Italians at the time simply believed to be (and treated like) criminals. So when they were captured after trying and failing laughably to invade Italy, they were hideously tortured to death by having their jaws broken with these nasty mechanical things and then being hanged.
And this was an entire army. An entire army of mailed, armed vikings who thought they were going to rob a bunch of monasteries. Instead they had to sit in line and watch as a bunch of wops cracked their jaws in half one at a time and then hanged them from trees like the thieves that they were.
Embarrassing desu. Genoa never paid for this either. Skated away Scot free. None of their cuck friends dared to come that far South again until they converted to Christianity, became human, and were offered the right to invade by the Pope. Then the Normans came in and conquered Sicily from the Muslims. Pretty based.
Colton Martinez
strong france
Parker Phillips
216 British soldiers and 4 officers killed on Mount Street Bridge by 3 Irish military rebels during the 1916 Rising.
Samuel Perry
We got pissed off and decided to blow up their navy for a laugh.
Parker Ortiz
Isn't that just jap farmers or whatever shooting at us?
Elijah Long
Nope , completely empty , literally not a single jap
It's the same fucking port uh geese, from every fucking ''holocaust did happen fuck off naziboos'' AT LEAST USE A PROXY YOU FUCKING URCHIN OF A MONGREL MOTHER.
William Kelly
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Justin Cooper
R'ing Aussies getting btfo by emus
Isaiah Foster
post in english you subhuman
Brody Peterson
19th wasn't much better either.
Joshua Perry
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Samuel Sullivan
Every ottoman battle...except the 4th.
Gabriel Russell
RUSSIAN IS THE BEST LANGUAGE AND YOU MYSLIM SCUM
Jayden Jackson
Implying that Portuguese people have teeth to begin with.
Luke Phillips
French heard some of their men surrendered, so they immediately sent more men to . It is how France " fights"
Benjamin Wright
That wasn't even the most ridiculous portuguese victory
Grayson Wood
When you BTFO'd the Ottomans, then why do you act like kebab today? Every Albanian I know hangs out with Turks, Syrians and other assortments of ayyrabs (aside from one guy who hangs out with me). People hang out with those they share the same values with.
If turks and ayyrabs are you prefered companions, then you share the same values with them.
Jaxson Hill
>inb4 21st century paying the Taliban not to attack their troops
Justin Davis
Leafs and Burgers mistook each other for enemies. Plus stronk Nippon naval mines.
Jordan Watson
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Nathan Ross
the us at least siezed some japanese war dogs to start their wae dog program
Grayson Young
...
Austin Reyes
...
Chase Myers
this shit is gold
Leo Smith
at least we managed to unite the country, with major fuckups and foreign help, but still
that's because giving them anything but a slap on the wrist would be uncostitutional unless they're in our country and/or pooinloos
Gavin Jackson
Implying fins have the proper chromosome count to begin with
Oliver Morales
>Operation Cottage Classic keks.
Nathan Cook
Bloody Sunday. A load of Irish terrorist filth were wiped out.
Luis Reed
Somebody post the one about Italy loosing planes. I could have sworn I had it saved somewhere
Jose Howard
Well for starters, if we weren't constantly targeted and vilified by a Yugoslav propaganda campaign since 1965 then maybe, just maybe we would want to hang out with other people. Rejection makes people bitter.
Colton Scott
Wasn't your government hella retarded though? I don't really think it's just yugos fault.
Justin Hall
Wrong Portuguese gypsy.
Ethan Powell
Except that nobody where I live knows two shits about Albania, and you could hang out with us without encountering any problems.
You have basically no reputation here, aside from the one you make. And only the guy I hang out with is worthy of being called a descendant of Skanderbeg (right-wing Christian, dislikes anything that comes from south of the Mediterranean).
Lincoln Perez
>195 children
When the banter goes too far and you snap.
Aaron Sullivan
Enver was desperate to keep power so he jumped from communist offshoot to offshoot because things were getting shitty real quick. In all this time, this faggot never managed to realize communism doesn't work, and that we were collectively better off before it. But that's not the point I'm discussing.
1965 was the era of Serbian national romanticism expressed in art and literature. Simultaneously though, Serbian scholars began to apply their minds to us Albanians. As the Croatian historian Ivo Banac pointed out in his seminal study The National Question in Yugoslavia, 'Not all Albanians could be expected to flee from their native homesteads,' when Kosovo was reconquered. 'As a result, Serbian propaganda simultaneously dehumanised Albanians, presenting them as utterly incapable of governing themselves and as the sort of element that ought to be exterminated, and elevated them to the standing that warranted their assimilation.' While on the one hand, then, a theory was developed which explained that a large part of the Kosovo Albanian population were really Albanianised Serbs, on the other the Albanians were denigrated, as Banac puts it as 'savages'.
So, Dr Vladan Djordjevic, a noted Serbian statesman and public health specialist, showed no restraint in this line of defamation. Citing various foreign travelers and doctors of anthroposcopy, Djordjevic had his Albanians skinny, swarthy and short, possessed of gypsy and Phoenician features - indeed 'reminding him of the prehumans, who slept in trees, to which they were fastened by their tails'."
The damage has already been done. Just look at this place, two days ago there was a shitstorm over a train. It's especially heavy if you're a immigrant child and everyone who hears your nationality assumes the worst of you.
William Baker
I can't find anything on this. They would probably have been barbary priates.
Evan Young
What is she doing wrong?
James Russell
Pointing the gun towards herself?
Jaxson Hall
yeah serbs are at fault because you're shit
kys
Jeremiah Cooper
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Juan Robinson
Never said that, just that your scholars took a step beyond normal to ruin our image.
Zachary Martinez
Pointing two guns at herself at once.
Luis Long
any battle with the US in it
Brayden Turner
There is no fire without smoke, but Serbs (and all Balkanics) tend to make an elephant out the mosquito.
The way I see it, Serbs and Albos are not much different from each-other.
Kevin Bell
why can't poo in loos into war?
Austin Edwards
Fucking canal jews
John Sanchez
You've no idea how hard I kek'd at this.
Alexander Lee
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Adrian Collins
when non countries attempt to meme themselves into existence and then fail horribly