Historical rektd thread Part II

>historical rektd thread

Part II, post the lopsided and heroic battles of your countries (or funny ones like the emu wars).

I'll restart with the battle of Cochin where 140 Portuguese beat 57,000–84,000 Indians, with most of them dying from disease (top kek)

Seriously, read up on Cochin. That battle was hilarious..just months of a few dozen Portuguese fucking with indians. Their allies were useless and ran away at the first sign of trouble

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Cochin_(1504)


I'm the first day all but two of the cochinese allies fled when the Calicur fleet arrived. It was 160 ships 84,000 men vs 90 Portuguese and 3 ships. 1200 calicut died. No Portuguese died.

Pacheco just fucked with them so bad. This went on for months

At one point he got on a small ship and led the calicut fleet on a wild goose chase in order to give his ships time to prepare. Landed on the island and laughed at them and sped off. At another he had his ships not fire back at the enemy. They believed the Portuguese were out of ammo so theg advanced. The Portuguese opened up at once and shredded them.

Later he tricked them into crossing a shallow water pass. He had planted traps and caltrops under the water. When the calicut started crossing they got caught up in the traps and torn to shreds.

Then he learned of a sneak attack coming. His spies learned what the signal was. He had his men fake like they were asleep while he had scouts watching the advancing surprise attack land forces trying to come up on them. There were two waves of land forces. Once they were close enough he threw up the signal that was supposed to tell the second wave to open fire. The second wave attacked the first wave. They fought each other in the darkness. He actually made them fight themselves.

Eventually they all died of disease and had to withdraw. The next Portuguese fleet reinforced cochin and the poo in the loos were little opposition to Europeans from then on.

> tfw no Portuguese died.

Our first king kicked the moors out and took all our present day clay in his lifetime all while kicking the live out of the Spaniards trying to get us from the rearguard.

Most of the Spaniards casualties were not even from the battles but from the peasants picking them off on their disorganized retreat back into Spain.

In one of these battles the king had to make a bloody edit giving Spaniards safe passage back into Spain because their bodies kept blocking the streams and preventing the small rivers from flowing into our villages.

Btw, those are still (give or take one olivenca) our present day borders. His father said that was his inheritance and like hell he wouldn't take it.

strong america , dead without enemy

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Me again. Please don't stay angry Jordan. We're working as hard as we can to end the kike menace to your noble people.

This one's always fun
The fucking "Units Involved" section reads like a game of Civ

Good old times, nobody could test our might.

>andrew jackson
yeah that is usually how it goes when hes involved

FUCK THE DANES AND FUCK VIKING PEOPLE.

You snivelling raider PIGS thought you'd get away with sacking and raiding our monasteries and villages in the 7th century. You thought that we forgot the endless death and rape you visited upon a young and innocent Britannia.

They're not laughing now.

Kek, 1807. What happened?

>Not torturing and killing them all
When I went to Genoa, I read on a plaque that at one point the Genoese navy caught and tortured like 6,000 pirates to death.

I was like "wtf pirates" until the tour guide explained that pirates also referred to "vikings," whom Italians at the time simply believed to be (and treated like) criminals. So when they were captured after trying and failing laughably to invade Italy, they were hideously tortured to death by having their jaws broken with these nasty mechanical things and then being hanged.

And this was an entire army. An entire army of mailed, armed vikings who thought they were going to rob a bunch of monasteries. Instead they had to sit in line and watch as a bunch of wops cracked their jaws in half one at a time and then hanged them from trees like the thieves that they were.

Embarrassing desu. Genoa never paid for this either. Skated away Scot free. None of their cuck friends dared to come that far South again until they converted to Christianity, became human, and were offered the right to invade by the Pope. Then the Normans came in and conquered Sicily from the Muslims. Pretty based.

strong france

216 British soldiers and 4 officers killed on Mount Street Bridge by 3 Irish military rebels during the 1916 Rising.

We got pissed off and decided to blow up their navy for a laugh.

Isn't that just jap farmers or whatever shooting at us?

Nope , completely empty , literally not a single jap

>650+ prisoners
>150+ killed
>650 + 150 = 800
>700 soldiers
???

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>inb4 20th century Italy

prisoners of war accidentally killed

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It's the same fucking port uh geese, from every fucking ''holocaust did happen fuck off naziboos'' AT LEAST USE A PROXY YOU FUCKING URCHIN OF A MONGREL MOTHER.

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R'ing Aussies getting btfo by emus

post in english you subhuman

19th wasn't much better either.

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Every ottoman battle...except the 4th.

RUSSIAN IS THE BEST LANGUAGE AND YOU MYSLIM SCUM

Implying that Portuguese people have teeth to begin with.

French heard some of their men surrendered, so they immediately sent more men to . It is how France " fights"

That wasn't even the most ridiculous portuguese victory

When you BTFO'd the Ottomans, then why do you act like kebab today? Every Albanian I know hangs out with Turks, Syrians and other assortments of ayyrabs (aside from one guy who hangs out with me). People hang out with those they share the same values with.

If turks and ayyrabs are you prefered companions, then you share the same values with them.

>inb4 21st century paying the Taliban not to attack their troops

Leafs and Burgers mistook each other for enemies. Plus stronk Nippon naval mines.

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the us at least siezed some japanese war dogs to start their wae dog program

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this shit is gold

at least we managed to unite the country, with major fuckups and foreign help, but still

that's because giving them anything but a slap on the wrist would be uncostitutional
unless they're in our country and/or pooinloos

Implying fins have the proper chromosome count to begin with

>Operation Cottage
Classic keks.

Bloody Sunday. A load of Irish terrorist filth were wiped out.

Somebody post the one about Italy loosing planes. I could have sworn I had it saved somewhere

Well for starters, if we weren't constantly targeted and vilified by a Yugoslav propaganda campaign since 1965 then maybe, just maybe we would want to hang out with other people. Rejection makes people bitter.

Wasn't your government hella retarded though? I don't really think it's just yugos fault.

Wrong Portuguese gypsy.

Except that nobody where I live knows two shits about Albania, and you could hang out with us without encountering any problems.

You have basically no reputation here, aside from the one you make. And only the guy I hang out with is worthy of being called a descendant of Skanderbeg (right-wing Christian, dislikes anything that comes from south of the Mediterranean).

>195 children

When the banter goes too far and you snap.

Enver was desperate to keep power so he jumped from communist offshoot to offshoot because things were getting shitty real quick. In all this time, this faggot never managed to realize communism doesn't work, and that we were collectively better off before it. But that's not the point I'm discussing.


1965 was the era of Serbian national romanticism expressed in art and literature. Simultaneously though, Serbian scholars began to apply their minds to us Albanians. As the Croatian historian Ivo Banac pointed out in his seminal study The National Question in Yugoslavia, 'Not all Albanians could be expected to flee from their native homesteads,' when Kosovo was reconquered. 'As a result, Serbian propaganda simultaneously dehumanised Albanians, presenting them as utterly incapable of governing themselves and as the sort of element that ought to be exterminated, and elevated them to the standing that warranted their assimilation.' While on the one hand, then, a theory was developed which explained that a large part of the Kosovo Albanian population were really Albanianised Serbs, on the other the Albanians were denigrated, as Banac puts it as 'savages'.

So, Dr Vladan Djordjevic, a noted Serbian statesman and public health specialist, showed no restraint in this line of defamation. Citing various foreign travelers and doctors of anthroposcopy, Djordjevic had his Albanians skinny, swarthy and short, possessed of gypsy and Phoenician features - indeed 'reminding him of the prehumans, who slept in trees, to which they were fastened by their tails'."

The damage has already been done. Just look at this place, two days ago there was a shitstorm over a train. It's especially heavy if you're a immigrant child and everyone who hears your nationality assumes the worst of you.

I can't find anything on this. They would probably have been barbary priates.

What is she doing wrong?

Pointing the gun towards herself?

yeah serbs are at fault because you're shit

kys

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Never said that, just that your scholars took a step beyond normal to ruin our image.

Pointing two guns at herself at once.

any battle with the US in it

There is no fire without smoke, but Serbs (and all Balkanics) tend to make an elephant out the mosquito.

The way I see it, Serbs and Albos are not much different from each-other.

why can't poo in loos into war?

Fucking canal jews

You've no idea how hard I kek'd at this.

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when non countries attempt to meme themselves into existence and then fail horribly

it was the power of multicultural society

This

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