Will Drumph help people like me get a job?

Pic related. I'm a liberal but I believe in the working man. I'd like to be a working man at some point. The job market just fucks me in the ass every other day with its hard throbbing dick named monster.com

Holy shit, that is the worst resume I've ever seen. I'd rather hire a feral nigger who in the process of raping me than you.

epic bait dude

> One, stop being a liberal and you will understand how the world actually works. That is the best thing you can do to find a job. Two, make a resume that doesn't suck ass. Assuming this isn't bait of course.

...

What about me?

>when your resume sucks so much people on Sup Forums of all places call it bait

o..ok guys... thanks

it's bait i've seen this retarded thread atleast 4 times.
OP is a colossal faggot

The picture of a phone is stupid so is the email. If you're employer can't understand phone numbers don't end in .edu they're too retarded to work for.

Read the Waste Heat Recovery tag back to you self. It's very odd, especially the word emphasize, utilizing, and incorporating. Are you describing multiple facets of one project?

Amphibious Toy Train sounds dumb.

Rephrase Maximizing Storage Area...it just sounds really wordy.

SOLAR RACING, second bullet point. Simpler than what? Why is CATIA capitalized under technical skills but isn't here?

thx

You laugh, but this is the kind of shit that comes across my desk every one and a while. My co-workers have to think I'm super depressed because I always have tears in my eyes from laughing at these so damn hard.

Nice resume lmao

Aren't you supposed to have a GPA of 5?

American GPA system is on a 4-point scale. Generally, don't display it unless you're >3.0

what if they think i'm hiding it and ask me to explain? i thought i should be forthright with it.

Then just tell them. Honestly, when I'm reading resumes the GPA isn't really a deciding factor unless it's the only factor I have to work with. I want demonstrable accomplishments outside of the classroom.

I treat resumes like a PowerPoint presentation. I'll ask about bullet points and I expect you to give me a brief story about what you've done and what transferable skills you've learned via this exercise.

Nobody asks for grades in the real world.

Look, if you're serious, google proper resume formatting. This shit isn't that hard, just put in a little more effort.
Don't be afraid to oversell yourself, it's fine as long as you don't say something you can't do or never did. Exaggerate like hell.

As someone who regularly interviews and hires people for projects, I literally would rather you show up without a resume than hand me that piece of shit.

First. Download a resume format online and use it. Second. Use your school email address. It's more professional. Third. Oversell your skills or include relevant coursework. Classwork. Or projects you worked on.

thats a canadian resume. bait not taken

why in the world did you list hobbies
that is probably the worst thing about your resume

These are my favorite books.

Can Trump get me a job?

Please tell me this isn't your real resume.

>GPa
>WORKED AT HUSKY
>PET SMART
>Hobbies: Family and friends
>@gmail.com
I know this is bait, but can somebody make a really terrible resume? Like will all the typical mistakes?

Thats is such a shit CV. For one thing you wrote "excellent communicator" twice.

...

Yes, you'll see these from time to time.

I don't care if this bitch went to Yale or Harvard I'd toss this away. I can already see a sexual harassment or wrongful termination suit from this person.

take whatever you think, and do the exact opposite

>@gmail.com

Wait. What's wrong with using gmail for your professional email?

>using the botnet
>professional

Damn son. I know 2.5 GPA, but put a little bit more attention into the resume.

>learned to feed animals
Who cares? Seriously, this is basically irrelevant. Only include it if the job you're applying for might explicitly demand it.

>work in team
This is good. Being a clerk is basically brain dead labor anyway, no one expects you to learn anything that is relevant to those specific positions. Team work? Discipline? These are good things.

>checked wells. Made sure they operated accordingly
and? Similar to above. What did doing this experience add to your experience pool broadly? Did you use any heavy machinery? If so, what machinery, cite model number - even if not in the least bit relevant - it is a way of indicating you can be trusted to handle serious shit, and are capable of LEARNING. This would be one of the subtle ways to communicate broader skills.

>computuh
sub-set the software

Give some examples of your writing/communication skills - this one might be where you don't actually touch this bullet point, because you don't have any citations you can point to - but the bullet WILL be demonstrated if you clean up your resume, and speak clearly/intelligently during an interview.

>debate club member
especially in light of this ^^

>gaming
remove this

>history/politics
This might as well be as the above, but it works if you integrate it into some OTHER activity. IE: what do you DO with your interest in history/politics. Do you, say, use your aforementioned writing skills to publish editorial columns reflecting historically on current events?

>Family and Friends
try building strong family/friendly ties. It'll communicate a little more about the nature of your placing personal interactions as an explicit interest, rather than say, "popularity, lol".

Hobbies generally tend to be a bad idea for resumes, but if you're lacking experience, it's not bad if it ties back to your skill set.

Good luck with being retarded, user. God bless. Jesus loves you.

better than hotmail or yahoo

Goddamn, dude. It's obviously bait.

top fucking kek

I am a job coordinator for a construction company. shit resumes like this really do roll in the email.

How'd I do?

Do you have a job?

>skills
>computers
feel free to completely disregard my advice, due to flag and shit, but do you really think mentioning you know how to use computer is relevant info when just a couple lines below you mention how to use a relevant software (civil3d)??
you should mention what specifically you can accomplish with civil3d, if possible link to a project you've made (autodesk has cloud storage with shareable links for most of its software)
>Reading, history, politics
how about: Reading about history and politics. (you might get asked during the interview to name a book or historic period or school of political thought)
>Family and friends
how about: Spending time with family & friends
Basically, use sentences.
Also, employer usually like to see the date of entry & date of graduation to measure how much coach time you've had since you were in college. They'll also like to see that for your previous jobs (started/ended).

The wall is going to need roads, and trump promised he would invest big in infrastructure. Just don't think he is going to get you employed, you should check if any contractors have already been signed to work with him (hint: why not check who build his tower and casinos, Trump might try to get in touch with him again)

A few schools like MIT do the 5.0 scale. It has less to do with standardization, and almost entirely to do with a 'problem' MIT has involving a 2x the national average suicide rate, and stress levels on par with active duty combat troops.

These kids literally hang their entire identity and validation, often having groomed themselves for a decade in some cases, on going to MIT and having a 4.0 GPA. Anything less is too much for many of their inexperienced egos; so to get around this they just make an A+ a 5.0, and a B a 4.0. Anything less than a 3.0 is failing. That way, the kid who cuts himself for every grade less than a 100 still has a 4.875 or whatever, and has a higher chance of surviving the ego blow to inevitably doing poorly on a test / class.

Rephrase the toy train. sounds like some high school shit and I bet it was more than that right?

try to get something industry related soon so the gap in time doesn't get too long on the resume.

gj

lol no wonder you're a liberal

Do you really expect the hiring manager, let alone us, to read that?

didn't read but too much white space on top

shit format. same info needs to be presented in a different format.

Think of the way Drudge Report structures his webiste. try something like that

That better not be your fucking real resume user. It better be here just for reference for us. Why the fuck is there even a hobbies section?

You'll never get hired this way. Also why the fuck did you put your GPA on there? If it's not great then don't even put it on there pussy.

Also you need to have more action words in your resume and actually make it seem like you did something at your jobs.

Jesus fuck you're hopeless unless you make some real changes.

Hi, I'm here for the job.

will do. In contact and waiting for second phase of interviews. Toy train was more of a robotics project so i'll describe it like that.

This can't really be your resume hahahaha God no wonder you haven't found a job yet

No way you're a civil engineer with a retarded resume like that. I could present a homeless man better

What should I do? Show me a proper resume because mine is fucking shit and I do that have much experience

I've gotten several first and second round interviews for internships, but I must be a total autismo bc. I've received no offers.

>excel for data analytics
reeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Two of my courses this semester will teach me SAS and SQL, at the moment Excel with VBA and R is all I can really do.

That typeface makes me want to rip my eyes out of their sockets.

Rate mine I had a long one, but the rest of the skills were cut off although I did place on the other page "able to take criticism"

That is such a shit looking resume.

Here's what I got from it:
>extremely basic jobs that only have a single responsibility each.
>Shit GPA
>One extracirricular
>Generic Hobbies
>gmail address means unencrypted email
>Zero Achievements.

I would be surprised if anyone hired you at all.

Make the margins smaller, you can definitely get everything on one page.

dude op.....you need to change your bullet points into complete sentences. you need to force people to read what you have to say about yourself and impress them with some sort of talent or technical ability

Always fit it on a single page. Trim the margins if you have to. One page for your resume, one page for your cover letter.

man after looking at this again it has to be bait right? i mean number lists and bullet point lists in the same page? ffs

>more than 1" margins
>that huge fucking waste of space at the top
PRESENTATION, FAGGOTS.

He didn't even put the dates worked at those jobs.

>putting urbana before champaign
Coke head leftist spotted

>maximizing storage area
>moved 2 tables
>experience

>toy train
>not lying and changing it to racecar

I'm the senior web developer at a digital marketing agency. I sometimes get called in by HR to go through resumes to find qualified devs.

Young men of Sup Forums, I know that if you're still in college your resume is going to be empty... but for the love of God if you put "gaming" anywhere in your resume I am going to throw it out and not send you a rejection letter.

excel seems good to me for analytics, but I might just be a pleb. could you elaborate?

most of the erp systems I've used are able to dump directly into excel where I could do mass edits and re-upload into the live database. good for purchasing inventory and setting stock levels and other shit

pivot charts / tables are useful for studying data and easily presenting info to boss

???

Hey, if you're getting interviews, it works, but there's a LOT of unused space on that resume, in my opinion. If you've got more to add, feel free to reformat and add more.

>leaf

The school is called UIUC, not UICU.

I live in Champaign and only ever cross Wright St. for classes.

might as well not bother writing the rest of it

>shit-tier floating point
>terrible at matrix calculations
>programming is an absolute pain

I guess it's good enough for making reports to appease the boss, but any serious analytics are better suited to R or Matlab, or even a custom solution.

Damn. I want to post my resume, but you guys will find my name and linkedin shit.

This is absolute garbage.

Aside from a few minor things, this is a tier 1 resume with respect to how it's constructed. You don't need to use fancy bullets, but you do need to make sure things flow logically. Yours doesn't do that.

It is bait. That exact image was posted a few days ago by a leaf asking for help with the resume.

All leafs must burn

better than most of those others I think

You've been giving out tons of super helpful advice and it looks like you know your shit.

Would you mind glancing at my resume? I'd post it here, but there's too much I'd have to censor to remain anonymous.

My throwaway email is [email protected] if you're willing.

Totally understand if that's too much hassle though.

Czech'd

The objective statement needs to go. Any information relating to your career objective should be in the cover letter. Objective statements were used a long time ago when you'd mail your resume to an employer who received TONS of mail for all sorts of jobs. Now, you apply for specific jobs. They know what your objectives are.

The summary section is stupid. Your cover letter is going to tell me when you're a strong fit for this position.

Language proficiency is a great skill, emphasize that!

Trevor Richardson of Denver, Colorado 80321
Don't hire this guy. He's an alt-right racist

I did great in high school but once I made it to college I realized how much of a scam it was and didn't do so well. Flunked and dropped several classes. Should I put anything high school on a resume?

I maxed out my clubs, sports, music, academics, etc. I had straight As all 4 years, president of two different clubs, only honors/AP classes, top 2% of a class of 500+, racked up multiple full rides, won regional and even a state academic award, and a bunch of other bullshit. I applied everywhere for admission and didn't get denied once. All of this sounds nice and dandy but I don't have jack shit to brag about from college and feels sucky.

Just post it here, block off the name we'll look at it. I hope your resume isn't just a copy + paste of your LinkedIn...

I wouldn't recommend putting anything in about high school if you graduated >5 years ago. Unless, of course, it's all you have. If it is all you have, then you need to get ready to explain that time gap.

Good ole grade inflation, where above average on the scale is failing.

At least you didn't lie and claim you saved a company $3 million during your 6 week summer internship (pic related).

Your hired

It's not. But there's still plenty of overlap. Probably too much now that I think about it.

Unless I remove like every other word, you would instantly find me and my employer.

Oh well.

dropped the "I"s, makes you sound like a retarded >be me ledditor

Thank you for the laugh m8.

no one cares who you are dude

>presenting in first person
>sounds like an Obama speech
>presenting your education but sticking a huge story/"HOWEVER" in there

I actually went to college for my freshman year and had a bunch of credits from AP and dual enrollment in high school. During my freshman year I became disheartened with my school and didn't register for classes next year. I was on a scholarship and honors awards and all of that but I doubt they're any good because I did awful. I then packed up my things and have been traveling the world continuously for the last 2 years and picked up a few languages along the way. I just got back home for the first time in 2 years at the beginning of the year. I'm 21. I really don't have much else to put on my resume. I'm planning to return to school this fall if possible. How fucked am I?

Yes, we know that one is pretty bad. Paragraphs can have a place in an academic CV, but not in an entry-level resume.

Learn a trade user.

This was posted last night and yes it is the worst resume of all time

> Hobbies
> Gaming
You gotta have more than that

You're not fucked at all. You'll definitely want to emphasize language proficiency and cultural experience (assuming you stayed enough time overseas). The only real problem I see is, most positions that don't require a degree don't put as much weight on the ability to speak multiple languages, etc. unless you're in a city like Miami.

That has to be the shitties most uncreative CV I have seen, you got autism or something? You don't have any MS office skills m8.

See
It's awful but the fact these other two exist means anything that anyone else makes that's at least semi-serious can outperform.

If you make me waste my time with stuff like MY LITTLE RESUME I can promise you I will make it my life's purpose to make sure you NEVER get hired at any company we have relations with.