My new job starts tomorrow

red-pill on the do's and don'ts pls

Don't say racist stuff or talk about politics
You can thank me later

When you enter do a Nazi salute

Don't forget to tip your coworkers

weird mine does too. what jerb? im gunna be a cook at a restaurant

Wear a Jew hat.
That way they will pay you more and you can't be fired. If you ever get asked to do something you do t want to do just remind our boss of the six gorillion.

don't act autistic

When someone makes eye contact don't look away.
Mad dog that fuck.

do: work
don't: work harder than everyone else

Australians are priced out of our own job market, so this is a bit biassed, but I hope you're actually a German.

DO your job. DONT be a dumbass. easypeasy.

Punch the biggest guy you see in the face and everyone will respect you.

What kind of job?

this is very important in western countries.
how much do you tip in america?

Make friends. Be friends with EVERYONE.
If you can do your work and be friendly with everyone, you'll be fine.
Do NOT get involved in any drama.
Do NOT talk about your opinions on anything significant, i.e. politics, civil rights, etc.

writing linux drivers in c

Remember everyone's name.

Remember to bring cinnamon buns or other pastries on your first day. It's pretty common in continental Europe. In northern Europe it's either Mämmi or a bottle of good Vodka.

Don't fuck up

>t. fastest way to die in prison

Before ranting about the holohoax, ask everyone else's opinion on the subject.

>red-pill on the do's and don'ts pls
THIS
>Don't say racist stuff or talk about politics
>When someone makes eye contact don't look away.
>do: work
>DO your job. DONT be a dumbass.
>Do NOT get involved in any drama.
>Do NOT talk about your opinions on anything significant, i.e. politics, civil rights, etc.

ALSO- If the job you were hired to do is currently being done by others, find the best person at it and learn from them.

>not friendzoning the fat low self esteem cunt that does all the work and slowly dropping your workload on her shoulders

Hide your power level, exceed expectations, profit. Welcome to wageslavery.

Oh, for the IT industry, always ask for their preferred OS before asking anything else, even their name. It's considered quite polite in most circles.

>friendzoning the fat low self esteem cunt that does all the work and slowly dropping your workload on her shoulders

t. Modern_German_Work_Ethic

Kek

DO be cordial, professional, and well-spoken

DON'T post here anymore, it's just going to ruin any ability you still have to act like a normie

>not just saying you gotta work to do in the "archives" but really you're just taking a nap
also
>cause problems and destroy traces I caused it
>present the solution
>get promoted
>fat cunt still doing my work

+ wear appropriate clothes
+ greet everyone with handshake and say your name
+ shave your neckbeard, get a shower in the morning
+ ask multiple times if u dont know how to do something. its better than fucking it up

- getting home as soon as your worktime is over
- bring food that might smell bad for others
- doing nothing and fucking around
- asking too often for new tasks

a) Tolerate Pajeet and Ahmed
b) Don't shit anywhere
c) Show enthuasiasm when Pajeet screams at your face in his broken german dass du ein Dummel bist.
d) Don't redpill anyone about the jews.

Joke that nano is best editor while vim and emacs are trash when introducing yourself to colleagues.

Begin secretly recording everything from day one.

It will help for the inevitable trial.

Always start off conversations with the customers this way:

>Hi! Few things to start off with =] 1. Yes I added you because you're a female gamer, 'tis an awesome thing to see! 2. I'm Brian. 3. Don't be intimidated, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. If anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen =D.

also ich mache lieber den ganzen tag nur handy

Smile a lot and be quiet and diligent.

Find a freelance codemonkey Pajeet online that writes those drivvers for you for much less while you shitpost in your cubicle pretending to work.

part of the job is to coordinate work with poo land.
How fucked I am ?

>writing linux drivers in c
Say, that you like Anime
Don´t do sports
Don´t date beautiful girls
Say, that your favourite icecream is Niggersemen

IT-Nerds are the lowest form of humans, so they won´t harm you anyway.

Wear a swatstika armband and put on a Trump shirt.

Always talk down to them and make them aware you belong to the superior volk. They will respect you for that and you may get a promotion.

Work with Temple Os

Scream at them like you wanted them to invade poland yesterday

It's starting to be pretty common to wear a full three piece suit among programmers.. If you really think that you can pull it off, top it off with a cool, unique hat (I tend to wear either a basker or even a tophat on wild Fridays). Never wear a bowtie when near Windows users, they tend to get offended by them.

Man, user, you're a real piece of shit.
Hope you get exposed at this new role of yours, or that the cunt decides to expose you later.

Don't argue with your boss, just do what you are told.

Try to understand what he expects of you, what he wants your value to be used on the business, predict it and act upon it everytime you can.

Don't create tensions with coworkers, no matter the situation.

A porkpie hat would look cool with that kind of suit.

DO :

1) If you're trusted with a task and they give you a model, still check that the "model" is up to date (including things like the adresses). Nothing more irritating than being lectured for a mistake which come from the model and not from your real work.

2) Get informed on the process. Will someone check your first works and give you some indications/advices? Will it be sent directly to the client/the public/whatever?

3) Ask what to do if a file is incomplete. Are you supposed to color a part of it and let someone ask for the missing files? Are you supposed to do it yourself?

It's just questions about "how it works" but it will save you a lot embarrassements to discover it the easy way.

Good luck.

If your boss tells you to do something DO IT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, avoid "But i'm doing this!" as much as possible

cmon man I rather shitpost on Sup Forums, fuck working

t. Mike Rowe

You're in deep shit user

Nah just kiddin

Go into the job only thinking about the job; be water, don't be thinking about the clock and try to absorb yourself in your work to maximize productivity

Immediately look for weak points in the organization to use as leverage

I did that at my last corporate job (health insurance). Email protocol was for advanced employees only and needed a test to take first to be approved to email. Wtf? I wasn't about to make ppl wait a week for a sheet of paper I can email to them in a second.

So I wrote a multi page proposition about renovating the email protocol, used numbers and stats

Saved my ass when things got incredibly heavy and I was underperforming. They saw my proposition and changed email protocol because of me

I ended up leaving anyway but not before leaving my mark. Make yourself valuable outside of the minimum amount of work you need to produce


Also hide your power level nigger

take a scat and offer it to your coworkers

also dont wipe your ass

1. Always prefix all your variables with random number of _, preferrably at least 4, to avoid collision with other variables.
2. Use as many 1li chars in var names as possible.
3. CapItaLize ranDomly.
4. #define and #ifdef are your best friends. They help make most optimized code possible.
5. Follow OpenSSL file-naming conventions.
6. Use void* as type for all arguments, it allows to write very flexible and extensible code.
7. Commit every single line of code separately, its easier to review changelog this way and rollback something if it didn't work.
8. Don't add extra bloat in form of tests, if there's any problem with code it will crash immediately anyway.
9. Use *(int*)(void*)((int)____lllij + 14) = ___llijl; instead structs.

better bring your welcome bascet full of fruits for the boss

Can't they track your browsing history at work though? Or are you using wifi?

Often they won't notice it immediately but will bring it up if they do an extensive background check on you if you have severe mess ups when it comes to performance. They like to do this because it gives them a stronger case when trying to fire someone. On this point:

OP, don't browse work unrelated sites at work. Only do so on wifi, on your own computer/phone.

snackbaring is frowned upon and don't be surprised to see women without trashbags over them, rape is for after work only!

take a fingerbox with you and show it to the boss
thanks me later

thanks
love you all, my goys

befriend your coworkers

dont slack off, even if you see them doing it

>- getting home as soon as your worktime is over

If you are really determined, worktime is never over. Even at home! :'>)

Show up on time, Don't fuck around. Work on being stoic and avoid office politics or fucking your co-workers at all costs. Expect to be managed and don't talk back.

Basically those things, i fire people for whatever but its generally some combination of the above.

>fucking your co-workers at all costs
this

>- getting home as soon as your worktime is over
>-
Are you memeing or its actually normal for germans to work overtime for free?
I'm working at international company which is top 3 in its industry, and most of employees, except top execs, leave either before 19:00 (its 10:00 - 19:00 for software engineers here, adjusted so we can wake up later in the morning) or right at 19:00. At 19:10 office is almost completely empty.

>asking too often for new tasks
Don't work too hard or try to impress people!!!!!!!!!

> coding, eh

1) Don't be a wise ass
2) Listen to your work mates
3) Try to memorise their names
4) The only dumb question is the question which isn't asked
5) Adapt to their style and if it tremendously sucks, gradually suggest to use consistent code format
6) Properly comment and document your sources

7) Don't take criticism personally but don't cuck if you're convinced that your solution has merit to it

- Do file tax returns
- Don't instruct children in how to safely bungee jump.
- Don't.... know what the fuck your job is m8, sry.

Not trying to steal your thread OP, but I have job interview in about 2 hours. Just writing down some notes and thoughts while I shitpost. I could use some digits right now bros

20% minimum.

If the waiter is a minority or female, then he/she/Xe gets an extra 15%

Bring buns to your new work mates.

Just did a slew of interviews myself. Took a few times but after some trial and error I found that the best attitude to have in an interview was one where I was calm and myself, but still restrained enough to not be overly casual and maintain professionalism.

Also look into what S.T.A.R. answers are if you haven't yet.

Dont let them control you.

I repeat - the higher-ups have WON if they successfully breed you into thinking that you have to do whatever they say. By this I mean still do your fucking job, but study your contract, employee guidelines, dont let them take advantage of you. Question everything (call it 'inquiry')

The moment you become their drone/puppet is the moment you lose humanity

Sounds like some tinfoil hat nonsense I'm sure, but I see so many co-worker around me who just accept ANYTHING and everything management decides. I can tolerate a lot, but I'll speak my mind when something seems unfair. Yeah, they probably won't like it, but too bad. It's called free speech and rights.