>Valentines Day ended in tragedy for a Portland teenager after he apparently masturbated a world record, jaw-dropping 56 times non-stop before dying of a heart attack. Jerome Carpenter was found dead in his bedroom after apparently masturbating too much. It is speculated that Jerome was suffering from depression due to being “extremely lonely” on Valentines Day.
>Jerome’s Mother called Portland police after discovering his corpse in his room. Jerome’s mother told Huzler reporters “1 hour passed since I had called him down for lunch, Jerome was the kind of boy to steal food off your plate when you were not looking, i knew something was wrong when he didn’t come down to eat, he was a great kid” she finished as she began to cry.
>Police arrived at the home about an hour after Ms. Carpenter called them. Officer Dean Marrow told Huzler reporters what they saw when they opened Jerome’s bedroom door. “The young man was on his bed… his pen*s was detached from his body, it must have been so intense it just came off his body, we found his pen*s gripped in his left hand so tightly we couldn’t get it out, it was tragic”.
Pulled his dick off.... Yes that could give you a heartattack.
Ethan Morris
>“The young man was on his bed… his pen*s was detached from his body
Samuel Sanders
Holy shit, Portland. What the fuck are your niggers made of?
Jack Murphy
who was counting?
Ethan Fisher
A nog really takes "muh dick" seriously
Isaiah Reed
most i've ever jacked off in 1 day is around 11 or 12 times
tell me yours Sup Forums
Ryder Morgan
Fucking this.
I bet he was high as fuck on meth. doubt the heart attack was caused by only the jerking off
Easton Ramirez
Do none of you fucking faggots have critical thinking skills?
How did they know he masturbated exactly 56 times? How is it possible for him to die on detachment of his penis? It's fake as shit news and a two second google search proves it false.
Sebastian Sullivan
b-b-but muh d--d-dick why the whyte hoes dont want sum of m-muh d-d-dikkkk
Parker Scott
You laughed at old people that tell you masturbating makes you blind... little did you know it actually fucking kills you :^)
Xavier Diaz
>Jerome was the kind of boy to steal food off your plate when you were not looking, >“The young man was on his bed… his pen*s was detached from his body, Give it back, Jerome
Carson Ross
exactly. How do you arrive at the number of 5? Were there 56 different areas seamen'd
Hudson Roberts
barely 5 but there was a time when i did 3 times a day for a few weeks it got so bad i started chafing and even started to bleed a little glad i never got an infection
Wyatt Foster
>literally beat his dick off
Leo Baker
This was the first thing that popped in my head.
>Huzlers.com is the most notorious fauxtire & satire entertainment website in the world. If it's trending on social media you'll find it here!
Matthew Evans
Literal fake news. Sup Forums confirmed retarded.
Cooper Kelly
What about the sperm donor that died at the facility?
Oliver Nguyen
is this real?
Carter Butler
modern technology is amazing, we could identify how many times he jizzed before he died due to dna evidences
are you retarded? you don't need critical thinking
Alexander Campbell
Yep, reeks of fake news.
Either that, or there's a video stream somewhere and someone actually counted the number of faps kek.
Lucas James
>56 times in a row
How did they know how many times? Also my record is 34 times in a day, that nog is impressive.
Christian Cook
yeah eh pulled his dick off he died of bloodlose
Mason Morris
FAKE NEWS
Nicholas Garcia
>Jerome was the kind of boy to steal Really made me think senpai
Alexander King
I don't see how you could ever do that. the most I have done is three, maybe four.
that being said, there have been times where I'd get high as fuck on meth and beat off for literally literally 24 hours straight. I can't definitively say I was going non-stop, but I was talking to chicks on omegle for roughly 75% of that time, and my dick didnt leave my hand. so I probably was. 12 hour wank sessions were commonplace.
Dominic Campbell
>Jerome was the kind of boy to steal
nothing wrong here,move along.
Ethan Phillips
not being able to detect blatant sarcasm is a major indicator of autism
Jonathan Price
>his pen*s was detached from his body, it must have been so intense it just came off his body, we found his pen*s gripped in his left hand so tightly we couldn’t get it out, it was tragic So who is up for No Fap Rest-Of-Your-Life?
Henry Phillips
yolo
Zachary Smith
Yeah ... Trying to figure that until I realized this is an Onion spin-off. They made me Google, so
Landon Lewis
Let me explain it to you 2 retards. 1) OP is leaf, if you've been on /pol longer than 5 minutes you already know he's full of shit. 2) do you honestly think anyone clicked that shit.
Finally go back to fucking plebbit. Not every thread is a shill slide thread or fake news, both make good trolls sometimes.
Gabriel Watson
Off course its fucking fake, but a lot of people out there has probably died from this, most likely someone with heart problems taking 15 viagras.
Cooper Collins
How did they figure out exactly how many times he jacked off?
Thomas Barnes
Assuming this is real, why the fuck would the mother go to the papers to tell them the way her son died, ensuring that his legacy and entire existence would be boiled down an embarrassment, a laughingstock, a punchline?
And also, I was under the impression that the police don't go out and tell reporters about how a teenager died in his home by masturbating to death and it was so bad that he'd torn his dick off in the process. In fact, why would the police say anything at all tothe press in a case like this?
....goddamnit.
Just wrote all that shit out thinking this was real. Nope. Some bullshit hoax. "56 times" in the headline should have been the giveaway. Because obviously someone was standing watch and counting every time so they knew the precise amount of times, right?
I am angry at myself that I wasted so much effort on such a retarded post about bullshit that never happened. Oh yeah, and how the fuck is this political? Sage.
Brandon Rogers
Isnt there a movie were some guys son dies like this?
Joshua Russell
Kek, this was in Portland where I live. I'm surprised I didn't hear about this. There's only about two niggers in Oregon anyways.
Anthony Bailey
>his pen*s was detached from his body
Yeah right
Cameron James
I miss old Sup Forums.
Jayden Bailey
Is this not a showing of how superior black genes are??
Brayden Edwards
>implying we care if it's fake
Charles Hughes
Reminds me of that lady that died while masturbating. When they found her she had been partially eaten by her cat. Except this was real.
Evan Mitchell
wasnt this from last year?
Colton Reyes
Kings live forever
Luke Nguyen
Maybe. It's a satire article by the way, it's not real.
Tyler Price
How much Viagra is lethal, and what happens when you OD on it?
Oliver Lee
lol
Robert Allen
>literally dies from too much masturbation Was he not /ourguy/, Sup Forums?
