Reports are coming in that Mr. Vladimir Putin, lifelong president of Russia, has been found hacking the US government offices at 9:00 PM this morning. He has been assisted in this effort by Foreign Minister and hacking expert, Sergei “Caтaнa” Lavrov. A crack team of Ukrainian investigators, impersonating themselves as Russians, have found this information by bugging the computer of Mr. Putin using third generation surveillance equipment.
Our sources say that every single department of the US government has been hacked, as well as every department, agency and supreme court, including the NSA. All the data and secret information is currently in the possession of Mr. Putin, alongside the nuclear launch codes and locations. Thanks to this information, all the nukes possessed by the US government can now be fired at will by the man once called “The Second Adolf Hitler”.
How could this happen? Mr. Levine of the George Soros Truth Foundation has provided us the answer. He explained to us that the US government is run from the White House using a central administration console and that the only one who knows the password for this is The President. He was quoted as saying that “Obviously incompetent “president” Trump gave Mr. Putin the password. Let us pray that this evil buffoon clown will be kicked out of the White Office.”
Mr. Putin has previously been known as the supreme hacker. In his studies at the Central KGB institute 20 years ago, Mr. Putin was the pioneer of many hacking techniques and doctrines. During the reign of the watchful President Barack Obama, he was allegedly held at bay due to the popular Mr. Obama and his secretary, Mrs. Hillary Clinton. But now the revolution of the man once called the “small hands maniac”, Mr. Trump, has gravely endangered our vibrant democracy. America tonight prays for the end of the TrumPutin dictatorship.
Mr. Putin has the access to the nuclear lanch console at the moment, he could fire a nuke from every US missile site or submarine
Wyatt Martinez
i am now a #putinmissile
Gavin Flores
The USA, under Obama, was caught wire tapping Angela Merkel while she was leading Germany.
Countries spy on each other.
Wyatt Ross
Nuke us!!!
Samuel Watson
Damn. That Putin sure is good with the cyber.
David Stewart
Nothing to see here, comrade!
Dominic Parker
...
James Reyes
Yes but this is another level of satanism
Justin Sullivan
Wait another year. The 'putin hacked the election' conspiracy theorists will be social outcasts. They are already mental cases. >even trump fangirls aren't nowhere as bad, except the pro-lifers and the regular right wing retards currently on the trump train
Kayden Bell
Putin Senpai, will you teach us!? Please
Justin Stewart
Putin is a hacker himself? Or his gymnast lover?
Jace Anderson
Putin more or less invented hacking
Nolan Jones
I wish he also invented walls like Trump. It's cold here without walls.
Justin Green
That is what his Russian business deals were about
Anthony Sanchez
>the George Soros Truth Foundation
Noah Martinez
beats fake news
Carson Perry
...
Josiah Fisher
He finished top in the KGB hacking class
Angel Thomas
Reports are coming in that Mr Putin has penetrated the Pentagon.
Joseph Howard
...
Nathan Thompson
No shit?
Jayden James
AWWW SHIT NIQQA WORLD WAR THREE INCUMMING!
Easton Gomez
He personally coded the modern hacking utilities. Some have never been translated from Russian
Joshua Peterson
>Some have never been translated from Russian
Now I'm really impressed. I hear writing code in Russian is very hard.
William Hughes
Muh h4xz0rs
Isaac Stewart
It is, but when you have mastered it, every other coding language is easy
Jeremiah Thomas
fuck off shill
Chase Bennett
>personally hacking
Dominic Reed
Russia hacked my xbox live account and gave me recon.
gtfo
Liam Green
Over 300 hundred confirmed server crashes?
Jonathan Foster
>George Soros Truth Foundation
Chase Gray
Try 3 billion
Ian Adams
wtf I love hacking now
Jose Nguyen
>George Soros Truth Foundation
Ryan Morris
>George Soros Truth Foundation
AHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH DEFINITELY BELIEVE IT NOW HAHAHAHAHHAA
Tyler Watson
More
Thomas Flores
>alongside the nuclear launch codes and locations
you stupid fucking larpers. Even if someone did get launch codes, they would be useless. The locations of US icbms are on fucking wikipedia
watching terminator doesnt make you an expert on command and control infrastructure
just stop with this forced meme larping bullshit "muh nuclear codes"
Aiden Powell
Thank you based Putin! The white army will rise again, liberating the world from the red army children of satan!!!
