Tfw the CIA watches and listens to you jerking off every night

>tfw the CIA watches and listens to you jerking off every night

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=4zH9Zca1vRM
wired.com/2017/02/smart-tv-spying-vizio-settlement/
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Haha right? That's why I only watch gay nigger trap porn when I jerk off. It's to totally punk the CIA haha

haha same haha

I hope whoever works at the CIA likes pics of male assholes and big black cocks

Mfw the cia has a database of 3 billion cum shot faces

Same wtf

Does this mean I have a secret admirer?

I knew they all are faggots either way

The problem with this is that there just isn't enough human resource to monitor that insane volume of traffic. If literally every single thing you click and type was recorded, without some automated/software to sort it (which is flawed and could be tricked) there just isn't enough man-power to monitor it efficiently. Books like 1984 take advantage of peoples retardation and playing on the schizo-aspect of "the govt is this THING that can get you" when really its just an amalgamation of people.

Do you say good night to cia?

that's kind of hot

>tfw nobody watches and listenes me jerking off because my will is strong enough to follow nofap
You should too

GCHQ watches me skype wank with traps and milfs i met of a swinging website i dont even use a vpn and have my name in my email address

>tfw you'll never be contacted by a low grade cia operative qt who's introvert and constantly listens to you rubbing your cock and is always watching you through your webcam in hopes you whip your cock out so she can flick the bean in synchrozation with you

They don't have to
They use the Carnivore approach. Gather everything, run it thru a server farm that serves as a glorified Ctrl + F for certain keywords.

Potential matches are flagged for further review.

>implying that you're relevant enough for anyone to want to watch you

Jokes on them. They're spying on a straight man.

>mtf

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>cia monitors everything that anyone does online ever
>doesnt say anything

cia confirmed tsundere
>i-its not like I want to protect you or anything b-b-baka

Nofap is bro-science bullshit
>alphas fuck bitches non-stop
>because theyre alpha
>nutting is nutting; whether fap or fuck
>the biological processes are the same
>but dont nut because you'll be less alpha
>than the alphas who are nutting 24/7
its just nonsense.

I don't jerk off anymore. Makes me feel too sad about the fact I have no qt3.14gf

I have analysed those leaks, and they do not have any compromising information. Do not waste your time on them.

that makes it even hotter

>the biological processes are the same
the neurological processes aren't

as i said, thats extremely flawed. unless your suspects are speaking like
>HEY YOU GOT THE BOMB MAKING MATERIALS???
everyones afraid of the govt, but look how many attacks happen right under their nose, while the perps use american products and services (net, cell, etc)

>tfw no CIA gf who watches you jack off and shames you over your internet search history
life is suffering

My porn is so good that when the CIA finds me whacking off to it they can't help but whack off to it as well, which wastes their time and resources.

Your welcome Sup Forums

No matter what how bad it gets the CIA will always be with you

But why would the CIA care about a leaf?

Because I have really good porn

>CIA has collected every Banepost, Chris-chan incident, and know all about Sonic/Shrek/brony autism

>running old OS with no modern telemetry or updates
>dont own a television or 'smart' appliances
>phone is an ancient flip phone
>car was made in 1986 and is japanese

But how would they know you have good porn if they never bothered spying on you in the first place?

>tfw when you knew it all along
>tfw when you always look into your webcam as you finish

They probably have a system to alert them when anyone in the world has porn this good.

>tfw CIA gf

>>tfw the CIA watches and listens to you jerking off every night

youtube.com/watch?v=4zH9Zca1vRM

>tfw CIA compiles a dossier of your fetishes
Good lucking running for elected office, goyium.

Good thing I just stopped jerking it

oh look everyone we have ourselves a neuroscientist here

fuck off.

>a
fucking knew someone would post this

Like that's gonna fucking stop me

>There are no rares because the CIA has collected them all in its data base

>No matter what how bad it gets the CIA will always be with you

Wrong.

CIA is getting disbanded.

>tfw GCHQ

>implying male promiscuity isn't predictive of lower sexual satisfaction and relationship instability.
>implying biological functions are the same as neurochemical processes

Let me guess, you think there's no difference, chemically, between sleeping with your wife for the hundredth time and fucking 100 different women, don't you?

>people actually fear the gubment and think they're watching our webcams
I would LOVE to find out that a man sits at a desk and watching me every night. If someone wants to watch me jack off and play games, good for them.

...

NSA here. The amount of data we have is staggering. Even SQL takes almost 2 hours to get relevant results on a per person basis. We have far more pressing concerns than some harmless Sup Forumsacks cuck porn habits and silk road purchases

>not jerking off with the power of your mind

>cia doesn't care about your autistic ass

Beware of internet TV, no firewall, no nothing, just direct clean connection.
TV watches you.
wired.com/2017/02/smart-tv-spying-vizio-settlement/
>Vizio, which makes popular, high-quality, affordable TV sets, agreed to pay a $2.2 million fine to the FTC. As it turns out, those same TVs were also busily tracking what their owners were watching, and shuttling that data back to the company’s servers, where it would be sold to eager advertisers.

>you will never discuss exhentai tags with a CIA operative

>tfw the only porn i watch is from /gif/ and Sup Forums

>/gif/

Enjoy your dicks

t. /s/ master race

...

>mfw imagining the poor fucks in the cia who might one day have to read the massive amount of shit i write every night while drunk
I manage to create immense walls of text i send to random people i know and everyone ends up beeging me to stop.

>been here since the beginning
>still haven't taken the effort to bypass sad panda
I probably never will

>recording numbers is the same as literally watching you

>what are metadatas

Fuck off shill, there is no difference for them watching you cumshot yourself or knowing that you watched "BLACK MUSCULAR TRANNY FUCKS WHITE BOY ANAL".

It isn't the same thing, sexual intimacy provide benefits than masturbating alone.
Probably to do with pheromons and sensorial experience.

>HOLY FUCKAMOLI Rodgers, Stevenson! Get in here!
>Some guy is BUYING COKE ONLINE
>Thats great Richards, but what about Abdullah Muhammed Omar Mohamed, the guy planning to blow up a building?
>...Fuck. give me 3 more hours

FBI does the listening. CIA tracks international targets not domestic.

>not watching gay nigger trap midget porn
what are you, a faggot?

That's how it's supposed to work anyways.

my network computing professor literally told us in class

"I was at a security conference and this one guy started chatting me up. We went and had lunch and the conversation was pretty one sided; he just kept asking me questions. When I asked him who he was he was like 'me...i'm from the GCHQ' and me being the dumbass i am was like 'what's that?' and the guy said he couldn't tell me"

hhhmmmmhmmhmhmmhmhhhmmhmmhmhmmhmmhmhmhmmhmhmhmhm that same teacher has assigned us to do a man in the middle attack that works on android phones

haha me too

checked but not rekt

>some poor CIA agents are tasked with observing the behavior of Sup Forums NEETS

I sure hope they like anime

>every night
yep, pretty much.

>mfw i whisper "bomb muslim allah isis terror infidels" while masturbating to gay black midget zoophilia porn to trigger the algorythm so they have to watch my whole 2hour fap session to be sure i'm not a terrorist

If you got a webcam, then you already spied on, unless you unplugged it. What do you know what's behind TV or even pointing at you, it could also be lasers or small cameras. It's nothing new that hotel rooms have small cameras, sometimes they catch them, but most of time not. They spied on politicians with cameras build into statues according to wikileaks, nobody knew. Make sure to have electronic detector with you in hotels or other rooms. You might turn out TV, but there could be small battery running filming you constantly. That's not science fiction. Computer always got batters for clock, even when turned off.

do they know that i jerk off to preteen boys?

not that i do

>Have a cia family member
>she knows all my fetishes
>likely knows exactly what I jerk off too
>part of her training is to know all of this and not be weird around me during family gatherings

I don't know whether to be aroused or disgusted by this thought

mfw

There's some great MILF hentai out there you should get into.

>tfw you realize his family member will see this

I hope things aren't too weird between you two next Thanksgiving,

Haha bro hive mind am I right

>inb4 she gives me this look during the next holiday event

>for the past few years its been the NSA
>now all of a sudden it's the CIA again
You people are so fucking easily misled.

NSA has some limitations on what it can do to US citizens. CIA incorporates overseas to spy on the US.

>he doesn't know about Intel's quantum computer instances

Are you into incest femdom? Even if you aren't I am writing a story on those lines right now.

i will now, kek.

Hope they enjoy the show.

>incest femdom?
No but go for it

Your number hint that it might end up really hott

Begone satan. Repent human.

Can you give a rough description of your self and your aunt? What milfy porn star does she look like?

...

>Inb4 another one of you nerds gets blackmailed by the CIA into some MKULTRA shit because they have days worth of footage of you fapping to furry hentai

I'm at work taking a shit while posting on my iPhone and I have the squirts.

who said anything about a aunt ;)

>there are people who have to watch other people jerk off for a living
ahhaha oh wow, I bet they fucking hate their lives

My life, all my assets are gone. Thanks CIA:

The market is crashing.

You guys miss the point completely, yeah there are parts where you're right like fapping being worse than sex because porn brainwashes you (neuroscience), but there's much more to it.
Actual nofap is not about not fapping to fuck more, it's about not ejaculating whatsoever, your fucking testosterone doesn't even reach your blood if you're ejaculating all the time.
It's not fucking broscience if I can MEASURE the results, if I'm on nofap I sleep for 8 hours and feel rested, after fapping I can sleep to up to 11 hours

>implying I don't cover my camera and mic with tape

But really all I'm going to give you for descriptions is think "girl next door" look in a slightly conservative small town.

gathering black mail is not a rewarding task but it does pay off.

This actually makes you think
It explains why there are so many pedophiles in the higher ups, maybe they specifically hunt for them??

Sure thing fag