How can I forgive myself for wasting so much time?

How can I forgive myself for wasting so much time?

I basically spent the past nine years of my life skimming forum posts and otherwise wasting my time on the Internet. How can I get past this and stop hating myself?

I got into computers when I was in third grade. I was a "voracious reader", "gifted", etc., etc. I am now a senior in high school. The entire intervening time was basically spent in an Internet fog. While I did read books, learn to write better, and develop some new interests -- gradually and without real focus -- I lost most of that time to just sitting there mindlessly. I didn't even get into gaming or coding or anything -- I convinced myself I was studying interesting things when really most of the time I was skimming articles and forums, with zero focus and little intellectual content.

It is now clear to me that I was/am dealing with an actual Internet addiction. And in recent years the computer has been the only way for me to shut off the depressed/anxious thoughts. But my depression hasn't been as bad as for many/most people, and I keep wondering if maybe if I were less lazy I could have still done at least some actual stuff instead of completely powering off. If it had been alcoholism or hard drugs or something, maybe I'd at least feel like the loss of time was more legitimate. Instead, it was a conscious decision to be lazy every time I sat down at the computer.

I no longer believe in my ability to do anything with depth or genuine interest. Everything I do is just a laundry list of stuff I grabbed off the Internet because I liked the idea of it. Whenever I write or read a book I keep thinking that it's just "surface-level" and that I'm not really immersing myself in it and that I am nowhere near far along enough in this considering when I started and how old I am. (My anxiety/depression is just "surface-level" too.) And I have to fight against these thoughts to recover my dulled interest in reading and other topics.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=mx3G1GAOOT8
wizchan.org/all/
biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes 1
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

tl;dr

you could try turning off the internet senpai
also not politics

Is this pasta?

Keep trying to get a job it can take a while if you are white.

Not politics.

Did you enjoy it? If so, it wasn't wasted time. Despite what people on here say, you don't have to do anything particular in your life to be a good person.

die maybe?

Don't worry OP. Imagine all the fucking chinks in Tibet or whatever sitting around on their asses all day. No one makes fun of them for their "do-nothing" addiction. You'll make it no worries.

I'm 25. I'm still there. And I still have hope.

Things could be worse, user.

It is now.

>shills stoop this low to make others feel bad about using the greatest technological wonders ever available to man

Oh and forgot to say: you are one step closer than before you made this thread. I'm impressed and I see your unlimited potential. Gonna hear good things about you in the future I can feel it.

Ask Jesus to forgive you.

How old are you user? I think I can help you with this.

I'm a physics Ph.D. so I've actually thought a lot about deep understanding and immersion.

>I basically spent the past nine years of my life skimming forum posts and otherwise wasting my time on the Internet.
You have to be 18 to post here, kiddo.

Go to /mlp/ and look at all the losers who are just like you.

Then don't be like them.

you should be happy. This place is like sandals resort. compared to shit that can happen to you. lol

youtube.com/watch?v=mx3G1GAOOT8

>While I did read books, learn to write better, and develop some new interests -- gradually and without real focus -- I lost most of that time to just sitting there mindlessly.

this is life, friend

>This guy thinks being a good person is what life is about.

>My anxiety/depression is just "surface-level" too
That's exactly what depression is. You can't find motivation for anything, you can't concentrate, you postpone every little task, life feels neither sad nor happy, just incredibly dull. It WILL get worse and you won't even be able to get out of bed without extreme power of will.
It's not your fault user, it's a malfunction of your brain.
Get help, the sooner the better.

You have to sort yourself out, user-kun

The average person who spends all day absorbing info on the web all day every day is going to be vastly more intelligent than some normie that goes out all day and sucks in blue pills being idle at the beach or some shit. Did our ancestors do millennial shit like that? fuck no, and we shouldn't expect to either, normies won't survive future strife

Shitting on the father of fictional horror like that... fucking morons.

>I am now a senior in high school.
oh fuck off

You don't know misery unless you're a 30+ year old NEET still living with mom and haven't had social contact outside of direct family for in excess of a decade.

wizchan.org/all/

it literally IS your fault. start exercising and being productive (it isnt that hard).

Doctors and pills will only make that worse. its literally normal to have these feelings. Someone else would have noticed by now if it was a real problem worth addressing medically.

If you are not talented and special then whatever you do will be pointless anyway.

It's about not having much emotions at all anymore, a clinical depression is different from feeling depressed. So many people make that mistake by thinking that they can beat it with physical exercise (which of course is good) but that's just postponing the problem which will get worse every day.

Volunteer

Join the military

Take the foreign service exam

Peace Corps

Get a masters degree

Start working out - a lot

Turn off the fucking computer and live your life

See a psychiatrist and get evaluated for depressions

Autism
Same here.

>now a senior in high school

u aint seen shit cunt

you just do

>hates Lovecraft
>loves Bloodborne unironically

You need to stop loathing yourself and read Ecclesiastes right fucking now...

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes 1

yeah im not reading this shit op

Thats not quite right, exercise does actually fix the neruo-chemical problem to an extent

>this guy takes posts on Sup Forums seriously

If your still in high school you haven't wasted your life,stop being a melodramatic shit heel.

>senior in HS

/lit/ is truly the most pseudo-intellectual board on all of Sup Forums.

dude shut up. Your childhood description matches mine perfectly. here's the difference of my 10 wasted years: they happened from 21 to 31. I don't have a degree, I have no IT certs or certs for my trade that I only got into 3 years ago (i should've gotten one after 1 year)

and I'm still hopeful for my future.

jesus christ kid.

here's a thought: the greeks considered men youths until they were 40.

calm the fuck down, go get your A+ cert or go to community college.

avoid bars.

Thought there might've been hope for you but you're from UK

Worst culture, ever. Move asap

There's no point dwelling on it. Just be happy you have negative feelings towards your wasted time. Imagine you didn't get those feelings and just kept wasting your time. Realize that people spend their entire lives in such a low consciousness watching television, and never give a single fuck.

Now spend your time doing useful shit that will get you ahead in life, and shit that you actually enjoy.

Make a plan and schedule your time for maximum usefulness, and stick to it.

Didn't this kid have a mental breakdown and started thinking he was being gang stalked? Or maybe Im thinking of some other vlogger.

>tfw know im not an expert in anything
>know just enough about a huge range of subjects which means people think im smart
>know enough to know how little i know
>know everything i know is regurgitated knowledge from masters of fields and researchers and historians
>i haven't contributed to human knowledge in any way

>>this guy takes posts on Sup Forums seriously
If you have clinical depression you probably won't be able to excesice a lot because it needs a lot of willpower and discipline. Depressed people just want to be in bed doing nothing

...

Get a creative hobby that you can do on the computer

you're still in high school, you haven't wasted shit

This hit me right in the feels.

If that times was spent here you should have learned plenty.
This place should be directing you to informative reading and interesting knowledge, unless you're here getting hung up on fucking clickbait.
Actual books get posted here for you to read. If you had been paying any attention you'd have noticed and read some of them.

no you're thinking of joey's world tour

Dude modern society is a degenerate construct, but it allows men to be children ntill they are 30, so you still have 10+ years to rectify your ways.
(Hint: start by getting into some sport and mastering new skills via coursera/udacity etc)

OP, whatever brought you to the point you're at now is irrelevant. Be aware of where you are now, in this very moment. Think about what you want. Figure out what all the things are that absorb your time and cut them out completely. Videogames? Sell that shit. Internet? Shut that shit down. Weed? Break the pipe baby. Whatever it is, cut the shit out of your life completely. The problem today is that there are unlimited distractions to get lost in. If you cut it all out cold turkey, there'll be a void and if you can successfully not give in to the desire of filling this void with bullshit then you might start to get that will to work towards actual things you want and not masturbation figuratively and literally.

And to all the posters that said tl;dr, kys. If you cant read the post in less than 20 seconds then you should die. It was short

Two years ago I fell into an alcohol-induced depression that led to a brief psychosis. All I did was shitpost on Sup Forums and fap.

I made small changes each day, and eventually it snowballed back to a place where I no longer hate myself as much as I once did. Hang in there, sort your life out, don't bite off more than you can chew.