ITT: we pretend it's Sup Forums during biblical times

ITT: we pretend it's Sup Forums during biblical times

Other urls found in this thread:

theopedia.com/arianism

Have you guys seen that crazy Jew who thinks he's the son of God? Is he /our prophet/?

stop being sodomite

fuck off big nose

Gas the Egyptians, kill the first born now!

Do not worship the golden frog!

Those Neanderthal pale faced Roman are always tryna keep us Israelites down!

>Be Roman
>Rape Jewish Woman
>tfw my dick smell a dead body now.

>Be Pharaoh
>Wife picks up some dirty shitskin child in the river while bathing
>She wants to adopt it
>Feed it to my pet crocodiles instead
>Order all the Jewish men killed
>Sell the feamale jews to sub-sahharian kingdoms as whores

Fuck off (((Jesus))) shill

Ave, none of you plebs have seen any jews around have you? If you have, please report it to the nearest milites. Hail Caesar, have a nice day.

>year 30 AD
>implying we cant meme jesus back to life
my digits say otherwise heretics

checked

Praise Kek!

>egypt is old

JHWH*

He will judge all the idols and idol worshippers. Repent!

Is (((He))) our goy?

>crashes a jewish market with no survivors
he is /our guy/

Top kek Jew boys think their little """god""" is a match for the old gods of Egypt and the mighty gods of Rome.

Good luck with the next revolt, kike!

...

You Jews want me to kill the messiah?

Do it faggot

I'm not sure what to make of him?
>He's pretty based proclaiming he is the son of God undermining the Romans and the Jews
>But he's a liberal hippie

sorry mr ceasar salad, he's coming back

Witnessed

Oogaa boogaa where da roman wimmenz at?

What have the Romans ever done for us?

hes a goddamn heretic and so are you

Arius is right
theopedia.com/arianism

Who /GraecoRomanPaganism/ here?

Lmao guys did you see that guy devoured by the lion last night?

Hillery was the chosen one but alas judas humus abedin shared all her secrets with sodomy wiener and she was crucified on election day.

Guys I shit you not there's a creature south of the Sahara who has a long neck and covered in leopard spots.
>inb4 the new chimera

Also raise Jerusalem when?

kek, i went and listened to him preach once and decided to pull a Diogenes and ask him what truth was. He just mumbled something under his breath and walked away. It turns out later that day he went to a temple and started flipping tables and hitting jews with a whip. Anyone who does that cant be too bad desu.

WE WUZ ISRAELITES AND SHEIT

HAPPENING SWARM OF LOCUS JUST ATTACKED MY VILLAGE WTF

>All these degenerate vpstart christcvcks and
Reminder that Sup Forums is and always will be a Jvpiter-worshipping board
Ave Romanvs

Remove Parthia

Sick nvmerals faggvs

...

Day of the Cross when?

Poo in loo you stinky German barbarian

the first pregnancy of every union will be sacrificed to the state so we may havrvest thier stem cells to prolong the life of the pharos

>Be young Pontius Pilate
>Visiting Israel with my uncle since i'm going to be deployed here in a decade or so.
>Stroll along a river one day.
>Find hot Jewish girl bathing there.
>Dazzle her with my classy Roman aura untill she thinks i'm some kind of mesenger of God.
>Whateverrockshertrireme.fresco
>Bang her brains out.
>Give her a fake name ''Raffael or Michael'' whatever these goatfuckers use...
>A few months later in town.
>Hear a young woman named Mary got pregnant while still being a virgin and engaged with some 30 year old fuck.
>LoL what a cuckold. Gotta see it.
>It's actually her.
>The dude looks like he wants to kill her.
>That'smypuellointhere.fresco
>Barge in at night just in time to stop him from killing her.
>She still thinks i'm some messenger of her God.
>She's navie but cute...
>Give that fucking Jew a few tales of gold to shut up and take care of her taking her to Egypt so my kid can grow up and study there on one of the universities.

Cont.

Have you heard of that Jesus fella who keeps saying that traps are gay? Fuck that guy

Why didn't the based romans just shoah (((them))) back in the day?

>be roman soldier
>want to get stationed in Britania so I can bang those qt redheads all day
>get stationed in Judea instead
>women here are all ugly
>figure that at least nothing bad will happen
>some upstart jew starts preaching that he's the son of god
>shitstorm ensues
I'm convinced that Mars himself has it out for me

...

They tried, Jews proved to be tenacious warriors in multiple rebellions.

Kinda weird how they tried to kill all the babies 30 years ago?
false flag anyone?
that was the most woke generation we've had in centuries, and then their kids went on and became our shitty parents
I hope they don't assassinate the messiah. God knows they're trying

>Be living in the reign of Tiberius
>Still not defecating in latrines
>Plumbing non existent

When will easterners ever catch up?

How many (you)s can we give /ourimperator/?

Was he /our guy/?

*their parents were the most woke
idk, need to bible more

shitload of jews hanging out. convince them to thier thier bagels and lox. biggest miracle in history.

>30 years later after a local rebel leader named Yohanan the Baptist is executed because he cucked that fat Jewish king hear about a man said to be born by a virgin who is his cousing gathering people.
>Investigate and it's my boy.
>He learned carpentry while also excelling at Greek and Medicine.
>Thatsmypuello.fresco
>He's teaching these goatfuckers civil behaviour and going arround curing people, i'm so proud.
>Those temple Jews who can't take a joke after we let a horse take a shit in their temple, they have started to harass him after he saved a life on saturday... I mean what the fuck.
>They set him up for inciting the populance and one of his students betrays him while another is dumb enough to attack a Roman officer with a sword... I can't hide this under the rugg anymore.
>InitiateSpeciallOperationFakeCrusifiction.fresco
>Tie him up on a cross using props so it looks like he's nailed to it and bleeding out.
>Feed him a special anestetic so he looks dead.
>Have a soldier use a prop spear to ''proove that he's dead''
>Fake the burial making sure there's soldiers there to ''witness it'' and guard his grave.
>Wake him up from his coma with an antidote.
>He goes on to spook his GF from Megido , his dumbass students and the temple jews.
>After 3 months of his hijinks we settle for the decision to send him to Egypt first.
>He said something about sailing to a country east of the Persians where Alexander stopped his conquests...Said he wanted to continue to study and teach medicine there.
>His dumbass students proclaimed him the son of God and are preaching a new religion to the whole of the Emprie.
>All because i dicked some Jewish loli.

END THE ROMAN OCCUPATION OF JUDEA

FILTHY P*GANS GET OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*share

*blocks your path*

>>Selling out your friends for money

kys then delete your account.

Jesus just said that he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.

Holy shit cutfags BTFO how will they ever recover? This guy is truly /our messiah/

>shanked by wife's son
ultimate cuck

#NotMyPrinceps
#I'mWithMark

>flipping the (((Money lenders))) and whipping at them
You f*cking bet he's our guy!

kek

ROMANES EUNT DOMUS

hey guys, check my sick holy book out at holykoran.com

post yfw god sends locusts to your village

Come on, off to crucifixion.

Literally the jewiest of all jews that ever existed.

ATTENTION! CAESAR HAS JUST BEEN SLAUGHTERED IN THE SENATE!!

Daily reminder that Anthony won the popular vote.
Stay mad, Octaviantards.

MAN SPOTTED LEAVING THE SCENE!

kek every time

>march 14th, 44 BC
You seem cool. Don't come to Senate tomorrow.

I missed it. The fucking Colosseum was sold out before I got there. Fucking horse had to stop to take a shit.

> Jesus has come to fulfill the scripture!

> Kikes: fuck the scripture, LOL TL;DR!!!

HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

best post i've seen in a while
kek

Bloody lost. Well memed fellow Briton.

What kind of horse stops to take a shit?
I think someone sold you a Persian masquerading as a horse.

If those Celts ever come down to Londinium I shall personally crucify ever last one of them.

>be me
>Jew
>live in paradise created by Pharoah
>3 square meals a day, plenty of sun and exercise
>some smelly desert subjew starts shit with Pharoah
>oh my fucking Yahweh
>now I gotta leave all my life's work cause this desertnigger thinks he knows what's best for everyone
>parts sea, make us wander through desert, eating only bread
>makes us look for some land with milk and honey or some shit
>told him we had milk and honey back home
>nigger jew dies lost in the desert

Hey guys wanna catch up for the next gladiator season?

Oh no, it's sort of my thought. I've trained it to stop before taking a shit. Else it's feet flick it at you while you're riding the chariot.

That way you don't show up looking like a leper.

Guys, any redpilled shows on Romeflix that I can watch? I heard Man vs Lion is pretty good, but I'm not a fan of guro.

give me a quick rundown
c

...

lmao just traded these shitty yelow rocks for some premium weaponry

when will romancucks learn?

>A Jew hating jews for being jews and wants to change them

Stop the papyrusmaker.

We should have listened to Cato, Familiae

Drinking a pail of wine and going down to the circus maximus is pretty fucking lit user ngl

He is blessed praise him!

WTF is with this crazy guy throwing water on people saying they should repent?

He even told Herodotus that he shouldn't cuck his own brother by fucking his wife!!

How ludicrous, him telling our edomite overlords what is right and what is wrong...

t. Filthy Kike

Check out The Patricians, it's got some pretty good stuff in it. Loved this scene:
>CLAVDIA COVLD YOV PLEASE DRAW THE CVRTAAAAAAAAAINS

Teutoburg Forest

9/11/9

never forgetti

ITT

>Horrible Histories: The Thread

Arminius is a pretty cool guy and doesnt afraid of anything.

>BURN
>IT
>DOWN

Hey Sup Forumsites im greek, I keep hearing about this new religion from distant lands. Should I be worried?

>"What the fuck are these snotnosed Hebrews doing outside of their little containment kingdom?"
>"HAVE THEY NOT YET LEARNED IT'S THEIR HOLY LAND???"
>"THE FILTHY HEATHENS!"
>"KILL AAAAALLLLLL THEM"
ave caesar, these are Christians not hebre-
>"DOOO YOU WANT TO APPROPRIATE THEIR FATE FOR YOURSELF MY DEAR OLD CUNT"
n-no caesar, you're simply making a mist-
>"DARE NOT INTERFERE WITH MY BLAZING SPECTACLE I SWEAR, YOU WILL BE EATEN BY THE LIONS"
o-okay caesar, my apologies

>in private, away from the mad emperor
Alright lads it's been fun having him as our new leader, but seriously we can't give him the keys to the pyrotechnics.
The deep Roman state is cucked beyond belief and the only thing we can do is eliminate welfare and deflate our coinage by making its silver contents great again.
>"Eliminate welfare? Oh I know, why don't we simply set the city on fire and watch all the degeneracy burn"
Excellent idea caesar, here are the keys.
Wait.